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JustTom

Just broke 40 days of detox

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The latest journal entry shortly describes how I'm feeling right now: https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/6141-justtoms-journal/&page=4

It's been 2 days since I started gaming again after 40 days of detoxing. The first two weeks were in fact without watching any videos whatsoever as well(not even non-gaming ones).

I figured 1 thing that would help me is just thinking about it a little bit and writing down the reasons for the relapse, or even other things leading to the relapse. I currently have 0 willpower, but somehow, just typing in this forum is very relaxing and not making me feel anxious like other non-gaming activities are(such as checking my messages to see people trying to communicate with me).

Brainstormed reasons:

  • Feeling resistance against school work because my skill is not high enough and it's very tough to get into
  • Oversleeping
    • Going to sleep late 
    • Not having a plan for the day written down the evening before
    • Fear of confrontation of my own limits (skill in coding/math)
    • Sitting on the bed instead of the chair
  • Lack of short-burst high-intensity activity (I workout, but that's not the same emotion I'm after)
  • Lack of competition
  • Lack of social/sex-life
  • Never fully letting go of my gaming identity (hence watching the gaming videos)
  • Not having a back-up plan for when I oversleep (schedule is broken - what to do now?)
  • Watched gaming videos
  • Watched videos 
  • Stayed home
  • No close friend to share the journey with IRL (detox or business)

I feel a bit better after writing this. 

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In my experience (which may not be applicable to yours, but worth a shot), it's the sleep.

When I oversleep, I tend to panic: I had all these things planned for the day and now I have less time if I want to go to bed at the proper time. I also tend to be lazier after oversleeping and so more prone to cravings to waste time with games/videos. And on occasion, I also get the "well this day is ruined now, why try at all" feeling.

That's still a struggle for me, but I think I'm improving by being conscious of what's going on with me in terms of feelings. That helps me adjust or work through the attitude.

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