Jump to content

Read: A Guide to Quit Gaming for One Year

Philipp

A new path to walk

Recommended Posts

Hi,

My name is Philipp, I'm 21 years old, formerly had social anxiety --> turned it into just a bit more than normal shyness, formerly video game "addict" (I still don't agree on the term but for a lack of a better I'll use it) --> quit gaming for more than 100 days now, and MOST OF ALL I've no idea who I am or who I want to be.

With quitting games checked on my bucket list, I decided to start a new Journal dedicated to the current path I'm on. I have no clue where it's taking me and I seriously don't know where I'd even want to go. So I guess it's more about finding out what I want from life than anything else.

My life felt more and more like falling apart the last few weeks. A short time ago I stumbled upon a great video that helped me to look at this another way: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZsWhw0RWPY

So I started thinking about my current state of mind another way. I guess with the one big thing gone, that determined most of my life and even my most current career choice, my life is in a phase of change and I should adapt to it. Because as it is now, "working in the games industry" isn't even a bit of a motivator like it was a few months ago. I lost the one thing I aimed for, instead got a bunch of new friends, new interests and yeah a bunch of new questions about life in return.

So, the next months I'll spend tying up the last few loose ends - meaning completing this semester's assignments and exams. And as soon as that's done, focus the three months of holidays to finding out if I'd rather drop out of university to chase a career as a craftsman or if I should focus education on animation or maybe even do something I haven't even considered yet.

This means I'll have to regain confidence in trusting myself to make important decisions, something I've struggled for VERY long. I fear the responsibility that comes with making a decision. Also I'm afraid of uncertainty if it's the right one, which I know are just irrational thoughts, because most of the time, there's no right or wrong, but more of a "………. yeah, interesting choice - now deal with the consequences whatever they may be."

Also a trainer suggested meditation in order to find my place in the world. So I'll give this a try too.

As a sign of this new start and therefore personal growth here's a picture of the tattoo I got when finishing the 90 day challenge:

tattoo.thumb.jpg.37a2b553d715cdb5400e24c0fe3c0073.jpg

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I went to the riverbed for meditation in the evening today. After only 10 minutes (I set myself a timer to help me not get distracted by looking at the clock how much time had past) I felt different. The forest around me sounded clearer……… the birds, the wind in the trees, some deers and even the midges sounded louder and clearer. No idea why but it reminded me of a song I recently heard :/

So, I guess I'm gonna stick to this - set myself a goal of getting up at 6 in the morning to go for a walk to the river and meditate. I don't really want to meditate at home - I like the connection to nature.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Another day passed,

I got up at 6, got a glass of water and went for a jog to the river. When I got there I meditated for 10 minutes and then went back home.
By now, even my roommates think I'm going crazy. I learnt a bit (not as much as I wanted to) and watched the last episodes of avatar: the last airbender.
Finished the day with some sword drills to clear my head will now continue learning.

Tomorrow I have math exam. I'll do my best. If it doesn't work out well, there're still two more tries to do it.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Rualani I hope so, but I'm not so sure 'bout that…..

I spent the last few years of my life chasing a childhood-dream..... and now that it's in my reach, I changed as a Person and Kind of throw it away. I don't know if I feel like I'
m betraying myself or if I'm freeing myself.

Everybody expects me to finish University. But I'd rather start from the beginning……… Having to learn everything from scratch.
When I told my Cousin she was like, nope, don't quit, just push through, it's only a phase...….. Same for most others. I'm just thankful that my bestie gets me and understands why I want to do it.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Got a new goal for these next months - sort out all the stuff I have:

- if I quit university, do I really need a computer AND a notebook? --> or do I maybe want to sell my computer?
- can I focus enough time on learning to play the flute? --> if not would it be worth considering giving it to my nephew who seems to be interested in learning it?
- do I really NEED a graphics board AND paper and pencil --> or maybe I should just focus on pencil? (And what about my adobe abo?)

And another (small) change (with big impact) I want to incorporate into my life:

- switch from water from plastic bottles to refillable bottles

And last but not least:

- I think about going vegetarian

 

That's it for today. Gotta go to bed now so I can get up at 6 am for my morning routine tomorrow.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Didn't get up at 6 am, but when my brain started to work after a few minutes of lying in bed braindead I realized that I was falling back into my old ways, so I jumped out of the bed, grabbed my clothes, a bit of water and went for a short run. I didn't make it all the way to the river this time, but instead sat down on top of a small cliff on a mossy rock and meditated there. After this I was fully awake. I walked back home to get breakfast and then get ready for university. Had to write maths exam today…… I don't think it went very well but we'll see.

