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Detox[40] Cooking[0] NoFap[0]

***Detox***
Oh my god, relapse is so close.
The temptation reads like this.
Look bro, you're on Summer Break and school is drawing close. When it hits then we can detox or whatever. I mean we'll have plenty to do so no problems.
Anyways you haven't beaten this game or that game so we could wrap things up tight. Hell, you might even feel better knowing that those games are DONE. Long as we don't buy any new games, it's not really sabotage. And, also, you played some slither.io and some games at your cousins house.
Now, isn't it unfair to the good people of this forum to masquerade as if you're actually detoxing despite that. You wanted a HARD detox right?
So, chill out for the summer and hard detox when the fall hits. I mean, considering this charade it's actually the most ethical thing to do!
And, c'mon let's be real. Tomorrow's going to come around and you're going to placing a big fat 0 next to detox, or you'll start figuring out how to delete this entire thread!?

Honestly, I'm not sure I can ignore the voice. I might end up returning after having cleared out my steam log... You know... wrap it up and it won't be a distraction when fall comes around... Might as well have a clean start since the waters are muddied anyways...

***Nofap***
Bahahahaha, Like I could ever stop. It's probably because I rarely feel safe when I sleep. Everywhere I've lived has an undercurrent of instability to it. That doesn't even consider my own mental instability. I really am a creature of turmoil and chaos. It's completely ill managed and not cool in anyway though. Most people who seem chaotic in a cool way are actually quite orderly in others to balance it. Reminds me of these cringy Myspace pics of me. I always had on this shirt with a giant ass dragon face engulfing my chest. That's how I feel about all of this. I'm not associating with chaos or the dragon in a cool way. I'm being completely dominated by the dragon.

***Cooking***
Got some ingredients for tomorrows cooking. I grabbed suchi as I left the store so in a way I ended up buying convenience foods. Otherwise I avoided fast food for the day. My productivity sucked because I stayed home. ehehe.

But a really interesting note. I was looking up instant pot recipes to simplify the cooking process. I need to be able to reliably get food despite instability. Mastering the instant pot is a good start. Hell I could drag that thing into campus and just throw food into it. But, I have plenty of cooking resources at the moment.

Also, I'm thinking I should jump into Indian cuisine. I want to eat vegetarian and I have for awhile. I don't get the same fix from meat that other people do so I don't think it would be too challenging. I do need to be mindful of where I'm getting my fats from though. I think depending on seeds/nuts/milk/ghee would be alright. Seeds and nuts are pretty healthy but liquid fats hit the body system really quick. The speed at which that energy is shoveled away is actually a problem in itself. Anyways, I have an indian recipe and a salad to cook tomorrow so I will update.
I was so close to making this day count though. Having fruits/nuts/seeds/peanut butter to snack on helps so goddamned much. Match that with a slow-release energy breakfast and I think I might be able to make a dent here.


 

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Detox[41] Cooking[1] Nofap[0]

Detox
I still have not succumbed. I looked at Cams hobby list and decided to pick up reading. I started with Brave New World.
I was looking up facts about endorphins mainly because I had a beer and forgot how high and pleasant it made me feel.
I need to figure out how to find that state naturally. I must recover and build the things back into my life that give me
energy and joy.

Nofap
I'll keep aiming. It's hard...

Cooking
I made an Indian Recipe with spinach.
Too much oil and salt but damn was it delish. I count it as progress.

Overall
I'm just happy to get in some green today. I'm glad I made one of my goals to simply eat cooked food. That's manageable.
Some problems are the time it takes for me to spit out a recipe. It takes me too long but I will improve as the days are cooked.
Just like working a job really. As long as you hit it everyday the mind just seems to come up with ways to improve the process, till it's mindless
and fast. Hurray for habits.

Really, it's nice to have a positive habit to chase after. With the detox I was just trying to STOP a habit. Perhaps that's how I should manage all my habits. Whenever I'm trying to restrain myself from a habit I'm trying to stop one.

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Detox[42] Cooking[0] Nofap[0] 

Detox
So far so good.

Nofap
My fantasies get more passionate and crazy when I try and stop them. Quite the monstrous creature to take. My passion has found it's own little space in my evening masturbation. I'll be pissed if the only way it budges is by finding a real life romance. Cause that shit will be hard. So very hard.

