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Manhotelle's journal


Manhotelle

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My name is Roman and this is my path of becoming someone different. Someone who fulfils his goals and dreams. Someone who is happy with his life.

Didn't expect starting up journal would be that hard for me. This is my second day without gaming and any other activities that reminds me of that (youtube, twitch, twitter, specific sites (like hltv.org). I had tried breaking up with games in the past, but failed many times (4 months is the most i could endure). But with this site i finally understood what i've been doing wrong and i am sure i will successed this time.

My main goals for next 7 days:

1) Don't visit any game related sites and don't play

2) Make it to the 4th chapter of Respawn book

3) Do daily notes on this site

 

Good luck to anyone who stepped in this journey like me!

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Day 3:

I went ahead in my plans and read 6 chapters of the Respawn vook already! I guess i am more productive than i thought i would be? 

One thing bothers me however: since i've been playing cs go so much (more than 2000 hours), i watched pro scene a lot and i had a team i was a fan of - Na'Vi. I saw it fall throughout years and rise again recently and it saddens me that i miss their action when they finally in their prime. I think it is not right for me to go watch stream of their game or even see their results in games, because it would lessen the barrier between me and games. But it is still... Unsatisfying, because i was rooting for them for more then 3 years and i can't go and see their results. What do you think about? Should i allow myself to take a look on their results or should i give up on that idea? Was i rooting for a team, because i like playing the same game or because i liked the team? Is it really bad to be a fan of a team in a game you wish not to play?

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1 hour ago, Manhotelle said:

Day 3:

I went ahead in my plans and read 6 chapters of the Respawn vook already! I guess i am more productive than i thought i would be? 

One thing bothers me however: since i've been playing cs go so much (more than 2000 hours), i watched pro scene a lot and i had a team i was a fan of - Na'Vi. I saw it fall throughout years and rise again recently and it saddens me that i miss their action when they finally in their prime. I think it is not right for me to go watch stream of their game or even see their results in games, because it would lessen the barrier between me and games. But it is still... Unsatisfying, because i was rooting for them for more then 3 years and i can't go and see their results. What do you think about? Should i allow myself to take a look on their results or should i give up on that idea? Was i rooting for a team, because i like playing the same game or because i liked the team? Is it really bad to be a fan of a team in a game you wish not to play?

You started this journey because you want to become a better person and have the life you dream of. What are you willing to sacrifice in order to get there? Are you 100% committed to it?

It’s day 3 and I know it’s hard (I spent my first week of detox on the sofa watching tv) give yourself the time to be bored. You’ll start to explore your options, find things you like and you won’t regret it. Missing out on your addiction is the definition of quitting. Stick to your plan: no gaming content.

Wish you luck mate

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Day 4:

I made huge steps today!

In the morning i read the rest of Respawn guide book and i felt motivated a lot. I finally have the power to do things i want to do (atleast for now?)! But the most important thing that i got today - i ask myself questions (like "if i feel bored, what would i do to fix that?)! I did progress with things i have struggles to do before (like deal with anxiety and stress by meditation (i did it for just 5 minutes but it gave me relief and enough power to make things done right by the end of the day)) and it is really moving! I'm really excited to meet next day? 

P.S. i guess it was that " easy" day Cam was talking about in his book and i wouldn't be there with my 4-day detox streak without advice of fellow member of this forum - https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/profile/2359-info-gatherer/ "Info-gatherer". Big thanks to you for reaching out when i was in need of an advice! 

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Today i started Gamequitters's challenge. And my first challenge is to express my current feelings and tell there why it is important to movw on from games.

I feel scared a right now. Despite progress i achieved deep inside i still frightened it won't work. I was scaredy cat before i started playing games a lot and i am still. But i certain i will push through this feeling and prove to myself i can achieve everything i want. It it the reason i want to move on from games. I want to fulfill my own dreams and goals. I will be self-confident again.

I think others percieve me as lazy, weak-willed person and i don't want to be that men anymore. Enough. I will be the person people would like to rely upon, but i will need to give up on some traits of mine i've been holding too for so long. I will not give up too early anymore. I am changing my mindset to see posibilities and ways to solve my problems.

