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Deku

Journey to my white coat

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Hey 😄 

I just read your entire journal (which I enjoyed a lot btw) and can't help but wonder how the marathon training is going?

Edited by Mads
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The reactions to this journal have been overwhelmingly positive, and I can't begin to express how grateful I am. I've said it several times before, but knowing that there are people out there who take time to follow my journey and offer support is simply incredible. Thank you so much @info-gatherer, @Peregrinator and @Mads  for your kind words, it really means a lot.

To my disappointment, I have not accomplished a whole lot this holiday season. My family members have all been kind of clingy of late, and while I do enjoy spending time with them it hasn't exactly worked wonders for my productivity. Rather than studying for MCAT and bible study, I've been dragged from hiking trails to reunions to football games, so I've fallen quite far behind in my work. I can't wait to get back to it now that the holiday season is over.

Belated responses to my fellow community members:

@Samon -- Haven't decided what doctor to be yet! At the moment I'm leaning towards oncology/emergency medicine, but honestly my only thoughts are on getting into medical school first. I'll have all the time in the world to think about specialties later 🙂 (Also, congrats on veteran status! Proud of you and the progress you've made here!)

On 12/28/2018 at 6:20 PM, Mads said:

Hey  

I just read your entire journal (which I enjoyed a lot btw) and can't help but wonder how the marathon training is going?

 

It's uh...it's uh...yeah it's not going the best. I'm honestly hoping that my mountaineering training regimen (which I've followed religiously) will translate to stronger legs and greater endurance for the marathon, which would obviate the need for dedicated marathon training. 

On the bright side, I have fundraised my 1500 dollars for ALS, securing my spot on the team, and convinced my cousin to join as well. So it's not all bad 🙂

 

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15 hours ago, Deku said:

To my disappointment, I have not accomplished a whole lot this holiday season. My family members have all been kind of clingy of late, and while I do enjoy spending time with them it hasn't exactly worked wonders for my productivity. Rather than studying for MCAT and bible study, I've been dragged from hiking trails to reunions to football games, so I've fallen quite far behind in my work. I can't wait to get back to it now that the holiday season is over.

From my experience, it's best to just embrace these periods. Yes, you're not being "productive", but family is family and you only have these periods in your life a few times a year. It's worth it to just let go of the idea of being productive in this time (as long as you're not gaming/relapsing/etc) and be present with your folks.

It's a good way to relax after all the hard work, so why stress yourself out unnecessarily? You're going to get plenty of stress in a few days when you get back to studying 🙂

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15 hours ago, karabas said:

From my experience, it's best to just embrace these periods. Yes, you're not being "productive", but family is family and you only have these periods in your life a few times a year. It's worth it to just let go of the idea of being productive in this time (as long as you're not gaming/relapsing/etc) and be present with your folks.

It's a good way to relax after all the hard work, so why stress yourself out unnecessarily? You're going to get plenty of stress in a few days when you get back to studying 🙂

Seconded, also going hiking, football games and reunions is significantly better than gaming. Like Karabas said, use it as an opportunity to relax.

You will have time to study for your MCAT's when you get back, sometimes it's good to deload, refresh and come back to it. 

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Finally made tangible steps towards finding volunteer opportunities. Submitted two applications today, both for hospice care positions in my local area. 

I honestly thought last semester was pretty challenging between 16 academic credits, research and bible study, but next semester is looking like death in comparison. It's essentially going to be the same commitments as last semester, with the added load that comes with volunteering, instructing, training, and studying for the MCAT. I mapped out a projected schedule on Excel and it looks insane--my week is completely saturated with almost no free time or breathing room. This is the wall I'll have to climb if I want to go to medical school.

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Finished up 2 fat MCAT chapters today: embryogenesis and development, as well as the nervous system. Next stop--the Endocrine and Respiratory systems.

Edited by Deku
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I'm now registered as a hospice volunteer! The organization goes through a lot of premeds and seems very passionate about providing the best possible outcome for patients, so they really feel like a good fit.

 

 

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On 1/2/2019 at 9:53 PM, Deku said:

This is the wall I'll have to climb if I want to go to medical school.

Having a wall to climb is a good way of giving direction to your life. The wall is there, you can’t be mistaken, there’s only one way in. Good luck with the climb.

