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simmsjt

Jake's Detox Part 2

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After 5 months without games I relapsed again and have been playing for the past 3 months. I really wanted to play in moderation. I was successful in that effort. I have only been playing 2 hours a day during the past months. However, it takes so much of my willpower and headspace to accomplish that. I hate that when I'm not gaming I constantly think about gaming. I'm going to start another 90 day detox and evaluate how I want to move forward after that. This marks day one. Last night I put my gaming PC up in storage and I uninstalled all the games on my phone. I know last time I abstained it wouldn't have been possible without the people I met through this community. Most of the people I used for support in the past have moved on with there lives. I'm hoping I can meet new people so that we can support each other. 11/28/17

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Welcome back! 

If you can play in moderation, or do anything in your life in general, but you feel it takes too much effort for the benefit it provides, there's no shame in changing to a more "simple" approach. For example, I never had an issue gaming multiplayer, but I'm fully aware that would trigger me towards playing alone, so I don't. It's not 'radical', but 'efficient'. Do what works (best).

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A big part of me quitting gaming was not being able to stop thinking about them. It sucks to be chained to the intrusive thoughts that make the rest of my life seem boring in comparison. I'm not sure when that went away but I think you're making a great decision, I look forward to seeing your updates!

Edited by Laney
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11/30/17 The hardest part is the loneliness. I find the cravings are only really bad when im home alone. I don't have any friend outside of school so weekends and evenings are hard to stay on track.

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Think you could challenge yourself to go somewhere instead on the evenings?

There's also things like book clubs which gives you something to do that is "low effort social". By reading alone you are investing in others socially. Never done a book club before but it was just a thought. 

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In loneliness do you tend to take the role of the victim, that is unable to handle life. Where in fact, life is beautiful, once you manage to openly perceive things. Don't focus on the fact that you are alone, the absence of others, not being understood. Focus in the beauty of things you find in this world, your own complexity, your desires – and yes, social interaction is one of those things, even a very important one, but so is your own heart.

You stop being lonely, once you accept your own heart – because you don't need other people anymore to tell you who you are. You don't need other people to build and raze you, because you yourself can do that once you find the courage to pick up tools for yourself.

The sun is massive, you are never alone in its warmth. Fire is good too.

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13 hours ago, simmsjt said:

11/30/17 The hardest part is the loneliness. I find the cravings are only really bad when im home alone. I don't have any friend outside of school so weekends and evenings are hard to stay on track.

Try to find a meetup.com group based on an activity you might like. 

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Hello there,

I'm interested in your experience of returning to games, since most reports of that kind talk about completely crashing and going on full blown binges but it seems you managed to moderate if somewhat inefficiently for your life. Nevertheless, do you regret relapsing, feel neutral about it, or are you happy you did?

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Well I've found that I can manage it but its a constant drain on my will power to do so. I also constantly think about it when im not gaming. I am drawn to gaming for escapism, socializing, and a sense of accomplishment. I would like to be able to live a full life and just have gaming as a hobby but I don't think its realistic with the intensity of my cravings. I went back to gaming because I thought I could handle but I was wrong. I only played 2 hours a day for the past month compared to the 8 hours a day from a year ago. But it still such a drain on my life. Maybe things will be different in the future. I want to accomplish the 90 day detox again to see how things feel at that point. I don't really feel happy about it but I recognize that failing is a part of learning to succeed. I'm also in kinda of a weird point in my life. I'm in an accelerated school program right now. I spend 12 hours a day seven days a week in class or doing homework but I only have 2 months of that left. Once I graduate I will have a lot less stress and more free time. Based on the jobs in my local area I should be able to find employment within a month of graduation. Money is a big stressor and trigger for addictive behaviors for me. Once I find a job the monetary stress should start to lessen as well. I think once I am employed I may look into trying to integrate it again as my life situation is a lot different. But we will see. I hope you can take something from this I know its kinda rambling on im about to go to bed so im a little tired. 

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