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Dear Diary...


BooksandTrees

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Today was another great day. I continue to wake up early and I continue to practice good diet, stress relief activities, working only 8 hours, exercising after work, taking a shower, and then working on hobbies.

As requested, here is another progress shot. All of the lightning and sparks you see are fully animated and move dynamically. I should be doing beginner stuff like making chairs and cups, but that's boring and not my style at all. I wanted to make a cool animation that inspires you. I'm very proud so far.

@Erik2.0, @Ikar, @Alexanderle

Click on the one at the bottom. I don't know what they're so huge.

I created lightning animations. I took a still render of it because it will look cooler once it is fully animated and I post it on YouTube:

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I then have it glowing about to explode:

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Next I'll be creating a smoke effect and an explosion effect.

 

Edited by BooksandTrees
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Today I'm 78 weeks free from gaming. I worked some overtime last night, but I got 3 days off and am going to relax. Today I spent time with my artist friends on a long online video call. We all animated and 3d modeled together, while talking about life and joking around. It honestly reminded me of playing video games again, but the good parts of it. I just missed doing things with people outside of work, but on the computer. It was really productive, and yes, I finished my animation!

Here is the first thing I've ever animated. I received so many compliments on it. It's only supposed to be 2 seconds long because of what the original anime had. I was supposed to just learn something the basic way, but you all know I'm extremely complicated and imaginative so I get frustrated with simple tasks. I was told to 3d model a chair and give it texture. That bores me. What made my project so difficult was to give a sphere with only two eyes for features some character. I think I did that well. I also created dynamic lightning on my own. I followed a tutorial, but my lightning is completely different than the tutorial I followed. I created a very unique shape and modified its properties to a creative way to fit my project. I then created an explosion technique, which generated smoke from it. I also created a procedural glow effect before the explosion.

Here it is. Thanks for supporting my new hobby:

 

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Today was ok. I just didn't really do much. I cleaned my apartment, cooked, ate, and spoke on the phone for a few hours to people who I haven't spoken to in a while. It almost feels like a chore. They just tell me the same shit in a different toilet. Heard it before. It's annoying. I guess I'm being too mean. But there's nothing really new or enjoyable when talking. It's not like the conversations I had with my friends yesterday. 

I am frustrated by a few things with a dating app, but I don't really want to talk about it with you guys to be honest. I ask you don't comment on this portion of my diary. I'm writing it for myself. I made a dating profile on hinge and have had about 25 matches in the past 2 weeks. I don't really enjoy them after a while and just unmatch with them. The conversations are just boring after a while. Nobody is piquing my interest whatsoever. Many of the women on there only talk about themselves and never ask reciprocal questions  or take initiative and ask about me. Only 3 have done this. I think many women on the site are lonely and want attention. I'm being patient with it, but I don't see this lasting long. I wanted to test a few things and see if I'd get matches and it's worked exponentially well. The issue is I still just dislike the people I match with over time. I dislike generic women who like generic things. I've actually watched less porn since creating the profile.

Don't wish me any luck or talk to me about this. As I mentioned I just wrote this for me. 

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I'm having trouble calming down tonight. I think it's very important to have days to relax and recharge. I was facing major burnout over the past few weeks. I appreciate feeling better today. But that dark side makes me feel like I wasted a day. I want to come out tomorrow on fire and start a new animation project. 

There's something inside of me pushing so hard to be amazing and create a wave of brilliance in entertainment. It's like an earthquake of turmoil from within. I talk myself out of it on rest days like today was because it's what I tell everyone. You gotta be more kind to yourself and not be so hard all the time. I appreciate the words. The hunger I feel for success can be unleashed tomorrow with my new project. I'm going to animate a ghastly from pokemon. I was going to make a room, but I'm compelled to make this really cool animation. 

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Today started off poorly because I went to bed very late, woke up late, and was in a lethargic mood. I couldn't shake the lethargy all day and grew very angry. I wanted to smash something. But I regained control. I put on some very loud heavy metal music and started doing laundry and cleaning my house. I thrashed around to get rid of my pent up frustration. I then did my full body workout and went hard. I took a shower and felt relieved and fine. I drank a ton of water as well because dehydration makes me irritable.

After that I watched my show for a bit and then 3d modeled again. I modeled with my friend online for 2 hours and it felt great. I learned a lot. I am making a living room scene and all the furniture along with it. I'm going to use it for a set in my cartoon later this year. 

I also created a YouTube channel and posted my 2 second video lol. It has 18 views so far so I'm happy with that. 

I also cut off a conversation with a girl who has the personality of a piece of cardboard. I then had a good conversation with another girl who surprisingly has a lot in common with me. We'll see how it goes. I'd actually like to meet her, but first I want to talk on the phone and see if she's a psychopath or not. There's only room for one psychopath in my relationships and that's me.

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5 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I also cut off a conversation with a girl who has the personality of a piece of cardboard. I then had a good conversation with another girl who surprisingly has a lot in common with me. We'll see how it goes. I'd actually like to meet her, but first I want to talk on the phone and see if she's a psychopath or not. There's only room for one psychopath in my relationships and that's me.

What if she's as good at being a psychopath as you are to not make it known? 😄

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I have more and more the feeling that there will always be some kind of suffering in the world. Also in our personal lives. But I think that we need some reasons or goals to go towards so that we can justify the suffering. Maybe you should try to focus on these things that also your anger might be justified up to the point, where you might be able to not only accept the anger, but also understand that you can overcome it. I think that we can overcome almost everything, which does not mean that certain stretches can be quite annoying and tough to deal with. 

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2 hours ago, Alexanderle said:

I have more and more the feeling that there will always be some kind of suffering in the world. Also in our personal lives. But I think that we need some reasons or goals to go towards so that we can justify the suffering. Maybe you should try to focus on these things that also your anger might be justified up to the point, where you might be able to not only accept the anger, but also understand that you can overcome it. I think that we can overcome almost everything, which does not mean that certain stretches can be quite annoying and tough to deal with. 

I agree. I just need to feel more appreciated at work. I'm the kind of person who thrives when you say simple things like thank you and good job. 

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