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90 day detox


ChewyChickenBones
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Day 8

There is a bank heist movie on theaters called Den of Thieves. It takes place in LA. The beginning scene takes place in my neighborhood. I'm going to visit the locations that were used for filming. My neighborhood is small, but we have some hotstops used for films. Last I read the old mall was used for some scenes in Westworld. Felt a connection seeing my neighborhood represented on the big screen. The guy was a thieve tho, gotta keep that stereotype lol

Been a lot less stressed.  Instead of just letting thoughts consume me,  I take action.  It is amazing!

 

Currently at work. Chill day, looking forward to a good day. :)

I'm grateful to be able to read! See, listen, learn, talk, walk, breathe, be patient, be strong, and be Happy!

Edited by ChewyChickenBones
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  • 1 month later...

It's been a while.
I'm back to gaming with a different relationship. It no longer takes priority.

31 y/o now. There's a lot of ambitions and goals I am striving for. GQ, therapy, and reading have help out a lot.

I am grateful and wish you the best in your journeys.

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Met Johnny Cruz. He's the voice actor for Lucio in Overwatch. Pretty stoked up!

Been using a lot of Cam's advice on Respawn.  Listening to his podcasts and others experiences with video games and life.  Starting following TomFrankly on YouTube. I really like his college advise videos. My daily routine has changed a lot, and my overall physical and mental health have improved exponentially.

Grateful for GQ, podcasts, life, breathing, yoga, listening, walking, reading, talking, and learning.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Last week was really difficult. Was feeling really anxious and self vigilant to the point that I wanted to move out and be alone.
Took a few days to calm down, read/watched a lot of positive/motivationals to stay with positive thoughts.

I've come to understand that a lot the self harm I did to myself was due to how I spoke to myself. I was drowning in sadness, anger, hurt, regret, and confusion.

GQ, we're all here for a reason. We love(d) video games and it it/has made an impact in our life. Taking a break from games was a great way to reflect.

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/03/upshot/why-some-men-dont-work-video-games-have-gotten-really-good.html
^Living in a virtual world, taking care, and cooperating with others. It was my life. After the break, it's been really great to be able to work on what matters more. Real life. It has not been easy, there's been really tough moments with no reward in sight. Thing is, it's not about a reward. It's about taking accountability, responsibility and being able to make a change yourself.
Grateful to breathe, walk, eat, listen, read, talk, work, determination, emotion, courage, strength, meditation, water, and food.

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Been waking up really angry the last few days.  I just get up, get out, and do something! Either I take action to make a change or stay home pissed, coping in a virtual world.

Grateful to have courage, breathe, take action, GQ, water, work, challenges, strength, success, joy, Hawai'i, women, and Japan.


@Cam Adair Why are we not able to edit older posts?

Edited by ChewyChickenBones
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If there's a post you need edited (like the first one of the thread) PM me or post it here and we can do it.

You can't be grateful and angry at the same time. :)

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  • 3 weeks later...

Aloha and greetings everyone.

Been working a lot. It feels great to have money! Seriously!!

I game occasionally.. usually way to tired after work to put any time or effort into it.

---> Got shingles. Painful for the first week, it's a lot more tolerable now. It's one thing after another, but that's life. Moving on forward and feeling really good about myself.

 

Wishing the best for all of you, I lurk the forums occasionally, and stay updated with the GQ Facebook page. They are great source of help, thank you everyone.

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Writing.. there's a lot I want to get off my chest... my heart.. my soul.

I work in a customer service job where I pretend to be someone else. I have done this "career" for 10 years... I have hated it every single day of my life. I really do not like to hold back my emotions when dealing with difficult people. Yet I do, day after day. It has really taken a toll on me. My stomach cramps up, headaches, and a lot of anger and resentment.

