Zeke's Daily Journal

[zeke365]

Days 98-107

Okay, I have few things I have been doing to help me out next year. The first thing I will be returning my media detox because of it extremely helpful when I put myself in a position with no else to do but my own ideas. Second I downloaded google calendar where I organized the days I want to work around my secducle at work. Thirdly I cant share details but I will show you what I have so far starting Jan. 1 2018

Media detox would be Monday through Thursday only. Which means no youtube, facebook, apps, just email is allowed. 

 

1.Monday learn Japanese

2.Movie Project

3.Review products

4.Grammer skills/ new ideas

5.Youtube marketing meaning marketing my videos to a wide audience. 

I m still looking at over events to do in my area but for now, I mostly gonna focus on these goals.

Grateful

1.God

2.Family

3.My cute stuffed bunny (too cute and too soft very accidcting)

4.Other communities I m apart

5.My Church

Until next time

 

[zeke365]

Days 108-114

Confession time: I have a confession to make when I started this 90 day detox I did uninstall all my games on pc but keep my accounts open because I was unsure how well the system to work, the reason is because it takes me a bit longer to realize what I m doing and where I going. So I keep them up until last Sunday cause I was afraid it was going to be another disappointment. Then last Monday I decided I did not want to live with those accounts in the new year. So I asked the company and other sites like steam, online game, and gog plus other sites to delete my accounts since some them I cannot delete on my own. When I did this it felt like big relief go over me like why was I holding back. I have now severed all accounts that I know of that connected to gaming. That is the only reason I went there, I did not check anything just emailed and went away. Plus at the beginning of the year pc or December 31 more likely I will be getting rid of all my bookmarks (some seem to be saved even after I deleted the bookmarks) and hopefully have a fresh new start. 

The 90 days was no way a waste of time but took me this long to realize I needed to do this because I have big dreams I gonna accomplish next year and I do not need that weighing me down.

Plus I m looking at a way to delete iPhone games from their store in the icloud where I can permanently delete them and would have to repurchase them if I wanted them again.

I m going to start fresh in 2018

Grateful:

1.God

2.My Job

3.Family

4.Church

5.My stuffed bunny

That it for today. Have a wonderful evening.

[zeke365]

Days 115-123

I have to confess I almost relapse not quite but awhile back I remember something call wallpaper engine (which you have to buy through steam which I was not about to do that) so I found the official site and downloaded some free ones and they're quite neat. Basically you download other peoples creation from the website and the wallpaper moves like say ocean scene where you see the ocean moving, or rain or even landscapes but not livable on macs so no luck there, I decided  to get rid of it because it might open the door to gaming again and I really did not want to go to steam buy it then have it off it again.  Plus I made the mistake of watching tech channels again now I could care less about benchmarks and all that but I like one channel because of the way he explain things in very informative way where you leave learning something new like he show how amd cpu work and how they compare in benchmarks and everything but I had to stop myself before going down that rabbit hole again. The second thing I did is for the first time I overclocked my gpu which was quite fun to be honst but my main reason was I wanted to see if I could improve rendering time on my pc since it extreamly slow, I still have the numbers I overclocked it at which is about the highest I could get it. If you think I should get rid of this let me know. The paper with the numbers.

The second thing I have been doing is cleaning up my pc doing multi scans for virus, malware, etc. to make sure my pc is safe then getting rid of my two apps on my phone and pc called kino VR and Trinus VR since in reality there designed more for gaming and it something I trying to get rid of plus I was not using them all that much anyway so it was sort of waste to have them there.

The third thing I did and took me forever to figure out is deleted the bookmarks to my favorite websites cause I wanted to type in the top coner and not pull them up but for the longest, I did not realize they were still bookmarked no matter how much I cleaned history etc. Now it completely off and I really don't have anymore tie ends to gaming anymore.

Fourth I want Jan. 1, 2018 to be a fresh start and not to bring anything into the new year so I can push my life forward. I have also realized a couple of things one is I tend to do too many things at once so when I would do faith-based stuff I would do 3 at a time and it just too overwhelming so I m spreading out a little more as well, plus I have google calendar to keep myself straight on each project.

How am I going to do this well first starter I m only going to do one thing per day Mon-Fridays. This way I can get to some my goals without overwhelming myself because if I focus only one goal all the time it will take to long but this should speed up the process without overwhelming me.

The fifth thing is I will return my media detox starting Monday this means all websites that I visit the most and here will be blocked on purpose to keep my focus on goals I want to accomplish out of life.