Cooking
Abject failure. For these workdays where I'm waking up at 5 I only have a short time to get in food. These are days that demand food efficiency. I best use my available days to level up my cooking efficiency. It's not strong enough for workdays yet. It must be. This food stability must exist at all times. I've seen the ill effects of bad food throughout my family. I must find a way.

Overall
Visited family and made some connections. Did all this after a full workday. Almost a flawless performance except for food and I may have not been the best employee I could have been. I have to change the pizza every hour and a half at the store I work at and I clocked out right as it was changing time. I didn't notice till after I clocked out. I could of clocked back in and did the change but I didn't.
This laziness cost me reputation. Reputation that was a lot better than I had thought... With my boss at least...
Ah, but the rest was good so w/e.

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Detox[45] Cooking[0] Nofap[0]   Halfway there

Detox
To not game, is to suffer... of boredom.

Nofap
To not fap, is... to not sleep? Lol I don't know.

Cooking
To not cook is to not eat vegetables and have your body and mind become weaker becoming a host for all sorts of maladies physical and psychological.

Overall
Even when I quit games. That mind of mine. This unsteady bloated headache wraps itself around something images affixed to the screen. Rapidly looking for another platform to stand on. Maybe an anime with it's own world. Perhaps a few articles promising some story to explain some painful piece of life. Some article promising an insight or a trigger into some subjective and divine journey. Lies, the lot of them. I'm not sure why it became a lie but I'm very suspicious of the media's grip on my mind. I don't see a conspiracy but an increasingly efficient system for making ad revenue. The forms that it takes subjectively are far more nuanced than people give them credit for though. The space inside my mind is fought over with images, words, and an assortment of things that fit the goal of revenue so neatly. What was constructed for a purpose such as money cannot be considered to implicitly have any other purpose and in this sense the weakness becomes clear. I need things for the purpose of communicating my own identity. That's what I need. All these things out there. Artists attempts to commune something before being chopped up into the only form that has permission to spread.
The profitable form.
How wretched.

So, I declare yet another Jihad. For everytime I am pulled to a digital distraction, I will add it to my list of blocked websites. This war will continue forever. Everyday I must optimize a mistake I made.
Todays mistake.
Watching... TOO MUCH NARUTO...
You think that gaming is the same as having our weaker souls devoured and then placed at the bottom of a shinigamis stomach?
Except, instead of fighting with hatred we just... sit there...
Yeaaaaah.

Naruto?
When I was in high school I failed to do anything really. I was in bad Freshman year before I finally caved in and stopped. My most pertinent memories are off the fantasies I wandered around in.
I think I started watching Naruto my Junior year. Maybe earlier. Maybe later. Watching it again though, just made me think about how connected I had become with the characters. Their stories were more real than anything I was experiencing in school. Real life didn't make much sense to me. School didn't make much sense at all.
Why am I writing this.
I think it's because.
The thing that dragged me away from being productive.
The thing that dragged me back into distraction.
What was it?
I need to figure this out.

Either way.
This day is another bust for productivity.
 

Edited by Rualani

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Detox[46] Cooking[0] Nofap[0]

detox
Aiieee so far so good.

cooking
Must cook green recipes. When I made that indian spinach recipe I felt much more stabilized. I really do think this might be the key. Leafy Greens. I must master them. I MUST GAIN THE GREEN THUMB.

nofap
Tempted to eliminate this category

The six
So, I have this book on depression and it has six primary methods for eliminating depression. Many of them are easy enough to hit every day so I'm going to track them. They are pretty well backed in this book I have.
Here's a list
Dietary omega-3 fatty acids
engaging activity
physical exercise
sunlight exposure
social support

Sleep

going to track em.
Anyways, hit omegas, physical, and sunlight today
Sleep is a tad bit unstable, given that I was supposed to be asleep at 10

 

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Detox[47] Cooking[0] Nofap[0]
Gaming has been pretty good. I do miss and crave it every now and then. I still digitally distract myself a lot which is a real problem. There's a lot of addictive traps swimming around my environment and it's hard for me to figure out how to change it all. At least gaming isn't one of them.
Cooking is on the downlow thanks to digital distraction.
I can't even think about nofap progress without having giant throbbing thoughts about it.

