How did I get here...my story

[FireRanger]

I really wanted to reflect on my relationship with gaming through out my life. Like many here it starts out so innocently. I remember my first console...I was 6 and had asked santa for a TNMT Pizza Thrower...my parents didn’t get me that because they seen a news story on kids getting eye injuries from the thrown pizzas lol...so instead I got an NES. I don’t remember playing it that much but I have memories of mario and duck hunt. When I was 12 I got a PS1, that’s when I have a lot of fond memories playing Resident evil 1/2, NHL, medal of honor the years I had that console. But again I was never glued to it. I grew up on a farm, played competitive hockey. That never changed much through my adolescence. I started my career when I was 20 and even though I would get every new console it was never the thing I would focus on a lot. I travelled the world, very active social life, played hockey constantly, boxing, weights, healthy social life, met my wife and got married. Even though I still gamed during that period of my life it was just for fun and could care less if didn’t game for days or weeks, I never craved it. 

The downward spiral started when I was about 28, my relationship was going through some stresses and I started to escape those stresses through video games. Fast forward and my wife and  I are expecting our daughter while at the same time I took a transfer with work that my wife was not too thrilled about. Our daughter was born and it was total bliss, things were feeling good again and I wasn’t thinking of gaming that much. When my daughter was 2 months and she wasn’t thriving so we started to investigate why, soon after she came down with RSV went into respritory distress, air ambulanced to the children’s hospital where we stayed for 10 weeks and where she was diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type 1 and given 1 year to live. It was very stressful to say the least. When we were finally discharged we went to live with my parents so that I could take the time off to be with her. For the first 2 years I couldn’t sleep as I kept thinking about my daughter dying and everything related to death. I started gaming when I couldn’t sleep to get my mind off of it. I ran on 3-5 hours sleep a day for almost 2 years. That is when my gaming was at its worse because I was self medicating with its use. Huge impacts on my health too, I gained 40lbs, mental fatigue, totally unhealthy. I was able to start  to sleep again just before I as to go back to work thankfully. Even though I never had a lot of time to game after going back to work I as always craving it any free time I had which is taking away previous time in life. I have been in s pretty bad low for the last 6 months, all of my relationships are strained and i know it’s because I use my free time to escape instead of live and  me here hoping I can find positive influence and support. It feels  good to share this and the few days I have been on the forum I can tell it’s a great community and outlet. Thanks everyone.

[Cam Adair]

Glad you are here with us. Wishing you and your family the best. :)

[Arch]

Thanks for sharing, very courageous of you. We're all here to help each other and you are most welcome.

[Bugg]

Thank you for sharing your story, I think you’re strong for having dealt with so much and yet are still able to recognise your own weaknesses and having the willpower to address them. I wish you the best of luck!!