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wookieshark88

My Journal - Joe

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How do you burn a soup??? <<<< Haha best quote I have read today :D

What I do not get: What is a notebook grade? :S Is it a text you have written on your notebook? 

In architecture school you have to do a lot of sketching.  We have to do our assigned readings and sketch the buildings that we study in our notebook.  This gets turned in for a grade.

My journal entry is here.  That post took me a long time to think through and write so it's good for today.

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A new record low weight.  32 down and 3 to go!

wait a second. When did you start working on this current weight loss? Regardless, that's not bad at all :)

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Today was another good day, but I'd rather talk about yesterday.  Yesterday my mother in law was feeling under the weather so I stayed home to take care of my baby.  It was such a great time with her.  We played, read her books, sang, danced, and laughed together.  I took her to the aquarium too.  She loved it there!  She had a blast seeing all the different fish and sights in general.  She kept trying to grab through the glass in the smaller exhibits and catch the fish.  It was such a special treat to spend the day with her one on one.  The last time I did that was about the time I joined this site.  Her and I are both so different now.  It's a wonderful thing!

Today was pretty normal.  I went to class and got back my midterm.  I got a 100% on it which is obviously awesome!  At work I went to a meeting to learn more about a project that I'm working on.  It's actually a lot more exciting than I had originally thought.  That doesn't happen too often at work, but I'll take it.  When I got home, I spent a bit of time with my baby and put her to sleep, did my homework until the wife got home, and now we're relaxing as I finish this entry.

I'm thankful for:

  1. Doing well on my midterm.
  2. Having a really special day with my baby yesterday.
  3. My mother in law feeling better.
  4. My wife for whipping up a quick dinner.
  5. My cats for keeping my company.
  6. Not having any severe stomach pain today.
  7. Keeping up with my habits.
  8. Having another day of freedom from video games.
  9. Having a very interesting project at work.
  10. Being happy.

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Now I want to go to the aquarium! That sounds so fun. I know having a stronger relationship with your daughter was a big motivation for you to quit gaming so it's a treat to watch that unfold.

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It's acquarium season :) We are going tomorrow. Great to read you are feeling better and enjoying all the amazing things in your life.

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Today was another good day and end to the work week.  I finished up Arnold's autobiography today.  I'm in awe of his passion and never failing resolve.  How does he live the way he does and never get tired?  For me, I need breaks and days were I can relax because I can't push myself like that.  I have certainly tried to and still am taking on a lot.  That guy is just amazing.

My wife and I carved up our pumpkin after we put the baby to sleep and roasted the seeds.  They're so delicious!

Tomorrow we're all going to the in-laws' house to celebrate Halloween together.  It's going to be really fun.

My focus during my meditation has been poor for a while now.  I think it may have to do with my quitting caffeine over a week ago because of my stomach.

I'm thankful for:

  1. Learning all about Arnold and how he found success.  I'll be thrilled if I can achieve half as much as him.
  2. Enjoying my evening with my wife.  We don't get a ton of time together, but we make it count.
  3. Not having to think about work for a few days.
  4. Not having severe stomach pain today.
  5. Having so much in my life to be happy about.
  6. All my habits.  They really keep me going strong.
  7. Being able to enjoy the evening.  It's my favorite time of the day.
  8. Having a nice dinner.
  9. Everybody to takes the time to write in my journal.  All of those words make a huge difference in my life.
  10. Happiness.

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Have you seen the Wim Hof documentary yet? Bet you'll love it. 

http://www.icemanwimhof.com/vice-documentary

I haven't seen that, but I head him on the Tim Ferriss show!  The guy sounds awesome.

Today was a really good Halloween!  We got all the house chores and shopping done for the week.  My baby had fun in her duck costume, and she got to play in a pile of leaves.  I'm ready for bed so that's all I'm going to write for today.

I'm thankful for:

  1. My baby's duck costume.
  2. Not having any chores to do tomorrow.
  3. Not eating too much candy.

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Haha, I just had a Batman mask.

Today I'm working on redeeming myself from the great soup fire of 2015.  I just finished cooking my split pea soup, and I can't wait to try some!  It's nice to finally be able to redeem myself from last week's fiasco.  It's going to be delicious.

Last Thursday was an annoying day at class.  During lecture, the professor spent some time explaining how too many of the students' assignments have been below par.  I really hate those speeches, but I do have plenty of lazy students in my class so I can see where she's coming from.  It makes me feel bad about myself because I'm a bit behind in my notebook right now.  I work on my notebook at lunch every day at work, after my baby goes to sleep and before the wife gets home from work, and a few hours on the weekend at the library.  I know she's not intending the message towards me, but it brings me back to my childhood when my dad was so overly critical of me.  Oh well, I'm doing the best I can, and that is enough for me.

