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Question of the week: What are you grateful for?

BigOlBeartic

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Day 13

Two tests this tuesday, things have been getting better with my confidence. I made a new friend in school who I look up to and went to a social dinner this saturday. I have two tests on tuesday though. =( 

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Day 15 

Tests were easy. Therapy has helped me a lot. I havent watched porn in a while, i've been going to the gym regularly, physical therapy has been going good as well. Also, I've made plans to study / hangout with people in class which have gone well. 

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On 3/25/2019 at 10:13 PM, BigOlBeartic said:

Update:

As time goes on I suppose I"ve lost perspective on how great the position I'm in truly is- college wise. I hate how hard i've been on myself and others around me. 

I read a post on reddit about dropping out of college and it helped renew my perspective.  https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1qjya2/how_has_dropping_out_of_hscollege_to_pursue_your/

Some things I read: 

- If I can't manage time now with studying and "making art" or whatever the hobby is, I will have even less time with working low wage jobs and trying to make ends meet. 

- People who make this work have good time management skills, and can definitely make it work while in college. 

Hello Beartic-san!

 

I haven't read the reddit post (I have a website blocker on) but I'm scared that your renewed perspective still sounds very very hard on yourself.

 

Another perspective I could introduce is that, you have an addiction, a brain disease that messes with your thoughts and decisions.

And on top of that you seem to have at least mild depression, and also a newfound fluidity in gender identity.

If I had a friend with all that hardness and confusion on their plate, I would definitely advise them to take a year off from school.

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@taichi yay, a new comment! Im glad someones reading my journal haha.

Thanks for the sound advice. Due to being in college so long, really don't want to take a break now..

What I'm trying to do for now is connect w people more and some more coping mechanisms to help me, ex.exercise, discord vc (just talking to people in diff servers)

 

Day 17

Finished c++ project, im meeting w a friend tomorrow to draw for an hour and see how that feels
 

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Day 19

Drawing yesterday felt iffy as always, but got a new instagram post out of it, live portrait of my friend. it was good af but emotional wise it stirred up negative ish emotions as always

spent 8 hours this weekend on the programming project with discord bud, its going well. 

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Day 21

Gud day. almost done with first programming project : ) 

next one is a webscraper in python.

amazing therapy meeting today. 

made another new friend today, in compsci. we planned to go to a hackathon together in the future.

Edited by BigOlBeartic

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Day 24

Friday. trying to get some painting done today. at least 2 hours. i spent too long on discord : x 

i got lunch w friends irl though. and studied w one during the afternoon. 

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Day 26

Almost a third of the way. I notice a lot of pent up energy / angry / frustration lately. Not sure how to deal with that. 

I think my emotions control me rather than the other way around. My big goal right now is still regulating my sleep. yesterday i slept at 3 am woke up at 11 AM. Yikes.

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7 hours ago, taichi said:

I'm happy for your making new friends! Keep smiling & take it easy 😊

thanks so much! and thanks for being my journal friend 😄 i've been on here so long, the people i started with are no longer active so its very comforting to have someone to interact with, even a little.

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i'm proud to say i put in a good 7-8 hours today programming! working towards improving at my career.

also, the new friends ive made are inspiring me to do more. especially one of the people i am working on a project with. (I am contributing to his project on github).

Also, the premiere episode was great! 😄

Edited by BigOlBeartic

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Day 27

A bit late to class today. However, with the help of my parents (i know, thats terrible... that i need help to get up on time X_X) i got up on time and went to class and got them attendance points.

I think i just cannot get myself to wake up in the proper time for some reason. However, I know my cousin is able to get up within 2 or 3 hours of sleeping. Then again, she went to law school, so maybe her body has adapted to nights like that. Anyhoo, yes, need to get my sleep schedule right.

Time management -> sleep schedule.

I hate that phrase "time management" though. It gets thrown around so much that i feel like it doesn't hold much weight. 

Edited by BigOlBeartic

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Hey man, if you ever need guidance on hair/beard styling for your face shape, I got you. I've spent the better half of a year learning and perfecting how to take care of your hair so it works for you and not the other way around.

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Day 28

So awesome to see all the support on the journal, thanks so much guys!!

Today, I woke up at 7:00 AM and got to my 8:00 AM course on time. I found something interesting.

I've been functioning great these past two weeks - when i've been waking up later at 10:30 - 11ish.  Through adjusting to an earlier schedule again, I notice my anxiety levels are very high... relative to when I was on more of a night schedule during the past weeks. So high, I'm having trouble functioning. The contrast to me at night is surprising. I actually have a suspicion that I experience this when i get more sleep... 

