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My Journal - Joe


wookieshark88

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Experiencing a challenging time and seeing how your habits have created a new foundation for yourself is a major breakthrough. No longer do you worry about "what will happen if XYZ happens" (will you game!?) and instead you can just continue to live your life and look to the future.

It's true!  I don't worry about games anymore.  It's been about six months now and things just keep on getting better.  I'm better at my job, closer to graduation, a better father, and a better husband!  I have my my goals, dreams, and habits.  The best thing is that I have my happiness.  Tough times come and go.  I will feel pain, discouragement, sadness, depression, and anxiety at times and that's okay.  They're just feelings and will come and go.  I don't need to identify with them or fight against them.  I just need to make sure to be mindful with my acknowledgement of their existence and impermanence.  I know how to form habits for success, and I know how it's all the small, easy decisions that will propel me towards my goals.  Before I quit games, I knew absolutely none of this.

Today was very positive and productive.  I was able to do a lot of studying for my quiz on Tuesday.  I still need to study a little bit more, but I was able to get a ton done today.  I still need to finish my sketches, but they need to take a back seat temporarily until I'm adequately prepared for the quiz.  It's just a couple of weeks now until the end of this semester!  I can't wait for my work day to go back to normal and to not have to drive to school!  I have my online class starting up after Christmas, but that's so much easier with normal working hours with no commute.

I'm thankful for:

  1. Having the chance to spend the morning with my family.
  2. Getting to the library and studying a whole lot.
  3. Having a delicious dinner with my wife.
  4. My new car.  It's so much fancier than my old car.
  5. My new computer.  It's good that I got it because my other one died.
  6. Laughing with my baby.  She thinks everything is hilarious!
  7. Keeping my list of things to do updated.  It helps me be so effective with my time.
  8. Learning so much about how to live the way I want to.
  9. Taking the time to be kind to others.  It's such an uplifting thing to do.
  10. Seeing the future in a positive light.
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Today was another great day.  My family and I went swimming in the morning and had brunch afterwards.  My wife and I enjoyed really good conversation together while eating.  Afterwards I fixed her car's loose alternator belt and we put up a bunch of Christmas decorations.  I also had time to clean out my file cabinet and study space too.  Of course there was plenty of play time with the baby throughout the day!

My to do list is smaller now than when the day began!  I still have some stuff to catch up on, but I've been steadily chipping away at it.  At the beginning of the week, the list was ridiculously large, but now it's about a third of that size.  I feel better and better as I get caught up.  I can't wait for Tuesday so I don't have to study for my quiz anymore and can return my focus to wrapping  up my sketches.

I'm looking forward to the week because I have plenty to learn at work, and I want to get past that quiz.  I missed a bunch of material for it because I was flying across the country for the funeral, crashing my car, and getting a new one.  It's always harder for me to study on my own when I miss lectures.  I'll just have to study my best tomorrow after work and celebrate that I will never study for that quiz again after that!

I'm thankful for:

  1. Slowly getting my life caught up.
  2. The feeling of relaxation that is growing as my to do list shrinks.
  3. Practicing my good habits.
  4. Swimming with my family.
  5. Seeing my baby continue to practice standing!
  6. Having a wife who is so supportive of me and my schedule.
  7. Being able to fix my wife's car.  It feels so good to do something good for her.
  8. All the Christmas decorations around me.
  9. Having a great family.
  10. Getting a chance to tidy up my study.  It really helps me to be more effective when I'm in that space.
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Today was another really good day.  Work went well as I continued training for my task that's coming up next year.  Unfortunately, my training is making somebody in my group very uncomfortable.  I wish it wasn't so, but somehow my work hard to learn attitude is upsetting to this person.  I was just working with my mentor to learn all the processes I'll need to know in order to be successful in my upcoming task, but it was met with criticism.  Oh well, I'm going to learn all my stuff and do a great job when the time comes.  It's just strange how people are sometimes.