I've come to understand that in order to change, it has to start with taking action. I have been going to therapy for year.. and while I feel better about who I am as a person I still hate that I have to be in this fucking job every single day. Why? Money. I do not have anyone else to rely on but myself.
From 2012 to 2017 I only worked part time on this job because I spent most my time playing games. It was a lot more accessible and easier to boot up my PS4 than to do something to change my life. It was great to know that in that virtual world, I was the fucking king, and I could talk as much shit as I wanted. Even that was not being completely honest though.. I sent rage/hate/troll messages from troll accounts. I wanted my main profile image to stay clean. I was a jerk.

In the past month I have worked everyday and put in well over 60 hours each week. Why? It keeps me away from gaming all day at home, and feeling sorry for myself. The money is also nice, to be able to eat anything I want now. I would only buy fast food discount specials before... another reason why my nutrition was poor and I had stomach problems.

This will be my last year in this career. I do not want to do this anymore... I'm starting to be real at work, and it is making things difficult. I held back before because I did not want things to be hard... but they were hard regardless! Might as well be real and do shit the way I want. If feels like I am a new employee... doing things from a new perspective.

I'm grateful for being real, having confidence, strength, and courage to stand up for myself once more.

What would make today great? --> Getting some well deserved rest.

Peace be upon you.

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How'z it everyone?!

Took the last two days off from work... feels great to be home resting, cleaning up, and just being away from the work environment. I'll return back tomorrow.. not looking forward to it because I want it be easy. Truthfully, I have not done a lot of things outside the digital gaming realm because it was a completely different environment and I feel useless, weak, lost, frustrated, sad, and angry. That's a lot to feel at once, especially when I came from an environment where I felt the complete opposite.

I loved gaming. I still have a relationship with games. Glad to say it is exponentially better since it no longer consumes my life, thoughts, time, and energy.

Opening up and being able to express how I feel is still a new thing to me. I may have hurt others along the way because I may express things incorrectly..and it makes me feel horrible. I close up and feel like I don't have the right to feel any emotions. If others are being cruel to me, I feel sympathy and think things like "They did not really mean to make me upset." and "I do not have the right to be angry over that"

It's tough. It pisses me off that I can't master this like all the games I played. But, just like a new game in where I suck... practice, practice, practice. While the factors in real life may be a lot more and change all the time.. I have to face it.

3 things that I am grateful for:
1. Journaling

2. That I am actively practicing to change my negative/sad state of mind

3. That I have a job

 

What would make today great? ----> Washing and cleaning all the mess that piled up since I have been working so much.

I have been used to telling myself some pretty horrible stuff... the kind I would not even say to my worst enemy.  Flipping that around with positivity and support.

I am confident and relaxed, I am kind, I am smart and capable.

 

It has taken a long time to get to this point. I felt that it would be weak to admit just how much I have kept inside, and how fucked up I have been to myself and others. This May will mark one year since I truly decided to be independent and make a change in my life. Fuck has had it challenges and hard times... but I am glad to say that I am proud, grateful, and accomplished for everything that I have done so far.

Experience tranquility.

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Went to therapy this morning... good session as always. Decided to take another day off work, I was still tired from all that work.

Feeling way more rested now, and ready for a 12 hour shift tomorrow! I'll definitely take at least one day off a week now, working three weeks straight were starting to take it's toll on me. Work is a great environment most of the time.. a few very sour apples there but what job doesn't have them?! D:

Thankfully there is a lot of great people I work with too. I also have three new hires which I have taken under my wing and am guiding them best as possible. Three different, beautiful souls. Looking forward to seeing them tomorrow.

3 things I'm grateful for:
1. Journal

2. Finished an on demand video interview

3. My wonderful girlfriend

What would make today great? ----> This headache to go away D:

 

I am awesome. I am kind. I am smart and capable. :D

 

Peace and blessings.

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This was great, wanted to share it with y'all.

3 things I'm grateful for:

1. Good day at work.

2. Journal

3. The food I'll be eating soon.

 

What would make today great? -----> A delicious dinner.

I am relaxed, I am happy, I am kind

 

The turret is no more.

