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Cindpline

[HEALTH] How stop constantly thinking how to get better?

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Title says it. I constantly think how to get better in every moment. Like how can I be more happy in this moment. How should I think, What should think etc. 

It makes me anxious and stressed and affects my health mentally and physically.

Meditation, gratitude journal everyday is what I know.

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One way to look at this, philosophically, is to try to narrow down what you are trying to achieve with this thought process / pattern, and the desire that these questions are born out of.

Are you trying to be more happy? Let's say you are.

What is your being happy? In my experience, that was the first important and productive question I dealt with.

Is my happiness losing weight? For me, it is, in some part. Is my happiness about being a great athlete, or going to join the local football / gym? Nope.

It's my, racking my weights, doing the exercises, and feeling good and sweaty afterwards. Further to that, I have kilogram weight loss goals, and kilogram weightlifting metrics. Number can help with the practical goals.

Okay, is my happiness talking to my friends? Sure. Who are my friends? Right now, I really only have one. He's a good friend, albeit with some political differences that I sometimes seethe in anger for, but he's my friend. I used to have a lot more friends. Where did they go?

Following from that, the unproductive thought is (that I often have) oh, they all left you, no one else wants to be your friend. I should be out drinking and trying to having fun, like whoever tells me I should. My dad does, and so have his uncles, when I've talked to them. They must be correct, right? 

Both of these statements, are, to an extent, correct. I am two years behind my college friends, and they are nowhere to be seen. They aren't really around to talk to. I also hate drinking, with a passion. This makes socializing difficult.

Tomorrow, I'm going to ring some of my old friends, and ask them can I come over to talk, or to meet up.I  will reach out to them, and ask them how they've been, and ask them to do maybe something we both like to do? It's  a productive thought.

Goals. Objectives.

Not "be more social, be healthier". They're well meaning words of motivation, but ultimately useless in getting to where you want to be. Getting to where you want to be begins with knowing where that location is. It is generally advisable, in traveling, that to avoid getting lost, you should know where you want to go.

It is worth getting pen and paper and writing these goals down. You may not achieve your stated goals, despite this. Keep trying, but with precision, some measure of questioning (is this thing making me happy, as opposed to should I be more happy in doing this thing), and a willingness to re-evaluate these goals. No, not give up, but change them, from time to time.

Another point: perfectionism. It's an admirable goal, and it's also often more trouble that it is worth. You will make mistakes, in all things you do. Not being as efficient, regards to a time:fun ratio, is a mistake.

That's okay. If you have not done so already, accept, firmly, the idea that not all time you spend can be productively put towards making yourself better. You need time to wash your hair, lie on your bed, and reflect. You also need  to do these things (and many other similar things besides), if you wish to become better.

If I tell you to think one thing, I will tell you, sincerely, that you must think for yourself on how you can be better.

Directly? If you do meditate, meditate on what you have done today, or what you should do tomorrow. Good questions: How did what you do make you feel? Have you learned from what you did, today? Should you change your course of action?

Seek other opinions, yes. Seek opinions that oppose yours.

And then, come to your own conclusion.

There is no correct answer here, and if you reply back to me with "what about x" (and that x can be studying formal logic, learning to do a handstand, brushing up on the history of Iowa), the only answer I feel I can give is "well, did it work for you?".

 

 

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Hey @Cindpline!

This is Max, pleasure to meet you.

I am a bit puzzled by your question, as I feel there is still some information missing for providing a satisfying answer. I am writing some thoughts down on how I see this issue and wait for a reply whether or not my hypothesis is headed in the right direction.

First of all, I think it's great that you are trying to develop yourself and I think that self-development is definitely a promising path to walk. However, you seem to have an issue with the speed which you are currently moving in. I do understand that. Society, peers, education system, etc. all want you to be "perfect" or at least "good". This pressure can be enormous, but it can be even topped when you are creating even higher standards for yourself.

E.g. I want to get better in x,y,z, want to achieve a,b,c, by [date], want each day to live healthier, happier, ... (trying to reach too many ambitious goals in short time)

The truth is: self-development is a long and winding road and there is no fast lane to the emotional and physical state we wish to achieve.

I have got the impression that you are giving yourself too little time to actually review and enjoy your progress. As I already mentioned the way you're walking on seems to be the right one, but I think you are like a vehicle going a little too fast: your engine (mind) running hot, while you yourself aren't really in the driver's seat anymore (thoughts and emotion running wild).

You mentioned your gratitude journal earlier... How about including a phrase in your entries which should aim to "slow yourself down".

My suggestion would be something to the likes of...

"I am on my way trying to live a fulfilling and happy life. I am working on myself and spend time creating a promising future, however: it will take time to reach my goals. For now the things I am doing are enough and I can be proud of myself for trying my best."

Hopefully, this was helpful - tell me whether or not you liked my advice and try elaborating more on your question as this will help others to find a good answer.

I am looking forward to your reply!

Cheers,

Max

 

 

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Stop thinking about it and just do the thing that makes you feel happy. Easier said than done, I know, but in essence that's what you need to do.

Edited by seriousjay

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