Six here an outline of what I will be doing and am quite proud of it  (this excludes work and mundane tasks like eating or waking up)

1.Monday: Human Japanese 4:00-5:00pm (depending on how I m feeling but even I have limits on how much I can learn besides it a langunge I wanted to learn anywase since I watch anime it would be nice to know what their saying and go visit there one day.)

2.Tuseday: Movie project 4:00-6:00pm (this will be any movie project I work will be on this day)

3.Wensday: Gym  10:00-11:00am 

                    Review projects 1-2pm (this will be quite new to me but I realize I had a lot cool stuff that I could review that not widely spread and hopefully get more people more intersted) Now there an expection to the rule on media detox because I doing review which is only allowed crunchyroll website will be open on wed. part of the reason is when I working on other reveiws at least I have these down by the time the others upoaded.

4.Thursday: Gym: 10-11am (expect when it when warm then maybe a walk around the neigherboohood.)

                    Grammer girl 1-2:00pm

                        Idea day 4:00-500pm the basic idea of idea of is what new ideas can I come up with or what has insipered me or making something that never been done before in moves or other things.

5.Friday: Youtube uploading/marketing which is basicly as you see it a youtube channel I do have but I like to get more videos on it and get started and hopefully build a community based on it at least that the dream and I already know my target audiance and how to be different enough so I not in battling arena of all the same thing.

Saturdays and sundays are my relax days so no work on this days

Plus I m setting new crewfew for myself at 8:30 so I can listen to audio faith based for 1 hour and lights out at 10:00pm

7.Everything will be freash for me so I choose to get rid of everything that related to gaming and next year I gonna soar like engle.

8.I will be going on keto deit starting jan. 2 to hopefully lose weight and build mussle as well.Grateful for:

1.God

2.Church

3.Game quitters community

4.Family

5.Life

6.Our dog

7.Fresh air

8.My Job

That it for today have wonderful day

 

[zeke365]

Days 124-131

I did my first week on my new routine and I am quite enjoying it right now so I will be continuing this same routine next week for awhile and hey at least I m getting some of the goals done, kinda wish I could do other goals on other days but if I do that then, I mess this up which focus on five goals at time with one day pursuing them, plus I m trying to figure out to make things even more efficient where I can get even more work done, 

The second thing I must say is I can only handle about 2 hours of something then my brain shuts off like you can't study anymore and you have to wait for the next day to recharge. 

Thirdly I forgot to mention in the media detox is that Fridays are allowed after 3:00 pm. So basically the media detox is Monday thru Thursday then open on Friday starting at 3:00 pm on Sunday night.

I should mention something else to

I will not be able to do many uploads to youtube just yet, I think what I might do is aim for March releases on youtube with the stuff I m working on that way I have some content built up and can continuing uploading videos. 

I welcome you all to the new year and hope to see everyone lives change and start pursuing those dreams of yours.

Grateful:

1.God

2.Church

3.Family

4.Life

5.My Job

6.All the community I m apart of.

7.All of you

Have a blessed day.  

[zeke365]

Days 132-138

Now that I have established some goals in my life, I m going to be looking at other areas I can improve on in my life. 

What I m doing now is going to be for 21 days to break a habit after that I will announce what my next goal will be next week but it will not interfere with the first one and may make a few exceptions temporarily. 

The second thing is that there not there is not anything to do but all feel just bleh like more for kids or learning sales of some type is what I have found,  in order for me to achieve something in this area I m going to make something happen but I won't be doing it just yet why I need have plan on how to do it and where to do something like this but for now I m only focused on a couple of goals to help improve myself first then seek doing other things. 

Grateful:

1.God

2.Prayer

3.Church

4.Family

5.Grandparents

6.Life

7.coumminities I m apart of 

That it for this week, will see you next week, have a wonderful day.

[zeke365]

Days 139-144

It will be 21 days this Sunday since I have been doing this routine of mine with no media expect weekends which means it breaks the habit I hope of being online all the time. 

Now starting Monday I will be focusing on improving my health that goes beyond exercise and eating healthy so I can feel better about myself. Some you may ask why I did not focus on that first well that because in the past when I did I never went through with it and probably would have not focused on my goals as I m now. I decided to work on my goals first so I have something established this month before going to health that way I can keep going and finding new ways to improve myself. 

The second thing I have been considering though I m not sure I really want to do it is add news to the no media detox. The reason being is to get my focus more on reality rather than fantasy. That why I m considering it but what are your thoughts about adding it in there. By the way, it would only be a news app I have not going to the website per say that is still off limits and quite enjoying myself not having media as a distraction. 

