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Rualani

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Detox - 6
 Posting for... today
Movement (5/6)  Rank: Wait, how is exercise the only one thing you got right. Isn't that the most difficult??!?!?!
Meditation            Rank: "Hm, a nicer kind of reflection"
Hour: 1:11            Rank:  "You can do better, but that's the minimum goal in habitica though. How lazy. hehe. Maybe I should raise the requirment a bit HUH!"

OMG, Sam Harris' app is out. The Waking Up program is up and running! Woot woot. I listening to my first lesson today
and did the breathing meditation with SAM HARRIS.
*Fangirl squeal*

Must calm down. Oh wait, the app helped me do that.
Bahaha.

Alright, Lesson of the day.
Consistent sleep is soooo fucking important. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IMPORTANT.
And I skipped a class for sleep. SHAME SHAME. Last post I talked about the bad food I ate and the ice cream.
Well here's something I didn't mention. it BECOMES SO MUCH HARDER to wake up when you indulge in that kind of crap.
Like, impossibly more difficult. I used to blame my lack of sleep willpower, but now that I'm a fucking individual I blame the
 , you know,
ACTUAL CAUSE.
The shit I ate last night.
If you're walking the straight and narrow you gotta watch out for that kind of chaos.
Plus, if you don't have a boss forcing you to wake up, your own self-discipline and habits become more important.
I'd rather just get rid of the things that challenge my discipline. Anyways.

Positives
Sam Harris and working out. ❤️

Negatives
I'm completely isolated.
TBH, that's the only thing worth jotting down. It's by far the most threatening.
 

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Detox - 7

Movement-, sunlight-, omega 3 +, sleep    Rank: "Had to bike to school. Sun hit my arms... It counts... I guess"
Meditation                                                        Day 2 of the waking up program. Improving the one tool we always have. Our minds.
Hourstack: 2:23                                               Man... Why is being productive so difficult?                   

welp, It's a Friday. It's starting to dawn on me that normal people do social things on fridays and the weekends.
I wouldn't know what any of that is... Haha. *creepy laugh*

Dreams
So, I've dreamed about owning a Nintendo Switch TWICE.
Why?!?!?!
WHY BRAIN, DO YOU TURN AGAINST ME.
I always believed that dreams were the bridge to that terrible wounded part of us and that through the arduous process of dreamwork and processing we could learn to be open and heal our wounded inner child.
EXCEPT THE CHILD IS TOO BUSY PLAYING NINTENDO SWITCH.
GAAAAH!

Social
So, some problems... Ehehe..
I didn't go to climbing again, but hear me out! I have a good excuse. This morning I was chopping up Broccoli.
You know, getting my greens so I'll be nice and healthy.
Well, one of my chops was, a little rough around the edges.
Specifically, the edge of my thumb, with which a giant chunk of skin flew off.
It went pretty deep too.
So, Yeah, I am not climbing with a piece of my thumb missing.
I can barely hold on to the grips anyways!

I, also, quit the Pokemon club for gaming reasons.

So, all I have left is the Applied Computing club...
It's important but...
I JOINED 3 CLUBS FOR A REASON DAMNIT!

Welp, back to square 2. Got the AC club at least.
Maybe I'll learn something.



 


 

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Detox - 8
Meditation
Omega3 and sun (2/6)

hourstack - 4:17

So, I got at least half a workday productivity saturday on top of feeding myself, without any external pressure.
That's good. Could be better. I'll be happy when I can pump a 8 hour hourstack without any external commitments.

I spent much of it trying to iron out a GTD system on Trello.
I'm not too happy. To be honest, I'm very tempted to trade in my I-pad for the new one and just get the Things app.
But, that is just not financially responsible. No no no. Not at all.

Okay, Okay.
I got an idea.
Omnifocus
New Ipad.
Web app will come out so I don't have to replace Labtop.
Yeaaah. That's financially reasonable. Herpaderpa.