I got all my studying done for my quiz tomorrow which is great because I'm ready to move on.  I'm confident that I prepared as well as I could have given my situation and I'm excited to see how it turns out.  It's  more interesting to see how well I can do under more difficult circumstances.

My baby has been blowing me away with all of her new tricks!  She stands, waves to people, shakes her head, and crawls really fast now!  Being involved in her life without the urge to ignore her and play games is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me.  We had so much fun playing together and laughing this evening.  I feel like the luckiest person ever to have her and my wife in my life.

I'm thankful for:

  1. Learning a ton at work.
  2. An opportunity to learn how to deal with difficult coworkers.  I have failed at this in the past so I'm open to advice.
  3. Watching funny 80's music videos with my wife.
  4. Finishing my studying.
  5. Having a ton of fun with my baby.
  6. My super supportive wife.
  7. Getting another lingering thing off of my to do list.
  8. My morning routine.
  9. My daylight simulating light bulbs.
  10. Feeling energetic throughout the day.
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My baby has been blowing me away with all of her new tricks!  She stands, waves to people, shakes her head, and crawls really fast now!  Being involved in her life without the urge to ignore her and play games is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me.  We had so much fun playing together and laughing this evening.  I feel like the luckiest person ever to have her and my wife in my life.

This is the best.

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Today was a good day with a good amount of accomplishment, but I'm feeling a bit antisocial.  The annoying lady who was judging my efforts to learn was throwing a pity part for some reason that I didn't bother to find out.  Also, I've been following up with people who aren't responding to phone calls or emails.  The good side of this is that I just put my headphones on for the last four hours of work.  The book I'm listening to is awesome!  It's "Mindset" by Carol Dweck.  The book is about whether people believe that their core attributes are fixed or flexible and the massive implications of each.  I would highly recommend it to anybody who is interested developing a mindset that is conducive to maximizing their potential.  It has given me a tool for self reflection and a specific way I can  use mindfulness to achieve my goals.  Like many of the books discussed on this site, it's message is surprisingly coherent with the others.  I have only read one self improvement book that I thought was useless, and it wasn't one I have seen mentioned anywhere on this site.

I'm thankful for:

  1. Finding another great book.
  2. Finishing my quiz and my sketches.  I just have to take the final on Tuesday and I'm done for a few weeks!
  3. Learning throughout the day.  I learned at work, school, and home today.
  4. Artichoke ravioli with a feta pesto sauce.  So tasty!
  5. Christmas decorations in my living room.
  6. Getting to relax with my wife after the end of a busy day.
  7. Being able to really enjoy learning about the history of architecture this semester.  It's fascinating to me.
  8. Knocking a few more things off of my to do list.
  9. Driving safely to and from school today.
  10. My baby having a lot of fun today.
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The book I'm listening to is awesome!  It's "Mindset" by Carol Dweck.  The book is about whether people believe that their core attributes are fixed or flexible and the massive implications of each.  I would highly recommend it to anybody who is interested developing a mindset that is conducive to maximizing their potential. 

 Sound very interesting! On my to-read list. Thanks!

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The book I'm listening to is awesome!  It's "Mindset" by Carol Dweck.  The book is about whether people believe that their core attributes are fixed or flexible and the massive implications of each.  I would highly recommend it to anybody who is interested developing a mindset that is conducive to maximizing their potential. 

 Sound very interesting! On my to-read list. Thanks!

I think you'll like it!  I listened to it as an audio book from the library which is always awesome because it's free!  Soon I will be reading books from the many books mentioned on this site because I will be done with my long work days and driving to class.  I really can't wait.

Today was another good day.  I was able to continue my training at work undaunted by any judgement around me.  I actually feel bad for the lady who has been giving me a hard time.  If I thought that I could pull it off without getting yelled at, I would love to really share with her some of the many things I have learned about personal development since I quit games.  On this site, I try to share freely from the things I've learned because this place is all about learning how to live a better life.  Unfortunately, my workplace doesn't really have that kind of atmosphere.  Oh well, if the opportunity every presents itself, I might give it a shot.  I might get the "Who the hell are you to tell me how to live my life" speech, but I'll do my best to be kind and show that I can relate by sharing my own struggles.  It's sad to see a generally good person live so insecurely and with such a negative internal dialogue.