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@Deku awesome job on completing the detox! Don't be too hard on yourself, 90 days of no gaming compared to a week or two of bad habits is still a great accomplishment! As long as you realize if you can game responsibly  to do it in moderation, but if you realized you weren't able to control it after stopping, then you just need to get it out of your life. I find it interesting how you equated hanging out with family and spending time with the people who matter not as important as getting back to work. I don't to preach, but just share my own experience. You will do a lot of work in your life, and like the saying goes "No one ever wishes they worked more on their deathbed". Spending time with family and people who are important to you I believe is one of the best ways to spend time in general. All of this work is normally used to get a paycheck which is used to do more of the things you love.

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Saturdays are my main training days and as such have become one of the hardest days of the week. Did a 9 mile hike today with over 50 pounds on my back, now my thighs are like rocks. Hopefully the training only gets easier from here.

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It’s looking like another sleepless night. The stress of thinking about medical school is keeping me up a lot recently, which may not be a bad thing. I never had a problem sleeping in undergrad.

Finished submitting my volunteer packet for the hospice position and I’m signed up for my orientation, so ready to roll out on that front. The beauty of this position is that it’s 100% based on availability, allowing me to alter my commitment based on the ebb and flow of my other projects. Its also a way to interact with terminal patients in an incredibly unique way that will undoubtedly help me become a better provider. Excited about it!

The other major front, MCAT studying, is also going surprisingly smoothly—just one chapter shy of clearing Biology and Physiology now. If next semester isn’t too challenging I might even be able to sign up for a test in the late summer which would be insane...but we’ll see how that goes.

I think I’m doing a passable job patching up the many, many holes in my application, but I just have this deep worry that I’m overlooking something important. Guess it might be time to schedule an appointment with the premed advisor again. 

Going to try and catch some zz’s now...see you tomorrow friends.

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Had a good, productive day today. Saw one of my old flames with her new boyfriend, and rather than breaking down into a tiny ball of misery I ended up channeling all the anger and frustration into getting stuff done. Some highlights:

-Woke up early in the morning and went for a 30 minute run 

-Went to bible study and reviewed my notes afterwards

-Finished the CITI courses necessary to become an instructor next semester

-Finished reading the Kaplan MCAT Biology/Physiology textbook cover to cover! My notes ended up taking up an entire spiral bound notebook, so regular review will be crucial or it's all going to be gone by next week. MCAT Biochemistry is up next.

-Finished watching all the module videos for my volunteer position

And it's not even 4:00 yet! Guess there's no excuse for not being able to achieve this much every day.

My Rainier training plan calls for a 45 minute workout today, so I think I'll knock that one out right now. See you guys tomorrow!

 

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Made an appointment with one of the premed advisors from my undergrad university for next Wednesday, and I'm ready for her to rip me a new one. Let's get it!

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Been a hot moment since I last wrote here, but honestly there isn't too much to talk about. I updated my resume for my phone meeting with my premed advisor; it looks like hot garbage, so I'm also requesting a coaching session with the career center at my current university. I figure it's never a bad thing to have a professionally-approved resume on hand anyways.

Hospice volunteering is progressing well and I have my first patient encounter on Wednesday. Looking forward to that.

MCAT studying is progressing slowly as usual, but I've covered quite a lot of ground since the start of vacation--about 1.5 textbooks out of the 6 I'll need to read before the test. 

Rainier training is also moving slowly but steadily. At this point in my training I should be able to ascend 3500 vertical feet in 3 hours carrying 65 pounds, and last Saturday I was able to do it in half that time, so I'm well ahead of the training curve at this point. That's great news because I honestly don't know how much time I can dedicate to training once school begins.

That's all for now, folks. I'll definitely update this when I've got more to say!

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Hey @Deku, I am Lea. Pleasure to meet you.

After reading your journal, I feel very intrigued and a bit fired up as it is an interesting story with ups and downs. Well done for passing the 90-Days milestone. Keep it up! 😉

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Had my phone call with my premed advisor, and it went...okay. My premed advisor said based on the positive progress I've made over the last semester, I should just keep doing what I'm doing and shoot for an application next cycle after I've finished my MCAT and racked up some good volunteering hours through hospice. If I can get a high score on my MCAT and get a good reference from hospice then I should be in a "decent" place to contest for a seat.