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Detox - 9
Movement, Sunlight, Omega-3, sleep
Meditation
hourstack - 2:17

Well, I tried. I certainly did.
It was kind of productive but I got really distracted by the potential of buying an Ipad.
Really, like wtf.
Feel like a dreary day really. B

I just feel like so much time gets lost into virtual distractions that's it's really hard to
keep track. The mind zooms from one thing to another. I feel so hungry and searching
as I zip through the internet.

I'm much better at getting my days organized but... Blagh,
Somethings missing. The thing that will keep me on track.
What is that thing?

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Baby steps. The habit of productivity will come with time. Even though your day was not as productive as you would have liked I think it’s definitely still a step in the right direction. 🙂

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I feel the exact same way as you man. In my believe it's not really our fault. It's just how our brains are programmed. The thing is that our brains are programmed for what was needed 10.000 years ago. Not for the internet etc. 

So #1 don't blame yourself. 

Everytime you feel yourself getting distracted just simply acknowledge it and improve.

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Detox - 9
I FORGOT TO MEDITATE. NOOOOO
Omega6

hourstack - 2:20

So, forgot my Sam Harris meditation and... many other things today.
I had the worst start.
So I spent one hour on the road to get my precious.
Then I went to therapy, and it went somewhere.
So here's some insight.

It ended well though. Somehow

Insight (Warning-reference to very dark ideology)

A darkness beckons
So, my therapy was starting to get nowhere cause we were discussing...
the blackpill!!! Btw, if you haven't heard about this. Don't look it up.

In brief, only a few super men get girls, and even worse, it's completely based
on unchanging genetics. So if you didn't win the lotto, you're shit out of luck bucko.

The other idea that the only way to achieve physical intimacy is by
'playing games' and becomes some super Alpha thing
OR YOU GET NOTHING.

But, my main beef is that I feel like these games destroy friendship.
And other things. It just doesn't feel right man.
Also, coping with a world where the black pill is true.

A hero arrives
Sooo, these were the... specters of my mind as of late.
But, then I watched this ridiculous anime called The Disastrous life of Saiki K

It's a bunch of funny skits with some characterizations...
One of his powers was that he could tell someones "likability" towards someone else.
So, if you looked at someone, you could get a number for each person that liked/disliked that person.
They played with this skit and had some laughs at the situation as the protoganist
tried his damnest to stay an 'invisible' as possible.

Many of the comments range true to my own experience and I sort of had an epiphany.
This is a good way of seeing reality.
I'm a person. Some people like me more than others.
There are things about me that can be dislikable or likable.
I can change these things.
like and dislike is finicky so don't take it too seriously.

So there we go, instead of worrying about this ideology stuff
I'll take my rejections and successes with this new understanding.

To my great hero
image.png.950caf3b37a1ed30269f0bdd241f4b81.png

 

 


But it ended well.
somehow, I ended up at the library till 9pm getting things done.
Preparing my resume.
Updating my Github.
I EVEN UPDATED MY FINAL C++ PROJECT TO POLISH IT UP
I JUST DID IT. LIKE THAT.
MAGIC
Feeling prepared to chase internships.
Even got some homework done.
Life is mysterious
I think, maybe I'm naturally a night owl.
Waking up early just sucks too much.
I'd much rather see the moon rise than the sun.

Also,
I has an Ipad now and my apple pen.
I doodled things today.
I created a thing.
A ridiculous thing
It's very special to me
IT'S MINE. MY OWN


image.png.820c0416e1f22127bf5b07ee8a49c3e2.png

 

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Detox 10
Exercise, Omega 3, sunlight, Social, Sleep
            {Just missing that passionate engagement eh?} 
Meditation... Doing it right... now... yeahhhh.
Hourstack - 5:11

Food
I finished eating the entire split pea soup. I DID IT. I ate that nasty fucking thing.
My stomach has already adapted somewhat.
THe first serving... it was agony... Blegh
I got some meal planning today. My precious and I began tracking different recipes.