Depression Cure
Omega3
engaging activity
physical exercise
sunlight exposure
social support
sleep

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Detox[48] Cooking[0]
Detox is still good. I miss the hell out of it though.
Cooking is bad. So bad. Agitatingly bad. I just gotta do it

Depression Goals
Omega3
engaging activity
physical exercise
sunlight exposure
social support
sleep

Strikethrough text means that I can mark it off. In this case I haven't accomplished any of the depression goals today. I'm so glad I have this list now. It puts a lot of things in perspective when misery and addiction rears it's ugly head.

Thoughts
I don't know why it is but whenever I spend too long working on this boring homework assignment I start to get anxious and unfocuses. It's like. A part of me simply won't tolerate my wasting too much time on something that is found to have no value. WILL NOT TOLERATE. DOn't get me wrong, I've worked many jobs in desperation. But without desperation I simply cannot tolerate it. Living in desperation is very undesirable so from now on if someone tries and tells me to suck it up... they are out. People like that will only ever be perceived as worthless advisors in the future.

Also, I'm being more selective on external advice. If someone is going to help me they better have something I want and be walking the walk. All I'm going to say on this topic.

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Detox[52] Cooking[0]
How puzzling is it that cooking is still at 0 days. Such a clear goal, yet not completed. What is getting in my way. Maybe I'm just not willing to cook all the meals necessary?

Depression Goals
Omega3
engaging activity
physical exercise
sunlight exposure
social support
sleep

Well, sleep and omega 3s are the easiest. I gotta combine omega 3s with a breakfast so there we go.
On the issue of sleep it's of major concern that I wake up at 5am on the weekends but 8 am on the weekdays. I don't think that is optimal. It should be the same. every. day.

Edited by Rualani
Exercise and sunlight gathered.

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Detox[53] Cooking[0]
Felt no compulsions to game today.
Food is an absolute failure as per usual.
Sleep was pretty bad. Woke up with intense heart palpitations and fear.
Salt consumption before sleep was drastically high.
It was high today as well. I think I'll put down food stats as well.

Food stats From Lifesum app IOS
3563 Kcal
Carbs 382/190 Grams
Protein 99/119 Grams
Fat 177/74 Grams
Sodium 4767 mg
Sugars 99g

Snacked on 3 oatmeal cheap ass sugar cookies for right before breakfast. This set me up for failure throughout the day as sugar creates cycles that draw people closer to fast food. What? Did you think sugar didn't benefit those who put it in the food?
Then for dinner I got a 12 inch foot long steak sandwich, medium fries and lemonade from Penn Station.
The stats reveal all. Drastically high sugar and sodium. How terrible.
That's actually the dangerous thing about jogging. The urge to reward yourself with food.
There is no reward.
Only Disease


Depression Goals
Omega3
engaging activity
physical exercise
sunlight exposure
social support
sleep

Career Goals
Primary goal is to find a job or place closer to campus. Requirement is for part time work. Place needs to be affordable.
Currently, debating on just how much I will depend on loans for survival if I do choose to live right next to campus.
High crime rates and property rates would exist were I to choose to live there.

I'm learning towards doing physical activity at 5 everyday from now on. Before dinner.
 

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Detox[58] Cooking[1]
Alright, back in business. Everything is a okay.
So, for the cooking thingy, I will count it as long as I don't spend money on convenience foods.
I live with people who have shit food everywhere so it's kinda difficult.
Anyways, more important, I want to get my food budget as low as possible.
The more I can save up the better chance I'll find a place to stay near the campus
That's the  way I'm viewing it anyways.

Depression Goals
Omega3
engaging activity
physical exercise
sunlight exposure
social support
sleep

Overall.
I'm minimizing this all back down to key habits and my thoughts of the day.
First off, productivity has snuck into a few of my posts and I think it's best if I have someone else to think about these.
Mainly I want to record thoughts and emotions over time and cross them with the rest.
In other good news apparently my therapist has noted an overall decrease in depressive symptoms yay.
Unfortunately he's using this as ammunition to prove that I should become social and shit.
 

