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Death13

Quitting Again

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A small bit about me... I am an organ failure survivor, I used games as a way to "have a life" growing up because I moved around a lot, it followed me into adulthood. Competitive online gaming gave me purpose and made me feel strong. Never liked school, teachers often bullied me for being the ADHD kid, "too dumb to learn" etc. Part of that ties in with using gaming to escape it all.

I've accepted that I've had a relapse... I was game free for 8 months. As of late, I've played 12-16 hours a day for 6 months after a breakup. Keeping this journal so I don't fall down again. Need to clean up my act as I'm going back to school January 8th. I am keeping a physical calendar and marking off the days that I don't play and will be logging the hours I focus on actual skills. My goals are to get back into studying art and language on a daily basis for several hours at a time. I want to abandon online gaming completely or only play when friends bother me to play. All of my local friends except one forgot that I exist, since they got into relationships... All of my online friends ask me to game and none of them want to be taught actual skills... I think that I must accept that I will be lonely again for a long period, which really sucks.

Day 1 (Today)

Uninstalled all my online games, cravings are intense. Quit my hardcore raiding guild. Trying to sell my last MMO account. I have no desire to do much right now besides listening to music.

 

Edited by Death13
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Hey and welcome to the forums. Seems like you have a good plan.

I had to cut my online connections to after I quit gaming. Some of them I see from time to time in real life but they just want to game and thats not me anymore. Maybe it is time for you to reach out to people. Invite them to some activities be proactive. Somehow we always expect the friends to do the work for the friendship but aren't willing to invest in them ourselves. I wouldn't be too sure they are out of the picture completely only because they focus on their relationsips right now. But this has some time. How was the time you quit gaming? Did you see the improvements in your life? What do you want from quitting gaming (besides better grades)? Writing it down can help you to keep the why in your mind whilst doing this detox. Without a good reason this will be nearly impossible.

I personally quit gaming to gain self-esteem(was at a ll time low), have a better relationsship with my girlfriend and friends and beeing able to finish my studies. I was a lying lazy piece of shit back then or at least felt like it. I wanted to be so much more and saw how my game addiction detoriated my envisioned self more and more. This kept me on track when I had hard cravings.

Best of luck to you. We got you back.

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10 hours ago, WorkInProgress said:

Hey and welcome to the forums. Seems like you have a good plan.

I had to cut my online connections to after I quit gaming. Some of them I see from time to time in real life but they just want to game and thats not me anymore. Maybe it is time for you to reach out to people. Invite them to some activities be proactive. Somehow we always expect the friends to do the work for the friendship but aren't willing to invest in them ourselves. I wouldn't be too sure they are out of the picture completely only because they focus on their relationsips right now. But this has some time. How was the time you quit gaming? Did you see the improvements in your life? What do you want from quitting gaming (besides better grades)? Writing it down can help you to keep the why in your mind whilst doing this detox. Without a good reason this will be nearly impossible.

I personally quit gaming to gain self-esteem(was at a ll time low), have a better relationsship with my girlfriend and friends and beeing able to finish my studies. I was a lying lazy piece of shit back then or at least felt like it. I wanted to be so much more and saw how my game addiction detoriated my envisioned self more and more. This kept me on track when I had hard cravings.

Best of luck to you. We got you back.

Hey. Yeah, I think you're right - reaching out and inviting people is probably the best course of action. Maybe I can find some people to study with eventually. Quitting online gaming before, I was able to enjoy life again. Something just happens to my brain with online gaming and everything seems very dull and uninteresting in comparison like it's almost impossible to enjoy anything else - even other games, singleplayer games and stuff like that become a horrible chore. I ultimately want to feel good about working on actual skills and doing normal real life things again.

Day 2

Just when I woke up I had multiple gaming friends ask me to play, I felt awkward saying "no" to them. Planning out a daily routine/schedule so I don't die of boredom...

 

 

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Day 3

Found a new hobby, into mechanical mods (e-cigs). Learning Ohm's Law and battery safety. I may set my status to offline so people don't bug me to play games; I feel guilty saying "no" so much.

Edited by Death13

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13 hours ago, Cam Adair said:

Welcome! keep updating, it will help a lot.

Will do!

Day 4

Spent a lot of time with my mom over Thanksgiving. Noticing some nostalgia for very old games from my childhood.

