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B1ggl3fty's Journal


B1ggl3fty

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Day 3) Had a few instances when Cam's advice in the many videos I've seen came in useful. First of all the concept of stopping consuming content has been hugely eye opening, and I realize not just how much I have NEEDED gaming, but how much my body NEEDED stimulation via surfing, netflix, facebook, reddit, youtube, porn, etc... its a cycle of hyperstimulation that kept my brain in a constant fog, unable to  hear myself think.  I'm serious, I was amazed to feel my brain being bored and forming  coherent thoughts in english, not just general emotions. 

 

Secondly, I took from what to do after the detox ( I know I havent completed it yet) is that when I was feeling at the end of saturday that I had done a lot and deserved a game break, I was reminded that A) I dont want to feel that way and B) I only got so much done because I avoided those things, and I know the habit loop that that will lead to. 

Basically, I'm feeling a lot more prepare for success this time around. Here's to a week at a time getting better and better. 

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Day 9) Still going along, not gaming seems easier each day, and consuming content in general is the overall goal. Tomorrow I have a half day. I have a test to take, but I'll likely finish up by 530, with 5 hours or so to go. I could immediately start work on my essays, but I have a feeling I will want a break. I am good during the day with working out and being outside, but the evening is where I lack activities. Especially with my girlfriend. We really fell into the habit most couples do where we just turn on the TV when we unwind. Thoughts? 

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Me and my wife go for longer walks n the evening if the weather is ok. We have a similar dynamic after work but if we manage to get off the Coach it is worth it very time. I think walks are a fine way of Relaxing. It is much easier to talk and have quality time this way.  We did Play some boardgames in the past but it didn't wok that well because it needed a greater amount of Attention ;). I needto be more proactive at this part too. I let you know if I discover other nice activities .

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I appreciate the responses guys. We have gone on walks in the past and I like them. I think we will start utilizing the porch more often, just sitting outside with maybe a glass of wine and talking. Chris I definitely understand what you are saying about codependency, I have been working on that big time myself. I really like the book no more mr. nice guy. Its basis is a little bit too psychoanalytical for my tastes, but the practical advice stands very true to me. Being a strong individual with boundaries who puts his needs first is something I strive too. 

I currently am not making very much money, so going out very often is semi limited, but there are public spaces, and Once a week won't break the bank. I'll start trying some of these ideas. Thanks guys!

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  • 3 weeks later...

I've been doing pretty well actually. I think what I'm leaning towards naturally is stepping away from the forum and internet answers searching  in  general for a while and focusing on what  I know. I know quite a bit about what I need to do, I don't need any more help from the internet right now. I will definitely post updates from time to time, but I'm no longer going to feel bad that the posts aren't regular. Hopefully I can go out and find some insight to share with people starting their journey. 

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  • 1 year later...

I could be embarrassed to be back yet a third time, but I'm not going to let that stop me from trying again. Here we go. This time I went ahead and purchased Respawn, I have already sold all gaming systems and this computer can barely run any reasonable game if it wanted to. I'm lumping in youtube with my gaming challenge, because unlike netflix or hulu it gives you constant variety and quick spikes at a high speed. 

Going to focus on consistency of this journal, and completing Respawn. 

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1/11/18

Day 2) having mild urges to find a new game to play that "would be different" and that I would "be able to control" but I know thats not reasonable, and I only ever get any real fulfillment from playing with real friends, and usually in person. Not even online do I get the fulfillment I get from being in person with them, just watching them game. I have to conclude that I really want human contact, and the games have simply been an ineffective medium. I have a decent social life, but I have this ingrained pattern left over. 

Youtube urges strong, able to resist. Going to go to bed fairly early tonight, recovering from an illness. 

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1/14/18

Day 5) friend wants to watch gaming related videos, and I realize that even my media consumption is geared towards video games. My deeper knowledge of history of an area is in video games. I need to relinquish this and start exploring new "areas" of interest and expertise. Quitting video games going ok so far. Trying to be productive now, successful to some degree. Working slowly through respawn. 

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1/18/18

Day 9) Games, still not playing them. Noticing still that my media consumption is focused around video games. I'll watch game comedy channels a lot. Its clearly a bigger part of my life than I used to think. I'm still pretty sure I want to eliminate that. At the very least to prove that I can, and I've never done that. School starting to ramp up, hopefully that helps me buckle down and kick some bad watching habits. 

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hey B1ggl3fty , I'm new to the community, I was just reading through some of your posts.

I can relate to a lot of what you've said.  I was salutorian of my class in high school and was also an athlete, a baseball player, but I was also very shy, and I've struggled dropping gaming and porn for a long time.  Lately I've been struggling more with unloading hours watching Twitch more than gaming itself, but it's still something that keeps me holed up in my house.

I also live in the Dallas area, feel free to message me if you want to try to connect sometime. 

Take care brother

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1/23/17

Day 14) Still able to find ways to procrastinate without youtube, games, porn, etc. Going to try to augment my to do list by ranking and organizing them and only allowing myself to do my daily tasks in the order i assign them. I tend to eat around the center task, instead of taking it out head on and then cleaning up the small, less important tasks. Swallow the frog, as they say. 

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1/3/18

Day 25) Getting better at task prioritization (basically, school stuff for tomorrow, and the near future before anything besides health) and transitions (speed between changes of settings and tasks). Long way to go there, but feeling more useful and productive. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
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  • 2 weeks later...

3/11/18

Day 60) Games are still easy to stay off of. I'm doubling down starting now to stay off of porn and youtube, because it sucks up so much of my free time. Its not like I don't have other activities in place, I do. So its just about staying off that information stream. 

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  • 3 weeks later...
9 hours ago, B1ggl3fty said:

3/31/18

Day 80) Still off of games, drinking less alcohol, and working hard on reducing media consumption/controlling it. Starting to get excited I'm finally making it. 

Wow, you can do this!  Glad to hear you're making good progress. 

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

New goal. 30 days without youtube, reddit, porn, and alcohol. Have already gone 14 days or so without porn, but I'm not here just for numbers, im here for results so ill count it as a lump and see what happens. Also, I don't care if this journal is just me, it helps to be accountable to something. 

Day 116 without games by the way. Win. 

Edited by B1ggl3fty
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