Wigger's journal

[Wigger]

Hello everyone, seems its my time to stop as well.

 

I have stopped before for about 2 months, but then my girlfriend went studying in Korea for half a year and i picked up the habit again. Truth be told i tried many times and i feel its time to make this the final one. That is why this time im keeping this journal (something i've never done before). Not only do i plan stopping with gaming, but also watching series

 

I don't know if i can quit, but i have to. Life has so much to offer, and most importantly, i don't want to pass this on to my children (when i have them somewhere in the mid distant future). I was actually clean for almost 2 weeks when i got dragged into it by my brother. We had bought a game together and i felt bad about not playing anymore so it seems like i have to tell him earnestly this time  

 

Tomorrow is officially day 1 of the ∞ day detox. Its probably best to stop Pokemon Go as well. I already removed all games from my mac including my windows partition. 

 

Wish me the best! 

Edited October 16, 2017 by Wigger

[Hitaru]

Welcome to the forum!

Journaling can feel pretty big at first. It was my first time journaling as well and I had all these fears about my privacy and sounding stupid. Fortunately this community is top-tier, so you don't have to worry. Fine folks here, you'll see.

Social pressure is a b*tch, even when unintentional. Gaming has become so widespread, it kind of feels odd not to play. It comes to the classic dilemma: "Do what everybody else does or try something else when I know it'll be a good thing?" You won't become a better person just from quitting games, but you'll grow if you focus on what works for you.

Speaking of not just quitting, identify the reasons that made you take back gaming, and start from there. Was it boredom? Coping with something unpleasant? Challenge? Then compare it to the reasons that made you stop. What is it that you want to do instead of gaming? What actions can you take right now that will be achievable and set you on the course towards your goals? What needs are gaming satisfying in your life that could be taken care of by doing something else?

Consider yourself best wished! 

[Cam Adair]

Welcome! Great to have you join us. Hope to visit the Netherlands again someday. 

[Wigger]

Thank you very much, Hitaru  I feel like this will help a lot and i'll remember your advice. Last time i fell in sort of a black hole. I spend all my time studying and life became very dull. To be honest, i was looking for a reason to start gaming again. This time however, i want to do some courses in google analytics and finish a small website i've been building.

Thank you for having me, Cam Adair.  And of course, if you ever have the chance, do visit the Netherlands!

 

EDIT: just found out how to quote people >< 

Edited October 17, 2017 by Wigger

[zeke365]

welcome to the fourms

[Rbarton]

Welcome

[Wigger]

Day 1

 

Today was very silent. I had to wake up early to go to university and everything just felt calm. In the train however i started feeling urges to game that were stronger then usual, and they kept being there until class finished and i wandered the town with my girlfriend. Seems like severe boredom triggers me  I also feel that now that i have made a decision against it, the urges are either stronger or more conscious. Either way, its a bit harder. On the plus-side, i got my girlfriend to do this detox with me, which makes me very happy. A big trigger removed for me + hopefully it has a big positive effect on her life as well!

At home i felt very bored again, there was nothing to do. Normally if i couldn't/wouldn't game i would start watching series. But i have recognized it as a substitute and therefore refused to watch those as well. After lying on the bed for a bit i went to procrastinate by listening to music. I felt too tired to start studying (short night) but couldn't find a good way to really relax. After a while i just started fixing some stuff i still had to do and then went on to studying and didnt stop until now (over 3 hour session). Although im happy i did a lot of studying, i know i won't endure like this. Tomorrow i must do something meaningful. I want to continue building a website.

 

I realized that my gaming habits have severely disrupted my sleeping habits. The past weeks i've been going to sleep between 1 and 3 AM. This makes it so that i wake up very tired because of a short night OR i make a long night and wake up very tired with half my day gone. Basically, my energy and therefore production during the day gets cut by quite large amounts.

 

Another thing i wish to remind myself of is that gaming totally screwed up my dopamine-reward system in my brain (realized this some years ago while studying psychology). As i am used to quick and low energy cost rewards, i find it very hard to work longer periods without big rewards. This makes things like studying more difficult for me. Delaying gratification is one of the things i must relearn in order to balance my reward system, this might actually be the biggest and hardest part of the detox.

