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BooksandTrees

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7 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Who says listening to music isn't a hobby? Who says reading interesting news articles or a book isn't a hobby? Cooking dinner? Watching a tv series in moderation? Exercise? Relaxing outside? Making up jokes?

Regarding music, I find it difficult to put some new music tracks as background if I haven't listened to them yet, so I think the point you are making is correct that listening to music can be an activity of its own. I'm also looking forward to seeing you post some made-up joke 😄

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3 hours ago, Ikar said:

Regarding music, I find it difficult to put some new music tracks as background if I haven't listened to them yet, so I think the point you are making is correct that listening to music can be an activity of its own. I'm also looking forward to seeing you post some made-up joke 😄

Lol thanks. I agree with the music. I actually enjoy sitting down with my spotify app and listening to new bands and seeing if they'd be good for exercise, working, cleaning, driving, or dancing. It's a fun process.

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Today I'm 74 weeks free from gaming, 76 weeks free from social media, and 1 week free from porn. I didn't make a big deal out of counting the days for porn this week because I realize counting days is stupid. I was able to quit gaming because I counted weeks and not days. If you think about something even once per day you're still thinking about it. If you can train your body and mind to not make a big deal out of quitting something then you can quit it. It's that pink elephant metaphor. 

This is the first week of not watching porn in almost 2 months. I have ample energy. I've found that waking up early has helped as well. I've never watched porn at like 6 or 7 in the morning. I only watch it in the mornings if I wake up past 10 AM and feel lethargic. Of course, if I wake up early that means I'm going to bed earlier. I found that the most common times I was watching porn was between 10 and 11 AM from waking up late and between 11 PM and 2 AM if I stayed up late. I've effectively removed those time periods from my day by shifting my schedule.

Last night I tried to write part of a book I had thought about and I didn't enjoy it. I think finding a hobby is about enjoying what you're doing and not necessarily getting a reward out of it. Just because I like music doesn't mean I need to create it. I can just listen and enjoy it. Just because I love books doesn't mean I need to write one. I just enjoy reading. 

I'm going to be focusing on things I enjoy doing based on the energy I have. After work I clearly don't have much mental energy. This means it's a good time to do physical things like yoga, exercise, walking, rock climbing, sports, etc. Working out leaves me feeling balanced and relaxed. So that means I can cook and watch a movie, tv show, and read for the last couple hours of my day before bed so I can unwind. 

Unwinding is important for gaming addicts because we never unwinded. We may thought we were unwinding from a difficult day, but really we were engaging our brains to a much higher level in a form of escapism. It's important to unwind and realize you can relax. It's a part of the day not many people get the chance to do or realize they can do it.

Today is the weekend and obviously I have struggled to do well on weekends. They have made me relapse with porn at almost a 90% success (or failure) rate. I'm not going to try and do animation for 16 hours this weekend. But what I will do is just fill my day with things I enjoy. I'm going to do a little animation, watch some TV, cook, talk to some friends, post on this website, read, maybe practice using my camera and mic. Who knows. I'll do what feels right.

I just know porn and naps won't help my day and neither will waking up/staying up late.

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I see where you're coming from with the games being a stimulant and us not being used to feeling tired by comparison. I definitely have something weird going on with my sleep though since about 4 months ago. I slept 13.5 hours last night. And usually lay in bed for 10+ hours if I push myself to wake up earlier I'm dead tired all day. That's not normal. I'm trying out getting my psychotropic medications lowered a bit, but there's only so much that can be done without causing me to become schizoaffective again. Speaking of meds, maybe you could try bupropion. Its helped me a lot with my depression.

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6 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

I see where you're coming from with the games being a stimulant and us not being used to feeling tired by comparison. I definitely have something weird going on with my sleep though since about 4 months ago. I slept 13.5 hours last night. And usually lay in bed for 10+ hours if I push myself to wake up earlier I'm dead tired all day. That's not normal. I'm trying out getting my psychotropic medications lowered a bit, but there's only so much that can be done without causing me to become schizoaffective again. Speaking of meds, maybe you could try bupropion. Its helped me a lot with my depression.

