JustTom's Journal 2: Summer Edition

[JustTom 538]

Previous Journal: https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/6141-justtoms-journal/

I don't know what to write as an introduction to this journal, so I'll just dump some of my notes:

Here's the core todo:

1. Quitting Video Games
    - Gradual Staged Detox
    - Including video and text content

2. Establishing a Sleep Routine
    - Going to bed even if not tired
    - Not guilting myself for oversleeping
    - Evening Routine
    - Always have a fallback plan for oversleeping

3. Work Hard
    - 8h/day = 56 hours per week
    - Dedicated Work Place

5. Eat Healthy and Exercise
    - The gym 3x/week
    - Intermittent Fasting every day except the night game days

Number 4 is a "Play Hard" section, buuuuut I'll keep this one private for now ha! Number 5 is easy, I don't really have to focus on that. Number 3 will come automatically if I succeed at number 1 and number 2. 

So.. if I feel like gaming, I will fiddle around with music instead. I'll be home for two months now, so I have instruments and the desktop PC to make music on. 

Progress Check #1: 14.7.2018
Progress Check #2: 21.7.2018
Progress Check #3: 15.8.2018

At each of these progress checks, I will evaluate my growth rate and look at myself to see if I'm on the right path or not. If not, I will take a 7-day retreat in the nearest forest or a mountain. I mean a serious meditation retreat, just literally doing nothing, no internet connection. I will take some books and just camp. It's more of a "something needs to fucking change yo" rather than a punishment. 

I would also like to have a reward at each progress check, if I conclude I'm doing good, but I can't think of anything, to be honest. 

The main things to always cling to are getting out of the house to work and going to sleep at a normal time. And not engaging with the gaming community, of course. Not watching content might be tough, but as I said, whenever I feel like watching some gaming video, I will search for some how-to on music. Gradual detox means I will do a series of very short detox periods, that are quite "easy", working my way up to not gaming in longer and longer periods. The same way as when I'm really procrastinating hard, it is effective to start doing very short 2-5 minute pomodoros and work my way up to full 25 or 27-minute pomodoros.  I have some more specifics on the other points written down, but that's the gist.

Let's go.

Edited July 7, 2018 by JustTom

[JustTom 538]

Day 1/3 

Starting with a 3-day detox. I can do 3 days, right? Who cannot do 3 days of not playing or watching games? I mean come on. Of course there is much more to it tan just gaming, but that's the hard condition. Yesterday was good, mostly traveling and drinking in the evening as I met with friends after half a year. Today will be the first "challenge".  

Edited July 7, 2018 by JustTom

[JustTom 538]

Day 2/3 

Woke up late after night's drinking, as was expected, then hung out with mom, went to the gym and slept essentially the rest of the day. Strange though, maybe it's because I didn't drink any coffee or just the sudden change in temperature - it's much much hotter in this city. Oh well, as long as I crush it the next day, it's fine:)

[Cam Adair 4,987]

Think it's hot everywhere right now. 

<---- currently trying to survive the heat in California. ?

[JustTom 538]

Day 3/3 

Alright, the first mini-detox completed! ? Spent the day playing guitar and watching stuff.. as is always the case, I was unproductive at home. Tomorrow I have a dedicated workplace to go to, so that should change things around. I also have this little excuse I tell myself - I still haven't gotten my business bank account details so I can only buy stuff privately. 

2 hours ago, Cam Adair said:

Think it's hot everywhere right now. 

<---- currently trying to survive the heat in California. ?

In the past week, the maximum temperature in Amsterdam was like 26°, what a bliss!

[Cam Adair 4,987]

???Omw to A'dam

[karabas 382]

Nice, I like small goals ? 

It's 37 where I am, but it's not even the worst of it so I'm OK ?

What's the plan after the 3-day detox?

[JustTom 538]

Day 0/90

The gradual detox was a mistake, apparently. After completing the first 3 days, I got stuck gaming a lot. Shame, I thought it might work just like I can work my way up with the pomodoro technique gradually increasing the time. So I'm committing to the standard again, but I acknowledge that I can't stop watching vids just yet. This is not an excuse or anything, it's just a fact. 

Going to work at a friend's place now and dad is coming on monday so hopefuly I'll be able to get myself together. If not, it's camping in the mountains for a week.

