Hello. I'm Brian. And I love computer games!

[BrianCook]

Hello to all of you!  My name is Brian.  I currently live in York, PA.  I have lived here for 10 years, but originally native to Southern California. I have been playing computer games for 34 years since the age of 10.  As a guess, I think I may have sunk 40,000+ hours of my life in computer games alone.  I am a middle-aged man in my 40’s, and I always found myself continuing to making poor decisions and bad choices that always lead me back to square one.  I always knew there was something that was affecting the way I have been handling obstacles throughout my life, but I just could not grasp it.  Was I special?  Was I doomed? Did I have a mental condition?  I had no clue.  I never found the answers up until a few days ago, so there was no correction for the impulses in my brain to act differently, which in turn, would allow me to make better decisions in my life as I moved into adulthood.

A few nights ago, I thought about changing some activities in my life, JUST to see if it may help me to better myself as a person.  I turned to Google, as I always do, and searched the following keywords, “I need to stop playing video games”.  After just a few clicks, it led me to an article written by Cam Adair on How to Quit Playing Video Games FOREVER.  After reading, and further watching the video of him at TEDx (which brought tears to my eyes), it triggered me to research further Google keywords and find the underlying cause that turned me onto computer games.

Social Exclusion in Adolescence

Just like Cam, I experienced social exclusion and rejection from 3rd grade on up until I graduated High School. Some examples were that of calling me names, such as "nerd” and “wimp”, pushing me out of the lunch lines, and getting picked last for physical education activities, such as dodge ball.  I wasn't interested in sports at all.  That would push me to interact with my peers.  My mother and step-father were both in the sales field.  Due to high demand in the sales field, my parents were most likely not there when I came home from school.  Most of the time, I was left to come home after school activities, to a Spanish-speaking housekeeper. In 5th grade, at the age of 10, my biological father bought me a brand new Apple IIc computer that came pre-installed with The Black Cauldron.  From then on, my escape from anyone and everybody was computers, and most of all, computer gaming.

Sierra games in particular published quite a few titles such as King’s Quest, Space Quest, Police Quest, and Leisure Suit Larry! Those titles and more, such as Zork, and The Bard’s Tale, consumed every waking hour of my time.  School was a breeze.  I may have physically been at school, but never mentally engaged myself.  My mind was back at home in my computer on those games.  I had problems even actually going to school.  I would absolutely refuse to go.  At that time, around the turn of 7th grade into 8th, my father stepped in and made me go.  I went… but not really.  I remember, in High School, I would go to a payphone, and call the school.  Using a deep voice, I would call the school and pretend to be my Dad calling myself sick.  Then I have a day to myself to sneak back home and hop on my computer again.  There were many days like that.  Star Control and Wing Commander were big ones for me in High School.  I did make it through High School, but I barely graduated a 1.97 grade average.

From there, I went on to City College, only finding myself dropping out, year after year.  At the age of 21, I met a girl that gave interest to me, and I to her.  She was my first heart felt love and rid me of my virgin status.  She ended up breaking my heart a year or so later.  I guess after that, my brain said, “To hell with people!”.  Back to computer games! Blizzard games were my vice.  I spent most of my time on Warcraft, Starcraft, then on to Warcraft 2 and 3.  Then it was onto Quake, Doom, Duke Nukem 3D, and Unreal Tournament.  Everquest turned the world for me.  I could level up, get more gear, achieve with my character, and made new friends that greeted and praised me for being there!  Something that the real world never gave me. From then on, my life got worse.  Stealing my mothers credit to buy a new computer.  Drug abuse.  So on and so forth… 

On November 23, 2004, I bought 6 copies of World of Warcraft.  One for me, and a copy of for each of my five gaming buddies, that didn't even know what WoW was at the time.  I knew it was going to be the best thing I could sink all my spare time into and escape the real world.  Over time... 4 out of the 5 friends I gave it to, almost ruined their lives.  I would probably say that I have invested about 7,000 hours total in my World of Warcraft gaming alone. I have been playing that particular game for 14 years now. Even though I could adapt myself by getting a job, and be self-sustainable, I found myself changing jobs quite often, moving frequently, with further loss of connections to my family. 

To this day, I still have extensive personal issues.  I am a father that pays child support, but I feel as if I lack self-worth to be engaged in fatherhood.  I may even need therapy to help repair my brain, as I do not think I can do this by myself.  Personally, for me, I have come to realize that video games are an ultimate waste of my time. Time that I could have easily put to use elsewhere in a more productive manner. I could argue that if I quit playing computer games sooner in my life, I would be better off. As my action to quit computer games would have inevitably added more worth and value to my life at my current middle-aged stage.  I recently lost another yet girlfriend of mine a week ago due to selfishness and indulgence in myself.  And that girl is very special to me indeed.

I think that my end of computer games is a great start for me though!  I thank my higher powers that be, for Cam and this group!  Hopefully I can come back soon and let you all know of my progress. And now, it's time to go engage in connections with new people, see more sunsets at the beach, spend more time with my family and enjoy more quality time with my son.

Thank you for reading!

All my best wishes and hopes to all of you!

Brian Cook

"Time equals life; therefore, waste your time and waste of your life, or master your time and master your life." – Alan Lakein

[Regular Robert]

Welcome Brian!

I always find it astonishing how people get here. I mean it. Many people suddenly have this moment of truth, without any preparation, when they ask google how to quit playing video games. It is like, we all knew it deep down inside of us. We all knew that video games were a vice that we fed to escape certain circumstances.