Thanks. I hope you get your sleeping mystery solved with help from your doctor. As long as you're doing the right thing to stay at a comfortable place then I think it's worth it. I don't think I need medication right now. I still have some options.

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Today was kind of frustrating, but I pulled out of it. I went to practice the blender tutorials and got very bored and frustrated. I just wanted to create something fun and stupid that I could work with and I was learning how to paint a helicopter. I don't care about this and I don't want to do work. I then started thinking about animating pornographic things like I had mentioned a few months back. I tried to fight it, but the rush in my head was unbelievable. I needed to do it and then watch any porn I could. 

I stopped. I couldn't watch it.

Instead, I laid down and took a nap. I woke up and immediately wanted to watch porn, but got depressed about it. How embarrassing is that? Wanting to watch porn and having it be so important to me? That's embarrassing and disgusting. Porn and masturbation are filling a void in my heart that can only be filled by love from a woman. The rest of the loneliness goes away with friends and family. 

At the end of the day, I'm starting to think this quarantine is really good for me. It's like a pressure cooker for realizing my problems. There are so many days where I'm given the option to meet with friends, do something fun, watch a movie, go eat out, rock climb, dance with women, go on dates, sing a song, perform stand up comedy, travel, join a club, and much more. I don't do it. I make up excuses about how it will be bad. I only do this for 2 reasons. 1 being that I am afraid to get hurt so I make excuses to stay at home by myself because it's a safe environment and I don't have to worry. 2 being that I don't want to be vulnerable and show people my heart and let them close to me. Instead, I just get angry and hate on them.

I mentioned this anime in the past, but today's thoughts made me rewatch a good portion of it. The anime is called "Welcome To The NHK". It's about a guy in his 20s who just stays home all day. No job, no friends, no love, no contact with family, no hobbies, and no life. He doesn't bathe, he watches porn all day, he hates women and only views them as sex objects, and he believes the entire world is conspiring against him. This anxiety makes him want to stay home all day and avoid life out of fear. A woman enters his life and gets him to leave his house after he sees how far he's degraded in her eyes. He slowly develops the courage to leave his house, meet a new friend, and live life with her.

There are so many important values from this anime. I last watched it back in 2012 when I had received my 2nd letter from college threatening to kick me out. I finally pulled it together in fall of 2012 and became the best student by 2015 with a job lined up and everything. The crippling regret and feelings of failure in my life resonated with the same failure in his life. Only he actually got kicked out of college.

I watch the show again today in hopes of learning a little more. I was right. I go through the same fear that he does with women. I cancel most dates and relationships with women because I'm afraid they'll find out I'm not very experienced. I'm good looking, but I'm so ashamed that they'll think I'm a child and pathetic. It is so embarrassing for me that I haven't dated a woman in almost 10 years. I'm so afraid that they'll hurt me again. It's so crippling. Whenever they start getting closer to me I freak out and purposely aggravate them and then I break things off.

I noticed I do this with friends as well. I make excuses to not hang out with them or do any new things. I avoid travel and avoid anything fun really.

So why do I mention this now? I mention it because I had the option to do these things with friends and women and be social. Now that I'm in isolation by force I realize I have nothing to escape from anymore. I don't even want to watch porn. I haven't watched porn or even masturbated since the quarantine began 8 days ago. There is no need for it. Instead of having things in my life that I'm escaping from, I find that I'm just lonely now and full of regret.

It doesn't matter if I find hobbies and create stuff in my spare time. What really matters is I am proud of myself for becoming this engineer that I always envisioned. I've been reminded of how much of a loser I thought I was 10 years ago. I sat in my bed wondering if I'd make it in life. I have. This brief pause, however long the quarantine is, from society has started to make me reflect on things I actually want. 

I want company. I want love. I want to hold a woman in my arms and love her. It's time to grow up. I can't let pain from years ago continue to pulsate through my heart. I lost sight of who I became and I'm starting to notice it now. I have a great career. I have lots of friends that I sometimes think conspire against me and don't like me, but that's just my thoughts talking similar to that anime I mentioned. My family wants to talk to me. Women think I'm attractive. People want me to do comedy and board games and stuff. Life's not as terrible as I make it to be and I don't want to create anything related to porn at all. I don't think I even want to create anything half the time. Now that I'm not running from life anymore I am trying to figure out what I can add to life. I'll figure it out along the way.

