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JustTom

JustTom's Journal 2: Summer Edition

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Full Detox Day 33/90 | Got up: No | Pomodoros: 0

Ok so the party was alright yesterday, but even though I didn't drink too much, I wasn't able to muster the motivation to get up in the morning, lied to my aide and slept until ~19:00. It's amazing that I am physically able to do that, but that's me I guess. 

So once again I'll have to stay up throughout the night to reset my sleep schedule. I'm already at the university, so I won't procrastinate too much or fall asleep, BUT... I have just about 0 motivation to work right now. 

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@Silverlining It's more like thinking "She's the one", but in an irrational way. It's getting needy, getting anxious or stressed over sending messages, being overly attached etc. It's an emotional connection that did not come from abundance, but rather from scarcity. "Having a crush on someone" can be healthy, but it can also be toxic if the main reason for the crush is that the girl/guy just happens to be interested and is attractive enough. There's more to it of course, but I don't want to delve too deep into personal experiences here. 

On 11/14/2018 at 9:15 PM, Samon said:

I will follow your journal from now on. Keep going!

i wonder, do you take modafinil regulary?

2

Thanks, I will!  🙂 No, I take it very occasionally. Partly because I don't want to build resistance, and partly because the effects have not been well-studied, so regular use might have some negative effects we don't know about. 

16 hours ago, karabas said:

Good going man. Glad to hear you're crushing it as of late 🙂 Making me jealous! (in a good way)

Thanks brother. Today sucks, but in general, I'm improving really fast! 

 

Edited by JustTom
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1 hour ago, JustTom said:

 

@Silverlining It's more like thinking "She's the one", but in an irrational way. It's getting needy, getting anxious or stressed over sending messages, being overly attached etc. It's an emotional connection that did not come from abundance, but rather from scarcity. "Having a crush on someone" can be healthy, but it can also be toxic if the main reason for the crush is that the girl/guy just happens to be interested and is attractive enough. There's more to it of course, but I don't want to delve too deep into personal experiences here. 

Thanks for explaining. It makes sense. Probably like Leonard in The Big Bang Theory. That is unhealthy.

I never heard of this word before, so I googled a little bit. And I found it appeared mostly on pua forums, accompanied by sexually objectifying contents 😄 Sorry for my misunderstanding.

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Full Detox Day 34/90 | Got up: Didn't sleep | Pomodoros: 32

Casual 16 hours of work again. To be honest, I could have done much better, but I was having a hard time starting during the night without any company. Got to it eventually so it's fine. Because I was working hard along with my teammate, we finished all our AI homework, 3 days before the deadlines. This really just gives us more of a headstart for the second batch, but still feels very nice. And I really understand it all. Also working on the business course, although it didn't require much effort yet. 

I know this sleep-resetting by staying awake for 24 hours is bad for brain health and probably contributes to age-related mental diseases, but I really didn't want to lose the productivity momentum. Tomorrow I'm getting my morning rituals back on track and this won't happen again in the near future 🙂

17 hours ago, Silverlining said:

Thanks for explaining. It makes sense. Probably like Leonard in The Big Bang Theory. That is unhealthy.

I never heard of this word before, so I googled a little bit. And I found it appeared mostly on pua forums, accompanied by sexually objectifying contents 😄 Sorry for my misunderstanding.

 

It is a PUA term for sure haha. The anonymous male-only internet forums are probably the worst kind of toxic breed, but still, it's a very interesting topic with the right people. 

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Full Detox Day 35/90 | Got up: Yes | Pomodoros: 20 + gym + social

Morning update: Got up at 8:15, did 33 push-ups and went to the university to hustle! Though I will only do a few hours of business research. Because we're done with the AI assignment and theoretical homework, I will take a day to "celebrate" by socializing. Just over a month ago, I would have probably gamed instead. Or watched some starcraft tournament the whole day, glued to the screen and admiring the skill and passion that these players put into the game, instead of actually developing MY OWN skill and passion, and reaching the same level of excellence! The shift from the consumer to the producer is happening. Each week I feel less and less pull to consume media and instead feel very strong motivation to become the strongest version of myself!

Evening update: This is how I want every day to look like. Look at those stats. Just look at - those - STATS!

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@karabas @Deku Thanks friends. Keep on going up!

