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JustTom

JustTom's Journal 2: Summer Edition

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Full Detox Day 47/90 | Got up: No | Pomodoros: a bunch

Ok. I'm not doing good. I couldn't get up and since I had my laptop at home, I didn't even go to the university - I just kept watching youtube, southpark, standup comedy, reading reddit, horrible. Instead of preparing for an interview tomorrow. I slept until 19 or so, so I'm going to stay up long, I still have 5 hours to study, but it's pretty bad already. Yesterday I even watched gaming videos for about 2 hours, although I wasn't watching because of the games, but rather because of the person, plus the game wasn't one that I used to play so, meh it's fine. The massive procrastination at home is the problem. By doing this, I have reduced my chances of succeeding at the interview tomorrow. 

I'm not resetting the detox counter despite watching gaming content for 2+ hours, I'm forgiving myself for this one, because it didn't escalate and I keep fighting. My gaming addiction runs deep, but I will beat it. 

******************************************************************

22 hours ago, fawn_xoxo said:

Why not both/all? Don't make the mistake of only focusing on what you're doing wrong, come on, you should be at least seeing it from all angles, not just the time wasted! It sounds like a slippery slope right into shaping a cognitive distortion for yourself! (Google it and you'll see what I mean)

I didn't think of that hm. I'll try it eventually. Because really, not wasting time is what matters the most. Choosing which productive activity to do is secondary and I think I'm pretty good at that anyways.

12 hours ago, Silverlining said:

Or may make a table to record time spent on each category 😃 You can even make a line chart when you have enough data

Oh no, that's way too much effort just for stats 😄 I am using the RescueTime multi-platform app to measure activity, but of course, that's only on my PC and phone, so it doesn't include commuting, sleeping, working out, cooking, eating, socializing etc. I really need to think of a way to automate this process.

 

Edited by JustTom

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16 hours ago, JustTom said:

 

Oh no, that's way too much effort just for stats 😄 I am using the RescueTime multi-platform app to measure activity, but of course, that's only on my PC and phone, so it doesn't include commuting, sleeping, working out, cooking, eating, socializing etc. I really need to think of a way to automate this process.

 

Well, I'm doing it myself. It takes me a few minutes every Saturday night. I don't record everything though, just the "important" parts like studying and working out, and very time-consuming parts like socializing or watching a movie. And I enjoy working with Excel worksheets but that's probably just me 😆

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Full Detox Day 48/90 | Got up: No | Pomodoros: 20

Getting better. Didn't get up on my own, but didn't oversleep either, since I had an interview in the morning - it went surprisingly well. After that, I hustled at the uni. With little results, but I put in the time and effort at least. I'm getting overwhelmed by deadlines because of the interviews, assignments, exams and the moving next week, quite frustrating. That of course means there's no time for gym and I'm also eating like a maniac. In the last 3 days I've eaten so much that I set my fat loss back another 3 weeks I'm sure. 

I am going to sleep relatively early, tired and after a productive day so maybe tomorrow I'll successfully get up? Let's see. The priority is to get my evening/morning routine back in order. 

Edited by JustTom
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Full Detox Day 49/90 | Got up: No | Pomodoros: 12 + social

Overslept again so I didn't have enough time to work before the evening, but other than that it was a great day - used my waking time as best as I could have. Tomorrow I have a full day for productivity, so I might be able to make up for some lost p's today.

Edited by JustTom
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What was your best detox streak? You're approaching it soon, right? Sounds like you've figured out some things and it's helping you keep going. Particularly impressed with how you didn't relapse after that day of watching vids. That's usually the start of the downfall for me 🙂

Keep it up man! I haven't replied in a while, but I get your post updates in my email, so I'm following along 🙂

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Full Detox Day 50/90 | Got up: No | Pomodoros: 15

"morning" update: overslept again, another half day wasted. It's getting really bad at this point. My self-efficacy is decreasing and I'm not getting enough work done. Given that this period of time is so intensive and critical, it is going to have consequences. Very bad ones. 