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Yeah! This sounds more like it, a healthy reaction. Regrets is just a cunning excuse. The more you are acknowledging what you have and how much you have done to help yourself, the more self esteem and confidence you get.

The thing that you recovered from video games is insane. If I’d visit the United States I’d try to organize a celebration party with other GQ members for this feat of achievement. It is something that is super hard to do. This is why I think you will solve the other problems.

something weird happened. When I told you about staying away from sex stuff, I was away in my home village and my routines were in disarray. I sat to watch tv and was just aimlessly switching channels, when I caught myself in the thought that I am going against my word. So just sharing here helped me enormously to be serious about aims.

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11 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Yeah! This sounds more like it, a healthy reaction. Regrets is just a cunning excuse. The more you are acknowledging what you have and how much you have done to help yourself, the more self esteem and confidence you get.

The thing that you recovered from video games is insane. If I’d visit the United States I’d try to organize a celebration party with other GQ members for this feat of achievement. It is something that is super hard to do. This is why I think you will solve the other problems.

something weird happened. When I told you about staying away from sex stuff, I was away in my home village and my routines were in disarray. I sat to watch tv and was just aimlessly switching channels, when I caught myself in the thought that I am going against my word. So just sharing here helped me enormously to be serious about aims.

Thanks. I appreciate it. Life brings us around and we react differently in different mental environments. I'm hoping this is the key for me.

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I'm not sure if I'm developing allergies or sickness. I started getting a mild sore throat after post nasal drip occurred last night. I'm more fatigued. No fever though. 

I haven't left my home in 10 days so I could have acquired this from my office where 2 people tested positive for the regular flu, 1 person had bronchitis, and nobody had been tested for COVID19. 

I also have severe allergies each year and spring allergies make me sick with wheezing, coughing, hay fever, etc. I'll have to use logic and common sense to not sensationalize any symptoms I develop. 

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I gotta be honest with you guys. I don't fucking like anything that I've been trying at all. It's so frustrating. I've gone 74 weeks without video games and I don't find anything fun. 

I don't like learning anything. I hate how long learning takes. It makes me lose sight of what I wanted to do. I wanted to animate and bought a tutorial for blender and I can't fucking take how long it's taking to learn stuff. It made me dislike the entire idea of animation because it's so much work. The loss of animation interest has subsequently made me dislike writing as well. I keep asking what the point is in all of it.

AM I BEING AN ASSHOLE?

The videos say just have fun with the software for 90% of the time and spend 10% on tutorials. I just feel like I've done 100% tutorials because I'm not giving myself the permission to have fun and try learning it. I'm drawn to this software for a reason. I just don't feel playful or curious enough. It's almost like a barrier I need to push.

Why do I not give myself the permission to just have fun? I don't think this is a fear of failure. I just get overwhelmed by all the buttons and menus. I can't focus on the initial things I wanted to create.

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Hey, it sounds like you've come a long way in the past ten years. I wish I had girls around who wanted to date me. Well there might be my one friend, but they live in Dubai so forget about it. I'm happy for you. I'm sure your life will continue to get better and better as you go. I think you might have type A personality like I do. People with this type tend to not find joy in the process of things. We will be so focused on results and trying to get as much done in one session as possible that we don't enjoy the journey. I encourage you to take a deep breath and try to enjoy what you're doing a bit. I think people who are type A just have naturally weak 'enjoy the process' muscles. So we need to practice enjoying as a learned skill. With some effort over time I think learning to enjoy whatever you're doing can happen.

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50 minutes ago, Erik2.0 said:

Hey, it sounds like you've come a long way in the past ten years. I wish I had girls around who wanted to date me. Well there might be my one friend, but they live in Dubai so forget about it. I'm happy for you. I'm sure your life will continue to get better and better as you go. I think you might have type A personality like I do. People with this type tend to not find joy in the process of things. We will be so focused on results and trying to get as much done in one session as possible that we don't enjoy the journey. I encourage you to take a deep breath and try to enjoy what you're doing a bit. I think people who are type A just have naturally weak 'enjoy the process' muscles. So we need to practice enjoying as a learned skill. With some effort over time I think learning to enjoy whatever you're doing can happen.