Biking?
I can stand up more often while biking.

Social?
Going, to count off the social mark if I managed to go to a social even OR I talk to someone... in an hour span... Or something.
I attended a professional networking event and am probably going to turn in a resume.
MY github has been updated with my projects and the link is on the resume.
Resume is much cleaner and almost done.
The time for action is now.

Productivity!?
5 hours baby. Got a good chunk on portfolio work.
Goal is, I want to rotate each class at least an hour/day. Ah well, that'll come with time.

Why won't I meditate with me?
It's so fucking hard. I need to just do it starting out. I had a good moment and spot to, but it was time up for the day. I had to head home.

In summary.
THIS DAY GOT PWNED. RAWR.
THE KEY TO MY POWER WAS THE GREEN GOOP ALL ALONG.


 

Edited by Rualani

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Detox - 10
Meditated
Omega6
, Social
hourstack - 6:19

Productivity Ninja
I pretty much did discrete mathematics all today. It didn't make sense. I took up ALL the TA's time, but I helped another student and got her through the methodology for a different problem. I KNOW her understanding has improved and I was almost able to tackle and redo all the problems correctly. Just one problem is the exception, but hey, that's what answers on Chegg are for. 😄 Since this was more than an hour interfacing face-to-face with a same set of human beings I'm counting it for the SOCIAL trackable.

I have another assignment due tomorrow that I really need to iron out so I think... I'll just keep working on my homework until I pass out. I really, shouldn't be on the edge of the seat for these assignments so that's a hint that I'm not far ahead enough. If I find myself sacrificing ANY stability to do assignments, I'm in a dangerous place. But... I do now a major high calorie recipe can give me MUCH stability. The split pea soup, though... disturbing, gave me much needed strength.


Trackables
Overall, not too good today, I also ran out of stable food supplies and ended up eating taco bell. Didn't bike which is, usually, how I grab exercise sunlight of the trackables
I did start out meditating before hitting discrete math REALLY HARD. I SLAMMED IT IN THE FACE.
I'll ace that class using a mind NOT AT ALL adapted to it, just you watch me world. I'M FLEXIBLE BUT NOT CALCULABLE. WAAARGH



 

Edited by Rualani

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Detox - 11
Omega6

hourstack - 1:00I

Ouch, now I got pwned.
So, here's the lessons of the day.

-Sacrificing sleep is not the answer                                          {Depends on how high the stakes are... of course... not high enough to be worth it for me though}
-Caving in and buying sugary treats is not the answer.
-Bad eating decisions impact the days that follow, not the current day, so if your day is bad, you need to examine what came before hand.
-Always have a stable high calorie recipe as a fallback at all times. That's what meats job was as we evolved. You can go meatless, but you can't replace the role it served.

-Stick to similar recipes and bear through the drudgery of boring food. Integrate that flavor and what it was missing. Not running away is how we change and improve.

Bad sleep through off my morning and I didn't even get my GTD routines going. While shopping to get cooking I caved in and bought quick sweet treats.
Their basically drugs. The most my food sensitivity increases and I become aware of it's impacts the more I realize just how devastating or healing food choices can be.
After eating too much sugar I basically becomes doped up, headachey and utterly disinterested in productivity. It's 9:00 and i've productivity killed too much with digital distraction. I guess yesterday was but a short victory.

Anyways... Simply begin again.

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Detox - 12
Omega3, Sleep, Social

hourstack - 1:00

Adding new qualifier for exercise. My heart rate needs to actually go up.
Productivity Low, yet I cooked things. Maybe I should track cooking time in the hour stack...

I went to a forest expedition with students to murder some invasive plant species.
Thus, socialization was added. I may have gained a friend, let's see if we meet outside that context.
Pictures were taken. I look nightmarish out of place with my ... lack of fashion.