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20 minutes ago, Death13 said:

Day 5

Had a dream about games from my childhood. My cravings for online gaming have died out already.

Dreams about games are fairly normal, especially during this period of the detox. If you haven't seen this video, it can help. The key: do a gratitude journal before bed to set your mind in a good place. :)

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Day 6 

Had an intense dream about gaming... Oddly enough, I slept for 12 hours instead of my normal 6-8, but I woke up feeling incredibly rested and "normal" feeling. I had the epiphany that I have never even really liked online games per se, I just missed the social aspect of playing games with my friends, like when I was a kid. I've come to the stunning realization that I never even liked my "friends" I've had IRL (locally) for the past year, I simply wanted to recapture the joy I had in social interaction when I was a child. In the end, I think I just hate being alone.

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Day 7 / Week 1

I was able to focus on watching live-action television for the first time in about a year. And I am now having dreams almost every night. As I've thought about things logically, I know it's impossible for me to cut games out of my life completely due to the social aspect. Virtually everyone in my age-group plays games and it's virtually the only way to hang out with them... Examining myself, I have noticed that my personal triggers for becoming totally addicted stem from close relationships ending up catastrophic failures... Without a major stressor in my life, I know I can moderate my play-time fairly well. Addiction and escapism seem to go hand-in-hand.

Dream Journal

Last night I had dreamt I was fishing in shark-infested waters, before that I was being chased by men in a boat. Something happened to the pier, and I ended up frantic in the water, as some kind of wind had twisted the bridge and knocked me into the water while I was fishing. A shark began swimming towards me and before it could make contact, I woke up.

Edited by Death13

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Day 8

Stayed up too late, ended up having another strange dream relating to games, but I've forgotten it already. Studied art for about an hour yesterday and finished a TV series. Sold my last MMO account.

Edited by Death13

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Welcome back after your relapse ♥ So glad to see you here and that you have a place to process your struggles. We are here for you to give ideas and support :3

I used to get freaked out by my dreams, had no idea Cam made a video on them! Super excited to watch it later. Mine I would wake up and be scared I had relapsed or that I was close to relapsing. But I accepted them, said thank you body for the reminder and the nice story, but I'm okay.

In relation to the social aspect I am SO EXCITED FOR YOU eeeh!! Real life connections are a-maze-ing! Do you have any plans on how you might achieve meeting new people or maintaining the relationships you make? Social hobbies are a great realm for this, education or learning a new task can encourage bonding as well as commitment more than just "oh I met this cool guy at a rave in LA and they were super excited to be friends but we never met up again".  I want you to have the tools to escape what can happen to us in this stage. We reach out to make friends -- then are faced with our first disappointment or rejection and we lose all hope. "Everyone is a flake" "I hate people" lol, okay, some people are flakey yeah but this is actually well within our control if we approach meeting new people correctly! And it takes practice to invite people to things when you're not used to it. It takes intention and energy and we are going to screw up. Be kind to yourself and let people surprise you.

Also; have you thought about a part time job? This helps a lot with self confidence, income to do fun things, social practice and more!

Edited by Laney
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6 hours ago, Laney said:

Welcome back after your relapse ♥ So glad to see you here and that you have a place to process your struggles. We are here for you to give ideas and support :3

I used to get freaked out by my dreams, had no idea Cam made a video on them! Super excited to watch it later. Mine I would wake up and be scared I had relapsed or that I was close to relapsing. But I accepted them, said thank you body for the reminder and the nice story, but I'm okay.

In relation to the social aspect I am SO EXCITED FOR YOU eeeh!! Real life connections are a-maze-ing! Do you have any plans on how you might achieve meeting new people or maintaining the relationships you make? Social hobbies are a great realm for this, education or learning a new task can encourage bonding as well as commitment more than just "oh I met this cool guy at a rave in LA and they were super excited to be friends but we never met up again".  I want you to have the tools to escape what can happen to us in this stage. We reach out to make friends -- then are faced with our first disappointment or rejection and we lose all hope. "Everyone is a flake" "I hate people" lol, okay, some people are flakey yeah but this is actually well within our control if we approach meeting new people correctly! And it takes practice to invite people to things when you're not used to it. It takes intention and energy and we are going to screw up. Be kind to yourself and let people surprise you.