Thanks. I'm a very type a, entj-t, commander, extrovert personality. I really want to work on this. 

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I had a good day at work although I did not work my full 8 hours. I felt sick with my stomach due to a meal I ate last night. Canned tuna fish. There's a research study out there which examines cans of tuna and deciphers whether it's legitimate tuna or another breed of fish. It turns out that 84% of the cans in North America have a fish in it called escolar. The fish has oils in its meat that are natural diuretics and can cause nausea and diarrhea. I never feel good after eating tuna and now I see why.

It makes sense as well. Blue Fin Tuna can cost between $40 and $200 per pound on average. Why can I buy 5 oz cans for 1 dollar at the grocery store? Major profit loss there. I'm done eating it. It's just random fish in the can much like deviled chicken and ham.

I watched old hockey games tonight and got emotional. I miss hockey. I love hockey. 

I'm still having an emotional crisis. I get so amped up with my energy that I need to be at a concert or being the center of attention for comedy, or something. I love having that rush. I don't give myself that rush. This virus is making me think so much about what I'm lacking in life. I haven't even wanted to watch porn. Porn angers me now. These fucking people online just getting banged and I just sit there and do nothing. I want to have sex. I want a woman. I want love. I'm gonna fucking get it. And I'm not settling either. I'm going to bring home a fucking champion woman and have a good relationship with her.

I want to live. I have not been living. Even with quitting games I stay home most of the time. This virus isolation is nothing new to me. The stir crazy everyone gets? That's me every day regardless of the virus. I see no friends, I don't see any women, I don't have hobbies. Now I don't have the option to live life and I understand what I have been missing - or at least I'm starting to understand. It's just difficult because I have so much emotional striking me. This virus should be a warning that life as you know it could be changed forever at an instant. 9/11 did it to most Americans 20 years ago. We're seeing it now with this. 

I need to get over these god damn fears of mine and realize that fear can be overcome and you should welcome the challenge. I need to stop living in fear. There's so much on my mind. I want sex, I want love, I want hobbies, I want attention, I want to tell jokes, I want to do funny things, I want to play sports, I want to fight for a purpose and live, I want to do engineering work and make money, I want a house, I want so much that I have prevented myself from having. All of these things I want are just me dying to express myself. I bottle myself up all day and night and I want to break free for a little bit. After that I can relax. I just understand now that I'm unfortunately one of those work hard, play hard, then relax kind of people. I need people around me who share that lifestyle and don't just sit at home all day. I'm surrounded by depression or fake people and it's insidious. 

I have all this energy to do something and I don't even know what the fuck I want to do.

Who gives a fuck if I do art? Do I even enjoy it? I need an adrenaline rush. I can't do art unless I do something adrenaline invoking. 

I don't know anything anyways. Tomorrow I'll mention how I'm tired and don't want to do anything. Just the total opposite of this.

Logically, if I break down my past 2 days I haven't slept much, so I'm probably agitated and want sleep and am fighting it like a baby. Once I sleep I won't be agitated and can do some articulate stuff or not. Who cares? I don't know. One day I'm me and the next day I'm me. You never know.

Edited by BooksandTrees
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2 minutes ago, James Good said:

Sexual energy is what propels men to greatness. It's what made men move mountains, build skyscrapers, and create incredible works of art. Men without sex drive are generally lacking in testosterone, and testosterone is the life blood of a man. It keeps you motivated, driven, energetic, and always hungry for more. Gaming + porn addicts are severely lacking T.

I love this attitude. 

I think you've got two options:

  • Find a woman
  • Create

Considering the first option is unlikely given the current situation, I'd recommend funnelling all of that energy into something epic. It doesn't matter what. Just create something. Art, a business, anything.

You might be tired and that's fine, the energy comes and goes. Michelangelo was described as a slob. Da Vinci went days or weeks without creating any art, and then all of a sudden he'd retreat to his studio and create the freaking Mona Lisa. He probably thought it looked like shit at the time, but he didn't let the energy go to waste.

 

I know it's not going to apply to your situation completely, and there's obviously hurdles such as working and exercise and all of that stuff. But this is one of my favourite posts from you and I think the progress you've made recently, even if you might not think it, has been awesome.