 

Basically, its only 10 PM and im pretty much done with today. Time for sleep and some light reading.

 

P.S. Thanks for the welcoming words everyone, i really appreciate it!

Edited October 17, 2017 by Wigger

[Wigger]

Day 2

 

Today was a good day. I had one of the best nights sleep in a few months. I still can't believe that days are this long, its absolutely ridiculous. Got about 6 hours of studying done today, which is pretty needed considering how much i still have to do. Only 3 weeks till the exams!

I found myself in the need for breaks, but im not sure how to relax now that i don't do gaming anymore (and neither watch series). Although, to be honest, i did watch 2 episodes today during food breaks (breakfast and lunch). After some time my head was quite full and i couldn't really force myself to continue, so i put on good rock music as loud as i could and just kept walking through the room while saying whatever came into my head. It worked like a charm. It seems that if i force my mind too much into a position it will wear out, after that i need to let it do whatever it wants for a bit. Looking forward to further testing this (it helped a lot because when i get tired and bored i get urges to game, i feel that this keeps it under control better).

I actually got all the tasks i had planned for today done, including working a bit on the website. Tomorrow is a long schoolday though, i feel the lectures are very inefficient. Im a bit afraid it is going to cause me want to start gaming again.

Till this point its going pretty well because i can keep myself busy, life seems to be clearer, better and longer. Cant complain!

 

[Wigger]

Day 3

I forgot to do this yesterday

I found it very hard to concentrate. The night before i had watched a movie in bed and did some reading on my phone. I woke up with my eye's hurting. It the sort of day that i would normally spend gaming. Being tired, not really wanting to do anything. Just hard to focus myself. It was actually pretty hard to keep myself from it, so i decided to not make a study day, but do other useful stuff. So i went cleaning and visiting other people (this actually helped a lot).

I must say, this detox is still going pretty well. I suspect it is because i have already sort of detoxed. I don't like gaming anymore, however, i feel like i still need it. And that distinction is an important one. I feel like i can consciously fight the urges that come from the heart. The hard part is the emptiness that this detox is making me feel. Life is starting to lose its edge and becomes less exciting. I feel like i have less to live for and less goals to work towards, and i think that is the real difficult part. Therefore i have decided to really look for other activities. My girlfriend suggested to start learning chinese again, which i think is a really good suggestion already. Also, i think i would like to learn how to invest.

I just hope these activities will fill the void enough to keep me from gaming

[Wigger]

Day 6

Today is already day 6. Its been going quite well but i feel like i have cheated. I played hearthstone on my iPhone. While it is technically on the iPhone it is a computer game and a game altogether. Therefore, i will be starting over tomorrow (and of course remove the game right now together with clash of clans). I also have been watching too a few episodes of family guy today. This weekend i did a lot of useful stuff though. I helped my girlfriend move to her new apartment and helped her build an IKEA bed. Don't tell anyone, but we had to take the whole bed apart like 2 times because of errors me made, we ended up spending 2 days putting a simple bed together . The bed was pretty nice though

On the plus side, i started doing planking exercises today. Also, im almost completely caught up with my studies, so thats good. Social interaction seems to be going a lot better as well. All together, im quite happy with not gaming, even though its pretty hard to go through this detox.

[Rbarton]

It's rough but you got this. We're here for you. Take care. 

[Wigger]

seems like im at day 15 already.

 

It has been going enormously fast, mostly due to the amount of studying i have been doing. For almost 2 weeks i've done about 6 hours of studying a day. The most difficult parts are the end of the days when its about 20:00 and i just feel tired. Those are the moments that i'd like to game. But the urges are pretty much under control now and only creep up a few times a day. Tomorrow i got my 2 exams and i feel very nervous. They are part of my premaster and therefore required if i want to do my master next year.

Im the most scared for after these two exams. I will have a lot of time after them (1 course during the next 8 weeks) and im afraid this will make it much more difficult to keep myself from gaming. Therefore i have decided i want to do a few days of iceland to clear my mind and come up with a list to work on. My days have been so very productive that im thinking about keeping up this pace.