I have some ideas to help against the daytime anxiety, which I will  put into action after class today and provide an update if they worked tomorrow.

- - 

@ElectroNugget here's my deviantart! It was updated last in december I think. I was never really that active on it : < But, I'm thinking of making a new one, and it would be great to have an online drawing pal. I mostly do portraits so far, I enjoy them and they're easy to do xD 

https://www.deviantart.com/incai

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@fireside  awesome, well... i think I have an oval - faced shape and my bangs are a little past my eyes if I stretch them all the way. I part them on the left-ish side of my face if that makes sense. Any advice, or do you need a picture..? xD

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6 minutes ago, BigOlBeartic said:

Day 28

So awesome to see all the support on the journal, thanks so much guys!!

Today, I woke up at 7:00 AM and got to my 8:00 AM course on time. I found something interesting.

I've been functioning great these past two weeks - when i've been waking up later at 10:30 - 11ish.  Through adjusting to an earlier schedule again, I notice my anxiety levels are very high... relative to when I was on more of a night schedule during the past weeks. So high, I'm having trouble functioning. The contrast to me at night is surprising. I actually have a suspicion that I experience this when i get more sleep... 

I have some ideas to help against the daytime anxiety, which I will  put into action after class today and provide an update if they worked tomorrow.

- - 

@ElectroNugget here's my deviantart! It was updated last in december I think. I was never really that active on it : < But, I'm thinking of making a new one, and it would be great to have an online drawing pal. I mostly do portraits so far, I enjoy them and they're easy to do xD 

https://www.deviantart.com/incai

Wow dude your portraits are awesome, beautiful shading! 

I have a completely different style. 😄 You can checkout my portfolio here: https://johnmuller.artstation.com/

P.S: About your sleep and daytime anxiety, have you considered that you might have a night owl chronotype? I discovered this was actually a thing recently. It's explained a lot about my sleep troubles and early morning drowsiness.

Edited by ElectroNugget
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21 minutes ago, ElectroNugget said:

Wow dude your portraits are awesome, beautiful shading! 

I have a completely different style. 😄 You can checkout my portfolio here: https://johnmuller.artstation.com/

That's awesome, your work is super professional! Good resume too. I think you'll go far in the art space. 

Edit: Actually, your work is pure badass xD 

Edited by BigOlBeartic

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@BigOlBeartic

TL;DR: Try hairstyles that elongate your face, such as more volume or cut short to accentuate the beard. Or keep it neutral. If you want a beard, try and style it so it squares your jaw without looking douchey or unnatural.

Maybe a picture to better describe, but oval face shape is actually one of the easier shapes to do different hair styles with. You say you wear bangs on the left-ish side of your face, which leads me to assume your hair is most likely straight and you'd prefer to brush if forward. I can't say much without a reference, but I'd say that's pretty good because it's a neutral point you can use to experiment. If you don't like how it is now, see if you can brush it back or use some product to style it so that it looks more kempt and has more volume than normal. If you want to really accentuate your beard, you might wanna wear it shorter if you think it won't make your head look big/small.

For your beard, oval and circle face fair better with things that can sharpen their soft tapers around the jawline and cheeks. You can try to rough cut it or use a beard shaper took to see if you can get some angles on your cheeks and sideburns so they square up your jaw. And as a rule of thumb, keep a buffer above your Adam's apple where you regularly shave to avoid a neckbeard or unkempt look. Unless that's what you're going for, of course.  Longer, grown out beards fair better with extra hair down there because it allows a gradual taper off into the bareness of your neck. But shorter beards fair with a shorter taper. Note, if you do want to go with a squared beard, stay away from hard 90 degree angles, they'll make you seem douchey.

For myself, I have more of a circular face, but fortunately, I have curly hair. I pomade my hair back and comb the front of my forehead straight up, so when it sets it adds some height to my face. I've just recently cut it on an angle, a but under my lip so it fairs kind of like a chin-strap that connects to my mustache. That's where my hair grows in fullest.

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Day 30

Decent progress, I exercised today and yesterday. 

The solution i tried for the anxiety helped. I started wearing shorts and a thin shirt, helps me feel less stifled ( i usually wear jeans and full sleeve shirts + its really hot these days). 

I tried to get on a more normal sleeping schedule but.. I just don't think its for me. I feel like shit and there's so much I want to do during the day..  

Btw, the first programming project is almost done! Hope to have it done tonight or tomorrow night! I'll post a link to it when I'm done. It's nothing revolutionary, but gotta start somewhere right?

@taichi Thanks, I'm glad you like it :D!!  I should have planned out the composition more for that, it didn't really turn out how I wanted xD but the rendering did turn out good : )

 

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