It's nice that I have some time to actually slow down and write more than just a few sentences in my journal.  I have been missing putting more of my words in writing. Over the course of my life, I've only occasionally journaled until now, but it's really become an important part of my day.

I'm thankful for:

  1. Successfully making split pea soup.
  2. Having a good swim session with the family this morning.
  3. Not have any stomach pain today.  I'm getting better!
  4. Slowing down for a little while to just write and process.
  5. Not having the urge to play games when I hear people talking about them.  The urges really do lessen over time.
  6. Making progress towards my goals of getting through the semester, reaching my goal weight, getting better at my job, and being there for my family.
  7. My wife and baby taking their naps while I sit comfortably in silence.
  8. The awesome crepes I had for breakfast!
  9. Feeling better after eating too much candy yesterday.
  10. Being ready for next week.

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"The great soup fire of 2015" haha. That will remain a classic event on the forum. For those of us around for it, it shall be a fun inside joke. ;)

I was in horror/awe to see clouds of smoke billowing from a bubbling liquid.  This liquid represented my time and money and went up in smoke.  Of course I can laugh now, but it was very sad.  I will say that I am quite happy that this tragedy can turn into something that brings joy to others!

Speaking of sad, split pea soup is very bad for gastritis.  I had it for lunch today, and that gut punch of agony came back to me full force for a few hours at work.  I stayed at work and toughed it out because I don't have much time off to take.  That was not so much fun at all.

I don't want to be a downer, but I have to be honest in my own journal.  I've had a huge streak of mostly positive things to say, but life isn't like that all the time and I need to be real and honest or my journal becomes worthless.  I need to complain about the time change.  I really don't like the time change.  Every year it triggers my depression.  Having the sun go down at 5 PM or earlier is every hard on me.  Depression is a vulnerability of mine anyways without the external factors like that, and I'm feeling it today.

On the bright side, my baby spoke today!!!!  I wasn't there for it, but I'm so proud of her!  My baby always cries for a minute or two when my wife leaves for work in the morning.  Today she started sniffling and said, "Mamamamama" as my wife was headed out the door.  My poor wife started sniffling too and went back to give her a few more hugs and kisses before she left.  I'm so happy that my baby feels so happy with her parents.

I started listening to a new audio book "Buddha" by ...I can't remember today.  It was pretty boring and think I won't spend any more time on it.  Tomorrow I'm going to try Warren Buffet's biography.  I can't wait until I have time to read books with my eyes and get through some of the many books I see mentioned around here!  I've been getting my audio books from the library and I don't see the ones people have been recommending.

For a while now my meditation has been really unfocused.  I've been using headspace and doing one of the visualization techniques, but I think it's time to go back to the basics for a while.  There's not really a point in having my mind wander the whole time instead of doing the visualization.  I still enjoy my time meditating, but I want to nurture my growth in the practice as much as possible.  The best way I can think of doing that is to just strip away everything but the bare bones of the practice.  It's time to just focus on the breath and observe the thoughts without getting swept away by them.

I'm thankful for:

  1. Being reasonably productive at work today.
  2. Having a good training session at work in which I learned more about what I do.
  3. Being able to drink chamomile tea.  It's the only flavored beverage I have these days, and I have learned to really like it!
  4. My baby's first word!!!!!
  5. My wife for stepping up this evening while I stay still and rest.
  6. Having a nice phone conversation with my parents today.  I've been very mindful of talking to them regularly since I quit games.
  7. My mother in law for taking such an active role in helping us raise our baby.  It's such a blessing that we don't have to pay for daycare.
  8. Living such a better life since quitting games.
  9. Having good habits to help me get through the difficult times.
  10. Taking the time to appreciate the good in my life.  This is so important especially when depression rears its ugly head.

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Awesome to read about your babies first word! Incredible milestone for you.

I encourage you to post the rough days and annoyances too. Neither is good or bad, they are just part of our life experience. Equanimity. :)

Depression is something very real for me and I put a lot of attention to remaining mindful of it. In fact, moving to Vancouver was a big decision for me in that regard because the weather is 90% dark clouds and rain, which triggers my depression in very real ways. I do much better in clear blue skies and sun. So choosing Vancouver > San Diego was basically the opposite of that.

So I've done a few things to set myself up for success: 5000 IUD of Vitamin D every day, 15 mins of blue light (morning & night), cardio + weightlifting exercise (5 days/week), clean diet (very low sugar, real natural food) + a green juice (no fruit) every few days. A bit of extra sleep each morning. I'm basically religious about this. I've also just reintroduced 200mg of 5HTP each night.

Before October I woke up at 7am every day and would go to bed around midnight. Now I'm a fairly consistent 8:30am wake up and midnight bedtime. I'd love to be on my normal 7am wakeup, but it's almost impossible for me at this point with the weather, so I'm kind to myself and the extra hour/hour and a half has a very positive impact on the quality of my day + productivity.