Keep it up.

Thanks. I have been thinking so much about myself lately. I was telling my friend I was able to quit video games because I saw how useless it was making my friends and peers. They're so dependent on others, passive, never take action and make changes, aren't responsible and actively avoid responsibility. It made me angry. It propelled me to quit games because I didn't want to associate with such embarrassing people. I was ashamed. I used that strength to quit gaming once and for all.

This quarantine has made me look at myself as I looked at my peers. It has made me feel embarrassed, pathetic, and filled with shame. I am now using that energy to repel porn. What a fucking waste. There's 3-4 billion women on Earth and I'm settling for a fucking computer screen. Fuck that. 

I agree with the testosterone thing. I feel alive compared to when I'm watching porn. It's frustrating how I felt. I needed this quarantine. I gotta be honest. Once you're forced to examine yourself you can't run from it. You look at yourself all day now. I see the embarrassment. I'm done with it.

I can't find a woman right now because of the virus. I'm not making another excuse, but we need to stop socializing for the next few months in order to curb the virus. These retards socializing are spreading it and should be publicly shamed and fined for their role in virus spreading.

Creating is the tough thing. I think I want to play the drums because it's aggressive. I have these tendencies to want to lose my mind, smash things, and go on an adrenaline rush. Heavy metal music is a device that has helped me hone that energy into something relatable and tangible. It comforts me. The aggressive yelling and sounds makes me feel like I'm where I belong. It has drawn me to the drums. I recognize the beats every time and I want to smash along with it.

I can't do creative hobbies until I lose this aggression.

I also hate learning. College has made me hate learning. I'm tired of it. Issue is I hate not knowing things for these hobbies. I have to learn all of them.

I also don't see the fucking point in some of these hobbies. I'll want to draw or create a cartoon, but why? I just want attention. I'm an attention seeker and I know it. I think I want to make videos on YouTube or do stand up comedy because I love the attention and glory of it. But that's only if I do well. 

I just feel like a tornado going anywhere. Full of energy and no clear path. Then the tornado goes away and I'm just nothing again.

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Also, I just relaxed now after doing about 50 pushups to get rid of this burst of energy and anger I have. Maybe I just need to recognize when I'm freaking out and exercise a bit to get some clarity. Then I can go back to a creative or relaxing activity. Maybe I'm just chasing too hard to find a hobby. 

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3 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Creating is the tough thing. I think I want to play the drums because it's aggressive. I have these tendencies to want to lose my mind, smash things, and go on an adrenaline rush. Heavy metal music is a device that has helped me hone that energy into something relatable and tangible. It comforts me. The aggressive yelling and sounds makes me feel like I'm where I belong. It has drawn me to the drums. I recognize the beats every time and I want to smash along with it.

I feel the same. I used to listen to indie rock before I quit gaming. Nowadays my choice is hard rock and I even like rocking to Rammstein and I think not only because I am learning German on Duolingo. The energy shift is obvious.

3 hours ago, James Good said:

Sexual energy is what propels men to greatness. It's what made men move mountains, build skyscrapers, and create incredible works of art. Men without sex drive are generally lacking in testosterone, and testosterone is the life blood of a man. It keeps you motivated, driven, energetic, and always hungry for more. Gaming + porn addicts are severely lacking T.

I was going out quite regularly and I can say that after a week without any regular interaction with women, my drive is quite great. I just want to do something in general. Anything.

3 hours ago, James Good said:

I think you've got two options:

  • Find a woman
  • Create

Considering the first option is unlikely given the current situation, I'd recommend funnelling all of that energy into something epic. It doesn't matter what. Just create something. Art, a business, anything.

In the past few days, I started funneling time into learning trading currencies on Forex and getting myself back on the dating apps/sites. I figured it is one of the few ways to meet new women and if not "meet" in person, then at least to set up for it once the quarantine is lifted and we'll be able to go out again normally.

That written, I remember you stating somewhere you were quite expert at creating good dating profiles. Would you kindly share your secrets in one of your upcoming videos regarding this topic? 😄

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4 hours ago, James Good said:

Da Vinci went days or weeks without creating any art, and then all of a sudden he'd retreat to his studio and create the freaking Mona Lisa.

