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Silverlining

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7 hours ago, Silverlining said:

My schedules are messed up. I work out every other day at best instead of every day. I feel less motivated to study and I'm procrastinating. I lost control of my daily caloric intake.

I can totally see myself stressing about the lack of control too, but I think the useful question here would be this: Which of all the factors that are affecting your schedule are in your control? Because we all need to be responsible of our circumstances however we need to firstly know which circumstances are in our control, so that we don't blame ourselves for things that we can't affect. 

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On 12/29/2018 at 7:29 AM, fawn_xoxo said:

I can totally see myself stressing about the lack of control too, but I think the useful question here would be this: Which of all the factors that are affecting your schedule are in your control? Because we all need to be responsible of our circumstances however we need to firstly know which circumstances are in our control, so that we don't blame ourselves for things that we can't affect. 

I would really know which ones can be controlled!!

 

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On 12/29/2018 at 12:29 AM, fawn_xoxo said:

I can totally see myself stressing about the lack of control too, but I think the useful question here would be this: Which of all the factors that are affecting your schedule are in your control? Because we all need to be responsible of our circumstances however we need to firstly know which circumstances are in our control, so that we don't blame ourselves for things that we can't affect. 

I fear that the biggest challenge for me is that after the holidays, it becomes more difficult for me to regain self-control. The more "fun" I have, the longer it lasts, the more likely it will take away some good habits that I have built up.

 

On 12/28/2018 at 10:39 PM, Matt S said:

Nice.

But seriously, I know you've worked so hard over these couple months to develop a routine, stick to it, and lead a better life. The issue is that isn't always going to be the case. There will be weeks where your schedule implodes due to unforeseen conditions. This is where you stay calm and collected. Trust yourself and allow yourself some time to destress. You've done a lot to heal and now a lot to do holiday stuff. Your mind and body are craving some physical release and mental stimulation, but your whole body and soul needs some rest right now. Maybe you can make time to meditate and do yoga on these days you're not motivated to go to the gym. It's private, slower paced, but good for you in many ways. 

Take a deep breath and don't panic during this blip in the radar. You're doing great and just need to roll with this for right now until the week gets stable again. 

Matt

Thank you! That's very useful advice. Now I try to stand up as much as possible and do some yoga whenever possible. It makes me feel less guilty even if I don't have the time to go to the gym on that day.

 

I managed to meet the deadline for my assignment on Coursera. And I'm going to the gym right now. I guess I was worrying a little bit too much. It's just too depressing to think about the possibility for me to relapse.

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1 hour ago, Silverlining said:

Thank you! That's very useful advice. Now I try to stand up as much as possible and do some yoga whenever possible. It makes me feel less guilty even if I don't have the time to go to the gym on that day.

I managed to meet the deadline for my assignment on Coursera. And I'm going to the gym right now. I guess I was worrying a little bit too much. It's just too depressing to think about the possibility for me to relapse.

It's ok to worry, but not to drive yourself with worrisome thoughts.  Stay strong and collected.  You got this.  Great job on getting your project completed.

Matt

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Day #74: 1/2/2019 Wednesday

The first diary in the new year!
The holiday is officially over and everything is back to normal 😄
I have just finished my 2nd course on Coursera since sobriety (still waiting for the grade from a peer graded assignment). And finishing my 3rd one in the next 2 days.
Going forward I need to focus on my big exam in May. And I have made a plan. I like that on Coursera there are weekly deadlines, which keep me on track. It works so well that I decide to set up weekly deadlines in my exam plan too.

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Day #79: 1/7/2019 Monday

A little upset. Just a little.

I have had occasional migraines for years. It started again last Saturday, and lasted through Sunday morning. It was so bad that I couldn't ride a car, so we had to walk to a nearest grocery store (which is not our favorite) to buy some food. It would be relieved by a certain pain reliever (apparently not all kinds of pills work for me), which I can't take right now, because I don't know if I'm pregnant or not. It's still too early to know and all my home tests are negative, but I just can't take that risk.