That would mean that I'd be looking to submit my committee application this time next year, and formally applying in June 2020. That feels uncomfortably close, and I'm really motivated now to double-down on my MCAT studying efforts. It really does seem like the course of my future is riding on that one test.

 

Edited by Deku
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@Deku Good luck on exam! Trust me, it is really worth pushing yourself to the max in this case. It will be hard with non stop work and countless sleepless nights, but the reward in the end is worth it all. 

P.s. just wondering, do you have any dreams, what kind of doctor you want to be?(specialisation)

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1 hour ago, Gaming Zombie said:

@Deku Good luck on exam! Trust me, it is really worth pushing yourself to the max in this case. It will be hard with non stop work and countless sleepless nights, but the reward in the end is worth it all. 

P.s. just wondering, do you have any dreams, what kind of doctor you want to be?(specialisation)

Dunno yet! Actually, from what I hear the specialty chooses you, since most med students go with their favorite rotation in med school.

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This is probably going to be one of those posts that I retrospectively remove or laugh at,  but I kind of just want to get something off my chest and this has historically been the best outlet for that kind of thing.

I was texting Clarisse this evening (for those who don't remember, a girl from my bible study who I ended up crushing on for a bit--probably somewhere between pages 4-6 of this journal) and somehow the subject steered into the love/romance territory. After a bit of banter, Clarisse ended up telling me about this huge crush she had on her best friend, and even sent me this screenshot of a text she sent him as evidence of how much this guy meant to her.

Wow, and I mean wow. That was a helluva text. She talked about how all his stress was her stress, how he could tell her anything, how she would go to any lengths to shield him from harm. She talked about how she was so glad that God had put this dude on the world to be in her life. I don't think even the lord himself could have written something so pure, emotional, and full of love.

I don't know why but reading that just made me feel sick to my bones. It wasn't that I liked a girl who couldn't help but go on and on about some other guy. I guess it was...jealousy at the fact that this guy could get a quality girl to love him so much without even trying, when all of my effort and charm can't even get any woman to get more than one cup of coffee with me. Though I know it's stupid and ridiculous, it's times like these that I can't help but wonder, is there something wrong with me? Am I missing something important that every other dude on the planet seems to have? 

I'm too tired and exhausted to puzzle through it right now; I honestly feel like I've aged several years over the course of one night. My plan is to catch some zz's, get up tomorrow after 8 hours of sleep and hopefully feel a bit better. It's all I can do for myself right now.

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I'm back baby! 

After an extremely restful night and a rather pensive morning I guess I've come to the conclusion that these kinds of things just happen. I can't control how other people feel, so I guess I should be focusing on the things that are within my power instead. Finishing that marathon, getting to the top of the mountain, acing that accursed MCAT exam, getting my ass into med school, these are the things that I should be using to bring myself happiness, not the feelings of some girl.

Maybe I've been focusing too much on finding the right girl when really I should have been focusing on becoming the right guy.

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I respect the way how you analyze your feelings. 

Love is rare for many people. There are plenty of attractive, smart, funny people out there staying single and searching for love (including your future girlfriend). 

Just be yourself. It will happen when it happens.

Also if a girl tells you these things, you are in her friend zone. And more likely "not-a-potential-boyfriend-material" zone. If you still have feelings for that girl, stay away from that zone.

 

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I have to agree with you on this:

9 hours ago, Deku said:

Maybe I've been focusing too much on finding the right girl when really I should have been focusing on becoming the right guy.

I know this is corny and maybe untrue for you, but love will come when you least expect it. I also struggled with the similar thing as you when I was in middle school. There was this one guy that I have a crush on, but he ended up "dating" one of my girl friends. This makes my heart broken and causes me to be jealous. It took a few months until my feelings for him fade.

Edited by Lea
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Thanks @Silverlining and @Lea for your kind words and advice!

Today was actually a great day. Got a lot of work done, got my flu shot for free (thanks hospice volunteering job), and best of all, got offered a team leader spot in Bible Study for next semester! With it I'll be able to add another leadership activity to my med school resume, and I've hopefully secured my second recommendation letter for medical school.

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