One of the other things 1st day challenge asks me to do is to find out how many days i have left according to life expectancy table (http://www.ssa.gov/oact/STATS/table4c6.html).  I have an estimated 21213 days left to live. It is quite powerful to see how many days you have left. You understand that you have a lot time left for you to achieve everything you've ever dreamt off, but there is something else i've learned from that. This task reminded me, that, despite an enourmous amount of time i have left, it is still countable. If i have a desire to make myself happy and proud, i am in charge of that and it is in my power to decide how do i spend my time. That is something noone will take away from me: power to choose who i want and will be. 

Great lesson to learn for today.

P.S. There was a bonus challenge to watch Simon Senek's video "How great leaders inspire to action". That concept was that simple, that it shocked me at first. I never thought that such simple idea may change view on marketing that much. I'm eager to try it out myself?

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Day 6:

Hard day for me. 

Today i had difficult conversarion with my parents about my addiction and what i will do next. That conversation caused a lot of stress and anxiety for the whole day, but i still did my challenge for today and i proud of myself for that accomplishment. I wouldn't do that a week ago, but now i managed to overcome myself to get closer to my dreams.

I had to highlight my 3 current goals:

1) To pass my exams in university, which i failed due to excessive gaming.

2) To quit my job (which i hate a lot. I had to go there, because i played a lot and i needed money to stop being burden to my parents) and start my freelance carrier as programmer.

3) To learn English even more to be able to live and work anywhere i want.

Goals set up in higher priority, so easier and more important ones will be dealt with earlier. Each accomplishment is going to boost my self-esteem and self-confidence, so it would be less difficult to proceed with the next goal.

Next step in today's challenge is to brainstorm ideas for projects to achieve my goals:

1) At first it seemed impossible to come up with anything that would make my learning process more enjoyable, more... fun. But then i had an idea! It was like a lightbulb was switched on suddenly. And my idea for project was quite simple as well: "What if i make quizzes and crossword puzzles for my subjects?". Not only it will help me prepare to exams in a fun way, it also creates me another motive to read textbook mindfully. 

2) In order to become a competent programmer, i need more experience. So i will make my own site, where i will put all of my accomplishments since i stop gaming. I plan updating site atleast once a week and i will do complete rework of it once every 3 month atleast.

3) This one is really hard. I can't think of anything special, so i will delay this one for awhile.

P.S. I think from now on i will put bonus challanges of the day into "P.S." section.

Today's mission is to make list of things i believe are impossible for me. Here they are:

1) To work anywhere i want (work through my notebook)

2) To know english well enough, so native speakers won't even think i am a foreigner

3) To skydive 

4) To surf on Hawaii

5) To pilot small airplane

6) To buy Tesla car

7) To make my own workshop

8 ) To create my own PC from scratch (idea is that i will create them myself, not buy complete parts)

9) To create an AI

10) Scetch really well

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Day 7: 

Today i started new book offered by challenge: "The Slight Edge" By Jeff Olson. I have just read 50 pages and i am intrigued what exactly he is talking about. Concept is simple: "Simple discipline in small, but important, thingls lead to a big result over time". Aside of that concept though i've read nothing relevant so far. I hope that will change soon.

This day went normal somehow. I just read my book, did my job and studied what i need. I have a lot of urges to watch streams or atleast watch some videos about games, but declining those urges... It was surprisingly easy. On to the next day!

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Day 7: 

It is hard to keep up with everything, when you forget setup your daily agenda. I noticed that i start to procrastinate a lot if i dont have a plan made for upcoming day.

Today i should have thought up my own morning routine or get one that Cam offered. I sticked with the latter. It happen that his example is comfortable for me a lot. Tomorrow i will execute it and make sure to post my feelings here!

P.S. i finally caught up with my "daily" postings. Sometimes it is hard to make honest diary-like notes here after 12 hours work day, especially in different language :) 

Couldn't do bonus mission this time, unfortunately. I working here almost without internet (to load this page for example i need to wait about a minute), so any type of audio download is out of the question. I added page to the "Favourites" though, so i'll catch up with it as soon as i get back home (3 weeks left, ouph). Till the next day!

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Last two days i was unable to do my challenges. 5th day challenge requires a computer, which i simply don't have here. 6th challenge asks me to try to get 10% discount, but i don't have access to any kind of market. There are just none of them.

Days are looking good now. Yesterday i tried out my morning routine and it helped me greatly! I was so energetic the whole day, did a lot of useful things at work and never spent a second procrastinating. Today i did routine as well and i'm curious how it will unfold this time.