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Detox[59] Cooking[0] Sugarfree[0]
Argh I succumbed to fast food.
I succumbed to ice cream.
I need to think about how to improve my conviction against these things. But god. the sugar high and down train is imprisoning.
I would seriously rather be doing cocaine then this shit. Like sugar seems even more addicting because it imprisons your,
and the people around you enable it.
Just the other day I was debating on a soda, and a relative SOOTHINGLY told me it will make me feel better.
WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK.
this person is NEVER "soothing"
WHAT THE FUCK
So yeah, food addiction is real.
Fuck all you food addicts including me. It's real. It's here.
I challenge all of you to go without added sugar foods.
I challenge myself.
Wherever my addictions flee to I will aim
and shoot

and shoot
SHOOT

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Depression Goals

Omega3
engaging activity
physical exercise
sunlight exposure
social support
sleep

Oh look I got my omega 3's
It's GOOD TO KNOW THAT I KNOW HOW TO POP PILLS
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


Thoughts today.
More aggression less "soothing" Sugars.
Starting tomorrow I won't do it.
I'm looking into VOW related stuff.
I need something tough.
Something that will remind me everyday to fight these impulses.
Becoming a slave to any substance.
IS BECOMING A SLAVE TO THE
MACHINE

P.S>
I WROTE THIS AFTER EATING ICE CREAM
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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Detox[60] Cooking[0] Sugarfree[0]
I was so close. So very close.
I actually went to a place called the Indian Bazaar and bought Indian sugary treats.
The lengths my mind will go, as far as grabbing novelty foods.
Anyways, I also grabbed Lord Krishnas guide to vegetarian cooking with Indian food.
IT BEGINS

Depression goals?
Omega3
engaging activity
physical exercise
sunlight exposure
social support
sleep

Well, I failed all 6... ehehehe.
Wow this is revealing.

Productivity
I tried.... so hard. It's agonizing for some reason. I work too long and I just get more and more ancy.
*sighs* It's terrible.

Overall
I really tried to make this a good day. I had a good breakfast and stayed outside the house and went to a library.
My risk of eating sugary treats goes up when i'm on the road though. It just does. I don't need an explanation.

I really feel like I'm yanking myself left and right trying to get things done. Like, why do I hate it so much.
I don't understand.

 

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Detox[62] InconvenientFood[1] Sugarfree[1]

Depression goals
Omega3
engaging activity
physical exercise
sunlight exposure
social support
sleep

Thoughts

3/6 depression goals ... not too shabby.
Played console social games with family.
For this softer detox I don't consider it a breaking of the detox. Frigging Mario Party.
It is unfortunate that family social network is so bound in video gaming and other forms of digital distraction
It really has taken over my entire bloodline. Either you work to death. Or you talk about star wars. lol. watalife
Owellio.
Long as steam, blizzard, stay away from my computers I'm a'ok.

Temptation
With the new WoW expansion coming out next month, the temptation to play is overwhelming.
It would come after right after finishing this detox too. Talk about overwhelming.
Anyways, I rather stubborn part of my mind has already contrived a plan to roll a
priest/shaman and level up. I think I'm debating with it. If we can get ourselves our own place
next to the campus. Which means I need a higher paying part time job, If That can happen..
Maybe I'll allow it. It's a dangerous game to play though.

IT's a dangerous mental game to play. But part of me really really really want to play the new
Expansion. So, IF i achieve this major life goal, then I won't be all cray about it.
So there... Trying to bind a bad habit with a good one. AFTER the detox of course.

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I know it's tempting, but why bother doing the detox if you're going to give in to WoW? Would you let an alcoholic celebrate with a bottle of tequila? Or give a drug addict some cocaine after completing his detox?

I'm not saying drop the detox; I'm saying you have to ask yourself why did you start in the first place? It's the same reason why we're all here, these games provide momentary stimulation, but leave us with emptiness. I've been playing online games since 2006 and looking back now...I feel nothing but regret. There's always going to be another great game around the corner, and video game companies are just going to get better and better at making them and marketing them to their audience. Looking back now, no one cares how many maxed-level characters I had, how big my guild was, or all the achievements I earned. I think you came here for a reason in the first place. If you gave in to play WoW, it would give you some short term satisfaction, but just long term sadness. 

I say don't do it, stay strong!