I can relate to your story. My childhood friend was my PC and I even played like the same games like you. I think for certain generations, being an outsider made 'em become gamers somehow. Anyway, I like your new view on your life. I like that you can feel the loss, know that you actually would like to be a caring dad and make more of your life than you have done before. I am quite confident, that with your maturity and confidence, you will turn this ship around and set sails for new horizons and harbors.

Best of luck to you. Keep your endurance, strength and concentration up and head over to the journal area to create a journal thread just for yourself. And whenever you need aid, have a question or simply want to share thoughts, fears, ideas or whatever, the people in this forum are quite friendly.

[dwalk77]

Thanks for sharing Brian, and welcome!

[BrianCook]

Thank you Robert for your words.  YES!  I do indeed plan on turning this ship around!  You're awesome!

[Some Yahoo]

Great to see you here, Brian.  You can do it.  I have 10 more years of gaming than you, and there weren't even home computers when I was a kid.  Now I am 9 days away from finishing my 90 day detox, and planning to party (with real people) when I hit the date.

I'm sorry to hear about the child support thing, I hope you have some interaction with your child.  

We have created a society that actively punishes maleness, and I think a lot of us check out of it because we are tired of working hard to get everything taken from us, and then face daily ridicule for being men.  It's not actively as bad as all that, but it feels that way sometimes, and we end up saying, why should I work my ass off for a lifetime just to be mocked and have everything stolen from me?  

If you haven't read Atlas Shrugged, this is the kind of thing that makes the heroes of the story check out of society and into their own little world.

Anyhow.  Gaming is beatable, the further you go into your detox, the less you'll think about your games.  We wish you all the best, and I strongly recommend that you actively take up some other hobby to fill the massive slice of time you'll be getting back.  If you just sit around watching Netflix shows for the 40th time, you'll get so bored that you end up right back where you started.

[Cam Adair]

Welcome Brian! 

[Regular Robert]

Hey Brian, how are you on your journey? I just wanted to remind you that, no matter what happened in your life after you decided to stop playing video games, you can always open up this forum and share your thoughts, feelings or simply talk about recent experiences. If you are having trouble following through, consider creating a journal in this forum. It sure is a great help. And don't abandon hope if you hit (major) setbacks. Stuff like that happens and it does not matter that it happens, but how you are going to make it work.

Best wishes, I hope you are well and focused.

[marcopolobus]

Hi Brian, I really like the brutal honesty and sincerity that came through in this introduction post. You obviously want to change, and the next step is learning how. I think you've come to the right place. Looking forward to hearing more about your journey on the forums. 

[BrianCook]

Well Robert....  3 Weeks today.  No video games.  Not even a glimpse.  I am currently facing my fears now through the use of "offline" social networking.  I recently started a new career path as a Network Marketing Professional.  Been with the company since Feb 10, and it has been an awesome ride so far.  I get my social experiences, challenges, and feeling of self-worth from it.  It is fun to engage with new people and establish new friends and relationships with like-minded people.  The fun/entertainment factor I had from video games has been replaced with being outside.  I have also taken up modeling, art, and architecture to fill the fun/hobby gaps that games on the other hand would create for me.  Thanks again for the encouragement and support!

[BrianCook]

On 2/9/2018 at 0:36 PM, Some Yahoo said:

Great to see you here, Brian.  You can do it.  I have 10 more years of gaming than you, and there weren't even home computers when I was a kid.  Now I am 9 days away from finishing my 90 day detox, and planning to party (with real people) when I hit the date.

I'm sorry to hear about the child support thing, I hope you have some interaction with your child.  

We have created a society that actively punishes maleness, and I think a lot of us check out of it because we are tired of working hard to get everything taken from us, and then face daily ridicule for being men.  It's not actively as bad as all that, but it feels that way sometimes, and we end up saying, why should I work my ass off for a lifetime just to be mocked and have everything stolen from me?  

If you haven't read Atlas Shrugged, this is the kind of thing that makes the heroes of the story check out of society and into their own little world.

Anyhow.  Gaming is beatable, the further you go into your detox, the less you'll think about your games.  We wish you all the best, and I strongly recommend that you actively take up some other hobby to fill the massive slice of time you'll be getting back.  If you just sit around watching Netflix shows for the 40th time, you'll get so bored that you end up right back where you started.

Wow.  10 more years than me.  That is a long time.  At least we both know we are more aware and can apply this to out life.  I'll check out that Atlas Shrugged for sure.  Thanks!

Edited February 28, 2018 by BrianCook
Meant to quote the user I was posting an answer to.

[Regular Robert]

16 minutes ago, BrianCook said:

Well Robert....  3 Weeks today.  No video games.  Not even a glimpse.  I am currently facing my fears now through the use of "offline" social networking.  I recently started a new career path as a Network Marketing Professional.  Been with the company since Feb 10, and it has been an awesome ride so far.  I get my social experiences, challenges, and feeling of self-worth from it.  It is fun to engage with new people and establish new friends and relationships with like-minded people.  The fun/entertainment factor I had from video games has been replaced with being outside.  I have also taken up modeling, art, and architecture to fill the fun/hobby gaps that games on the other hand would create for me.  Thanks again for the encouragement and support!

Simply awesome. Love your attitude and your progress!

[BrianCook]

On 2/22/2018 at 0:31 PM, marcopolobus said:

Hi Brian, I really like the brutal honesty and sincerity that came through in this introduction post. You obviously want to change, and the next step is learning how. I think you've come to the right place. Looking forward to hearing more about your journey on the forums. 

Thank you!