Jump to content
info-gatherer

90 Days of Journal

Recommended Posts

Great job Mattia! Can relate a lot with the majority of the improvements you mentioned, in habits and feelings.

Quote

And @Hitaru, a good mod (do you even mod?) and the best writer of this community in my humble opinion. Real feelings in his posts.

You mostly mod yourselves lol. Which is one of the things I like the most about this community, even before I was a mod. You would believe that putting together a bunch of people with problems and a whole life behind them of being defensive about what they do, think, feel or like would create a lot of toxicity, but here we are. Simply amazing, honestly saying.

About saving your journal, here's what I got: Copy and paste the whole thing into a word doc, edit and save as PDF, conserving the word in case you need to edit again sometime. Painfully boring to perform, my condolences. But better than nothing!

Thanks for your kind words man, and specially thanks for sticking around enough to see real progress in your life. Looking forward to your next victories!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Congrats Mattia. These 90 days were a big deal for you. I'm looking forward to seeing where 90 days of no smoking takes you.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I’d like to start over with a different kind of post but sadly something happened, nothing really serious but enough to make me go crazy. Yesterday my vape stopped working and I just spent the whole time trying to fix it since. Also, I mixed my liquids with a toxic base and had to send 100€ down the wc. I have no money, I’m broke, I tried to ask my parents for money and support but they declined and offended me, I just started crying in my father’s face and begging like a 2 years old because I don’t want to go back to real smoking. They aren’t helping me. I can’t even study

thanks everyone for the nice comments, I’m sorry you get this shitty answer in return

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't worry man, bad days can happen any time. Just don't get swept by them. Be like the rock in the middle of the river, not resisting but holding your place enough for problems to look for another way, you know what I mean? Forza! :2_grimacing:

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@info-gatherer,

I just wanted to congratulate you on your 90 Day Detox completion.  :)  I am so so proud of you.    You continued to stand up even after a fall.  That shows incredible fortitude and strength.  Many years from now, if you have a sudden set-back in  life, you can look back at this experience and be very proud. 

:)  Congrats, Mattia!  :1301_clap_tone2:

Sincerely,

~ Dani

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So, I’ve been missing the community. I hope you’re all faring well. My plan was starting a new journal as I said but I was overwhelmed by things to do. This doesn’t mean I sacrificed time on GQ for more productivity. In fact, my producrivity went down. I think journaling was a major factor in my productivity and that’s why I am journaling now, and keep doing so from now on. In the meanwhile, not studying the whole weekend fucked up my study schedule and I will not make it in time for friday’s exam as prepared as I intended, but I’ll try anyway.

My last post was dictated by withdrawal symptoms. What really happened is my dad started hugging me and saying he loves me and he knows I’m really fucked up and that’s why he’s happy when I go back home in the weekend. Me and my dad didn’t have any physical contact for years, except handshaking. And later in the day he even gave me 150€ without being asked to do so, so I can give mixing another try with better materials. This is definitely harder than leveling up alchemy in WoW, trust me xD But I won’t fail this time.

Yesterday a fellow student told me that if I want to go to Paris I must send the required documents before the 30th of april. I was mostly ignoring the issue and focusing on my exams, but hey, I really need to do this even if it will take me ever more far away from my study time. I won a scholarship in another country and I really don’t want to lose it just for a couple unsigned documents.

Now I am sitting at a cafe table, it’s time to get up from the chair and get stuff done

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@info-gatherer,

I am really glad you decided to stay around here to write a journal if it is helping you stay on track!  I was actually going to quit writing here and focus on a private journal.  But decided to do both.  I also notice that it is helping me stay focused on short-term goals.  Very interesting.  People under-estimate how powerful this journal writing can be.

You have a great father, he really reached out to you.  Must have felt good to receive a hug from him.  I am also so excited for you about Paris.  You must post pictures of that place.  I would love to visit it one day, after my trip to Peru next year.  :)

Kind regards,

Dani

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, Dannigan said:

You have a great father, he really reached out to you.

My pre-teen self hates to admit it but you’re totally right :) he’s great.