Edited by ChewyChickenBones
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Greetings.

Workload is lighter this week than the previous ones, feeling a lot more rested. Applied/applying to other jobs.

New YouTube video ---> I'll add the video here after it is uploaded.

3 things I'm grateful for:
1. Journal

2. My friends and family

3. My wonderful girlfriend

 

What would make today great? ----> Eating a healthier dinner.

I am happy, I am relaxed, I am kind

 

We walk in harmony, my student.

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Hello world

Continue to put in mad hours at work, spending time with family and friends. One really great week.

3 things I'm grateful for:

1. The amazing people in my life.

2. My girlfriend

3. The great people that I work with.

 

What would make today great? -----> Finish paying off the bills.

 

I am happy, I am relaxed, I am kind and wonderful.

Super stoked for tomorrow morning, going to watch Avengers: Infinity War part 1!! Yeeeah.

True self is without form.

 

Work.. it has it's days in where I really do not like it. Mostly due to the circumstances because of the nature of the job. I am very grateful that most of the team I work with is really incredible. Long work day today, looking forward to it!

Edited by ChewyChickenBones
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Avengers Infinity War Part 1. Incredible.

Still at work. Putting in hard work, I will move my family to a better environment.

3 thing I'm grateful for:
1. Managed to squeeze some time to a watch Avengers this morning

2. Green tea

3. A lot of work available

 

What would make today great? -----> Another green tea

 

I am energetic, I am happy, I am kind and wonderful.

 

The cycle beings anew.

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Work.. back at it again! Tired, but pushing through, I can do it!

3 things I'm grateful for:

1. Lot of work available

2. Green Tea

3. Delicious food

 

What would make today great?-----> Well deserved sleep!

I am energetic, I am strong, I am calm and relaxed.

 

Destiny has drawn me to the objective.

Edited by ChewyChickenBones
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Hey everyone!

The overtime has dwindled down a lot at work, been catching up on a lot of sleep. Now that I am feeling rested I am back to putting in work on my soul---> my being.

Been listening a lot to Eminem, his lyrics hit hard. Damn. Read Cam's latest e-mail.. and I really connected to it. Signed up for the confidence, clarity, and connection workshop. Feeling accomplished since I have done well with Day 1 and looking forward for the remaining four days.

I'm saving up so I can move to a better neighborhood, and own a better car. I took the initiative last year to get off gaming addiction and be independent, now it's time to keep moving forward for a higher quality of life.

Since my last post:

- A friend passed away in a tragic plane crash. This hit me pretty hard when I found out.. I was really close to his girlfriend. I cannot even fathom what she must be going through.

- Been taking care of my girlfriend. She has a back injury so I'm there for her whenever I can.

- Was feeling really tired, with no motivation to do anything. Cam's latest e-mail/advice came at a time that has helped me reignite my goal for a better life.

 

3 things I'm grateful for:

1. GameQuitters community

2. The great people I work with

3. I am more comfortable being myself

 

What would make today great? ----> Pay the other bills I kept ignoring.

I am relaxed, calm, wise, and energetic.

 

Life is more than a series of ones and zeroes.

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One year ago today I was very grateful to live in this place. Independence. To have found a place we can call our own.

Throughout the year a lot of things came into perspective. It's a poor neighborhood and it has it's problems. I have felt a little less at home every time a new issue comes up.. all I wanted to do is to game in peace. A little sad, and angering but I've turned it into fuel to work harder and dig deep within me to aim for a better quality of life. It takes time; and accepting that took me a few months to accept. I wanted it to be a new game save; start anew and breeze through.

I'm still grateful that I have a place of my own but do not want to settle down and accept this place. I refuse to numb myself by gaming and let the hours go by.

In order to keep progressing, I will keep on working hard. Get that much needed income to get better gear>better job>better quality of life. There are times where I think "I miss gaming all day"... then I just reflect on that. That's not the life I want. I did that for 5 years.. 5 years that fed my gaming ego. I gave up a lot more than a lot of money.. friendships, my health, and had a low quality my life. Sometimes I feel anxious. Just want to toss everything out the window and fuck it. Get high and play all day. Fuck that. That never healed that pain deep in there... I will keep taking action and continue to change my life!