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Detox[63] CookedFood[0] Sugarfree[2]
Workday
Kinda ran into a point of conflict with relatives due to food consumption.  It's a sore point and completely a result of depending on others for food. What's agonizing about it is that I'VE TOLD THESE PEOPLE not to cook for me.
Like, wtf, they refuse to stop and drag me into their expectations. It's like someone forces a gift upon you and makes later demands for the social debts.
So, back to this old song and dance again, the only way to disempower this negative energy is to become fully food independent.
So, I'm resetting back to the cooked food tracker.
There is just literally no other way to treat this issue.
Keeping the sugar free tracker cause that shits gotta go.

Depression Goals
Omega3   (don't remember... oops)
engaging activity
physical exercise
sunlight exposure
social support
sleep  (Job throws schedule off so I can't count this as CONSISTENT sleep is the only one that's counted.)

0/6 ... Ouch, workdays are tough. I just want to withdraw and stay away from everyone after this day. Perhaps I should try and do a jog for sunlight and exercise right after work. Feet usually hurt so I'm unsure. I need to make sure I'm grabbing some of these goals though.

Sinirad
Well, there are two MAJOR goals I would have to complete before I would allow myself to play. I have to find parttime work that syncs with my school schedule and is 11/hour or more. That's what it would take to justify living in apartments close to campus. So those are two major goals that I might not even accomplish.
It's really unfortunate that I don't have any other reward for things like this. I just keep laying down foundations that should have existed from the beginning hoping that somehow, when I have a more sound foundation, my shattered and submerged personality will start to come out. Maybe such a thing might help me find something "rewarding".

There's a problem I'm not acknowledging is my belief in myself. I don't feel the slightest bit threatened by the trade off I was suggesting last post. Why? It's an interesting thought. Why do I not care. I'm trying so hard to get away from these terrible gaming habits but when I say I'll play World of Warcraft, the first addiction, if I get my own place, I don't even feel threatened. The sad truth is that I don't think I believe I can get my own place. I think I'll be trapped here forever until I suicide because it's so pathetic.

I guess what I'm saying is that, I'm saying I'll play word of Warcraft as a sort of joke to myself.
Like saying, "I'll play games when pigs fly."
But if I actually could accomplish those goals... I don't even know.

So, I don't really know where I'm going with those thoughts.

Overall
Detox is meh, but I haven't really replaced it with anything. I'm getting worried that it's too late.

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5 hours ago, Rualani said:

Overall
Detox is meh, but I haven't really replaced it with anything. I'm getting worried that it's too late.

It's never too late friend,

You sound like you're a student so it sounds like you're still young. I'm 31 years old and I've been playing games since before I can even remember, seriously my dad bought my mom an NES when it first came out. I just decided to quit yesterday, so it's safe to say I've been playing for a solid 25 years, longer than the age of some people on this forum!

It's
never
too
late.

It sounds like you have already accepted defeat in a way. You don't believe you can accomplish what you've set out to accomplish, and if you do accomplish it, you're going to reward yourself with something that would negate your accomplishments. You talk about "rewarding" yourself but the way you talk about yourself makes it seem like you don't think you deserve a reward.

Well let me tell you friend.

You can accomplish whatever you set your mind to. I don't mean to get all wishy-washy on you, but before any change can happen in the real world, it has to happen in your mind.
A man running a marathon who believes he can win may not win, but he sure as hell has a chance.
A man running a marathon believing he will lose, will undoubtedly lose.

As I said before, you came here for a reason in the first place, you had set an intention and so far for 63 days you've stuck to it. We're all going to have good days and bad days, but don't let that stop you from accomplishing what you set out do in your mind. 

There are lots of things you could do to reward yourself, but WoW isn't one of them. You know it, we know it, you don't want to go down that path. 

You know I used to identify as a "gamer" and defined myself by what I could do in the gaming world. But it's a sad and empty world that distracts us from our purpose.

WoW shouldn't be your reward and it shouldn't define you. What do you want to be defined by?

Stay strong friend!

P.S

I noticed under your depression goals you didn't feel like you accomplished social support. But in your journal entry you directly responded to my comment and sincerely addressed a feeling that you're unsure of and reached out to this forum.

That's gotta count for something right?

Because all of us here are rooting for you!

 

 

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Detox[64] CookedFood[0] Sugarfree[0]
Accidently ate a protein bar. And since I live in America. This means that I ate too much sugar.
I got Lord Krishna's Cusine: The art of indian vegetarian cooking. SAVE MEH KRISHNA
Oh, games. Yeah. Must resist. Was just watching dark souls 3 vids. Bad me. bad bad bad.


