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Sashiku

Sashi's Daily Detox Journal

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I started a new journal since this is a completely different phase in my life and I prefer not to look back. Anyhow, I'm glad to be here again. Let's all learn from each other.

 

Day 1

I went to bed at: 4:30am
I woke up at: 12pm

 

My goals for this week:

Keep a sleep schedule from 12am to 8am

Focus on art and my studies

 

Today I'm grateful for:

My aunts

My best friend

My cozy apartment

This small town

Blueberry waffles

 

I've already started the cleansing process. Removing everything that might tempt me from my computer and other devices. Feeling hopeful though a bit sad. I wish I didn't have so many problems. But at the same time, I'm on the road to self-improvement in many areas so I feel confident that I'm going in the right direction. I also feel a little out of touch spiritually. I was doing really well studying a little a day until last month. I'm excited to get that started back up.

 

I hope you all have a wonderful day. <3

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Day 2

 

Went to bed at 12:44

Woke up at 1pm

Been very tired lately.

 

Goals for Today:
Wash my dishes and wipe off all surfaces

 

Today I'm grateful for:

My best friend

Jean

Jan

Wayne

comfy pajamas

Sleep

 

Feeling tired but also pretty content. I drew a daily sketch yesterday. Here it is:

snoo_from_reddit___daily_sketch_by_sashi

Also, last night in our Personal and Professional Development class, we've been given Journals and asked to keep them. It's supposed to help with stress, help you make better decisions, and helps you to be honest with yourself and others, which then leads to being responsible for your actions.

Edited by Sashiku
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Blueberry Waffles are awesome :7_sweat_smile: damn, now I'm hungry again

Also, it's amazing that you started daily sketching - if done consistently it's a real boost to everthing that has to do with creating pictures - be it drawing, photography or 3D-stuff.

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:> And now I'm hungry again, just thinking about those waffles with a cup of almond tea sitting beside them

Yea, I hope to do a sketch every single day. Drawing is more my chosen art form, but I used to do photography a few years ago. Unfortunately, I no longer have a camera. Thanks for the comment! :D Enjoy the rest of your day.

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WARNING, THIS IS PRETTY DEPRESSING. DON't READ THIS IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY THAT!

Day 3...

Didn't sleep. I had emotional flashbacks most of the night. I ended up crying for hours and then decided to draw my feelings so I could be rid of them.

sadness_by_sashikuchan-dc4j4je.png

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I went to bed rather late last night due to documentaries. >.>;

Woke up at 11am though. 

 

Grateful for:

Jean

Biscuits

Friends
 

I woke up, got ready and headed to the library with the lady who teaches my PPD classes named Jean. WHAT A GREAT LADY! She took all of the bits of information I had pieced together and helped me form them into a working resume in 20 minutes flat. When I got home, I went downstairs at 5:30 and we ate biscuits and gravy! By the time I got home I was exhausted.

Edited by Sashiku

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Day 2: *I kinda messed up but I'm really motivated now*


Grateful for:
Pennies

Freedom

My Dad

Neri

 

I am SO tired today. I had huge plans to get things done but I only did maybe a quarter of the things on my to-do list and ended up falling asleep for like 4 hours. I got some dishes done and vacuumed and failed to get to organizing and finishing my dishes. I still have a little bit of time left today so I'm going to finish dishes probably and do organizing tomorrow. Going to play Bingo tonight at 6pm. Looking forward to it. 

Had a falling apart with one of my friends. Kinda glad, she was a big problem for me over the past few months. One of those controlling people. I completely uninstalled all of my games and even my RPGMaker stuff.

Lastly, Ostara is soon. I am going to be in my hometown for a week but I'm scheduled to go home the DAY BEFORE OSTARA which really sucks. I might change my plans so I can celebrate it there. I really wish I could tell my family so I would feel less alone in my journey... Life isn't fair sometimes, however. I'm just going to have to learn to deal with it.

Edited by Sashiku

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My goodness. So much has been happening that I haven't been online to update my Journal in a couple of days.

 

I went to bed at 10pm
Woke at 5:55am.

 

Today I'm grateful for:
Ibuprofen

Dentists

My Aunt Debbie

 

So I have been pretty busy lately getting things done around my apartment. Some cleaning here and there and some organizing. I also had Class Monday and some homework over the weekend. This class is so positive. I can almost feel the positive change it's had on me. The lady who helps teach my class has been SUCH a help. Her name is Jean and she found me a dentist AND some mental health people for me to see for counseling. Speaking of Dentists, the one she found saw me yesterday and pulled one of my wisdom teeth. The dentist was super nice and even gave me a charity form for everything Medicare doesn't cover since I'm low income. I haven't had a dentist in like 15 years because dentists in Oklahoma don't take Medicare I don't think. Kansas is doing everything right for the disabled I tell you. I'm in quite a bit of pain now but I woke up at 5:55 to take medicine and decided to get up because I wasn't tired anymore.

Lately, I've been filling my time with TV shows and Documentaries but that will probably stop once I get to working on my new project and my comic. My project for when I get home is to re-make some dolls my Grandma had made when I was a little girl. None of her kids remember what they look like, so I'm going to find some scrap material and some yarn and try to completely re-create them from scratch.