Sadly, during the week I was procrastinating because I felt that I would have plenty of time to study on the weekend. I found myself mindlessly browsing again. The BlockSite extension has lost its power since it takes one click to turn off.  Well, the migraine took away most of my productivity at the weekend. Consequently, I didn't reach my weekly goal. I'm 70% through my materials, so this week I have to study twice as hard to catch up. High price of procrastination.

The good news is that I may have found a new way to stay away from mindlessly surfing the internet while studying, which is covering my keyboard with a few pieces of paper. At least it worked last night.

Edited by Silverlining

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11 minutes ago, Silverlining said:

Day #79: 1/7/2019 Monday

A little upset. Just a little.

Hi! Its ok to have migraines and do what is need to do to stop them. My sister has occasional migraines too and they are so strong that she end up at hospital each one. It's ok to procrastinate after that. You must calm your mind some way, better or worse. Be good on yourself 🙂

Edited by katsudo19
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Day #82: 1/10/2019 Thursday

Today I finally completed the Machine Learning course that I had expected to finish last week.

Well, it's better now than later.

I still have a lot to study to meet my weekly target.

Untitled.png

Edited by Silverlining
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10 hours ago, Silverlining said:

Day #82: 1/8/2019 Thursday

Today I finally completed the Machine Learning course that I had expected to finish last week.

Well, it's better now than later.

I still have a lot to study to meet my weekly target.

Untitled.png

Nice job! It's nice learning when we are interested in it. Those are great universities as well and hopefully it will impact your career nicely. 

I remember finishing my master's degree last year in engineering and finally feeling proud and free. 

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Day #85: 1/13/2019 Sunday

At 10:45 Sunday night, my weekly study plan was finally finished. I'm both tired and excited now. 

My husband has also been studying and working last night and tonight. It feels great to have a study buddy. I mean, I used to study together with friends when I was in school, but the inability to stay focused made me feel like an outlier.

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Day #90: 1/18/2019 Friday

Yay! Day 90! I'm so excited!

I'm going to keep counting. Let's see how long it will last 😃

I guess I have been in an easy mode of detox. I'm older than many of you, which probably means that I should have better self-control. I'm happily married, and my husband has been extremely understanding and supportive. I have a full-time job for years, so I have been used to go to bed on time and wake up early every morning, even in my worst days. 

And I have done this before. Tons of times. In graduate school, I had been game free for almost two years. There had also been quite a few attempts afterwards, each lasted from a few days to a few months. 

So a 90-day detox is nothing new for me. But it's different this time. Now I'm confident that I'll keep going. This time, I picked up old and new hobbies, and I exercise frequently. I have set up long-term and short-term goals, and I have become used to keep up with weekly deadlines, thanks to Coursera. I keep a diary, which is too dull to post here, but simply counting the days has a magical effect on me. 

Most importantly, I have this wonderful community where I feel accepted. Thank you, Everyone! I could have stayed away from games on my own for a short while, but with this community, I can see from a new perspective and now I finally accept that gaming and I are over. There is no future for us. Never was, never will be.

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24 minutes ago, Silverlining said:

Day #90: 1/18/2019 Friday

Yay! Day 90! I'm so excited!

I'm going to keep counting. Let's see how long it will last 😃

I guess I have been in an easy mode of detox. I'm older than many of you, which probably means that I should have better self-control. I'm happily married, and my husband has been extremely understanding and supportive. I have a full-time job for years, so I have been used to go to bed on time and wake up early every morning, even in my worst days. 

And I have done this before. Tons of times. In graduate school, I had been game free for almost two years. There had also been quite a few attempts afterwards, each lasted from a few days to a few months. 

So a 90-day detox is nothing new for me. But it's different this time. Now I'm confident that I'll keep going. This time, I picked up old and new hobbies, and I exercise frequently. I have set up long-term and short-term goals, and I have become used to keep up with weekly deadlines, thanks to Coursera. I keep a diary, which is too dull to post here, but simply counting the days has a magical effect on me. 