 

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Great job with your progress so far.  I think I give this advice to most people and I hear it from most people in return.  Don't be so hard on yourself to get these challenges completed.  Sort out which ones are most realistic and important.  Centralize your goals at first.  Some of these seem very vast and some seem unrelated.  Don't forget that your mind is going to be exhausted because you're constantly trying new things, analyzing your past and current behaviors and mindsets.  Give your mind some time to rest.  Cam has a great video of hobbies to try to relax that can give you some mental space to heal.

Don't forget to schedule time for yourself to rest and heal.  A car can only go so far on half a tank of gas.  Keep up the great work and I look forward to seeing future updates.

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On 7/27/2018 at 6:18 AM, Matt S said:

Great job with your progress so far.  I think I give this advice to most people and I hear it from most people in return.  Don't be so hard on yourself to get these challenges completed.  Sort out which ones are most realistic and important.  Centralize your goals at first.  Some of these seem very vast and some seem unrelated.  Don't forget that your mind is going to be exhausted because you're constantly trying new things, analyzing your past and current behaviors and mindsets.  Give your mind some time to rest.  Cam has a great video of hobbies to try to relax that can give you some mental space to heal.

Don't forget to schedule time for yourself to rest and heal.  A car can only go so far on half a tank of gas.  Keep up the great work and I look forward to seeing future updates.

I appreciate your advice from the bottom of my heart. Perhaps, i took this "challenge everyday" plan too seriously, because i wanted to mininize my chance of relapse. I'll just skip them for later. 

Day 10:

Day 10 is here finally! Today i decided i will share my day plan here instead of leaving it in my blocknote.

I noticed yesterday that i tend to avoid doing my preparation for exam. I feel i being scared a lot, probably because i used to skip my exams to play more games and it is some form of habit, i don't know. Today's challenge is also an impossible one for me. There only 15 people working with me and no one else in 10 km around:) That's just specific of my work here.

Alright, time to share my plan! Here it is : 

1. To prepare to 5 topics for exam

2. To read 10 or more pages of "Slight Edge" 

3. To translate 1 page of aforementioned book into Russian (that is my English project i was looking for)

4. To make some exercise (usually 10 or more pull-ups split into 3 stages and 30 or more crunches split into same stages)

Bonus goals:

1. Complete 1-3 english task from my textbook and learn atleast 10 new words

2. Complete 1-3 task in programming my friend sent me.

 

P.S.  i would like to share how much helpful those morning routines were. I haven't done many of them (just 3 to be precise), but the effect is immense already: i stopped thinking that much about counter strike, my mood got better overall, i sleep better even though i sleep 30 minutes less because of that routine! It is simply incredible!

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I gave up and watched gaming news for an hour. I got sick yesterday and layed on a bed half of the day reading the book (60 pages in one day, yay). I got bored and gave up to temptation. Funny thing is that i am not sad. I knew why it happened (my colleagues are playing games a lot on workplace, so i cant isolate myself from gaming totally) and i didn't play games, even though my colleagues have cs:go installed on their PCs. I said myself no to gaming, because they don't help me follow my dreams. I think i need to change my strategy a bit: before, when i felt bored and tempted to play games i walked away for 10 minutes or so (workout is not an option, i do mine 10:00 am every morning now ( i managed to do that yesterday, no break there :) )), but yesterday i could barely move with fever so i read a lot, it was fun. But it didn't lessen my boredom, just hid for sometime. I think i should have done my mental engaging activity in that moment, my bad there. 

Day 1

What is it that changed with last 10 days of my detox? Well, practically everything. I changed the way i lived everyday and changed a bit my philosophy to fight not someday, but today and every day. I fight for my future with those small steps i do. 

So what have i completed from yesterday's plan? Let's see:

1. Nope, still escaped this one. I have an idea though, but later about it.

2. Well, success there, big one even (6 times bigger than my initial goal). It is good thing and bad at the same time. Good thing is that i read a great book. Bad is that i used it to escape from my completing my goals (i was sick, that's true, but i still could have read something for my study atleast). Now i know reading books became my comfort zone again! That's great!

3. I had no access to computer and i don't do translations on a paper on purpose (i have a new friend, a girl, who's willing to redact my translations! But i don't want her to waste time on my paper mess ( my writing is straight awful)), but i could translate it on a phone. It's unfortunate i haven't thought about it yesterday. I gave up too easily still, that's an issue to work on.

4. Success there too. I did them before i felt bad.

Bonus missions were skipped.

Today's plan is the same, except first topic: 

1. Read 5 pages of textbook.

I will start small to break that fear of "doing things you couldn't do as you wish in 3 years".