 

3 things I'm grateful for:

Willpower

Family

Music

 

what would make today great? Food, I am hungry

Anxiety is excitement without breathing.

Edited by ChewyChickenBones
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Got the application for my second job ready, been reviewing my YouTube videos, and setting up positive goals for the future.

Taking tomorrow off from work to take my girlfriend out on a date. While I want to use  the day to clean up, I'll use Friday morning to do that instead. My old routine was just playing all day... during/after the 90 day break.. I introduced a lot of new habits that have taken some time to become part of my daily routine.

3 things I am grateful for:

1. Family

2. Speech

3. Job

I am strong, I am healthy and I am happy.

Peace and blessings be upon you all.

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Feeling really damn good.
I am working a lot. Prioritizing having income before sitting down and playing games. Better quality of food, been able to catch up on bills, get new equipment, and eager to finally get a new place/car. Wrote the script for my video this Sunday. Things are shaping up really well.

3 things I am grateful for:

1. Family

2. Music.

3. Journal

I am determined, I am strong, and I am not afraid.

The Iris embraces you.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Work. It's where I spent most of my time lately. It's incredible because there are days like this where I am able to work and follow up on my journal.

Some days I feel really stressed.. the nature of the job sucks sometimes but without hard work I am going to get nowhere.

I refuse to give up. I will work even harder.. and my ambition has grown. It's gone past just working to make money. I want to own my own home, my little piece of paradise. Never did I care before, being #1 on the leaderboard was the only thing that mattered to me back then.

3 things I'm grateful for:

1. Music

2. This community

3. Oppurtunities

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are headed.

Edited by ChewyChickenBones
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  • 2 weeks later...

How'z it everyone?

60 hour work weeks... going from 20 to 60 has been a drastic change. Now it's time to rest a little and do a "tune up" on my body. My lower back has been killer, getting that addressed. Thankfully, I have paid off all the debts, and I'm so fucking happy about this!

Read my previous posts.. in one of them I really hated this "career".  My opinion gradually shifted to positivity. The way I think about the job really has an impact on how I feel about it. What has helped me out is that I now work with an incredible group of people.

It is a shame that I am  going back to down to working 20 hours.. My company decided to hire a more part timers instead of offering full time. It makes me a little sad that I will have to leave this team. But I have to move shifts to accommodate a second job and/or full time job.

Having all this free time... it sucks not being out there making money. Yet, I'm using this time to reflect and move forward in life. I now have the time to connect with family, make new friends, improve my nutrition and physical health. The timing of this all is pretty damn good!

I am happy, I am strong, I am kind and I will work hard to achieve my goals.

3 things I'm grateful for:

1. No more debts

2. Music

3. Food

Always strive for improvement.

Edited by ChewyChickenBones
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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello everyone!

Feeling exponentially better since that last post. Been taking better care of my body. I needed some well deserved rest, my back is not bothering me very much anymore. Been stretching often; really getting to know what my limits are. Years of sitting/laying in front of a monitor really weakened my core strength. Slowly but surely getting stronger every day. Eating cleaner also helps out a lot. :)

Applied for job in the same industry but doing a different, more physical part of the job. Looking forward to see how things turn out.

I am happy, proud, determined, and focused.

3 things I'm grateful for:

1. Determination

2. Music

3. I'm alive, healthy, and strong another day.

Free your mind.

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Yo!

Summertime is here! Work has increased a fucking ton. Same pay, more work. Blows, but it pays the bills. Learned to pace myself, the work will get done, no need to rush and make mistakes.

I have to say, this summer will be incredible. Looking really forward to Anime Expo!

3 things I'm grateful for:

1. Will

2. Music

3. Confident

Don't do the highs if you can't do the lows.

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