On 12/1/2018 at 8:33 PM, karabas said:

What was your best detox streak? You're approaching it soon, right? Sounds like you've figured out some things and it's helping you keep going. Particularly impressed with how you didn't relapse after that day of watching vids. That's usually the start of the downfall for me 🙂

Keep it up man! I haven't replied in a while, but I get your post updates in my email, so I'm following along 🙂

60 is my top score 😄 I'm in a bit of a down-turn right now, but that's okay. I bounced back from watching gaming vids that one time really quickly. It's really the person who sucked me into it - I've been watching him since I was 15 and he influenced my personality sooo so much - probably more than my parents themselves haha. In a good way, he's a wonderful person(not your standard gamer type). But as I kept watching, after 2 hours or so, I googled the game, saw it's free to play and then I realized what I'm doing. I realized that I'm just 2 steps away from relapsing, so I snapped back and stopped. Definitely a sign of strength, but also a reminder that I can't be messing around and keep being focused. 

Thanks for the support!

Edited by JustTom
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18 hours ago, JustTom said:

60 is my top score 😄 I'm in a bit of a down-turn right now, but that's okay. I bounced back from watching gaming vids that one time really quickly. It's really the person who sucked me into it - I've been watching him since I was 15 and he influenced my personality sooo so much - probably more than my parents themselves haha. In a good way, he's a wonderful person(not your standard gamer type). But as I kept watching, after 2 hours or so, I googled the game, saw it's free to play and then I realized what I'm doing. I realized that I'm just 2 steps away from relapsing, so I snapped back and stopped. Definitely a sign of strength, but also a reminder that I can't be messing around and keep being focused. 

Thanks for the support!

Ok, so you're nearing 60. You got this, man 🙂

The fact that you stopped when you realized what you were doing is an awesome sign, but best to learn the lesson from it as well, like you did 🙂

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Full Detox Day 51/90 | Got up: Yes | Pomodoros: 23 + chores

SMASHED this day! WHEWWW! Lots of work done, including the second interview. The upcoming week is going to be crazy full with stuff to do. Especially moving, communicating with potential supervisors, research, a final project and exams coming up in 2 weeks. All of that plus going to the gym and socializing. I'll be so sleep deprived tomorrow lol. Has to be done though. Let's go!

On 12/2/2018 at 5:28 PM, Silverlining said:

Take it easy. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.

performance-vs-pressure.jpg.8991bc225684f871a71793d31725f9e6.jpg

If only I could control that myself! The amount of pressure is largely dictated by my environment and how I'm currently doing. Because I'm not lowering my goals. The problem is when I dip down a little bit, work piles up and that increases pressure. It's a tough thing to balance, but I'm getting better at it every day. I feel a huge upswing coming up!

Edited by JustTom
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Careful man, sleep deprivation is one of the main causes of relapse (in my experience anyway). If it's crunch time, I'd ditch non-essential tasks until it's over to maximize sleep. As long as what you're ditching doesn't ruin your mood and make you more likely to relapse, of course 🙂

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16 hours ago, JustTom said:

Full Detox Day 51/90 | Got up: Yes | Pomodoros: 23 + chores

SMASHED this day! WHEWWW! Lots of work done, including the second interview. The upcoming week is going to be crazy full with stuff to do. Especially moving, communicating with potential supervisors, research, a final project and exams coming up in 2 weeks. All of that plus going to the gym and socializing. I'll be so sleep deprived tomorrow lol. Has to be done though. Let's go!

If only I could control that myself! The amount of pressure is largely dictated by my environment and how I'm currently doing. Because I'm not lowering my goals. The problem is when I dip down a little bit, work piles up and that increases pressure. It's a tough thing to balance, but I'm getting better at it every day. I feel a huge upswing coming up!

Seriously, your life at this point sounds very stressful to me.

On one hand I'm a little concerned that too much stress combined with too little sleep can be destructive. On the other hand, I think the whole point of getting game-sober is to improve our abilities to handle all kinds of problems in real life. When you get through all this, you should really reward yourself! BTW, exercise and social activities are actually quite helpful to manage stress so keep them going. It's also very important to get enough sleep.

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Full Detox Day 52/90 | Got up: Yes | Pomodoros: 17 + social

@karabas@Silverlining Those two days were super tough, unfortunately, there were no non-essential tasks. I don't *want* to cut sleep, but if circumstances really necessitate that, then I don't mind. My problem is sleeping too much, not too little 😄 Anyways, I'm really enjoying this period of my life. I'm doing my best(more or less), so I do feel the 'pressure' of having high goals and a lot to do, but I don't feel 'stressed'. I know I'm on the path and it's a difficult one. Just how I like it. When it comes to rewards, I'm rewarding myself with socializing. A big part of my work motivation currently(because I don't really like the programme anymore) is that if I get shit done, I can meet people and improve my social skills. 