That was my sister's art personality. My art personality is more of a "cutesy" doodle side except that I have done careful artwork in clean quality, which is nice. If time was constrained, I ended up making sketches upon sketches of random things. Again, my sister is more experienced at doing art stuff than I do, so there.

4 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

College has made me hate learning.

Well, actually, in my experience, college -in a more community setting than traditional - taught me not only how to be a better but responsible person with disabilities, but also it lets me explore new worlds "in person". I didn't go to the "big bad city" on my own all of my four years learning and I didn't study abroad at all. I went broke, yet bookish at the same time. I was a more local student than anyone would've guessed: me going up north near the border and back again two times with a group.

4 hours ago, James Good said:

I think you've got two options:

  • Find a woman
  • Create

The former option is kinda like more on a flipside (as in gender swap). Note to self: I want to find a man. But how? Mom said something inspirational like you have to pray or something. It's like causing a deep sleep to fall on me in some ways to meet the right one the next day or later. I don't think so, but that was how Mom met Dad. I was still a child at heart and just want relationships with people, especially guys. Mom said a few is plenty because I am autistic and according to the personality type quizzes I already took in both high school and college, most of my results from the past would tell me that I am introverted. What about the latter option? Create. That's an easier choice than expected, but for right now everything is on hold and I have no choice but to just read more, take more notes, watch the news, watch Wheel of Fortune, watch Jeopardy, do Duolingo (I am currently studying Norwegian and Spanish), and mindlessly scroll through social media on the phone to see where my family, friends, and family friends are up to.

Edited by Natalie
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The last couple of pages really confirmed me in my conviction that we need to care about ourselves like 10 times more (speaking for myself). Most addicts slip cause they stop valuing themselves, but everything can be turned around.

The issue is that you’ve got to be merciless to your wants to do that. I mean proper cruel towards your body’s wants that can drive down your self worth. So that even the thoughts to do something so foolish perish.

Discipline and balance and all that will come with your “cruel” nature- it sort of becomes interesting to do things completely unlike you.

Most often I cannot complete my work cause I am going way too fast. I need to sort of be okay doing things at a measured pace.

I hope all of this makes sense.

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We could all get on dating apps, message and Skype girls indefinitely. Man dating apps and in person approaching were always really hard for me. I feel like I might just be stuck being single unless I get set up with someone. My only idea for joining a group was anime club. I'm kind of tired of looking for churches too. So . . . if that doesn't net me a girlfriend after a time. I'll probably be on that single forever life or bite the bullet and try to dating app again.

How do you all feel about dating apps anyways?

I hear you have a lot of energy that comes and goes in waves. You want to do something as a hobby and you're self-exploring to figure out what might click for you. Whatever you do remember to try to do a little consistently and it'll add up. But until you find out what you feel like doing it's just a process of trying this and that I know. 

Life's a lot of trying new things. Then you pick some. Then it's kind of boring with the sudden lack of chaos. But then it's nice and consistent. 

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I didn't have time to reply to everyone's comments tonight. It was a busy day and night. I'll get to them tomorrow. 

Tonight I can't sleep. I started feeling exhausted around 930 and got ready for bed. Entered bed without looking at my phone. Wide awake now for over 2 hours. 

My lease ends in 3 weeks and I need to move at the height of COVID19 (late April). I could stay here for another month, but rent is increasing by $1000 per month starting April 15th. I gotta take my chances here. There are some very nice openings right now for cheaper rent and utilities included. I'd be stupid not to apply. 

If I can find a nice place for a year then I'll be able to finish my car loan before that lease ends and be able to buy a home with the savings I'll have. Who knows, maybe I'll enjoy the future apartment for over a year and continue saving. It's a shame I can't live here for 1 more year, but I'm eternally grateful for my opportunity to be here after the housing crisis I faced in November. 

I'm just looking for some stability and although I complain about loneliness, I just don't really want a roommate anymore. Being more social and having personal space is what I want. 