I ordered a book today that I'm really excited to get!  It's a book about learning how to draw that is geared towards people who consider themselves to be more academic and less artistically inclined.  I've really thrown myself into my sketches this semester, and I have seen real improvement.  Perhaps this book will help me to continue my progress.  The need to sketch has always been my mental stumbling block when it comes to architecture, but I know that I can get good if I stick with it.  I've have made lots of progress and am nowhere near a plateau in developing this skill.  Also, I have found that drawing has a meditative quality to it!

I'm thankful for:

  1. Finishing my audio book by Carol Dweck.  She's really given me food for thought and growth!
  2. Getting better at my job.  I just need to keep it up every day that I'm there, and I'll end up amazing at it!
  3. Getting close to the end of the semester.  I can't wait to do the things I was doing before it started!
  4. Having a great wife.
  5. My baby's development.  I can barely believe my eyes every day!
  6. Continuing to practice my meditation.  It's such a treat for my mind.
  7. The Power of Habit.  I haven't read it in months, but it's still having a huge impact on me today.
  8. Learning that I can choose a mindset of growth over a fixed mindset.  It's something I've been starting to understand, but reading about it directly has been powerful.
  9. Shrinking my to do list by one more item today.  Soon enough I will be current and not have nagging tasks to keep my mind on the past.
  10. Not feeling any depression or anxiety today.  I'm using all of my knowledge and abilities to get past those feelings, and I'm having success!
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Today was a good day.  I went to class today and only have to go one more time this semester.  I need to prepare an essay for the final on Tuesday, and my mind wasn't really working well when I tried to study today, but it's almost over!  I should be able to get some library time tomorrow and Saturday which should be enough time to get it all done.  This semester was really a test to see if I could handle a class while being a father, husband, and employee at the same time.  I did mostly good.  Academically, it was excellent, but I did lose my car in the process which really sucked.  I was able to learn from that, and was fortunate to emerge from that incident uninjured.  I'll definitely be more mindful and prepared for the next semester.

Work was decent, but nothing too special.  I listened to my audio books which is always a good way to spend time.

At home I was able to hide my wife's Christmas presents, play with my baby, and try to study.  Unfortunately, my wife is mad at me at this moment.  I promised her that I would make guacamole for her Christmas party at work tomorrow.  Everybody loves my guacamole, and I like doing good things for my wife so I was happy to do it with her.  I was in the process of making it with her, but she kept telling me I was doing it wrong step by step.  I tried to tell her that I was making it the way I always did.  After being told that at least five times, I asked her to taste it.  She said it was really bland and that it needed something.  At this point I was thinking that it needed all of the things that she told me not to put in it, lol.  I told her what I thought it needed, and she told me I was wrong without offering a suggestion on what it needed.  With all the basic components in the guacamole already, I told her that I was done with it, and that she could adjust it as she saw fit.  She got super upset about that, and spent the next hour upset before retreating to the bedroom by herself which she never does.  I figured I should do my journal, take a shower, and talk to her.  I don't want to leave her upset no matter what I think of the situation.  Wish me luck.

I'm thankful for:

  1. Having a book that I'm really into at the moment.
  2. Getting stuck in bad traffic on the way to work and not being bothered by it.  I'm getting good at this particular skill!
  3. Driving safely today.
  4. Having a calmer day at work.
  5. My friend agreeing to hang out at the library with me on Saturday.  It makes it easier for me to see him and study without losing valuable time.
  6. Enjoying this semester.  I really did not enjoy my last one.
  7. Having another good meditation session this morning.  It wasn't quite as focused as it has been, but it was still pretty good.
  8. 168 days of no gaming.  The last time I went this long I was probably four years old.
  9. Having a better working situation than I did this time last year.
  10. My wife because I know that we'll be able to talk this whole thing out and be good before we go to sleep.
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At home I was able to hide my wife's Christmas presents, play with my baby, and try to study.  Unfortunately, my wife is mad at me at this moment.  I promised her that I would make guacamole for her Christmas party at work tomorrow.  Everybody loves my guacamole, and I like doing good things for my wife so I was happy to do it with her.  I was in the process of making it with her, but she kept telling me I was doing it wrong step by step.  I tried to tell her that I was making it the way I always did.  After being told that at least five times, I asked her to taste it.  She said it was really bland and that it needed something.  At this point I was thinking that it needed all of the things that she told me not to put in it, lol.  I told her what I thought it needed, and she told me I was wrong without offering a suggestion on what it needed.  With all the basic components in the guacamole already, I told her that I was done with it, and that she could adjust it as she saw fit.  She got super upset about that

Haha, I love doing things with my wife too but the kitchen is not a safe place! :D The only cooking we make together is pizza and that is because we split our roles: I make the dough, she takes care of the toppings. Everything else leads to dynamics much similar to yours. Good luck!

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Today was awesome.  Before I get into today, I just want to talk about the guacamole thing.  We talked about it, and it's all good.  She said she was sorry and was just feeling exhausted and a little bit crazy.  I totally get that because she puts as much effort into life as I do.  I told her it's okay, and that we all have those moments.  I know that I've done the same to her before.  It just happens once in a while.  If she was doing that on a regular basis, we would have a problem, but that's not the case at all.  Before we talked, I knew that I just wanted to work it out because I love the way we our relationship works 99% of the time, and I wanted to get back to that.  I'm happy to say that we're there!

Work was good today.  I was able to get a good amount of work done, but not as much training as I wanted to.  IT took down the training environment in the middle of the workday, lol.  It was right after I finished doing my production work too so I just browsed the internet.  I felt annoyed that I was just wasting my time browsing the internet, but I had finished my real work, and the training platform was down.  Oh well, I still did good today.

I was able to get to the library after work and start working on my essay for my final.  I found a few books that are good sources and started fleshing out my outline.  Even though my mind wasn't feeling nearly as sharp as I would like it to be, I still made a good amount of progress.  It helps that I am really fascinated by architectural history.

At home, I had a ton of fun with my baby.  She wanted to bounce and bounce and bounce...  My arms were beat, but tons of smiles were had by both of us.  We both Skyped my mom and more smiles were had.  Now my wife is reading a book and I'm journaling.  We're also having nice conversation intermittently.  It's so nice.

I'm thankful for:

  1. Finishing the work week strong.
  2. The eggnog and amaretto I've been drinking.
  3. Being able to skype with my mom.
  4. Having nice downtime with my wife.
  5. Having a cat hanging out with me.
  6. Doing a good job at preparing for my final exam even though my mind wasn't near 100%.
  7. Putting the guacamole thing to rest.
  8. Books and meditation.
  9. Having a great place to journal publicly.
  10. Having fun!

 

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Today was another good day.  I was able to get to the library and work on my essay for my final.  I still have a long way to go, but it's okay.  If I find myself really unprepared on Monday, I'm just going to leave work early to go to the library.  Also, my printer died when I tried to print out some research articles for reference which is annoying.  I'll just get them printed at the store tomorrow, and I ordered a new printer for next semester.  To me, printers are the most maddening pieces of technology in the world.  At least I'm getting away from ink jet and graduating to laser.

I hung out with a friend for a little while today too which is always nice.  It's something that I have difficulty finding the time to do, but I made it work today.

Of course there was much fun had with the family too.

I'm thankful for:

  1. Working hard to finish the semester strong.
  2. Playing with my baby a lot today.
  3. Going out to eat with the family.
  4. Getting to sleep in a bit.
  5. Relaxing at the end of the day.
  6. Getting all of the laundry done.
  7. Talking to my parents today.
  8. Having a calm mind.
  9. Laughing a lot today.
  10. Being content.
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I'm glad to hear that you both think my printing days have a brighter future!  I may have to go full Office Space on my old one.  In what way can they be a pain in the ass?