 

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Full Detox Day 53/90 | Got up: Yes | Pomodoros: 20 + gym + social

I am so so so so SO tired. I really need to sleep, but because I'm homeless for now, I have to abide by other people's schedules and can't sleep in, neither can I go to sleep early because I promised people that I'll show up and I really don't want to disappoint. Hopefully tomorrow I can rest a bit. 

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Its a very challenging time for you pal so just make sure you are easy on yourself. It is a big challenge but once you are through it you will be so much stronger, Just keep going pal you have got this.

9 hours ago, JustTom said:

@karabas@Silverlining Those two days were super tough, unfortunately, there were no non-essential tasks. I don't *want* to cut sleep, but if circumstances really necessitate that, then I don't mind. My problem is sleeping too much, not too little 😄 Anyways, I'm really enjoying this period of my life. I'm doing my best(more or less), so I do feel the 'pressure' of having high goals and a lot to do, but I don't feel 'stressed'. I know I'm on the path and it's a difficult one. Just how I like it. When it comes to rewards, I'm rewarding myself with socializing. A big part of my work motivation currently(because I don't really like the programme anymore) is that if I get shit done, I can meet people and improve my social skills.  

 

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Full Detox Day 54/90 | Got up: Yes | Pomodoros: ?? + gym

I couldn't properly keep track of pomodoros today, but the day was great. I slept 11 hours after 3 days of sleep deprivation, hit the gym, and then did some light work in the evening, but I was still tired so I didn't do much. I have to admit I don't think I'll be able to hit the goal of 70 hours of work per week. This is, however, due to my choices with productive time - being spent on working on my social skills as well instead of working all the time. Which is good at this particular period in my life. The business is postponed so I'll start it when I feel like it. Probably march or so. Until that time, I just want to finish my two courses, work on the thesis, work on my health and get my social skills very high. 

On 12/5/2018 at 9:33 PM, Peregrinator said:

Its a very challenging time for you pal so just make sure you are easy on yourself. It is a big challenge but once you are through it you will be so much stronger, Just keep going pal you have got this.

 

Yeah I just have to hustle hard these 2-3 weeks and then have a winter break + 2019 is going to start out more chill(which means I'll just chase girls more so it's actually not going to be chill, but you know what I mean 😄 )

Edited by JustTom
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Sorry to hear your past week has been difficult.  It has also been exhausting for me as well.  I have been super nervous and frustrated with several things in life and it just stresses me out.  I feel like I need something structured and familiar to give me a little bit of control, but I know that just means bad habits.  I've been really trying to keep better habits and stay on top of things recently, but it's all balance.  I haven't been good this week either so I think it's hypocritical for me to give any advice, so I won't.  I just wanted to say I think you've been doing great these past few months and to just remember how good you feel when you accomplish things AND are balanced in life, allowing yourself down to relax when your body is ready to relax and be rewarded.  If you're stressed and struggling, treat yourself to something nice instead of getting angry at yourself.  Just don't game.  Maybe treat yourself to a massage or fun night watching a sports game with friends and good food (not wicked unhealthy food though).

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Full Detox Day 55/90 | Got up: Yes | Pomodoros: ?? + gym + chores | Wasted Time: 30m

Full Detox Day 56/90 | Got up: ?? | Pomodoros: ?? + 2x social + chores | Wasted Time: 100m

I've been super busy. Honestly, apart from making a lot of money and traveling, I'm living my ideal life right now. No gaming, working hard, exercising, eating well, meeting new people. I just moved to the new place and it's epic, finally I can sing in my room 😄 And also do other loud activities with other people, hehe. 

I had a tough time keeping track of pomodoros, so instead I put in the time wasted stat. It's essentially just procrastination - any time that is not used productively or doing necessary things like commuting, toilet, shopping, etc. I will now consider pomodoros as purely work time and the wasted time stat will account for productivity.

I can't say if I 'got up' today since I didn't even set an alarm so that's not objective. In the next few days, I will focus on getting up every day on time. 

19 hours ago, Matt S said:

Sorry to hear your past week has been difficult.  It has also been exhausting for me as well.  I have been super nervous and frustrated with several things in life and it just stresses me out.  I feel like I need something structured and familiar to give me a little bit of control, but I know that just means bad habits.  I've been really trying to keep better habits and stay on top of things recently, but it's all balance.  I haven't been good this week either so I think it's hypocritical for me to give any advice, so I won't.  I just wanted to say I think you've been doing great these past few months and to just remember how good you feel when you accomplish things AND are balanced in life, allowing yourself down to relax when your body is ready to relax and be rewarded.  If you're stressed and struggling, treat yourself to something nice instead of getting angry at yourself.  Just don't game.  Maybe treat yourself to a massage or fun night watching a sports game with friends and good food (not wicked unhealthy food though).