Most importantly, I have this wonderful community where I feel accepted. Thank you, Everyone! I could have stayed away from games on my own for a short while, but with this community, I can see from a new perspective and now I finally accept that gaming and I are over. There is no future for us. Never was, never will be.

Nice job! It's strange quitting something again after you've quit before. It makes you feel uncertain and after 2 years go by you might get a nervous feeling about going into uncharted territory, but I guess that's why we're here. I quit for a few years before and it's unbelievable hote fast your memory returns to the days of playing nonstop. I can return to gaming after years and get addicted to it immediately. It's such a struggle. It makes me sad sometimes, but proud other times. I think you'll do well and am glad you'll stay. The community likes you and appreciates your effort, contributions, and vulnerability. 

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Props for studying/working with your partner, in my opinion it's one of the very few signs of a healthy relationship and it's very satisfying as well. Also, the way you wrote it gave me a romantic moment and I'm not the romantic kind.

And of course, congrats for your 90 days! I think it's my first post in here...? Well, as always, I arrived when the party's over.

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7 hours ago, Silverlining said:

Day #90: 1/18/2019 Friday

Yay! Day 90! I'm so excited!

I'm going to keep counting. Let's see how long it will last 😃

I guess I have been in an easy mode of detox. I'm older than many of you, which probably means that I should have better self-control. I'm happily married, and my husband has been extremely understanding and supportive. I have a full-time job for years, so I have been used to go to bed on time and wake up early every morning, even in my worst days. 

First of all, congratulations on completing the detox! I like how the detox has changed you for the better. Keep it up! 😄

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12 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Nice job! It's strange quitting something again after you've quit before. It makes you feel uncertain and after 2 years go by you might get a nervous feeling about going into uncharted territory, but I guess that's why we're here. I quit for a few years before and it's unbelievable hote fast your memory returns to the days of playing nonstop. I can return to gaming after years and get addicted to it immediately. It's such a struggle. It makes me sad sometimes, but proud other times. I think you'll do well and am glad you'll stay. The community likes you and appreciates your effort, contributions, and vulnerability. 

You see, when I think about all my past relapses, I realized that they were not in vain. I learned something every time. This journey has been full of ups and downs, but the trend is upwards. Even if I relapse some day (which hopefully never happens), I believe that I can recover very soon.  And thank you! You have been a good friend through this journey 😃

6 hours ago, info-gatherer said:

Props for studying/working with your partner, in my opinion it's one of the very few signs of a healthy relationship and it's very satisfying as well. Also, the way you wrote it gave me a romantic moment and I'm not the romantic kind.

And of course, congrats for your 90 days! I think it's my first post in here...? Well, as always, I arrived when the party's over.

Hey! The party has just started! I plan to stay here for a long time, like you 😄 And thank you for your comments on my marriage. I agree with you. Back in the days when I was single, or dating the wrong guy, I had always wanted a future husband who was a lover, a friend, a teammate and a comrade-in-arms (metaphorically). I'm lucky enough to find my husband. And more importantly, I am lucky enough to be sober and to work together with him towards a dream life. If I stayed attached to games, I would most certainly ruin my marriage some day.

6 hours ago, Lea said:

First of all, congratulations on completing the detox! I like how the detox has changed you for the better. Keep it up! 😄

Thank you! I have noticed that you have been active on this forum, and that's a good sign -- according to my secret observation, being active here is highly correlated with staying game-free. Good luck with your detox!

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Damn reading through your journal I’m really impressed at how far you’ve come since day 1. I’m excited to see where you’ll be in another 90 days!

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I also love reading your progress seeing you having completed the 90 day detox whereas I  haven't even started it.

How do you sleep without videogames? 

I have been awake till 5am not wanting to go in my room because my phone is in the kitchen.

Edited by dirkj3
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Nice work on your journal! And congratz to 90 days detox. It takes alot of courage and willpower to do something like that. Keep it going, we can get through this together. The correlation between being on this forum and being game-free seems to be high. I shall take this in consideration ^_^

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10 hours ago, dirkj3 said:

I also love reading your progress seeing you having completed the 90 day detox whereas I  haven't even started it.