Today was really nice.  We all woke up feeling sluggish, but made sure to get out the door to go swimming.  I'm really glad we did because we all had a lot of fun, and my baby is starting to get used to the idea of dunking her head under the water.  She splashed, kicked, and laughed throughout most of the time we were there.  It's so much fun to just be in the moment and not have my mind anywhere else.

After swimming, we went out for breakfast, went to Staples so I could print out some things I need, and went grocery shopping.  It's really dorky, but I love grocery shopping with my family.  We have fun figuring out what kinds of foods we want to make for the week, and I always get a kick out of showing off my baby to all the people who stop to talk to her.

Back at home we did our chores, and I spent time preparing for my final exam.  I'm definitely not ready to write the essay yet so I'm just going to leave work early tomorrow and finish my preparation at the library.  It's going to be wonderful for the whole family once this semester is over because they all sacrifice to help me have time to be a good student.

To celebrate, we're going to go take our baby to a baby friendly activity center.  It'll be fun to see how she does there.  I'll probably cook a really nice dinner for my wife too.

I'm thankful for:

  1. Not getting stressed out even though it's time for finals.  I'm so much more in control of myself these days.
  2. The cookies that my wife made that are cooling down!
  3. Being able to work as a team with my wife.  We get so much done and have a good time doing it.
  4. Getting my to do list a little bit smaller.  It's going to feel great to be caught up!
  5. Being able to enjoy every part of the day.
  6. Getting so much better at sketching.  I'm better than I ever thought I could get, and I know I can keep improving.
  7. Getting my wife's Christmas present wrapped.  It's a small thing, but I won't have think think about doing it anymore.
  8. Watching my baby crawl around the living room.  It's a lot of fun!
  9. Not having to work long days after this week!
  10. All the feedback given to me on my journal.
Edited by wookieshark88
I posted before I was done.
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Today was a day of ups and downs, but overall it was good.  Work was amazing today.  Actually, it was one of my best days there ever.  I was really busy all day, and my boss gave me a bonus check.  She said that she was impressed with how well I'm doing.  It felt amazing to just be acknowledged.  I got her a thank you card that I'm going to give her tomorrow.  It's nice to know that I have a boss that is okay with me trying to be as good as I can.

I left work early to go to the library and finish preparing for my final.  After all of that, I feel like I'm reasonably ready for the exam.  Either way, it'll all be over tomorrow, and I can rest!

When I got home, my baby cried and screamed the whole time until I put her to bed.  I know it wasn't anything personal, but in the moments it's so hard to not take it personally.  Hopefully tomorrow we have a better evening together.

I'm thankful for:

  1. Being appreciated at work.  It was awesome.
  2. Having one more day until this semester is over!
  3. Learning more about my job today.  I feel so motivated to do great at it!
  4. Having a great wife that I get to spend the evening with.
  5. Getting my baby bathed and to sleep despite all the screaming.
  6. Being able to balance all of the different components of my life.  I look forward to improving even more in this regard.
  7. Picking up some new books at the library.
  8. Being mindful of all my different emotions throughout the day.
  9. Feeling like I can accomplish anything that I apply consistent effort and passion to.
  10. Knowing that happiness is the key to success.  It makes a huge difference.
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Check out this image. I think it was 1 year of drawing every day for 30 mins or something

Wow that's amazing progress! Your 30 minutes-a-day have really paid up. A great example of the Slight Edge in action.

Not my image, just one I found. But yep, 30 mins piles up over time :)

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Today kicked ass!  I finished the semester!  I proved to myself that I can balance school, work, and family!  I also got to read and post all over the forums!  It's awesome how busy it's becoming on here, but it's harder to read and post on every topic I want to.  I'll just have to apply the Slight Edge to catching up on everything around here, haha.  It's been so long since I read anything on here that wasn't posted in my own journal.