Facebook will be open temporarily so I can get info on something but it only allowed in the group I know of anime Atlanta weekend other than that I cant do anything else. Once I have the info I need then it will go completely blocked again.

To give you guys and gals depending on which one an idea of what I m doing

1.Jan 1-21 Goals

2.Jan 22-Feb 10 Health

3.Feb 10- March 3 social events

Grateful:

1.God

2.Church

3.PC I have

4.Family

5.communities

6.Life

7.Everything else I cant think of.

That it for today but hopefully see the strategy m going for. Have a wonderful day.

[WorkInProgress]

11 hours ago, zeke365 said:

Days 139-144

It will be 21 days this Sunday since I have been doing this routine of mine with no media expect weekends which means it breaks the habit I hope of being online all the time. 

Now starting Monday I will be focusing on improving my health that goes beyond exercise and eating healthy so I can feel better about myself. Some you may ask why I did not focus on that first well that because in the past when I did I never went through with it and probably would have not focused on my goals as I m now. I decided to work on my goals first so I have something established this month before going to health that way I can keep going and finding new ways to improve myself. 

The second thing I have been considering though I m not sure I really want to do it is add news to the no media detox. The reason being is to get my focus more on reality rather than fantasy. That why I m considering it but what are your thoughts about adding it in there. By the way, it would only be a news app I have not going to the website per say that is still off limits and quite enjoying myself not having media as a distraction. 

Facebook will be open temporarily so I can get info on something but it only allowed in the group I know of anime Atlanta weekend other than that I cant do anything else. Once I have the info I need then it will go completely blocked again.

I personally found it refreshing to not watch the news for a longer time. There are a lot of tings in politics which takes you mind in a place where you are afraid/angry/sad without the possibility of chaniging much. I am definitely for trying to change the world but how can I do this if I don't even have my shit together? So I'll focus first on this and if I am in a good place I'll check the news again more closely and find a way to imporve the world. But I don't know how news influence you personally. I would ask myself: Does it help me to reach my goals or does it hinder them? In doubt just try it out for a week and watch it closely. You're surely get a feeling about the right thing to do then. Go with that feeling.

[zeke365]

Days 145-152

I have made it this month using my new routine and now looking at adding an extra day for next month for smaller projects to get out more efficiently and I m not working on one at a time all the time. As of right now I m going to add small movies projects on Thursdays so I can complete them. This is no way to interfere with my main project though.

As of right now Thursdays are like the only do I do not use my pc since I have a book call grammar girl I have been learning from but starting feb. 5 I will add this to my routine so that a few small projects can be complete and I make movies a lot quicker to depending on the project.

Now do want to discuss something I have touch on before and am still trying to find a solution for it, and it finding a good social group.

Just give you brief history back in 2014 I had put up all my console games and had signed up to four different dating site, I emailed, I look at profiles, but at last, I had no luck on any of them. Then I went to few social groups, let just say they were more people with more severe needs so I quit those social groups, in 2015 I did join a Christian dating site liked and have considered joining back but I had found no luck with them either.

My mom has provided resources for me but it seems they are people with a more severe case than mine or they are limited to a certain age group.  

So I joined here and signed up with meetup but at last no luck either because a lot of them were too far from a distance of driving for me. Now I did find Eventbrite app which is about close as I m gonna get to find events in my area. There are plenty of stuff but it seems either kid stuff or some type of a workshop of some kind. Not that I do not mind that.

I was able to find a single group which just turned out to be another bible study thing. I go to church and everything but rarely talk to people not because I don't like them but it takes about a month for me to feel comfortable.

The question I have am I running from what I want to do or am I trying? The second thing is the only way for me to get a social group together would be to create one and I have few ideas on how it be presented. 

So I just wanted to tell you I have not tried to believe me I have and it seems like I cant get passed causal conversations, I want to hang out and date but maybe I should be waiting on that and focus on goals right now, plus I m considering how to spend less time on pc as well.

So that what has been on the mind of late.

Plus I thought I show you all some of my hiragana that I have been practicing of late 

Grateful:

1.God

2.Church

3.Family

4.Life 

 

Edited January 28, 2018 by zeke365

[WorkInProgress]

Hey good job on sticking to your comittments and reaching out to find other people. You say you don't want to have only casual conversations and that you need some time to feel comfortable around new people. It seems like it is hard for you to open up and to let your emotions through. But you have the desire to change that and you did take action to change it by reaching out to all these sites and searching for connection.Whilst it is good that you search for opportunities to meet new people I would ask you to try to be more open with the people around you. BE more social with them and try to share your feelings in a way that they understand what is going on with you. Don't get me wrong: in my opinion this is quite a challenge. If I could give you any advice from my distant point of view, I would say focus on the way you behave in social situations. Try to aim for friendly, open and optimistic. Try to be interested in what's going on in their life. Try to find the hidden treasures in the experiences of the people around you. If you can do this it will be easy to find interesting beautiful people everywhere. If you then move away or find a group of like minded people it will be easy to get to know these new people because you learned that everyone has interesting storys to share.