Also... I'm kind of thick. Like... When did this happen. I got this insane badonkadonk.
Why is my body loading up my butt instead of my belly. Tf is wrong with me.
W/e. I'll just  have to burn it all off.

Such is life.

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Detox 13
Omega 3.... Yep
Hourstack1:00

Well, My setup is improving a little bit. Got a lot of geology research today, but I'm taking the 'long' way to study so that makes things difficult.
PIcked up something from family members house then ended up grabbing sugary things and wasted gas. Honestly, I should keep my distance.
I've been habituated in many negative ways so I have to keep my distance form the environment.

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Detox 14
omega 3, exercise, sunlight, sleep
meditation,
Hourstack 3:30

I've learned so much about geology. I still can't get over how Paleozoic eras have names like "Mississipian", and "Pennsylvanian". Seriously, did North America invent Geology. Where are these words from. Someone purge me my ignorance! Okay, I looked it up. Apparently, the Carboniferous period is subvided differently depending on which country is doing the dividing.

 

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1 hour ago, Rualani said:

I've learned so much about geology. I still can't get over how Paleozoic eras have names like "Mississipian", and "Pennsylvanian". Seriously, did North America invent Geology. Where are these words from. Someone purge me my ignorance! Okay, I looked it up. Apparently, the Carboniferous period is subvided differently depending on which country is doing the dividing.

This is quite common. Some chemicals elements have been named after the country they've been discovered in as well, ie germanium. It's even funnier with stars or planets, because there's so many of them, you can actually have a planet or a star named after you for just a few bucks, apparently haha

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@JustTom
A few bucks a star, hah. I wonder if our future intergalactic selves will stick to them.

Detox(15)
omega 3,  sleep , sunlight
meditation, nofap(1)
Hourstack 6:40.     Half of it got sunk into GTD, budgeting, and financial stuff.

Strangest step of progress I've made.
I use habitica to keep track of most of these trackable habits, and one of them is the Nofap Daily. Somehow, I had got beaten down to 1 HP and ALL I HAD TO DO, was not fap for a night.
Else, my character would have lost a level.
So, I buckled up, kept my zipper up, and didn't fap.
Also, this day was a beast of productivity. Went from 10a-5pm.

Foodwise, I need to keep an eye out for a new recipes.  Good news, is that I found an asian rice recipe that mulches up vegetable stems and stuff, so I can lower my food waste. It's a salty dish, but eh, maybe I'm doomed to love salty forever. Damn you American fast food.

 


 

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Detox(16)
Omega 3, Sleep, Sun, Exercise, Social, Engagement         
Nofap, Meditation, NoJunk
Hourstack: 2:57           

Modifying Trackables. Strikethrough ones I got done.
The 6 are of much high importance. The 3 or pretty nice to have though.

Actually, lots of social today. Met at a school bar with someone I met on that class field trip. Problem is, I just couldn't generate the energy. I think I'll have to text the next meetup. I come off as very unenthusiastic. Also, I can't be meeting in a bar. My wallet can't handle it... Maybe I should set up a meeting in the library and sharing  work... or something.

Ugh, I just don't really have lighter things to share. What do normal people talk about? Like, someone tell this depressed fool what counts as light conversation. I only focus on heavy things. This is a problem. Is it just popular references and stuff... I guess I couldn't go wrong. AM I ACTUALLY CONSIDERING JUST VIEWING POPULAR THINGS FOR A BOON TO SOCIALIZATION.
Alright, it's official, I've almost betrayed everything I am.
The old god must die, indeed.

Also, I went to a class that wasn't in session. Then 3 people randomly chose to watch Carl Sagan and discuss stuff. It was so... random and fun. I gotta be more discerning of when people are just enjoying their silly ideas. Also, Carl Sagan is just amazing.

Midnight might be the right sleep time for me. Perhaps 8-9 is the optimal waking time. I remember using an app that could predict the best time to wake up within an hour. Hrmm.