One thing I'm excited to do now is read a book with my eyes and not my ears.  I just need to figure out what that book should be!  I should check out that video that Cam made of recommended books.  I don't think I read all of those yet.

I'm going to keep this entry short because I need to get a few chores done, and I got to write plenty in other topics around here.

I'm thankful for:

  1. Kicking ass this semester!
  2. Having a wife, boss, and mother in law that helped me kick ass this semester!
  3. Having a baby who did not scream at me this evening!
  4. Feeling awesome right now!
  5. Having a wife who is bringing home some celebratory pizza soon!
  6. Realizing that Christmas day will mark six months since I last played a game!  Merry Christmas to me!
  7. Reading some great stuff on the forums!
  8. Knowing that I am advancing towards my goal/dream of finishing school!
  9. All the feedback and support that people have left in my journal all semester even when I couldn't read their journals.
  10. Learning to see that my life is full of wonderful possibilities and discovering the courage and strength needed to pursue my dreams.
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Today was a very low key day for me.  I spent most of the day expending as little energy as possible which is a great change of pace from my usual pedal to the metal style.  It's important for me to relax and regroup so that I can get back to it.  I also have been reflecting on how this semester went, and how I should approach next semester.

This semester was academically a huge success.  I scored over 100% on three out of four quizzes with a 99% being the worst grade I got.  My midterm was a 100% as well.  I'm positive my participation grade was fine, and my notebook got an A-.  Besides being academically a success, it was enjoyable.  This is hugely important because happiness is the key to success.  Safety was not so good as I destroyed my car which also led to a car payment and higher insurance rates.  Luckily I'm not injured, and I am much more aware when I drive.  Health wise I have been doing well as I lost weight, improved my cholesterol levels, and am working on solving my stomach problem.  Family wise has been great.  I found time on a regular basis to spend quality time with them.  Emotionally, things have been good.  I hit some snags here and there, but I have been diligent about not letting things get out of control.  Work has been good as well as I improve every day.  Also, video games and nicotine have been avoided all semester despite having cravings here and there!  I'm looking forward to building on this momentum in the winter semester!

I'm thankful for:

  1. Having a very calm evening with my wife.
  2. My baby being content to just hang out and not be too wild.
  3. Having a low key day at work.
  4. The tasty salad I had for lunch.
  5. Left over pizza with more salad for dinner.
  6. Watching Seinfeld with my wife.
  7. Taking the high road with my coworker who was bothering me last week.  She's a good person, and I'm glad that we can talk.
  8. My very comfortable bed that I will be climbing into very shortly.
  9. Not feeling my allergies too badly since stopping my Claritin yesterday.
  10. My cats for sitting calmly with me for most of the evening.
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Safety was not so good as I destroyed my car which also led to a car payment and higher insurance rates.  Luckily I'm not injured, and I am much more aware when I drive.

I've been in a few traffic accidents in my life.  Scariest one was when a car rear-ended my motorbike. Luckily no one has been hurt in any of them.   My way of thinking is if everyone is able to walk away from a crash you should consider yourself lucky.  They can and often do end with much worse consequences.

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Congratulations on your academic success! Not many people can boast grades like those.

I'm sorry to hear about your car accident, but hey, that's why they're called car accidents after all - you never expect them to happen so don't beat yourself up about it.

I didn't know you gave up on nicotine as well, so congrats on that too! I don't know which would be harder to quit - games or smoking? In any case I don't want to try smoking to find out! 

I feel you've picked up better from your lows in your life a lot better and have enjoyed the better times much more than you used to. Nice work man! I can't boast such an extensive gratitude journal list and positive outlook yet. :)

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I definitely consider myself lucky.  I'm also more aware so I won't need to rely on luck next time.

Smoking was easier to stop initially, but I still feel urges no matter how long its been since I quit.  Video games took a massive initial effort to stop, but I feel mostly free from their influence today.

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