I told my classmates that I'm selling my steam-account today and will give it to the highest bidder. (Already at 50 € ^^) Their reaction was like: WTF are you doing? Why give it all away? You on drugs?

For the rest of the day I'll take time to draw, go training and then maybe draw some more in the evening or read a bit and tomorrow I'll start learning for programming exam and work on the current animation project.

My mood brightened up a bit today so I guess I'm on an upwards-wave again.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Throughout my life, the thing that I'm passionate about changed multiple times(I'm 24), I think it's quite normal. There is this theory that it's really not about "finding your passion", not about choosing the right thing and hoping it's the one, but rather just picking a path you believe in and committing to mastery. The journey of mastery and improvement will automatically be fulfilling if done right. It comes from the fact that people just enjoy what they are good at. The big reason for why we enjoy gaming so much is that we are good at it. Once you stop gaming and try to return, you're going to suck and it doesn't feel as enjoyable. So the same applies to a life path - let's say you become really good at programming, that is a skill you can apply to many areas and because you are good at it, you will enjoy it and always find a way to utilize it. Same thing with crafts, of course. 

I would say don't quit, but try other stuff as well. You've got plenty of time. You might even find a way to merge your skills from different areas together to form something unique or just enhance one or the other in a way that other people cannot. 

Going out to meditate outside is awesome, I should copy that! :)

EDIT: You can always take a gap year to try a different path of mastery and then return or drop the programme at the end of the break year, hm?

Edited by JustTom
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@JustTom yeah, that's a good point but at the same time also one of the problems I have with the Programm I'm currently in.... Until the bachelor's degree it is so widely spread, that it's nearly impossible to gain mastery in ANY of the subjects --> you learn a bit of animation, a bit of photography, a bit of audio design, a bit of programming, a bit of web programming (which I HATE btw) and a bit of game design --> during the time I learnt animation by myself before going to university I learnt more in 3 weeks than during the last 2 semesters…..

If you have to time to go out to meditate I highly recommend it. It's one of the reasons I love the place I live atm - I walk across the Street and I'm instantaneously in the forest.

 

I just got home from swordtraining today :D I'm sooo proud of myself. I walked straight at a GROUP (never EVER did I believe I'd have courage enough to ask into a group - normally I'd wait for someone to stand a little aside of the others) and challenged someone for a sparring session after "normal" training. Also organized a little king of the hill wrestling match for warming up.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

And another one done,

Meditation - checked
School - checked
Training - a bit (only went for a walk and went swimming)
Homework - mindlessly starring at the desktop trying to decipher what I have to do -.- will try again in the morning

So overall a wasted day. Will start tomorrow with new motivation.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, I also don't think the university is the best way to learn things, I think most people would agree. However, it provides value in different ways, namely the community of students and experts you can ask questions and just generally engage. In fact, I think the network of smart people is the most important thing the uni gives you. And then there is the forcing factor. The question is "if you didn't study or had a job - would you really do it?". School is kinda forcing you to not be a lazy slob that many people otherwise would. Maybe it's not true for you though. You never know until you try right?^^ I think as long as you do it from a place of consciousness and with a goal in mind, there is no wrong choice.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey,

@JustTom thx for being such a big bundle of wisdom and your great advice. Helped a lot when deciding what I'll do now.

So, today and the last 2 days I continued working on projects. Also, turns out Math exam is positive and I also finished programming exam on Monday. Also I asked a friend out for roughhousing training, because he always seemed so stressed out from playing dota and I wanted to show him an alternative to playing video games in the freetime. We had a blast and finished the training session with eating some icecream *yumm*. - It's really interesting how people who hate fitness-training have a big grin in their face as soon as you approach it in a much more playful and free way.

and BTW: it feels great to have the confidence in myself to ask someone to do something as stupid as playing "shoulder tag" and "log wrestling" with me. So yeah……… I'm proud of my progress.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/27/2018 at 7:04 AM, Philipp said:

I asked a friend out for roughhousing training, because he always seemed so stressed out from playing dota and I wanted to show him an alternative to playing video games in the freetime. We had a blast and finished the training session with eating some icecream *yumm*.

This is awesome. Way to be a leader for your friend.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey,

@Cam Adair Jep WAAAAAY to go - he's still tooo obsessed with the game and it will take quite some work AND time until he'll be able to see the damage he's doing to himself. But it's a start.