Also, this night owl experiment is a bad idea. I'm wide awake. Now I'm worried... What if I'm pure night owl. I spent many days going to bed at 3-4 A.m when I lived somewhere else. what if... that's my true sleep schedule. I'll try and pin it at  12.

 

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Detox(17)
Omega 3, Sleep, Sun, Exercise, Social, Engagement         
Nofap, Meditation, NoJunk, guitar, drawing
Hourstack: 4:19

My own voice is getting stronger. It's still buried deep.
6 Trackables anti-depressive strategy
5 Trackables personal improvement and desire
--Documented

Stability...Solid...Food...In threat...Shopping trip required...

Wait, what?

I think I might be selling my Ipad, I may have jumped the gun on that purchase a little... too fast.

I need to call the store and see if I can return the apple pen too. I'd much rather have a mac for development than an ipad.

Plus, I actually already have digital drawing tools but... I think I'm just going to get a sketchbook and go from there.
 

It's always important to remember. Digital is always but an approximation of reality. Of the layers of graphite atoms on the paper.

I mean, people always argue that an approximation is indiscernible to reality. I mean, every time they improve the fps on a monitor, SUDDENLY,

the human eye is only 'capable' of discerning that amount. It's amusing really. Like we even have the ability to truly test that hypothesis.

Or maybe I'll use my wacom intuos to draw on Photoshop. Either way, the guitar training is solid. At least I have that going for me.
Maybe I should write short stories too or something. My problem is that I've only mixed other people's worlds. I'm too afraid to make my own worlds cause... Wouldn't it suck to have a really good unique premise and spoil it with a terrible execution.

I hate it when I find a great premise and watch it be spoiled by poor planning. It's the worse thing to experience. It's a double edged sword though. Such perfectionism could lead to a paralysis which would devour everything new around it. Then again, there's lots of worlds that get revisioned all the time... Like the Marvel Movies.
Like, I don't care about much of the worlds, but a well executed movie makes me completely happy with that little slice of it. Maybe.

 

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Detox(18)
Omega 3, Sleep, Sun, Exercise, Social, Engagement         
Nofap, Meditation, NoJunk, guitar, drawing
Hourstack: I don't know. I refunded a bunch of crap and got my money back. I finally got my IDE up and running on windows after I realized LInux was a huge waste of my time. I didn't cave into gaming even though my brain is STILL REELING from those ramen noodles I ate last night. Seriously, Fuck ramen noodles. Addictive assholes that ruined my tastebuds as a child. OH LOOK AT ME, I can cook Ramen Noodles mommy.
Yeah,
Go fuck yourself childhood.

Also, If you want health. Get giant salad bowl. Buy a bundle of leaf spinach. Throw cheese on it. It's palatable simple and healthy. Seriously, I've eaten more spinach than ever before thanks to this approach. Also, I finished off my stew recipe. Hurray! I got foods for the next day. Some rice recipe and some cabbage recipe all vegetarian. I'll have to keep an eye open. If I get too low on calories I'll succumb to junk food and end up having a horrid day because fuck Ramen Noodles.

Anyways, I did things. I'm worried that without my Ipad, sorting out omnifocus will just be too difficult and I'll lose my whole goddamn GTD system. But it's okay, cause Apple is going to release a new Macbook at the end of this month and I can use that money properly.
Right?
Apple?

god damnit. This fucking day.

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2 hours ago, Rualani said:

 I finally got my IDE up and running on windows after I realized LInux was a huge waste of my time.

What were you trying to do on linux that was a waste of time?

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@giblets Eh, just trying to get a java development workflow going.  I'm working with someone who is pretty competent setting up web servers in CentOS 7 so maybe I'll get more used to it. I really need to focus on building software and not messing around with the OS itself so I declared it a waste of time. Not a general judgement, but one specific to my goal.

Detox(18)
Omega 3, Sleep, Vitamin D, Exercise, Social, Engagement         
Nofap, Meditation, NoJunk, guitar, drawing
Hourstack: 1 hour or something...