So, maybe consider a few of those to help with your depression during the winter ("the winter blues"). I definitely recommend the Vitamin D as a no-brainer, 20 second/day commitment that has an impact.

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I'll be getting some vitamin D because I do most of the other stuff already.  I do appreciate the advice.  This is what's so good about doing my journal here.  If I have difficulties, people with help by posting possible solutions.  So many posters here have helped me along the way.  It also keeps me accountable because once I have a potential solution, it's up to me to pursue it.  I'm always naturally reluctant to do or try anything so I need to keep reinforcing that I should.

I got home from work today and got to hang out with my baby.  It was awesome.  We called up Grandma and Grandpa so that we could share our happiness with them.  From there I put her to sleep, and started making some oatmeal because  I need to eat constantly to make sure I stay out of pain.  Ideally, I would be doing my homework right now, but I'm exhausted and need a break.  I'll get to it in a bit.

My religious coworkers gave me a movie to watch because I think they see me as a potential convert.  I put it on because I promised I would watch it.  Of course I wouldn't actually spend the time to watch a movie I'm not interested in, but I figured that I'm too tired to move.  I can keep my promise as well as catch up on the forums and rest.  I actually am paying semi attention to it because I don't want to lie about seeing it.

I felt the depression all day today, but I still did pretty good.  Right now, it's purely a physical feeling and not a mental one.  I'm really happy for this because I can deal with the physical aspect so much better than the mental.  I just need to respect myself and know that I am doing the best I can and be proud of that fact.  I'm providing for my family, pursuing my goal of getting an education, being the dad of my dreams, and being the husband that my wife deserves.  That's pretty awesome.  Yeah, I'm a little bit behind in my studies, but it is a good investment for me to just write in my journal and rest for now.  This investment in my mental and physical well being will enable me to study more effectively next time.  This is why I try to kick ass right out of the gate.  This is why I got a 99, 108, and 100 in my tests and an A- on my notebook right out of the gate.  I have room to breathe without danger of failing.  That's not to say that I plan on coasting.  It just means that I can momentarily focus on other needs that are more pressing without the danger of wasting the $2000 I paid to take this class.  I am very determined to end the semester with an A.

My meditation has been unfocused again today.  It's not ideal, but I'm not frustrated.  I've been learning to be patient and know that it's still really good for me.  It was very slightly more focused than it has been so that's good.  I am still doing good about being more mindful throughout the day which helps me a lot.

I gave "Buddha" by Karen Armstrong another chance today, and I found it to be much more interesting that it was yesterday.  I think the mental aspect of depression made me much less interested than I usually would be.  It's cool because it's giving me more context with which to understand "Siddhartha" by Pablo Cohelo.  I wouldn't really recommend it to anybody at this point because I know there are better books to read.  Still, it's pretty cool to go to the library and recognize more and more books on the shelves and know what their contents are.  It makes me feel really good about myself.

I'm thankful for:

  1. Having the time to just write.  It feels good.
  2. Being still.  My body wants to rest, and I know it's the best way I can spend my time right now.
  3. Learning to back off before I run myself into the ground.  It's not something I have always been successful at.
  4. Never having to watch this movie ever again.  It really does not need to be this long.
  5. Being happy.  Yeah, I have depression, but I'm happy.
  6. Not having stomach pains as bad as yesterday.
  7. Having a great family.
  8. Life without games.  I'm so happy that I have this, and I want to help others who are playing games and don't want to.
  9. My wife coming home soon.
  10. Getting a good amount done at work despite my sagging motivation.

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Hey Joe,

Sorry to hear that you're feeling depressed! I hope the vitamin D will help. Your gratitude items are great and I find them encouraging. I also need to be still and let my body rest, and to learn to back off more. It's strange how it can be so difficult.

Hope you have a good day.

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Hey Joe,

Sorry to hear that you're feeling depressed! I hope the vitamin D will help. Your gratitude items are great and I find them encouraging. I also need to be still and let my body rest, and to learn to back off more. It's strange how it can be so difficult.

Hope you have a good day.

Thank you for the kind words!  My longer journal entry was definitely helpful in making me feel better.  I took 2000 IUD of vitamin D today.  The1000 IUD was on sale so I got those.

I did some research on the blue lights too.  I might grab a full spectrum bulb to use at work.

I actually had a pretty good day today!  The decision to rest proved to be the right thing to do.  I was sharper at work, and more effective while doing homework.  I still feel physical depression, but thankfully my mind is positive.

I don't have as much to write about today.

