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Skaliq's Journal 2


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Sep 19, 2017

WARNING: THIS POST MAY GIVE TEMPTATIONS TO THOSE STILL IN THE 90 DAY DETOX. PLEASE EXERCISE CAUTION. 

So here's what happened: I relapsed at about day 50. That's quite an improvement than my first attempt, which lasted 20 days or so. For the past few weeks, I've been gaming in moderation. It has been a pretty good experience so far. 

The biggest change is that gaming is fun. Really, really fun. More fun than I ever had when I used to game a lot more. The first weekend after relapse, I binged, but for just a few hours, and that was the longest gaming session. You see, gaming does have benefits, but it has a very steeply decreasing marginal returns where the net gain quickly becomes negative. That's why gaming gives you the most bang for the buck in quick, innovative interactive experiences. Read: Portal good, WoW bad. 

I've completely changed my mindset about playing competitive online games. I don't give a single damn about my rank. If I'm having fun - had some spectacular moments with very close games or interesting decks - that's fine. I don't have to grind. I did the placements for Overwatch, and after that, there's no need to play more. Maybe I'll hop into a game of competitive Overwatch when I feel like it. No aim training, no MMR grinding, I'm a bottom 30% percentile of player and that's fine. I'll never reach legend in Hearthstone and that's fine. 

Single player games. I played a lot less single player games just before doing the detox. Because multiplayer online games are just so incredibly stimulating, it's hard to play calmer, less exciting singleplayer games when you're addicted to multiplayer. I've been spending the majority of my gaming time playing single player games. Nier: Automata was breathtakingly amazing. Replaying Limbo was more fun than I expected, given that it is a pretty slow-paced puzzle game. Portal - well, it's Portal. 

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So, why am I here? Because I realize that I'm not 100% safe. So far, I have not played any games in excess. But I know very well that it's too easy to spiral down the rabbit hole, and the next thing you realize is that you've pulled an all-nighter playing a video game. This daily journal work as an insurance. It'll make it so that I have a nighttime routine (which is to journal, turn off my electronics, and sleep) so that I sleep regularly. It'll constantly remind myself that I need to double down on things that work. All the while having some fun in virtual universes as well, hopefully. It'll make it so that I can immediately start another detox if I find myself binging. 

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@ n.g Yeah, it surely is a different experience. 

September 20, 2017

Today I spent what free time I had binging otoyomegatari, a masterfully written and drawn manga. I'm glad to know that gaming has become more boring than a soundless, colorless visual narrative. 

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@ WorkInProgress I gave in to cravings. While I was gaming, I thought I might give moderation just one more try. 

@HappyCat Nice to see you again!

September 22, 2017

Another day in the life of a Senior. Three tests - biology, Chinese and economics - in a single day! And I have a math essay due tomorrow! And a physics essay due next week! Oh, how lovely it is to be a senior. /s

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September 23, 2017

Today relieved my busy schedule a bit. In the meantime, I did the daily quests for Hearthstone and spent the remaining time catching up on seasonal anime which I missed last week. Shoukoku no Altair is just my thing (a historical strategic drama), Princess Principal is AOTS, and Kakegurui is just pure entertainment.  Fridays are cool, man.

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Sep 24, 2017

@Giblets Yeah, I've got to be careful. So far I think I'm okay. Yesterday I fell asleep and forgot to journal (oops), but this weekend's free time was mostly spent consuming other forms of media, not gaming. I did the Hearthstone dailies, played an hour of Overwatch, got fed up of uncooperating teammates, and went back to reading Emma. Emma is a great romance manga btw. I also wrote an essay just for fun. I might start creating a regular series of content. Maybe. It's in the experimental stages for now, and I'll decide whether to publish it or not. 

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Sep 25, 2017

@CG EYE: When I returned to moderation, I deleted my entire friends list in Steam, Discord, and Battle.net. So that helps out. When I get a quest that requires a friend, then I'll just add a random stranger that I recently played with. It makes it so that I don't talk about games with my friends as much, and they don't really invite me over to play in a party. 

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Sep 26, 2017

Today I got a Hearthstone daily quest that only required me to play one round (10 minutes), so I played an hour of Bioshock Infinite. It sure was fun to revisit my favorite video game of all time. Although my skills are a bit rusty, they aren't that bad; I stomped through the earlier section in hardcore mode with one death. 

Other than gaming, it's just all normal senior stuff. The TL;DR version is that there's a lot to do. Uggghhhhhhhh. 

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@Andre 2807 I wouldn't say I'm "excited" about life per se...but it's doing okay. It's kind of hard to get energized about things when you're sleep deprived. (Read below.) 

Sep 27, 2017

Today was pretty productive. There were two tests, both of which I prepared well for and did a satisfactory job. Then I worked out, ate my post-workout meal, did some homework, watched some anime. 

Sleeping at midnight had interrupted my sleeping patterns for a while. I've been sleeping 30 minutes earlier every day to revert to my normal sleeping hour of 9 PM. It's just before 10 PM now, and if I sleep at 10, I'll just be able to get the recommended 8 hours of sleep. It seems like, from my own experience, that 9 hours is optimal for me though. 

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Sep 28, 2017

There is a form related to college admissions due tomorrow, so I had to do the bulk of the work today. I had three tests in the last few days, so today was the first "free" day to actually work on it.  Since I slept at 10PM yesterday, today was the first time I felt awake during the whole school day in a week.  Well, I'm sleeping at 10PM today as well since it took quite a while to get the college stuff done. 

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Sep 29, 2017

The October break, a Chinese holiday, is here! There's no school for a week, during which I can catch up on college admissions, my long-form essay, and some assignments. When I'm not working a full workday, I'll be cooking a lot since my parents are gone for a trip, leaving me behind alone. I'm excited to learn some new dishes to add to my arsenal. 

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