 

Edited July 14, 2018 by JustTom

[karabas 382]

On 7/13/2018 at 2:21 AM, JustTom said:

Day 0/90

The gradual detox was a mistake, apparently. After completing the first 3 days, I got stuck gaming a lot. Shame, I thought it might work just like I can work my way up with the pomodoro technique gradually increasing the time. So I'm committing to the standard again, but I acknowledge that I can't stop watching vids just yet. This is not an excuse or anything, it's just a fact. 

Going to work at a friend's place now and dad is coming on monday so hopefuly I'll be able to get myself together. If not, it's camping in the mountains for a week.

 

:( Read your deleted post too. It can definitely feel like that sometimes.

This is a bit radical, but: do you really need your computer?

If you can get everything you need done at the university/town library or something like that, maybe the radical step of getting rid of your computer would do you good for a year or two.

I work online and need the computer, unfortunately. That's why part of my career goal is to eventually make enough money so that I could work only a couple of days in a week and then hide the computer somewhere for the rest of it. Even if it means less income total, I'd rather live middle-class without this addiction than be rich but addicted.

Anyway, if you're able to ditch your computer, why not? I did that semi-successfully during my last year of university by leaving it at my parents' place and using the library to do all my studying and assignments.

The problem for me after I did that was videos and phone games, but I think phone games are pretty easy to quit (they're never THAT good). Videos is a different story... but you could take it one step further and get rid of wifi as well. There's plenty available to the public and if you're cutting yourself off from people anyway, what's the point in having wifi? :D

Not joking about this though. If you can do it, you might want to consider it.

[JustTom 538]

Hey that's not a bad idea, @karabas, never thought about it. During this week it's probably not possible because I'll be staying at my dad's place, but after that yeah. I absolutely 100% need my laptop/PC for work and studying, but I can always leave my laptop at whatever my workplace currently is. Even at my uni I can take a locker to store my stuff in. I can't get rid of wifi in Amsterdam because I got flatmates, but abusing my phone was never a problem and even if it was, I'm sure I can figure out some solution. Thanks!

My problem is when I'm alone in a room with internet. Once I get to a place with people, I am a different person, so this might very well work.

Too bad you read that post. Alcohol is a bitch and I felt like complaining haha.

Edited July 14, 2018 by JustTom

[JustTom 538]

Day 1/90

The day went really good. Didn't do much work, but I felt much more conscious. Will go to the friend's place to work tomorrow again. Today was supposed to be the first checkpoint and if I were to evaluate myself, I would give it a resolute FAIL. Buuuuuut, I think RIGHT NOW I'm heading in the right direction, so I'll give it a few days. Yesterday, I finished the xcom 2 campaign (again), so that's done + I haven't played Starcraft for over a week and that's the type of game where if you don't play for a while, you really fall out of it and don't feel like getting into it again, or at least, it's not automatic as with other games. Anyways, I have hopes. I won't say high hopes, but hopes nevertheless. 

[karabas 382]

6 hours ago, JustTom said:

Hey that's not a bad idea, @karabas, never thought about it. During this week it's probably not possible because I'll be staying at my dad's place, but after that yeah. I absolutely 100% need my laptop/PC for work and studying, but I can always leave my laptop at whatever my workplace currently is. Even at my uni I can take a locker to store my stuff in. I can't get rid of wifi in Amsterdam because I got flatmates, but abusing my phone was never a problem and even if it was, I'm sure I can figure out some solution. Thanks!

My problem is when I'm alone in a room with internet. Once I get to a place with people, I am a different person, so this might very well work.

Too bad you read that post. Alcohol is a bitch and I felt like complaining haha.

Nice, glad that it's helpful. Yeah, if you can use it at work and then not have to deal with having it at home when you're alone, that could significantly reduce the amount of time you waste on it.

3 hours ago, JustTom said:

Day 1/90

The day went really good. Didn't do much work, but I felt much more conscious. Will go to the friend's place to work tomorrow again. Today was supposed to be the first checkpoint and if I were to evaluate myself, I would give it a resolute FAIL. Buuuuuut, I think RIGHT NOW I'm heading in the right direction, so I'll give it a few days. Yesterday, I finished the xcom 2 campaign (again), so that's done + I haven't played Starcraft for over a week and that's the type of game where if you don't play for a while, you really fall out of it and don't feel like getting into it again, or at least, it's not automatic as with other games. Anyways, I have hopes. I won't say high hopes, but hopes nevertheless. 

Slow steps, man, slow steps. That's what you gotta do. It also does seem like your relapses are generally growing shorter since you started journalling here, no? If so, that's a win in and of itself.