I'm thankful for:

  1. This wonderful community.  I really can say it enough.
  2. My wife for making a wonderful butternut squash soup for dinner.
  3. My baby for getting excited when I get home from work.  It's one of the best things I've ever experienced.
  4. Having a good day at work.  I'm getting better at it a little bit at a time.
  5. Being able to smile throughout the day.
  6. Having a purring cat on my lap.
  7. Only having mild stomach discomfort today.
  8. Being still at the end of the day.
  9. Being content with doing my best.
  10. Having a sense of direction and forward progress in my life.

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Today was good!  It was a very normal day.  That's definitely a good thing.

On my way to class, the highway was really backed up because of an accident.  I was definitely going to be late to class, and there was nothing I would be able to do about it.  Instead of stressing out about it, I just accepted it.  I knew that I did everything right and these things happen.  This same scenario has happened to me many times in the past, and I would just feel so anxious and mad about it.  I knew that my efforts were good, and I decided to be happy about that.  This is something that I feel proud of!

I'm thankful for:

  1. Not feeling depression today.
  2. Not getting caught up in anxiety today.
  3. Getting a nice amount of studying in today.
  4. Learning a bit at work.
  5. Having a nice and easy dinner.
  6. My baby babbling lots for my parents.
  7. My wife for being understanding.
  8. Getting one day closer to finishing the semester.
  9. Socializing with people at work.
  10. No stomach pain today.

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Often the worrying about something takes away more lifetime than the event we are actually worried about.

If people learnt to complain less, for example, they could use their energy to bring themselves into a position where they don't have to worry at all anymore.

One of my favorite quotes is from Gary Vaynerchuk: People think that the glass is half empty when in reality it is 70% full.

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Yes! Imagine a few months ago where you would have gotten super stressed out about the traffic on the highway... even though you had NO CONTROL over it. So what's all the stress going to accomplish? nothing. ;)

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Today was a good day.  I only had to work eight hours and got in a little extra study time.  The wife and I had sushi for dinner which is a real treat!  It's probably my favorite food left that I can still eat.  Now it's just time to relax.  I really need this time to just take it easy and recharge for a bit.

I'm really happy that I didn't have any stomach pain today!  That always makes for a good day.  Hopefully I can repeat that again tomorrow.

I'm thankful for:

  1. Having a successful week.
  2. Having time to relax and talk with my wife.
  3. Having sushi for dinner.
  4. Being able to laugh and enjoy all the different things in my life.
  5. Being able to apply all the different lessons I've been learning.
  6. Feeling content with my life.
  7. Having goals that I'm getting closer to achieving.
  8. Another day without stomach pain!
  9. Mindfulness.
  10. Not feeling depression today.

 

 

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Today was a really nice day.  There was no rushing around to do things or any of that.  We got plenty of things done though.  The most important thing we did was set up my daughter's college fund.  I want her to be able to pursue a goal or dream without becoming saddled with life changing debt.  We had brunch at our favorite German restaurant after doing that.  I also didn't have the slightest sign of stomach pain today!  This is the first day since it all started that my stomach was completely normal all day.

I feel like writing about the day my daughter was born.  It was such a crazy day.  We had been in the hospital for two days already when my daughter was born.  My wife was 10 days past her due date and the doctors were gradually upping the procedures to induce her labor.  I slept there both nights on the crappy fold out hospital couch both of those nights because I wanted to be there for everything.

About two hours before my wife went into labor, a woman across the hall from us was in active labor.  She was obviously doing it all natural because she was screaming bloody murder and many horrible things I won't forget.  My wife was leaning towards doing it all natural, but I thought she should just go as far as she could naturally before getting some pain meds to finish up the birth.  Of course, it's her body so I just gave her my two cents and a pledge to support her no matter what.  The poor woman put my wife firmly in my camp with regards to pain management.

My wife starts getting close to the active labor stage and she's starting to hurt pretty bad and yell a bit like the other woman.  She gets her medicine and gets really happy.  We're laughing and telling jokes and all that good stuff.  Finally, it's time to push the baby out, and all the staff is in the room.  I ask my wife if she wanted me to put on some music to keep things light.  She happily says that's a good idea.  I go to youtube, pick my song, and put the volume on max.  All of a sudden the room is filled with "I'm coming out" by Diana Ross and the hearty laughter of everyone in the room.  Laughs were had, baby was born, and I cut the cord!

There's more to the story, but I just wanted to write about something really dear to me.  I don't think I've ever written it down before, and it's something that I don't want to be lost.  Remember to find ways to laugh as much as possible!

I'm thankful for:

  1. My baby's first tooth!
  2. My wife's tasty dinner.
  3. Getting a lot of studying done today.
  4. Book sale at the library!  I got five books and an audio book for $7!
  5. No stomach discomfort at all!
  6. All of the different national cuisines.  I love them all!
  7. Having a wife who loves to laugh with me.
  8. Having a baby who loves to laugh with me.
  9. Not missing a single important moment in life since quitting games.
  10. Setting up my baby to have good options available to her.

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