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On 11/16/2018 at 11:57 AM, JustTom said:

 

It is a PUA term for sure haha. The anonymous male-only internet forums are probably the worst kind of toxic breed, but still, it's a very interesting topic with the right people. 

It's indeed an interesting topic. My biggest concern is that there are probably some scammers trying to rip off those poor boys.

I believe that I have encountered some PUA "apprentices" before. From my personal experience, I am doubtful if those techniques would actually work. But I am probably just a wrong target for them anyway. 😆

And there are also female PUAs😄 I guess sexual objectification can go both ways.

 

 

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Full Detox Day 36/90 | Got up: No | Pomodoros: 9 + gym

I'm putting Got Up as orange to indicate that I did need help from my aide, but after that, I didn't waste time and went out of the house.

I think I would have made the 20-per-day average by now if I didn't start going out haha. I think I'll just focus on getting up right now, because I think I'm starting to develop SOME roots of a habit. This is the key to everything for me. 

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19 hours ago, Silverlining said:

I believe that I have encountered some PUA "apprentices" before. From my personal experience, I am doubtful if those techniques would actually work. But I am probably just a wrong target for them anyway. 😆

 

Haha, what did they do/say?

 

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17 hours ago, JustTom said:

 

Haha, what did they do/say?

 

They would ask smart but seemingly predesigned questions, and it would somehow make you feel that they cared more about their questions rather than your answers; they wouldn't remember the details of your conversation. Sometimes they would ask the same question or tell the same joke again.😃

They would try to sound more successful than they really were -- there was a guy who just graduated with an LLM, had no job offer or working experience, hadn't passed the bar exam, yet he introduced himself as "a lawyer specialized in XXX and YYY". He explained later that by "specialized" he meant "interested".😃 And another guy claimed to have done his postdoc in Harvard while he had only spent a few months there for a particular project -- which was indeed "post" "doc". I wouldn't call them liars but ...

Oh and they would criticize your appearance, which I hated the most, even if followed by compliments.😑

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Full Detox Day 37/90 | Got up: Yes | Pomodoros: 21 + gym + chores

Oh yeah beast mode on! Although my schedule has a lot of social activities planned again, I think if I do my absolute best, I can succeed at my first goal in these 10 days, starting with this one. 

I had a modafinil today again(4th time?) and I realized it increases my tinnitus a bit while the effect is active. So I googled a bit and apparently, this is a common side-effect, though people are reporting that it returns to normal after 2-3 days. This is very sad news, I was hoping to leverage the crap out of that. But the risk of causing permanent damage is not worth it. I will, therefore, keep the rest just as emergency and not buy another batch. 

8 hours ago, Silverlining said:

They would ask smart but seemingly predesigned questions, and it would somehow make you feel that they cared more about their questions rather than your answers; they wouldn't remember the details of your conversation. Sometimes they would ask the same question or tell the same joke again.😃

 

Maybe they just had Alzheimer's 😂 No I mean, guys have to start somewhere right? The only way to get better socially is to practice. Although repeating lines is not a good way to do it of course. 

Edited by JustTom
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19 hours ago, JustTom said:

 

Maybe they just had Alzheimer's 😂 No I mean, guys have to start somewhere right? The only way to get better socially is to practice. Although repeating lines is not a good way to do it of course. 

You are right about practice. Although this could still happen even after we started seeing each other. So he either didn't care enough to remember those things, or was seeing different girls at the same time and got confused 😂 Either way it was a red flag for me, although there could be plenty of women out there who are OK with them.

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Full Detox Day 38/90 | Got up: No | Pomodoros: 17 + gym

Got up in the morning, did push-ups, but then I just sat on the bed browsing reddit and social media. I did this for like half an hour, after which my aide called me, so I laid down while on the call, and after it, I fell asleep. I just didn't make the decision to GO OUT. FUCK! I'm actually pissed off at myself. I only slept for 6 hours instead of 7, which was another mistake. Contrary to previous cases of this, I did get up at ~15:30 again and went out so I don't need sleep resetting, but I lost a LOT of pomodoros. Goddamnit. The fight is on. 