Depression goals
Omega3
engaging activity
physical exercise
sunlight exposure
social support
sleep

3/6 Yeah baby.
Especially managing to get that jog in today helped.

Sinirad
I appreciate the support. Alright, I won't even risk it. Not going to reward myself with WoW then.

I'm tempted to score the depression goal since a little effort does count for more than nothing. I just don't want to get over complicated and my primary goal for social support is peer face-to-face support, whatever that means. I just figured it was the highest ideal.

Personally, I'm very appreciative of the support you and the community has offered. This series of journals has really become a sort of anchor for a lot of things. That's why smaller goals and and other tidbits keep trickling in. With gaming detox as the core other things keep swirling around it. Some become more steady and attach to the core while others drift away. It's very nifty to have an absolute SOMETHING to keep track of while messing around with other things.

Overall
It's important to take everything one day at a time. Tracking these goals has really proven that for me. Like  a game, I find myself seeing how many of my goals I can score in a day. I'm tempted to pick up habitica again. Though the journaling is really useful. hmmm.



 

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Detox[65] CookedFood[0] Sugarfree[0]

I drank a yoohoo. Goddamnit. God damnit.

Depression goals
Omega3
engaging activity
physical exercise
sunlight exposure
social support
sleep

Slept too late.
Alone
Didn't even go for a jog.
Got my omega 3's though

More improvements
Starting back up on the productivity bandwagon with trello, pomodora technique, and hourstack.io
First off, trying to get 2 hour increments in ofr a specific school task for starters.
secondly, I'm going to start claiming hours, whatever I do I want that app to know I did it.
I've found that data over time tends to help me enforce the harder choices.



 

 

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Detox[67] NoConvenienceFoods[1] Sugarfree[0]

So yesterday I went the the VR lab again and ended up playing RecRoom for a few hours. I actually had a lot of fun talking to random people and it was quite the adventure.
I guess it makes me think about why I played MMOs in the first place. Anyways, I rarely visit the room so it's no problem. As I've said before, this is only a soft detox. Just making sure I don't use my labtop for gaming.
No steam games. No computer games. No WoW
Exemption granted for games with people IRL.
Only reason I have granted this exemption, is because I don't associate with many people in the meatspace. Therefore I consider the benefit to outweigh the negatives. I've been playing by this ruleset the whole time but I figured I'd actually verbalize it.

Depression goals
Omega3
engaging activity
physical exercise
sunlight exposure
social support
sleep

I think I need to choose the 8-5 sleep schedule. Mainly, because it's been all over the place and I should just synchronize it with my current job. That makes sense. Right?

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Detox[68] Food[0] Sugar[0]

I ate Arby's today. NOOOOOO
Bought ingredients for a meal at the same time so hopefully it balances out.

Some thoughts on the trigger. I had gotten a bit of physical activity geocaching. I got a major essay mostly done. I ... dunno, after walking around I just ended up caving in. I had a good breakfast so I don't think I can blame hunger. It was really good though. Omg so tasty. Gah

The voice that persuaded me pointed out how I had been doing good so far and I should just go for it.
I feel imprisoned in this state I live in. There's so many temptation that just lead to bad habits.

Depression goals
Omega3
engaging activity
physical exercise
sunlight exposure
social support
sleep

3/6 woot woot

Thinking about where I am
No matter where I go there are buildings by buildings by buildings selling fast food.
Roads, power lines, segmented grids as far as the eye can see

Where are the forest, so large to get lost in?
Where are the people, all I see are cars?

Oh maybe I should find people, let's go to meetup. com
Javascript, html, ruby, tech, look at all these meetings...
cause code is in, you'll find a way, to make some cash.
To get far away from here.

I remember.
Why I game.


 

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Detox[70] Food[1] Sugar[1]

20 more days. Just twenty. I've come so far.
So, what's the big change?
Most knowledge remains the same, but
there's a whole personal philosophy anew

A terrible mistake was made.

I knew, that for project purification to truly begin
Something must fall
Something just be sacrificed.

Something went missing
Freezing the giant
I sacrificed the wrong child
It must be reborn.
Fantasy.
In me.