So, another unproductive day. I went to a club meeting which... was just me and the president so we worked through CentOs 7 commands to get things running. The guy has a whole library of command reference material but it's completely disorganized. It was a disaster xD. But, things happened.
I've never felt so deep into something as when were messing with the apache web server config file. Or was it httmd... Yeah, that's how lost it was.
Good lesson and teaching style though. He had me type in the commands unless some seriously troubleshooting was needed. That's probably the best way to do things.

I'm getting a better conceptual feel of what each stage in the full stack development cycle is. I'm still really butthurt that I've gone through so much of my Computer Science degree and not really had this much experience on development. And it's going to crash into my ALL in my Senior year. Maybe the general concepts I've gathered will help me... Anyways, the Tsunami hits in 2 months, so I want to get as much experience in and build a project beforehand. I, sincerely, doubt I'll be doing anything else but homework after that...
 

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Detox(20) -I've reposted a few days...
Omega 3, Sleep, Vitamin D, Exercise, Social, Engagement         
Nofap, Meditation, NoJunk, guitar, drawing
Hourstack: Well, I did... discrete math... or something? Yeahhh.

Meh, It's a day. I really need to start planning these things.

I actually went to a DnD session with... people I've never met, and it was fine. I was reinvited for the next session so there's something. So I get to mark off social again. Hee rah.

Edited by Rualani
DnD

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Detox(21)       FOR YESTERDAY
Omega 3, Sleep, Vitamin D, Exercise, Social, Engagement
Nofap, Meditation, NoJunk, guitar, drawing
Workflow - 3:44

I did guitar. it was nice. Late into the night I worked with my Ubuntu Virtual Box to have another go at Java. Mind was a bit clearer that time and I think I got things done. I'm going to try and compile my own stuff a few times with sublime text and just the jdk. It's still a lot of extra energy, so I'm not sure if I'm actually helping myself out or not.

 

 

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15 minutes ago, Rualani said:

I did guitar. it was nice. Late into the night I worked with my Ubuntu Virtual Box to have another go at Java. Mind was a bit clearer that time and I think I got things done. I'm going to try and compile my own stuff a few times with sublime text and just the jdk. It's still a lot of extra energy, so I'm not sure if I'm actually helping myself out or not.

Just get IntelliJ, my dude. Coding without an IDE is like riding a bicycle, but instead of legs, you have to use your arms. 

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6 hours ago, JustTom said:

Just get IntelliJ, my dude. Coding without an IDE is like riding a bicycle, but instead of legs, you have to use your arms. 

Yeah, thinking I should do that. I'll just to that sort of stuff with the president. It looks like he's already assignment me the role of back-end linux server guy. The sad thing is that I don't even know if that's the sort of thing I'll be interested in. Then again, I just don't know in general. I mean, I've made some C++ projects and it was... meh. You know, programming is more art than science. You have the big idea first, then you start bending logic to an approximation of that idea. It's weird. My ideas feel so damn big though. Maybe... I should go for the big idea. Just keep hammering at it until it becomes something. It's just so hard to get a feel for what idea is actually viable!

Detox(22)
Omega 3, Sleep, Vitamin D, Exercise, Social, Engagement
Nofap, Meditation, NoJunk, guitar, drawing
Workflow - 2:00

Busy day. I'm refocusing on Linear Algebra to get ready for the test. I'm trying to keep a 4 hour cycle so that I unload time into each class.

Vitamin D, clubs, and omega 3' making getting my anti-depression trackables much easier.
I think outdoor sports might be a tad bit overpowered when it comes to anti-depression. I mean, just think how much of the trackables would be knocked out by one session outside.
Vitamin D, Social, Engagement, Exercise. Literally 4/6 of the harder pieces get knocked out. Sleep is helped by it too.
Just become pescatarian and... damn.

Pescatarian athletes got it all figured out.

 

Edited by Rualani
Further Java explanations.
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