Also; have you thought about a part time job? This helps a lot with self confidence, income to do fun things, social practice and more!

Thank you. As it goes for making new local friends, I guess I'm hoping I'll get lucky at one of the clubs at college, maybe I'll start one... I think that social hobbies are the answer as well. I wish I could get a part-time job, but the few places I've applied to only want full-timers. I'm just waiting for school to start at this point, the sooner the better.

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Clubs are a great way to become socially (and professionally) involved. You'll make friends with alumni and fellow classmates who will help you in your journey and you them! I got involved on the elective board my 2nd year and that was great but not for everyone.:) What kind of club would you start?

Apply for jobs at the school, the printing lab, the bookstore, the food places, the library, etc. Many opportunities there and they work with your student schedule.

Edited by Laney
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14 hours ago, Laney said:

Clubs are a great way to become socially (and professionally) involved. You'll make friends with alumni and fellow classmates who will help you in your journey and you them! I got involved on the elective board my 2nd year and that was great but not for everyone.:) What kind of club would you start?

Apply for jobs at the school, the printing lab, the bookstore, the food places, the library, etc. Many opportunities there and they work with your student schedule.

Probably some kind of art club, whenever I teach, it seems to get me pretty focused.

Day 9 

Dreams seemed to have stopped. Gaming friends keep bugging me to play games, and I'm feeling like a broken record writing that. I think that I'll update every other day at this point. So far, kicking games has not been that bad, but finding motivation and inspiration for my other hobbies is still a chore. I feel like I've discovered that I'm motivated by fear of failure and deadlines, hence why school works for me.

Edited by Death13

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Don't worry about repetition. We are all happy to read a daily update. As far as motivation goes I found out that is kind of impossible for me to get motivated by thinking myself inot it (be it fear or imagined glory). The only way I get motivated is ironically by start doing it. A little trick which sometimes help is to start really small but to start. Like 10 minutes of studying. It is ok if you stop afterwards. But most of the time you'll find out that the lacking motivation wasn't the problem and you just needed to start.

Write your gaming buddys that you doing a 3month detox and it doesn't matter what they say you won't game until then, but that you'll be happy to talk to them on gaming unrelated topics. If they don't understand try to mute them and get rid of them for this time. This is really not helping you.

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Hey I also wish you all the best! It's interesting to read.

Uhm might I ask what a "organ failure survivor" is? Like was this at birth or later and is this still affecting your life? You don't need to answer if it makes you feel uncomfortably.

If you're interested into mechanical mods you might also be interested in something like the Arduino.

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On 12/4/2017 at 2:18 PM, cordharel said:

Hey I also wish you all the best! It's interesting to read.

Uhm might I ask what a "organ failure survivor" is? Like was this at birth or later and is this still affecting your life? You don't need to answer if it makes you feel uncomfortably.

If you're interested into mechanical mods you might also be interested in something like the Arduino.

4

Untreated Thyroid Failure for 10+ years from age 10/11, lots of nasty side effects - it was caught when I was estimated to have one-two years to live left. Ahhh, I ended up getting a Hammer of God V3 and a Crossbones Black Raven.

Day 22. 21? I think I lost count. Getting back into hobbies slowly, I bought some model paint overseas and the shipping time is just too long. Oh yeah, new relationship - did not work out.

Edited by Death13

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Day 24

Saw my psychologist, game addiction is apparently going to universally be accepted as a serious mental disorder soon and he already considers it one. Going to use Abilify to unfuck my brain and rebalance it so it can it return to normal.

Edited by Death13
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Been MONTHS! Day, who knows. Quit gaming, detoxed, I am now a study robot, working on my art 24/7 and trying to get into the industry. Taking classes online. Friends: zero, besides my dog. The only one thing I miss about gaming is the social aspect. I try gaming now and then and the most I can focus on it is an hour before I get bored and quit - without other people I know, it just doesn't work. YouTube and Twitter are distractions just as bad as gaming, so I try not to use either much. That's where I'm at guys, to anyone reading this (I assume around my age), just focus on your career right now because you won't be young forever.

 

Every hour counts and adds up to something greater.

Edited by Death13
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I’m in a very similar position to you, I feel I can relate to most of the things you write: focus on career, no real friends, didn’t game for a long time. Anyway, congrats for your achievements!

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