Introduction

[BojanB]

Hello everyone.

Name's Bojan, I'm from Croatia, EU and I'm 30 years old.

 

I started exactly like Cam.

First game was Starcraft and I was instantly blown away by it. Gaming for me was always about being really good at it, knowing the game in such a way that was rare and impressive to my other gaming friends. In a sense it gave me a feeling of accomplishment, success, and validation from my friends about being 'smart' because my games always involved creating character builds and strategy. 

I was drawn to the fact that I could follow certain and distinct actionable steps and I would INEVITABLY get the result I wanted. Shame that I never felt that in real life, you never know if you're going to achieve something or even what's the best way to go about achieving something. So much uncertainty and therefore paralysis by over analysis.

 

Still I feel that gaming is only part of the problem for me. Gaming was really a big part of my high school and college life but at the same time porn was the other side of the coin. 

Like gaming, it was highly stimulative, it offered me escape and I got not face my intimacy issues or risk my fragile self esteem by risking it with women, and what girls I did get, approached me first.

 

I find myself now at a point of disgust. I am sick and tired of just existing, killing time, hiding within my tiny comfort zone, pretending I'm the shit, and nothing hurts me. 

I want to face my demons, I want to free myself from these crutches and move on with my life. I want to stop porn and I want to stop video games (success porn for me) and mend what needs to be mended.

 

I'm terrified of dropping it all at once to be honest. I have basically no friends here where I live, and little in a way hobbies. I feel overwhelmed and anxious but I cannot stay the same anymore. I'm just getting more miserable and my problems aren't going away.

 

I'm here for any of you that need or just want to chat, if times get tough. Hit me up and we can exchange Whatsapp, and I'll be there for you whenever you need me. 

[Hitaru]

Welcome to the forum! First of all you took a big step so far by reflecting all of this the way you did. Can relate to your feelings, specially about girls and feeling you keep existing for no real reason. You're not alone. 

In fact most of the community can relate to your story in some degree, you'll be noticing this if you stay for a while. You can check the Accountability Partners Section if you wish to contact someone with a similar background and goals than yours. 

Great to have you! 

[BojanB]

Thanks Hitaru, means a lot to open up and get supported not shamed, like in my RL.

I'm not going anywhere. Here to stay and to give support back.

[Logi]

Hey BojanB, pretty sick story to hear. I wish you all the best in your efforts! You can do it! :D

[BojanB]

Thanks Logi, the same to you!

[Cam Adair]

Welcome! Hope to visit Croatia someday.

[BojanB]

Thanks Cam, you'd love it, especially now in the summer.

[dwalk77]

Welcome Bojan!

I can relate, I started porn and gaming at an early age, and they've both stunted my growth.  You're in good company here, good luck on your journey