This weekend was hilarious. I went camping with 4 friends. They bed was soo small, so we ended up stacked from one side to the other. Weirdly,  it was kind of cozy, being as close to each other. We danced, grilled, fenced, wrestled and played stupid drinking games :D

………...I'm falling asleep at the moment, so I'll continue tomorrow morning

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good Evening,

I'm at my parents home for the next two weeks. I have enough work to keep me busy and after these weeks I'll go on another short vacation.

Goals for that time:
 -) talk with my parents about leaving university
 -) write an application for education as a craftsman (Woodworking)
 -) work on Setting up a new Training schedule (more playtime-style/less rep-focused)
 -) drawingcourse About Portraits (finish eyes, nose and mouth-execises)
 -) finish the last few chapters of the first of the "Götterkriege"-books

Today I got invited to a Dance-Workshop. OMG this is one of those Milestones on my social-anxiety list, that I'm definitely not prepared to do - but I've made it this far, and I'll not back down now. Also I'll not be there alone and the one who has invited me is the trainer.

Last but not least, here are some photos I took for my grandma today from her garden:

lila_small.thumb.jpg.6e8e7bfcaf1c7341fc41bb5af6b1c536.jpgpink_small.thumb.jpg.68a2a465b17f3ab5db8fde7e3c2a163b.jpgred_small.thumb.jpg.ba4861f62edd34565d8530c2d17dee63.jpgsunflowers_small.thumb.jpg.f5532c932ff2703c0a57848407430253.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sooo today's the day,

I'm gonna talk to my parents no MATTER WHAT - I've already procrastinated too long ):
Will write down everything why I want to quit now before they come home, so that I'm prepared……….

It's still soooo hard to even start a serious conversation (even though we talk more nowadays).

Wish me luck (and Courage)……….

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, Philipp said:

Sooo today's the day,

I'm gonna talk to my parents no MATTER WHAT - I've already procrastinated too long ):
Will write down everything why I want to quit now before they come home, so that I'm prepared……….

It's still soooo hard to even start a serious conversation (even though we talk more nowadays).

Wish me luck (and Courage)……….

Good luck man. Stay on point!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It went as expected - before even having the slightest Chance of explaining why there was a rage about me wasting my life if I quit University and then that I should just look at how much Money my Cousin is already making (finished University last summer). If I quit now, I'll never find a good Job and so on...…………..

So, I guess I'm back to Zero...…… having no idea what to do next?!

I know that my mother only wants to "protect" me from making a poor choice, but if you don't listen first instead of instantly responding (very loud), that doesn't help ANYONE.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/6/2018 at 1:02 AM, Philipp said:

It went as expected - before even having the slightest Chance of explaining why there was a rage about me wasting my life if I quit University and then that I should just look at how much Money my Cousin is already making (finished University last summer). If I quit now, I'll never find a good Job and so on...…………..

So, I guess I'm back to Zero...…… having no idea what to do next?!

I know that my mother only wants to "protect" me from making a poor choice, but if you don't listen first instead of instantly responding (very loud), that doesn't help ANYONE.

Conversations with parents can be hella exhausting man. I get it. Sometimes it seems like they're the kids and you have to explain to them that screaming louder than you doesn't make the more right than you. Take a break. And then try to reengage. Explain that you want a calm and adult conversation, no pedantic shit. Talk about how this is not some impulse and that there is logic behind that you feel will prove it's a beneficiary decision. Money or job safety is important, yes. But not if you sacrifice your mental well being. That would just make you a financially safe suicide risk in the long run. I spent a few years as a freelancer and though the freedom and rock'n'roll-lifestyle was amazing, it taught me the value of safety. I didn't have a net and I fell hard, man. I get your parents. It's an ugly reality to have nothing. I'd want to protect my kid from that too. But it wasn't the end of the world, it was just hard. Parents want their kids to not have it as hard and while that is véry normal and commendable, it also deprives you from learning who you are, what you can do, what you want to do and to grow as a person. They should at least try to understand you or hear you out. But sometimes that's a tad hard because of emotions. Let stuff cool down a bit and start the conversation again. If you don't, it'll be like there's an elephant in the room or worse. 

Strength to ya man!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Love your photos! 

This video might support you with your parents. I don't know every detail about your situation, but since you're over 18, do you. You don't need their permission for anything, and if you want to pursue your own goals and not go to university, PROVE IT TO THEM. It took my parents TWO YEARS before they believed anything I was saying and at the time I had a 6-figure business. It takes time, be patient, but most of all, do the work. If you show them 6-figures in your bank account and you supporting yourself, they'll come around.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×