[JustTom 538]

Day 2/90

Feeling better and better. Woke up extreeeemely late, but after that, I went straight to the gym and then to my friend's place to do some work. Slow start but I'm getting into it. My will to "CRUSH IT" is coming back. I don't really feel like gaming right now. I know the cravings will come back, but for now, I'm quite happy. Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment so it's guaranteed I will wake up early and have a full day to hustle. Looking forward to it. 

[karabas 382]

Awesome! Here's to a successful 90 day detox!

[JustTom 538]

Day 3/90

Alright we're back bois. I spent the day at the doctor, working out and then talking a lot with my dad about business. He's a very smart man and has great experience in both business and politics, although he doesn't know the cutting edge modern e-commerce models and such. He still thinks I'm making a mistake, but is willing to give me advice and support, which is awesome. The talk gave me the good old mix of motivation and fear. Though now, I REALLY REALLY want to make it work. I am risking a lot, but what I can gain is unbelievable. For some time, it used to be my life directive that whenever I feel fear or resistance towards something, I should just go do it. You could say ahh, how can you succeed at business if you still struggle with pathetic shit like gaming or sleep schedule, but fuck it. If I lose money, I lose money. If I lose time and other job opportunities, it is what it is. I believe I will find a path in life, as long as I remain a good person and strive for my goals. I will do absolutely everything in my power to make the business work and generate passive income. I fear many things, but that just means I should go for it. It's massively uncomfortable and it's going to suck really hard at times, but I will not give up.

Let's go. 

Edited July 17, 2018 by JustTom

[JaniP 59]

On 7/14/2018 at 6:02 PM, karabas said:

 

This is a bit radical, but: do you really need your computer?

If you can get everything you need done at the university/town library or something like that, maybe the radical step of getting rid of your computer would do you good for a year or two.

 

^

I wonder why I never suggested it here o.O

Did you try it yet? It's been working for me atleast.

Nice to see that you started a new journal! You seem to be putting a lot of effort into quitting - it will pay off, surely.

Also, how long have you been playing guitar? ?

Edited July 17, 2018 by JaniP
typos

[JustTom 538]

Day 4/90

Forgot to post in the evening. Things are going alright, but needs a lot more gas that's for sure. Either way, no cravings for gaming. I did watch the GSL, but honestly, I fall asleep every time, it's not very entertaining. Maybe I won't even watch it next week. 

Also, I'm going to sleep around midnight and getting up around 8, which is pretty incredible just on its own. 

20 hours ago, JaniP said:

Also, how long have you been playing guitar? ?

I started about 6-8 years ago, but I don't play regularly anymore because I don't take the guitar with me to the city where I study. If I ever "settle down", I will definitely get back to music, especially composing and producing. 

Edited July 18, 2018 by JustTom

[JustTom 538]

Day 5/90

Work on the business is progressing, although I'm still stuck on research about legal things. It's twice as complicated because I'm not from the US, and even more so because I'm from a very bureaucratic EU country that is not exactly friendly towards small businesses. Oh well, gotta plow through. There will be much more bullshit to come, I have barely scratched the surface of said bullshit!

No cravings, looking good. Fell asleep watching the GSL around noon again. Really not worth it haha

[giblets 624]

Good to see you sticking with it mate ?

[JustTom 538]

Day 6/90

Woke up late and procrastinated. Didn't have an 'office' environment setup. I have a really hard time getting out of my comfort zone if I have nowhere else to go but stay home, there is nothing forcing me. Tomorrow I'm going on a trip so I will update at the end of sunday or even monday. 

Currently not gaming with ease. Hope it persists. 

Edited July 20, 2018 by JustTom

[JustTom 538]

Day 7/90

Had an awesome hiking trip with a close group of friends, nothing much to talk about other than the detox going great. 

Day 8/90

Quite a productive day because I went to my working place in the morning so I could focus very well. Still, haven't progressed beyond the legal/tax stuff, but that's because I will most likely be changing some things. Either way, I feel motivated and committed. I think I'm doing a good decision with the new change, makes it safer and possibly even more profitable. Although it will take some time before the thing generates profit. It will even take a few months before the first product, but hey, I'll get there. 

Can't workout nowadays because of a weird arm injury. Not quite sure what's happening and the doctor didn't know shit(as is the custom in my home country), so I'll call some more doctors tomorrow, see if they know how to treat it. 