Rest of the plan stays the same, bonus missions included.

Workout might be skipped due to illness, but i will think about it.

Let's go.

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3 hours ago, Matt S said:

Hope you feel better.  Don't be hard on yourself while you're healing.  Keep your journey at the forefront and keep doing your thing.

Thank you, Matt! I am glad i have a possibility to hear from like-minded people here. 

Day 3

I felt a lot better, still sick though.

My mourning routine is ruined right now, i barely had time to sleep well, so i decided to skip it for a few more days until i would be able to get up earlier.

3 goals i did complete: i read 10 pages of the book, translated 1 page and did my workout (even got some progress there). 

I promised myself on day 2 i will find time to complete those goals and i did, even though i read the book right before bed. On day 4 i will complete 4 goals this time.

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5 hours ago, Cam Adair said:

What book are you reading?

I read "Slight Edge" right now. I find it amazing in every aspect. It affected me so much, i set a goal to translate it to my native language (Russian that is) applying those principles i use everyday now. I want my best friend, who doesn't know English at all, read it one day. 

P.S. For some reason nobody translated it to Russian yet.

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Nice going so far. Don't feel too bad about semi-relapsing while sick. It's the hardest part of detoxing ?

And cool, I'm Russian too ?

For freelancing, your English is good enough already. Check out the website called Upwork and freelancetowin.com for advice on how to succeed there. I'm not affiliated with either, but I've been successfully freelancing using those two resources for 2 years now. Freelancetowin has a paid (very expensive) course, but he also has a ton of free content and it's more than enough to get you started.

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2 hours ago, karabas said:

Nice going so far. Don't feel too bad about semi-relapsing while sick. It's the hardest part of detoxing ?

And cool, I'm Russian too ?

For freelancing, your English is good enough already. Check out the website called Upwork and freelancetowin.com for advice on how to succeed there. I'm not affiliated with either, but I've been successfully freelancing using those two resources for 2 years now. Freelancetowin has a paid (very expensive) course, but he also has a ton of free content and it's more than enough to get you started.

Thank you an awesome advice! I will add this to my plan after my exams!

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Day 4

Quick summary of day 3:

3.5/4 main goals achieved (finally did my exam prep! Only half of the page's translation is done)

Bonus missions are untouched yet.

I did some self-analysis and that's what i noticed:

1) Days i spent without meditation are tend to pose more stress.

2) Success i had in previous days created a desire to have more success. Success leads to even more success i suppose.

3) Self-reflection seems helpful right now. But i think of it more as of a double-edged sword. On a bad day it may be quite harmful leading to repetition of bad things happen throughout the day instead of learning from them

Plan is not changing:

1. To read 5 pages of study

2. To do workout

3. To translate 1 page of the book

4. To read 10 pages of slight edge

Bonus missions will be different and their number will temporary decrease to 1 task:

1. Read 2 topics on freelancetowin.com

P.S. another day without meditation combined with sleep deprivation. Let's see how it goes today.

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5 hours ago, Manhotelle said:

P.S. another day without meditation combined with sleep deprivation. Let's see how it goes today.

Good luck! I've found that sleep deprivation is the #1 enemy of the detox overall. I always get more cravings when I'm tired and I have less willpower to resist them. I'd recommend planning to avoid nights of little sleep as much as you can. Obviously, it's unavoidable sometimes. But overall, sacrificing a bit in terms of money/grades/whatever is often worth going to sleep on time. That's from my experience, obviously. Yours may be different ?

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Day 5

Results are ... a bit intriguing. 

Nothing excellent today. Sleep deprivation kicked in right from the start and i didn't do much in my plan. Fun part is that i didn't have cravings for gaming that day, not even a single thought about them. Instead i had a lot urges to eat unhealthy food, those godlike patties we have here (our cook was baker before (i apologize, i should capitalise all letters:she was BAKER. Her baking is on a whole another level). And i ate them a lot this day? 

As for yesterday's plan, i read a lot on freelancetowin.com (10 arcticles) and did my physical exercise. Not much, but not bad either.

My biggest disvovery yesterday is that activity i was craving the most was volleyball! I was playing it in school days for about a year and had a total blast, before i got injured. When i was doing my physical exercise, i realised i was craving to hit the toss again that hard, that i even did some runups and jumps training to have some fun. I wish we have recreational volleyball league here.

Hope i won't gave up to patties ever again...

?

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