[zeke365]

Days 153-168

Time for an update and some new changes I will be doing.

The first thing is now that my new routine is working I will be adding in movie projects in addition to this to see how well will it work basically I want to get more movie projects out there a lot quicker and doing one step at a time is not going to cut it. Plus each day would focus on different project,

  This and I will be cutting back on human Japanese for now, what I mean is I want to be-be able to recognize all the hiragana in entirety. I will be still practicing the hiragana I m just gonna go over some chapters until I recognize the character without having to look at my notes plus I have a poster in my room that is Japanese and would be nice to see if I could translate it. 

The other thing I aiming for is March for my youtube channel which I will be uploading series, movies, and reviews eventually on theirs. Now that I have things more established here, though I have no intention to go back and forth with VR have no idea why but don't worry I have no plans to return to gaming. 

Plus I found a social group but it might take some time before we can go out there. 

Mondays

1.Human Japanese

2.Youtube series

Tuesday

1.Movie project (this will be more for my ambitious projects)

wed.

Reviews

Another movie series

thursday

grammer girl 

Small movie projects

 

That is at least the goal plan for this week and I have been looking at eventbrite for other activictes to do my area so I m trying though sometimes I do feel stuck it like someone telling you "I want you to be more than this" then saying "I dont know if you should expand that far and only stick with where you are at." That what I get from my parents sometimes a condierdiction. 

By the way I did not realize what I was doing until I thought about this whole media detox I have been doing expect news (which strangely does not bother me as much and not big distraction as I thought it would be.) is also getting rid of this interent addiction. 

That it for today thanks for reading what are you grateful for?

Grateful

1.God

2.Church

3.family

4.: Life

5.content with everything I have

[Cam Adair]

Woohoo another YouTube channel! Post it here when you've got it up so we can check it out and sup

[zeke365]

Days 169-185 

Yes I m breaking my fast for now but this question has been burning in me all day but I will need to explain some history first before I get to that question. 

History: Back when I was gaming I use to play game called Wii fit, plus, and u versions of it because the game is the only motivation to get me to exercise though I did not go to the gym at the time, I did lose weight doing it every other day. 

When I got rid of the consoles in 2014, I started looking for something interactive like the wii fit and am apart of gym to, so I tried a class one time and hurt myself a little to bad to do that again, then I began this 11min workout would I like cause it cause resistant instead of weights on it, though I only went only couple of times a week. 

Then found out about an app like answered prayer called burn the fat with me which is sort of combination of a visual novel, dating sim, exercise app which I started using everyday because it motivated me to find out more about the story and characters, that and I really like anime and exercises (I did the exercises no cheating). This and I use to do the gym work out in addition with the app when I went and lost weight doing so, I guess when I not thinking about it more fun.  

I will say this I did the exercise  they told me, I m no cheater I did what exercises they told me to do.

So when I quit gaming got rid of the app to hope to organize my life a little bit and focus on my goals which I m right on track now. 

The question I have is it a craving, or is beneficiall for me and found out a cooking app by the company that would teach me to cook, i normally would not do any of this but at the time I found a lot modulation on the exercise app? I see benefits to it but I also see a relapse in the same direction and I m not sure the answer to my own question. 

The second thing I thing is my biggest mistake is looking at the different VR headsets and either getting them or not and I end up saying no most the time, second I tried a mix reality headset which is neat but not worth the buy, but I did not play game just video experience is all I did. 

The other option I m thinking of is a martial art studio to some Akihito lesson to help defend myself but other that what do you think? 

 

So tell me your thoughts should I do it or just try to ignore it. 

Thanks 

Edited February 28, 2018 by zeke365

[zeke365]

Days 186-188

Okay I m back and now realize what I was having is craving from those types of games even though I have been off games for 188 days, never experienced craving like that and had to watch Cam video on craving and triggers to revalued myself again, cause the next day when I accept it was there it went away and what returned is my own identity,

What do I mean by that? Well for a long time I was always searching for a social group to go to and even though I went to the singles group, church and outing I still felt like there were none for me. The problem is not that there weren't any social groups, the problem is I never made the effort to get to know anyone.

