Im only sad that i didnt find this 5 years ago.

[JanG]

Hi GQ

I challenged myself to join this community becauuse, i never do stuff like that, but i also realise that this could be life-changing and i want to give it 100%. I've only ever written articles and essays before for school and jobs, and have been very perfectionistic about it, but also taking a lot of time to write each post. This however i intend to be more of a stream-of-consciousness, so apologies if theres no red thread and if theres typos, cause i just want to "bang" this one out.

 

About Me

Im a 25 year old danish kid who's been fortunate enough to get raised in a country and by parents where social security is high, So harsh as it seems, even after moving out from my parents, i've never been concerned with "surviving", and while i guess its a good thing, it sedated me. While being in Unii got accustomed to just scrape by and still be satisfied. I'm so stingy, the only thing i ever spend money on outside of bills, is food. As in i sometimes spend a little extra coin to be able to cook something delicious, one of the few hobbies that has persisted the gaming. I've flunked out of University twice, while first time was technically just a change in what major i was taking, the second time was an actual flunk. At the time i was behind with my classes (again) and instead of acknowledgning it, i ran. Today it hurts so god damn much to think about how much time i have wasted, and how blind i was back then. When i look around all i see is succesfull friends and family, while i't feels like i've treadded water since i graduated high school.

It feels like i've never had that burning passion for anything in my entire life, i recall wondering how people got so caught up in a subject that they could pursue it with such determination.

 

Gaming

So i've already written quite a bit, and havent really talked about gaming at all. I kinda think its fitting to be honest. Living out the life above i've never before concluded the gaming to be the root of the issue. How could it be? It was the only thing in my life that was going well, most of the IRL friends i have, are friends i've kept because we shared interest for the same games, and im pretty fucking good at that game too. So whenever i queue up i know im gonna be hot shit, compared to IRL-events where im the slightly overweight dude with no hobbies, and nothing interesting to talk about outside gaming. Why not just stop partying as much, you can just stay in and game instead and actually feel good about yourself? Theres so many wrong assumptions i've made in my life entirely because i didnt want to blame computergames. Couple years ago i went to therapy for a stint, and i honestly believed at the point that computer games was the thing to save me from suicide, it was the one bright point in my life and if that had been dimmed i would have nothing to live for right? Or would i have been able to see the other lights in life, no longer out-shined by the sun that was Gaming?

 

I don't know but for now i think i have an answer. It hurts to admit, and i might have cried just a bit in this post, im not beyond admitting that.

 

i know where to start, but i have no fucking clue what to do now. I dont know what i like to do other than gaming and cooking, and i cant cook all day just to burn away time.

 

I feel lost, but i found a road, and im now taking it, wondering where it will lead, and if this one will actually change anything.

 

Again, sorry for the unedited post

 

EDIT: My Journal

Edited March 17, 2018 by JanG

[Arch]

You should check out Cam's Respawn guide... It breaks down the reasons / needs you game for and what types of activities to replace them with.

The time we have spent on gaming can be used to develop other skills that are actually useful in the real world. I'm 27 now, you are 25... Over the last half year I've noticed things that helped push me over the line and made this 100% decision to quit. Among them were my parents being 60+ years old, having aching knees, and the obviousness of how lacking I was able to take care of myself in the bigger scheme of things (cooking, people talking, etc. Soon my parents won't be able to take care of me and that's a really grounding truth that has kicked my ass into a bit of action. The revelation dawns - you will have to take care of yourself.

I'm just saying what worked for me - at some point honestly look at what gaming is benefitting you 1 week, month or year from now and compare it with what you could do with that time.

I'm by no means past the point of successfully quitting games but I found it to be a huge paradigm shift when I CHOSE to set my foot in the sand and take a different direction. Its no longer about "having" to quit because I need to and more "I want to quit." This is unlike my previous 'attempts' at quitting as there is this positive energetic movement to my actions where they were previously filled with lethargy and lack of willpower.

Hope this helps :)

Edited March 17, 2018 by Arch

[JanG]

Thanks for the words.

 

I can identify with the CHOICE. I have always been very tied to my parents, not financially (although i am at the moment), but yesterday i realised that i dont think i have ever done anything major without my parents blessing. Now in and of itself that isnt a problem i think, however when you wait with doing anything because you want to run it by your parents first, it becomes very inhibiting, and ordinary day-to-day things ends up not getting done, e.g. i could never go and by new furniture for my apartment without asking them for input etc. To me it's always seemed that my parents have had everything under control, and i've never felt that way, but subconsciously i think i've over-relied on them to make decisions for me, because i would get cold feet on my own.

 

Now that you mentioned it, i don't think its a coincidence i realised that i've not lived my own life, at the same point in time where i realised that my gaming addiction is detrimental towards me.

 

Now that im reading what i wrote, i realise that this may seem very silly to outside eyes, but all i can say is that it probably stemmed from bad self-confidence from an early age, and me never realising that it isn't normal.

[Cam Adair]

Thanks @Arch!

Welcome Jan, glad you are here with us. 

 

 

[Bugg]

Welcome! I also recommend Respawn, I'm finding it really helpful. However you decide to go about quitting games though, you have plenty of support here on the forum, and I wish you luck in discovering what things you can enjoy outside of gaming. 

[Cam Adair]

4 hours ago, Bugg said:

I also recommend Respawn, I'm finding it really helpful.

So happy to hear that!!