So far i got on my list:

- fixing a website to sell educational toys via my own website (and not some intermediate (they squeeze out all the profit -_-))

- Studying Adwords

- Doing PR for my student association

- Learning Chinese (i started once but stopped again)

- Fixing my knee injury by doing my exercises

- Maybe get a part time job as an internetmarketeer

[Wigger]

Day 19

 

Hell has officially begun. Let me try to find the words to explain what is going on.

When i was gaming the world went very fast. I got a lot of rewards and that gave me the high's i needed. I felt like i had a goal and was always enthusiastically working towards that. The goal gave me direction in life and made me feel like it is worth living.

Right now i feel like i have no direction. I don't get any (quick) rewards and therefore i get no high's, and its driving me crazy. I feel like i've been dropped in the darkness and there is no way to go, there is nothing to see anywhere. Life seems to have lost its color and it is making me depressed. Now i truly feel like an addict.

For me, this is the hardest part of the detox. I don't like gaming anymore, but i feel like i need it even though it won't get me pleasure (my brain is trying to convince me otherwise though). Last time i tried to stop, i failed during this chapter of the detox. I am most afraid for this part. The foresight of feeling like this for a few weeks sucks. Lets see if it builds character.

 

I will not game.

[taichi]

Are you a slight perfectionist? Quitting games is a task in itself. Improving productivity is another. I feel like you are attempting two at once. 

The high standards that a perfectionist requires for him/herself can cause them to need an escape from that reality. Does that ring a bell for you?

My former psychiatrist told me this: "A perfectionist is like a plane with no landing wheels. He/she must keep flying forever, in order to avoid hurting themselves. Of course it is important that you can fly. But you will need wheels, to land and refill your fuel."

Much love & respect to you. Take care 

[Wigger]

On 13-11-2017 at 2:06 AM, taichi said:

Are you a slight perfectionist? Quitting games is a task in itself. Improving productivity is another. I feel like you are attempting two at once. 

The high standards that a perfectionist requires for him/herself can cause them to need an escape from that reality. Does that ring a bell for you?

My former psychiatrist told me this: "A perfectionist is like a plane with no landing wheels. He/she must keep flying forever, in order to avoid hurting themselves. Of course it is important that you can fly. But you will need wheels, to land and refill your fuel."

Much love & respect to you. Take care 

Well darn, that is actually quite an observation. I think you are pretty right here. To be honest, i do feel the need to keep flying and relaxing is not that easy for me. I do meditation once a while and that helps. Im not sure where to go from here, haha. I like life the most when im working and see progress and growth in what i do

[taichi]

15 hours ago, Wigger said:

Well darn, that is actually quite an observation. I think you are pretty right here. To be honest, i do feel the need to keep flying and relaxing is not that easy for me. I do meditation once a while and that helps. Im not sure where to go from here, haha. I like life the most when im working and see progress and growth in what i do

The struggle to rest is a difficult one to focus on. Meditation I think is a great place to start. Good luck & keep yourself comfy

[Wigger]

On 15-11-2017 at 11:47 AM, taichi said:

The struggle to rest is a difficult one to focus on. Meditation I think is a great place to start. Good luck & keep yourself comfy

Thank you for the tips. I've been thinking about the airplane for the past couple of days. It seems to fit all too well. Its just that i love the flying feeling so much that i have difficulty living without it. On the other side, if i were to find that same feeling in useful things that could become a huge advantage for me.

Thank you

[Wigger]

Day 39

Hahaha, i didn't know it had been this long already. Life is incredible, truly beautiful.

For the past 3 weeks i have worked hard to open my own web shop. Its a dutch webshop for educative toys, which links nicely to my bachelor in psychology! Its truly been a blessing, and very soon i will have my stock and start selling! Life feels much better these days, life is good.

Im getting further and further and lately i have been thinking of doing some exams for becoming a realtor. Just on the side for fun. 

I would advise everyone to stop gaming. But not just gaming, whatever you are addicted to. Free yourself, free your time and make your own life. It will be hard work, but the rewards will make you happy. It will make you feel good about yourself. It will allow you to stand straight and be a man. I was once such an idiot. I only spend my time gaming and effectively ruined my life and myself. It was time to grow up. I am happy i decided to grow up and be a man.

Thank you all for helping me, i am thankful

Edited December 9, 2017 by Hitaru