[JustTom 538]

My friend is changing careers and wanted to hear a new perspective, so we had a long-ish skype call and I talked a little bit about reasoning from first principles, which I stole from Elon Musk and how it can be applied to life and career choice as well by first defining the core values of your life, then building upon them what you want to do in life that aligns with those values and finally what methods to use, what professions to take in order to realize that. So as a nice evening mental exercise, I will list my core values in life:

• Excellence
  • I really value striving to become the strongest version of myself. I see the unbelievable capacity of the human brain and body and it always seemed right to me to try to develop that as much as possible. Therefore, I try to take every decision in my life such that it pushes me into becoming my greatest self in the long-term, even if I sacrifice short-term results or take risks. 
• Creativity
  • I have immense creative potential, although very unconstrained and untrained in most areas. It is, therefore, my value to project this into the world for no other purpose than to materialize the creative ideas.
• Health
  • Self-explanatory, but I don't shy away from things that other people label as 'unnatural', such as supplements or even treatments/operations that preserve health (some of them sci-fi)
• Freedom
  • I don't consider myself shackled to a particular location, country, ideology, methodology or anything really. I value being free to move from 1 thing to the other, borderless mindset.
• Contribution
  • It's not just pure excellence and creativity. If no-one saw my art, or if I was excellent and creative in something that I did not believe brought value to other people, I would feel very incongruent with myself. 

I might add some more later, this is just off the top of my head. Surprisingly to some people perhaps, family and money are not my values. Money is really just a tool, a resource to be acquired in order to better exercise the other values and I'm not family oriented probably because of how I was raised. My family was never really super community oriented or close, plus I had no siblings, which I think is a big deal. Spirituality I feel like I SHOULD have as a value, but right now I'm just not in the place and time of my life. I am sure I will get into it within the next 4 years for sure.

Edited July 22, 2018 by JustTom

[JustTom 538]

Day 9/90

Yesterday's update - because of logistics I didn't go to the working place so I didn't get much done, talked with family for a long time, perhaps too long. Oh well, don't feel like gaming at least.

[JustTom 538]

Day 10/90 | Productive Hours: 10

Had a good environment around me today, so I got a lot of things done. The business will most likely be postponed quite a bit though. Unfortunate, but it's outside of my control. Which means I will just prepare all the things around it that I can, so that it's easier in autumn/winter. If it is indeed postponed, I will use the summer holidays to travel a bit(already have 1 trip planned), socialize more and program 8h/day to prepare for the next semester and just learn.

[JustTom 538]

Day 11/90 | Work Hours: 4 | Focus: 25%

Woke up late and didn't have a good environment so I wasn't productive at all. I'm super dependent on external circumstances, not good but what can I do. The 4 productive hours are also just very light financial education. I have a to-do list full of things, I just don't feel like getting to them because none of them have a deadline and everything is just so arbitrary right now because of the business offset. I can't work on anything directly. Feels bad. But it's fine, I feel fairly motivated and determined to get up tomorrow, shop for some groceries, get back, DESTROY that to-do list in ~8 hours and then go to a concert in the evening for some nice socializing. 

Note for my communication with people in the future: My entire life I've been really careful to not be a hypocrite. I know a lot of stuff that I don't exercise at all, so I'm not only very shy to talk about them, but I also always make (overly) sure that the other person understands that I am aware that I haven't achieved much in life and that I'm also struggling a lot, despite preaching all this. From now on, I will stop doing that, or just imply very subtly. I feel like this has been partially hindering me from growing. I think of myself as a person that struggles a lot, even though my values are super try-hard. I think if I change the way I talk to myself, I will be able to change my inner identity faster. If people call me out, then I will explain to them that I understand. If people don't call me out but just think I'm bullshitting, that's fine - I will eventually prove them otherwise. 

Another way to look at it is that I'm stuck in a comfort zone of struggling. The struggle and failure to achieve is my comfort zone. That's what I'm used to psychologically. Therefore, I really need to get back to basics and apply the good old rules of "get out of your comfort zone" and "starting is the hardest part". That's all it boils down to. Just changing my state. When I'm stuck in my head watching videos, change my state(I know how to do this, in theory). When I wake up in the morning feeling all tired and cozy, just wanting to get back to sleep, change the state. When I'm flipping tabs, trying to anxiously find something else to do other than my to-do list entries, change the state!

Edited July 26, 2018 by JustTom