How do you sleep without videogames? 

I have been awake till 5am not wanting to go in my room because my phone is in the kitchen.

You should sleep better without games anyway. 

Delete all the mobile games and social apps or anything that attracts you that aren't necessary from you phone. You may reinstall them. That's fine. Delete them again whenever you realize it. 

Go to the gym in the afternoons and evenings. Do not eat a meal within 3 hours before bedtime. Read a book if you feel bored before bedtime. Get up as early as possible in the morning and keep your day as busy as possible. It takes some time but when you have a healthy sleep-wake cycle, your life will be so much easier.

Edited by Silverlining
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Day #93: 1/21/2019 Monday

First of all, I completed my last week's plan at 10:07 pm yesterday. Yay! 
It may seem too close to the deadline, but I'm actually quite happy about it. Because we did so many things last weekend. 
We are transferring to a bigger apt in our building this weekend. And I see this as an opportunity to tidy up. I've been a well organized person, except when I was binge playing games. And this time, I have decided to take it to the next level by watching an episode of Tidying Up with Marie Kondo and following her instructions. We filled three 13-gallon bags with unwanted clothes. And we still need to go through miscellaneous items this week. 
We should have done this sooner. I have a down jacket that I will probably never wear again, while someone could have been wearing it in this snow storm if I had donated it.
It also makes me think about my shopping choices. I deleted most of the items in my Amazon shop cart -- I planned to buy them after we move, but now it seems to me that I don't need most of them.
Now that I think about it, I probably have problems with shopping. When I graduated and started to earn a salary, I used to spend many of the evenings wandering in the malls. Even when I became addicted to MMORPGs and had no time for shopping in real life, I would spend a lot of time and money shopping around and buying virtual stuff in the games. Now that I quit gaming, it seems that my desire to buy unnecessary things is getting stronger.
I hope Marie Kondo's philosophy can be helpful to my problems. 

Edited by Silverlining
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Hi Silverlining! 

Nice to hear that you are admit the problem with shopping. Mind have tendency to want more, and don't believe it. The mind wants always more. And the same time, it wants less. The mind want more because it thing that more will make it happy, it sees possibility in acquiring more, and it thinks that acquiring things will help relieve the uncertainty it feels. The mind wants less when it is feeling stressed and overhelmed, and just wants relief from that difficult feeling. It thinks that if it gets rid of stuff, there will be peace. Maybe the simplify is the only key. Or maybe moderation.

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11 hours ago, Silverlining said:

Day #93: 1/21/2019 Monday

First of all, I completed my last week's plan at 10:07 pm yesterday. Yay! 
It may seem too close to the deadline, but I'm actually quite happy about it. Because we did so many things last weekend. 
We are transferring to a bigger apt in our building this weekend. And I see this as an opportunity to tidy up. I've been a well organized person, except when I was binge playing games. And this time, I have decided to take it to the next level by watching an episode of Tidying Up with Marie Kondo and following her instructions. We filled three 13-gallon bags with unwanted clothes. And we still need to go through miscellaneous items this week. 
We should have done this sooner. I have a down jacket that I will probably never wear again, while someone could have been wearing it in this snow storm if I had donated it.
It also makes me think about my shopping choices. I deleted most of the items in my Amazon shop cart -- I planned to buy them after we move, but now it seems to me that I don't need most of them.
Now that I think about it, I probably have problems with shopping. When I graduated and started to earn a salary, I used to spend many of the evenings wandering in the malls. Even when I became addicted to MMORPGs and had no time for shopping in real life, I would spend a lot of time and money shopping around and buying virtual stuff in the games. Now that I quit gaming, it seems that my desire to buy unnecessary things is getting stronger.
I hope Marie Kondo's philosophy can be helpful to my problems. 

I think when we quit gaming our other bad habits become stronger. Mine is porn and will probably be eating after that. I think it's just learning about ourselves and teaching us newer things through practice and healing 

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