I’ve been to Paris a couple times in the past few years, but I’ve never been to Peru (or Canada, or anywhere past that long large atlantic ocean). guess I should start saving my loonies XD

It’s 2.20 am and I finished studying 2 minutes ago. I’ll wake up at 9. I’ve got 2 more days for re-reading a biography and an anthology of XIII century italian poems, let’s gooo please someone call the asylum, they need to make room for one more guest jk I’m trying

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day ??? (Day before the exam)

Spoke to my gf. She said that since when I finished my detox and stopped journaling I just went back to my old self, being negative, wasting my time, social anxiety, not being focused. She’s 100% right and how crazy I was when I stopped writing here. I mentioned this a hundred times but I just wanted to start a new journal and it takes some time to choose a format and plan it carefully (I can’t decide between a No Smoking journal and a Habit building journal), so instead of thinking about it I procrastinated. Anyway I’ll be back to GQ in full force as soon as possible... tomorrow? Tomorrow. Speaking about tomorrow... I’ve got this exam and I’m not even close to being prepared. I had something like a small panic attack with hyperventilation and unmotivated fear, nothing serious, and first time it happens. I just need to write my journal and everything will be fine. My gf says that I must go and take the exam, worst case scenario is I fail, nothing to be scared of. She’s right, again, so I’ll wake up at 8 and go there and see how it goes (oh good news, for some weird reason I’m waking up at 8-8.30 every day without even trying. I wake up spontaneously before the 9oclock alarm. Happy about it)

This morning I went to a vape shop in uni city. I had once again the same problem with my vape but hopefully this time I solved it for good. The owner of the place (I’ve been there three or four times already and we chatted every time) offered me a job as a seller in the shop for ~ two months, july and half of august, so that she can teach me the job and then leave me in charge when she goes on holiday. I’m tempted to accept because I could learn a lot about dealing with people, earn money, learn about vapes and get stuff at a discounted price; and I really like the idea of helping people to quit an addiction (or switching it with a less dangerous one). But it’s 8 hours a day, and even if I could study when there are no clients, accepting the job would mean giving up a lot of study time. I’d like to accept, but I think I should not. Who knows...

Been to tennis. I can’t imagine my thursday’s tennis lesson without journaling about it. So, I played decently. Service has improved immensely, but right hand got strangely worse and backhand is still the biggest issue. The problem child went missing, thanks god. Oh wait, I am the problem child :D

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Soo... After a wait time of 8 hours, I entered the professor’s room, sit down, I was asked a question I had no idea how to answer, stand up, apologised and left. All in less than 1 minute. It was embarassing but at the same time I’m happy I tried, it helps building my confidence in a way. Next exam is in 2 weeks.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day that I start a new journal

Yesterday night I stayed up until 2.30 AM because I HAD to finish that paperwork for Paris. Woke up at 8 and went to play Paddle with my dad and uncle. It’s the third time in the last few months so it’s becoming almost a tradition. Teams are always: me and Uncle P. vs Dad and Uncle S.

After the total defeat of the last time, this time we destroyed them 6-3 6-3 (uncle S. played so poorly), so 1 point for us that makes the score 2-1 overall. I played fantastic and they congratulated me all the time and kept saying that tennis lessons served me well.

In the afternoon I went to the seaside with my parents but there was also a friend of mine at the seaside so we spent a couple hours together. Then came back home, had a shower and spent three hours on GQ because I really needed to catch up. I just received back my documents signed for Paris, I just need to print them, sign them myself, attach a photograph and send them both by email and postal service, and I must do it tomorrow because it’s the last available day or I’ll lose the scholarship :) but I’ll do it! My uncles arrived at my home while I was writing, I’ll get dressed, have dinner with them and then save this journal in PDF and start a new one.

Have a nice day

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So, I am procrastinating my sleep because I wanted to start the new journal tonight but I tried writing the intro a couple times and it just doesn't feel right. Will try again tomorrow. I'm going to bed.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would say - don't overthink the new journal. Just write something. You can always edit later. Or just keep posting in this one for now.

I don't think I have a single journal entry that I didn't edit, even if for just typos haha

Edited by JustTom
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am intrested in your new journal. As JustTom mentioned, just write something - the no-smoking journal seems particularly intresting to me though, because I am an ex-smoker too :D - but of course you are doing it for yourself so I'd just say that write anything that makes you get atleast to the same self that you were before your girlfriend started telling the negative things about your changed personality. Keep up the good work :)

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×