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JustTom

JustTom's Journal 2: Summer Edition

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I'm a little sad. You worked so hard to keep this record.

But of course, if you restart a detox and commit to it, a little holiday gaming is not gonna be a problem.

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I uhh, I just can't break out. I have january free and had big plans, wrote out a post for a new journal while on the plane, but as I got home, to a room where I could shut myself off and game, I did just that. I still have the post saved. Every day I'm telling myself I will start fresh tomorrow, but I never do. It's been almost 3 weeks now that I'm gaming. The first two didn't really matter, but now it's starting to hurt my opportunities. I really don't want to spend the only month that I have the opportunity to do what I always wanted to do, be spent on trying to stop gaming. 

I can't commit to it or take any actions. Well, I've taken one - uninstalled the game now(magic the gathering arena, if anyone's interested). But my room is a mess, I haven't started doing the research I was supposed to, I didn't get my gym membership, I didn't go out for a week, except to get groceries. 

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1 hour ago, JustTom said:

I uhh, I just can't break out.

 

1 hour ago, JustTom said:

I can't commit to it or take any actions. 

What is stopping you? 

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10 minutes ago, fawn_xoxo said:

 

What is stopping you? 

Just lethargy and apathy. I just couldn't get out of it.. for a week. It's like a wall in my brain that I'm going against. 

EDIT: Posting here is actually an action towards progress as well, so that's two already!

Edited by JustTom

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I just checked the /r/stopgaming subreddit today and saw my badge - it said 90 days. It would have been 90 days today. Right now I can't even imagine how epic my life would have been had I not fallen into depression and consequently gaming right before the december exams. 

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Hey man,

I think everyone understands you here. You simply dont want to face the problems, or start with your tasks, because you know it is "hard". But isnt it even harder to keep playing and saying everyday "this is the last day of playing"? Stop the "tomorrow i will start". I know, you relapsed and its easier to staying in the relapse than being on track again. I mean, you probably think "3 weeks gaming, one more day is ok" or maybe even not. 

But you are here, you want to start again, so just start man. Ok you cant imagine how good your life would be if you stood clean for 90days. But I can promise you one thing: in those next 90 days you will either say "damn i still dont know how good my life would have been" or "hell yea I made it and it feels good". So dont look back, you maybe lost this detox but this doesnt mean you lost the whole intention to stop gaming and starting to be productive. 

Go ahead open the new journal - start again. And ill look forward to your daily journal entrys. You can do it man!

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@Samon Thanks I really appreciate that. I took another step in recovery and cleaned up my room. Going to bed super late, but instead of gaming I watched a TV show, so that's an improvement I guess. 

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Ok, so I can't for the life of me break out. Therefore, I'm setting myself a limit. I know very well moderation doesn't work. But what doesn't work even more is literally gaming nonstop. This will also let me post on this forum frequently since there is at least something I'm accomplishing, which will hopefully improve things.

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Sorry I'm a bit late this time around, man.

Don't sweat it too much. In the long-term, you might want to think about how to do holidays different to avoid this in the future.

But in the short-term, focus on small steps to getting out of the situation.

It might actually be for the best. My relapse in August was BAD, I was staying up ridiculously late gaming or watching videos or whatever, but it made me so sick of myself that it finally gave me the push to quit gaming. That was the last time I gamed (150+ days now). So sometimes you need to witness yourself at a low point and really get inspired to never be that way again. I know you've gone through this before, but you never know when your relapse will trigger your best resurgence to date.

So there's always light at the end of the tunnel and you'll get through this phase like you did through all the previous ones. You got this!

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