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NEW VIDEO: The EASIEST Way to Stop Gaming

90 days


Xonor

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Hello, all.

Day 1.

This will mostly consist of me writing about how I felt.

Do not feel obligated to respond. I wouldn't, more than likely, write this, if only for that it goes online, where people I don't know can read it.

Writing things, apart from creative efforts, like my poetry, or my stand up, seems to be immensely desirable for me, but my preconceptions tell me it's pointless. I read some of my poetry at the lit club, and mostly people could either not understand it or found it to be incredible but not understandable. That feeling could apply to me overall, if I don't sound pretentious.

It's nearly 04:00, and I've work soon, so I'm going to finish this post. My sleep schedule has been completely fucked. I think it's because me getting back into games - or rather, dealing with my laptop dying and having to reinstall two christforsaken OSs' to get them working again - has put me off, for the moment. I wanted to try a number of video games, mostly mmos.

I'll try this, and see if living in the real world, is really as good as people tell me it is. I'll probably come back to this after having finished work for the evening, if only to actually avoid playing video games. I might go on steam, just to keep touch with my friends. I never trusted facebook, but even just loading the thing now makes me retch.

I should try and keep this up.

Xonor

 

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Day 1, part 2, I venture.

 

A surprisingly good day at work today. Myself and two colleagues recorded ourselves shouting loudly into a mic, and intend to install it as the boot sound for our other colleague's computer. Sleep deprivation is starting to hit me hard. I intend to get some lifting in today. The temptation to play games is quite heavy. I do think I will continue, but it is worth committing to other hobbies and maybe really drawing a schedule up. I've come to derive immense satisfaction from finishing drawings. I'm not sure where I want to take it.

My mum's health is good today. This is not usually the case. Bit peckish. Have had a hard time being social. Thinking about calling friends.

I will try to do regular end of day journals, as opposed to parts, if only to get everything all done in one.

 

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Day 2 . Late night again.

 

Slept poorly, slept from 18:00 to 23:00 , can't sleep now, should turn off my pc soon.

No real cravings to game, apart from maybe the fact that I still have 50 days left on my ffxiv sub - I prefer not to waste money. No refunds, either.

I'll admit I might feel slightly better, but if that's because of no video games I'm not seeing evidence for it.

Being this sad reminds me of how hard it was to socialize in general. I hope my other friend is okay to talk this weekend.

Signing off for now. Not much to talk about.

Xonor

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No cravings, again. Strange.

 

I think, in honesty, my issues lie with food and other indulgences, apart from video games. Not playing video games has reminded me, mostly, of how alone I both am and feel. I got quite used to loneliness, and still am. My mum is doing well today, as is my sister and father.

Work was pretty good, bit hectic.

Sleep deprivation still in effect.

Going to go lift now.

Take it easy.

Xonor

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Played a video game today. 3 hours, but with a friend. We talked robustly on politics. I was going to do stand up tomorrow, but will probably elect to go with my conservation group tomorrow - planting trees in the middle of nowhere.

Can't think of much today. Playing that game almost made me relapse, and I've beenw atching lots of game footage today. Trying to find my copy of crime and punishment to ward it off.

 

Xonor

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Alright. Good,

 

Planted some trees with my volunteer group. Mild sunburn, extensive muckiness. Early shift this week  at work.

 

Still no videogames. Still overeating.

Still.. bored. Couldn't do my standup gig either.

I can't ever seem to change the things that are important.

Xonor

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Ran to get my bus today. I'm starting to run out of books to read on the bus.

Late night, early start. My dad is in for sleep apnea, or at least a sleep lab assessment. Out of all the things he could have, that's really one of the lesser ones. I hope he's okay.

I didn't talk much today. People seem to talk to me more or less the same, but my perception of it is warped. This has been an enlightening experience, so far.

Sometimes - in between caring for my mum arguing and then crying about my sister, and eating to hide the pain, I get these rare lucid moments, only I have to come see them as acting like a normal person. It feels like a familiar sort of weirdness. At many points throughout this detox, I have come to look upon my actual issues more closely, and have become alarmed at how comfortable they are to me.

Xonor

 

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A good day turned sour.

My mother had.. an event (psychological), started crawling on the floor, asked the windows be opened and took her medicine. She keeps asking me to be happy, but I can't fake it. It pains me to see her like this. My dad is alright, sleep apnea confirmed, but a machine treatment is viable.

No video games played, but too much time on youtube. Not a lot of chocolate either. Still need to quit the latter cold turkey.

I'm perhaps beginning to think I might be better suited to another forum, but I know if I stop posting here I'll stop caring entirely.

It's hard to persuade myself to not use the computer in some way when most of my books are now blurring together for having read them so many times, and drawing is difficult to believe to be worthwhile, or to find the time inbetween breaking up family fights

Regardless, still going.

When I got some free time this (working) weekend, I might start setting up some goals each day.

Still finding myself to be extremely distracted or disinterested. Even though I was both of these things without games, this emptiness - useful in some ways, helped me get where I am academically - feels like something beyond simply not having many friends because of games. Typing these out is beginning to be a chore.

I think I've changed somewhat in this time, but not much. I suppose I should give it the benefit of the doubt.

Xonor

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