I plan on starting work on my comic as soon as my apartment is completely unboxed, organized and clean, which may not happen till 2 weeks from now since I'm going to Tulsa to sign off on my mom's house on the 13th. I am on her deed. I'll be coming home on the 21st because I want to visit my Dad and Aunt while there.

It feels great to be doing so many amazing things.

Edited by Sashiku
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Heading to Oklahoma for 9-10 days. See you guys when I return. Also, I relapsed a tiny bit. I played a mobile game for 1 day and quit. Reason: I have been dealing with chronic exhaustion for 2 weeks where I sleep most of the day and most of the night. I haven't been taking my thyroid medicine in months because I am worried I will run out before I get my insurance. It has been months since I sent it in. They are taking ages. I decided to take some yesterday and today but I'm still so tired I can barely even clean my house.I feel like I'm moving very slowly. I hate being tired all the time. I also got my wisdom too pulled and wasn't allowed to eat solid food for a few days which made it even worse. I just want to feel good so I can get out and do things. I hate sitting inside and when I'm forced to, well, relapses happen due to boredom and frustration. Why is it every time I try to quit my health declines? :(

Edited by Sashiku
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My god I'm tired. I started taking thyroid meds again though. I have just been SO BUSY. I went out of town AGAIN this weekend and the week before I was sick. The week before that I was really upset cause my dad was in the hospital. It's been so busy for me. I'm glad to have time to breathe. Just got home and am taking 2 days off to relax. I need it.

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Hello!  Glad you're taking a couple of days to rest.  Sorry about the recent events.  But it sounds like you know how to take care of your body when it needs recuperation.  That's something I'd like to work on myself as I tend to put too much on my plate sometimes.  

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On 4/2/2018 at 9:39 PM, Dannigan said:

Hello!  Glad you're taking a couple of days to rest.  Sorry about the recent events.  But it sounds like you know how to take care of your body when it needs recuperation.  That's something I'd like to work on myself as I tend to put too much on my plate sometimes.  

I do but I don't. Ever since I got home I've been super exhausted and have been doing NOTHING but playing games and feeling out of it. I'm so stressed out lately because I'm WAY behind in homework due to my being gone so much last month. I'm basically forcing myself to be productive in tiny bits because I just can't seem to focus or feel motivated lately. I realized something too. The problem I'm having isn't because I play video games. Video games are the product of my problems. I have had the same routine for 10+ years. *Wake up, sit at the computer, go to bed.* I had that routine for so many years that I don't know how to change it. Every time I try, I find myself pacing or just staring at the walls and being completely bored and unstimulated. I am not a social person so how am I supposed to find other things to do? Also working out is fine I guess but I always forget to. Plus I sorta hate it. It makes me SO tired. Plus nothing else seems to be as stimulating as the computer. When not gaming, I'm watching youtube, when not doing that I'm watching Netflix. My routine has been to SIT for so long. I just don't know how to change it. Reading is fine yea, but it's nowhere as stimulating as a video game or a youtube video or a movie. I feel like I've lost my love of reading. I used to read SO much back before I had a computer. Would turn off the internet if not for my online schooling. Also, the fact that I'm HORRIBLE at making and keeping friends makes life a lot harder away from the internet. I have NO friends away from the internet. I have social anxiety and the internet has always been the best way to make friends for me, even though I still don't make them well or keep them well on the internet either. I guess my point is, I'm feeling very hopeless. My entire life I've felt like I have no value. My parents definitely didn't help that matter.

Edited by Sashiku
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On 4/12/2018 at 11:17 AM, Dannigan said:

Hey there @Sashiku,

I see where you're frustrated.  It's a lot to expect of yourself right now.  I think at this time, you feel overwhelmed.  You have a medical condition and also a disorder to cope with.  It's not easy. 

I have read that having a belief that you 'can' improve, is what determines success in the long-run.  My humble advice would be to choose one small goal.  It doesn't even have to be about detoxing from video games.  Choose one small goal that you can focus on every single day. 

I can give some examples, but it's you who will decide or not decide.  Doing nothing at all will get you nowhere.  So, that's why I recommend starting very tiny steps. 

Examples:

~ wake up and make your bed every morning [or insert whatever activity], versus getting up and going right to the computer

~ wake up and login to a Meet-up website [ do this every single day ], browse the meet-ups for 25 minutes, look for hobbies that you would join

~ go for a walk, smile at one stranger every single day

~ wake up, but start a journal entry every single day in the morning, same time

Very tiny steps.  I focused on your social anxiety, to help expose yourself little by little.  Every single step that you accumulate is a success.  You need to start small to feel like you're accomplishing anything.

Eventually, you'll gain momentum.  And tackle more difficult goals over time. 

But the first thing you must do....is believe you can change.

Sincerely,

~ Dani

2

You are absolutely right. I have been feeling overwhelmed lately and I can change, I'm just doing it wrong. Doing everything cold turkey after 15 years of it feels impossible. Small steps seem like a great idea. I wanted to do the meetup thing but I'm in a tiny town and there aren't any here. I do need to start going back to activities though. I've been locked in my apartment since after I got home and I've just stayed here. One of my introvert moods I guess. I will try your suggestion. And thank you. :)

Edited by Sashiku

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