The right sacrifices must be made
It is through this forum
my daily ritual

Depression goals
Omega3
engaging activity
physical exercise
sunlight exposure
social support
sleep

All work related. That's... interesting.
+ 1 for conservative social cohesion work argument? |

A tale? I think I read this from Carl Jung but I can't find the blasted story.
Addiction is like a giant,
unmovable, invincible
if you wish to pass
Grab a bow, nock your arrow
And shoot
shoot
Shoot until his body falls
Keep shooting even as his body lies quivering

Then pick up the giant
and carry him home
Nurture his body

For remember
An old god falls
A new god rises



P.S. if you find this tale please tell me, I saw a reference to a giant and poison barb in Jung's liber novas but I don't think that's it.

 

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Detox[72] Food[0] Hour track[2.5]

I've added another tracker! I'm using an app to track productivity called Hourstack... I think

Depression goals
Omega3
engaging activity
physical exercise
sunlight exposure
social support
sleep

1/6 a way there. Ew

Thoughts
Sleep was a nightmare, I meant to wake up earlier but I woke up later. Huge headache, feeling terrible, couldn't get out of bed.
I had drank a soda and eaten sugar before too but I think this trailmix is also to blame. It's basically sunflower seeds sprinkled with other things.
I did some research after I woke up since the headache was so terribad and I  found that the sunflower seeds were VERY VERY high in Omega 6's.
This made me suspicious so I went ahead and made some tuna ramen (without packet) and a veggie recipe for lunch, wince that's when I woke up.
I just ate a bunch right a few minutes ago and my mind is all over the fucking place. I think I might have to highlight it as a danger. No omega 6 high seeds which bring me to a problem.

Caution is needed since I don't really KNOW why i had a huge headache. Perhaps waking up too late just fucked me up bad. I don't know why I slept in so much. I think I'm swinging back and forth between two sleep schedules too much so I'm trying to make it so I wake up at 5 AM every morning since that's my work schedule



Fats from seeds versus the Omega 6 problem.
A source of nutrition information I commonly go to for help is Joel Fuhrman who offers many different pieces of information depending on what the information seems to be showing. One bit of a problem is how he views fat. Basically, they should come from seeds, nuts, avocados, plant based things. My problem is that, most seeds are badly balanced for omega 6's to omega 3's. The best way I'm trying to get around this is by supplementation and today by using Tuna.

I guess that means when it comes to diet I'm probably leaning more towards pescatarian. Using plants when I can and using fish when I have to.

Either way, my mind is fried. Peace.

 

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Detox[74] Food[0] Hour track[2.0]

I desire to get Pokemon moon for my 2ds. WE WANTS IT.
These things come and go but god does it suck when it does.

Depression goals
Omega3
engaging activity
physical exercise
sunlight exposure
social support
sleep

1/6 again.. haha..
So I was just thinking about sports and the benefits they provide. I was definently a more weirdo/nerd category in high school so I never got into sports. Even when I was a kid, I sort of just fantasized and sat in my own head rather than pay attention to the game (Baseball). I do remember Soccer soaking my attention a bit.

Anyways, so you're playing soccer.
That would knock out, physical exercise,sunlight exposure right off the bat.
presuming a good connection with the team, that would knock out social support.
And presuming an enjoyment of soccer, that would knock out engaging activity.

Holy shit.
4/6 anti depressive habits can be covered from one group activity. That's crazy. Just mind boggling crazy.

Personally, my problem is that I don't have the same male on male competitive instincts as others. I, also, never really internalized the correct fair play practices and the general ethos of sportmanship. Finally, I don't think I could ever connect with my teammates or... anyone for that matter.

So, this is a key to the depression puzzle for sure. Not sure where that key goes though.

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Detox[77] Food[0] Hour track[]

Worked the full 10 hours today. Excellent. It's the small things ya know
Also, doing a detox is a lot easier when there's only a shitty labtop to work with
, so whenever I want to play the witcher I'm like... damnit I can't.
It's actually kind of heartbreaking. Just the fact that I locked up
my gaming PC adds to my willpower though. So yeah.

 

Depression goals
Omega3
engaging activity
physical exercise
sunlight exposure
social support
sleep

Mood has been difficult to keep up eh.

 

Edited by Rualani

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