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22 hours ago, Natalie said:

I want to find a man. But how? Mom said something inspirational like you have to pray or something. It's like causing a deep sleep to fall on me in some ways to meet the right one the next day or later. I don't think so, but that was how Mom met Dad. I was still a child at heart and just want relationships with people, especially guys. Mom said a few is plenty because I am autistic and according to the personality type quizzes I already took in both high school and college, most of my results from the past would tell me that I am introverted.

I'm of the opinion that a woman I want to be with needs to be inspirational/have a talent, because I believe I am inspirational/have a talent. It's quite a feat figuring out for myself what do I find inspirational though. Some degree of physical beauty is obvious. Connecting through hobbies is also obvious. But it can be something completely different and leave me stunned for a while. I'm not sure how do you see it as a woman, but I wonder if this is applicable universally.

What I realized about dating is that there is always the right person for me, so the question is whether I am getting into the right places at the right time. It doesn't matter whether I am introverted, addicted, manic or whether I see the same 30 people every week or 300. I think the most important thing is to know what my options are and whether I am happy with them.

12 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

We could all get on dating apps, message and Skype girls indefinitely. Man dating apps and in person approaching were always really hard for me. I feel like I might just be stuck being single unless I get set up with someone. My only idea for joining a group was anime club. I'm kind of tired of looking for churches too. So . . . if that doesn't net me a girlfriend after a time. I'll probably be on that single forever life or bite the bullet and try to dating app again.

How do you all feel about dating apps anyways?

The webinar about social media I saw yesterday, even if it was for the big influencers (with thousands of followers), was interesting and applicable even for "normal people", so I took some notes. I believe dating apps are social media too. I currently operate on a few for a week and I got a few matches, but no conversations. I think I need to re-adjust, so any advice is welcome, at least until this quarantine thing is over, so I can go out normally. I think dating apps are going to become redundant for me after that point, simply because I think the more organic connections created that way are better.

I think of my profile as business cards I throw into a crowd of (single?) women. By that point, I do not worry about it anymore. I tried to make it look as good as I could and I got my profile out there. It beats having nothing at least and if nobody's interested, the chances are it's because my business card is shitty (so I have shitty marketing), rather than being a shitty person.

When creating my first profiles back in 2017, I literally had troubles finding enough photos with my face, let alone some of them that were at least remotely recent. Currently, all of my photos (10) are taken less than a year ago. I think all of them describe what I do/my identity as well, but I suspect they are all too "rational/factual" and don't pack too much "inspirational/emotional/story" punch. I'm more than happy to share them and discuss this via PM, if anyone's interested.

I also think that any dating app is as good as any, as long as you are not running out of people on it, though I agree the demographic will vary. There are specific categories of people, like anime fans, gamers or nature fans. I think there's even a dating app specifically for Christians.

The last thing I heard on the webinar yesterday was the difference between the "hunter" and the "fisher" on social media; I wonder if @James Good is familiar with this. "Hunters" actively contact people and try to initiate the conversation. "Fishers" sit there and have people contact them. The guy with thousands of followers on FB can still send a few requests, but mostly people want to contact him by that point.

Transposing this to dating apps, I think that is the reason why one study showed that 85% of men get hardly any swipes, whereas the 15% get almost all of them. So once a man is desired by women on dating apps, he is desired hard.

Having all this written down, I suppose it's time to get out and try to shoot a few photos of myself 😄

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18 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

How do you all feel about dating apps anyways?

Absolute waste of time for most of us, especially men. The competition on a dating app is so high (the ratio is something like 10 men for every woman and that's not even cutting out the women that, let's be honest, nobody wants to date) that you're unlikely to attract any attention unless you're unreasonably good looking. The majority of people on dating apps look at your first photo and decide whether or not they want to talk to you, they aren't reading your profile to see how talented, insightful, or charming you are. About once a year I fall victim to the pull of online dating and every single time it absolutely shreds my self-esteem despite being a reasonably attractive guy with an education and decent job. 

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I just got very lucky. My landlord and I spoke on the phone and I was offered the opportunity to stay here at the same rental cost for another 2 months to avoid both of our potential exposures to people infected. I'm feeling a great deal of relief now. I had researched about 30 apartments last night when I couldn't sleep and I'm just happy to stay at a manageable rental cost for an additional 2 months and the comfort of not having to move right now.

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