 

It's very strange how other people are getting the sense that this pressure period is negative. I LOVE IT. Maybe I'm framing it in a stressful way, but this is what I want and need to thrive. I want my life to be intense, full of energy. I feel more motivated and happy than ever. Fuck the "balanced life". I've always strived for nothing but excellence even though I was depressed and addicted. Like for example, hitting the gym is RESTING mentally for me. Going on a date is the FUN ACTIVITY to do. Even though these can be 'exhausting' activities, it's exhausting in a very positive sense and I feel reinvigorated after them, full of energy and motivation to crush it even more! I don't want to rest by watching TV or hanging out. I want every minute of my life to be excellent and going towards a bigger goal. 

Edited by JustTom
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 Full Detox Day 57/90 | Got up: No | Pomodoros: 0 | Wasted Time: all of it

Here comes the inevitable failure day. When I finally got up at 6pm, I was so disappointed by myself that I just sat around watching youtube the whole day. Now it's 1:30 in the night, I'm going to stay up long and make small steps towards being productive, I'm feeling a bit better now. No cravings towards gaming or gaming media. Just a bit of left-over depression. 

I am reminding myself that I need patience. Even though I can just TASTE the results how close they are, it's still going to take time and there will be down-turns and that's okay. I will get there very soon, just not in weeks. Finish the remaining two courses, keep e-mailing people for supervision and finish the last 10 days of school. Don't worry as much about the lost social opportunities, they will come after the winter break as well. New ones, better ones, more of them. I'm doing excellent and I'm an amazing person so I'll just keep being me and striving towards my goals. 

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You are really making some progress here! Of course I'm not talking about wasted time, but the way you dealt with it. Instead of beating yourself up, you braced yourself up quickly. That's good! And that's something I am working on.🙂

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15 hours ago, JustTom said:

Full Detox Day 57/90 | Got up: No | Pomodoros: 0 | Wasted Time: all of it

Here comes the inevitable failure day. When I finally got up at 6pm, I was so disappointed by myself that I just sat around watching youtube the whole day. Now it's 1:30 in the night, I'm going to stay up long and make small steps towards being productive, I'm feeling a bit better now. No cravings towards gaming or gaming media. Just a bit of left-over depression. 

I am reminding myself that I need patience. Even though I can just TASTE the results how close they are, it's still going to take time and there will be down-turns and that's okay. I will get there very soon, just not in weeks. Finish the remaining two courses, keep e-mailing people for supervision and finish the last 10 days of school. Don't worry as much about the lost social opportunities, they will come after the winter break as well. New ones, better ones, more of them. I'm doing excellent and I'm an amazing person so I'll just keep being me and striving towards my goals. 

This is an awesome post. Just compare your attitude to failure now vs 3-4 months ago. You've got this man! Pick yourself up and keep going!

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 Full Detox Day 58/90 | Got up: No | Pomodoros: a bunch + gym | Wasted Time: ??

Okaaaaaaayyyyyyyy so I overslept again, but then I got up and instead of watching more youtube I hit the gym, then started working on the assignments at the university. I couldn't focus, kept getting distracted and was in general unease, but did a little bit of work despite of that. Oh well, tomorrow is going to be better. 

Edited by JustTom
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 Full Detox Day 59/90 | Got up: No

 Full Detox Day 60/90 | Got up: No

The first day was quite productive, the second one not at all. I uhhh... am having problems with getting up again. I had this good run when only focusing on productivity, then I got ahead in work so I started going out a bit, which destroyed my sleep schedule, which made me fall behind on school so you could say I'm back to ground 0 lol. I'll try to repeat step 1 and then keep it up over to step 2.

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 Full Detox Day 61/90 | Got up: Yes | Pomodoro: 16

Good day, I also went to bed fairly early and caught up on lost sleep last night so I think I'm starting to recover my productivity habits. 

My social life is on a hold right now until I finish my exams. Looks hard, but doable. My supervisor search is also looking pretty bleak, so far it seems I'll have to start the thesis in February instead of January because of this, which I would actually prefer. 

Edited by JustTom
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