In other news, I'm starting to really get into the flow. I'm talking to people around me every time I'm not at the working place and hustling hard, in a very fun out-going way. For the 3rd time in a row at the gym, I had a very natural and fun chat with a girl(and exchanged contacts, of course). I do also talk with guys, but I feel like usually they are super confused why you would be even talking to them - which makes sense lol, but whatever, I'm just keeping up the social momentum. 

 

Edited by JustTom
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Thank you so much for sharing your journey.  It is helping me too.  I just got started last week.  Looking forward to hearing more!  I'm also going to exercise tomorrow....for the first time in several months.  I worked out for several years, from 12 years old until I was 37.  Why did I stop?  You guessed it.  Gaming.

I've gamed before but still managed to work out.  For some reason, this time, perhaps because of my age and tolerance, I gamed HARD CORE.  But no more.

I'm 39 now but I will be getting back into the exercise routine.  Thank you for your example.

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Full Detox Day 39/90 | Got up: Yes | Pomodoros: 14

I was supposed to do at least 6 more p at home, but I fell asleep during work lol. Now I'm already 8p behind on the average. 

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@padreman Oh yeah I just realized I went to the gym for 4 days in a row. A bit of a positive outlier. Anyways, gaming is useless. Go workout. 

Edited by JustTom

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Full Detox Day 40/90 | Got up: No | Pomodoros: a bunch + social

Since today is a strong outlier and vefy unstructured in terms of statistics, with the event and all that, I will not consider it in the average for the purposes of completing the 10-in-a-row goals. Good day though, productive. 

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Full Detox Day 41/90 | Got up: Yes | Pomodoros: a bunch + social

The day was weird so I once again decided to not count it towards the goal average. This somehow gave me a mental excuse to not try hard so I barely did anything today, despite "trying". Idk, was weird, whatever. Tomorrow is for real. 

I also realized I bought a ticket to a concert a few months ago and it's happening next Monday... Never thought I would say this, but I think I have too much social life at this point lol. I kinda crave WORKING more.

 

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On 11/23/2018 at 3:41 PM, JustTom said:

Never thought I would say this, but I think I have too much social life at this point lol. I kinda crave WORKING more.

Lol. I had exactly the same feeling during the Thanksgiving week.🤣

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Full Detox Day 43/90 | Got up: Yes | Pomodoros: 23 + gym

Today was fantastic, I got a lot of work done and exercised, feeling good. 

The increased social life is actually messing up my sleep efforts quite a bit, I've also been struggling with procrastination lately, but I'm going to stabilize the routines this week no problem. I did have an argument with my dad. It doesn't stress me out too much, but it means my morning cheats are now de-activated haha. A nice opportunity for me to prove how amazing my discipline has gotten, let's go!

Also, absolutely 0 thoughts about games OR gaming videos. 

Edited by JustTom
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Full Detox Day 44/90 | Got up: No | Pomodoros: 7 + gym + social

Went to an epic (metal) concert - it was really awesome, did some nice insta stories too. There was a girl I started chatting to, it was very natural and she seemed into me, but then while the band played, I didn't engage her - kinda wasn't feeling it since people around weren't active and (what looked like) her dad was there. She kept glancing at me the whole time, I didn't even try to exchange contacts after. Such a wasted opportunity. Goddamnit xD

The day was productive once I got to the uni, but it took me a looOooOOOooOOoong time to pick up my ass and get there, so I had no time to squeeze out a lot of pomodoros before the concert. 

 

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Full Detox Day 45/90 | Got up: No | Pomodoros: 15

It's half-point for the detox yay! This is the 3rd time for me so nothing special really. I would like to say I'm going to crush this detox no problem, but again, I've thought that in the past already... twice. So instead, I'll just enjoy the present moment, try my hardest, stay vigilant, stay happy and keep improving step by step! Excited for the future!

 

Edited by JustTom
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Full Detox Day 46/90 | Got up: Yes | Pomodoros: 21

I think I should start measuring the time wasted, instead of the time being productive. With this system, I cannot disambiguate between having an unproductive day and a productive day that I just started late(due to oversleeping) or a productive day with social activities 🤔🤔

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Why not both/all? Don't make the mistake of only focusing on what you're doing wrong, come on, you should be at least seeing it from all angles, not just the time wasted! It sounds like a slippery slope right into shaping a cognitive distortion for yourself! (Google it and you'll see what I mean)

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