So I went to wed. night church and did hang out afterward and was able to talk to people just fine and now I m wondering what I m was scared of. 

Confession time: I did play trivia games within social setting but most were after the 90-day detox I think not sure but I have no games at home and avoid them on a regular basis. Now I know my mistake was when I started thinking of building a new pc, VR headset and what will come out was my mistake and almost but resistant touch Nintendo switch. Then later I started thinking of the app I use to play call burn the fat with me and cooking one where anime characters tell you how to cook or do exercisers why you progress more in the story, now I did buy one of them made the profile but ultimately decided against it because all I worked for would go down the drain and the enemy likes to sneak in when you have momentum or going new direction,  I downloaded another app called 7 min workout instead to help me out.

So things are starting to turn around and I m beginning to realize things. 

Something occurred to me today that when your gaming it like marbles get scattered around the galaxy which turns you into a mindless zombie but when you quit each piece comes back slowly. So my identity in who I am coming back it may sound strange but before I was confused and now I m calm.  

The second thing I think is interesting is how we each desire that relationship be friends, girlfriends, ect\. yet we do not want the real world we want the fake world for that some interaction even though we could have it in the real world. Just a thought. 

So I would say I might be going through the craving stage now cause even though I have gone a long time without them, I never went through the craving stage so my guess is good yours at how long it will last but there where I m at the detox. 

Plus I will launch youtube pretty soon but still needs to work 

Grateful

1.God

2.F family

3.Churh

4.Sun

5.Life

6.Air

7,Grandparents

[zeke365]

Days 189-203

So I decided to update you all on what happening so far and few mistakes I have been doing. First mistake is looking vr matching gaming I started playing in it that I realized I relapse a little bit not by much but enough to notice that I was trying to beat my own high score. So I won't be playing that anytime soon.  

Another reason for Vr is because I want to create my videos around that 360 and VR now while in infancy before over explodes.

 

Now some good news I wanted to share my youtube channel with you guys but I wanted another video out there but that not gonna be happing anytime soon so right now I m I m gonna share with you all the youtube channel I do have.   here a link https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxmLTyD9PwXtbMfWbWApFpA?view_as=subscriber

Their not a lot of videos up right now but there will be up in the near future. 

That it for today, have a wonderful day.

Grateful

1.God

2.Family

3.Church

4.Life

5.Work

 

[zeke365]

Days 204-208

Okay, I have been considering something whether it triggers or not I do not know but something that not discussed on the forums I see so I thought I write about it here,

There a new term called gamification in where you get rewards for doing something in real life. So give you a more of my definition of what it should be is that the game element is to get you interested in same math by putting you in a RPG type style where a magic spell could be a hint but are limited to it. It meant to make the learner more interested in the subject but not to rely on the game itself to get those rewards. So I have two apps similar to this method called Burn your fat with me. This app tells me a story like visual novel but I have to exerise to get more of the story and another that will teach me cooking and each receipe could get further in the story. 

So what do I think of gamification on game quitters, I think it could be a good thing and bad thing at the same time. So I have been looking at the definition awhile and its something I might try it since most of the time in the past it has helped me but it could be bad too in which say habitcia. I had been looking at the app for awhile and I want to tell you my negatives on it and no has nothing do with gameplay it more like it adapts some game elements too. I think habicia would be a good app as long as you did not rely on it all the time and this where gamification falls short my book. 

Say I made a goal on habitica to make a new friend that, okay I make a new friend that day and check him or her off my list as a trophy but nothing seems really tangible. I would not use habitica for social experiences because of its sort of trading your MMO game to mobile game but with new habits, I would not say it a bad thing but if we end up treating life as a game then we miss life itself and everyone around us becomes one dimensional. 

So why do I am I going to do it, the simple reason it has not been explored yet for me and I don't see a lot relapse explore this so think of it as an experiment, I want to know do these gamification work and improve my life or do I fall short of it? That question I want to answer. Though I m not gonna start right way because if this phase then it will pass. I will take start around April though and if my theory is right I may not want to play them. I just thought this issue should be addressed here.

My biggest mistakes right now is looking VR and now know VR is trigger same from interactive anime. So now that I know to say way from that though I did not watch the game trailer or gameplay just small clips, I did look up anime game called visual novel VR and the headset VR. This big no for me. 

So I m deleted most of youtube vr stuff I had and have completely abandoned my original goal plan and big mistake letting facebook and youtube in again and old habit returning. So I do recognize it right now but I have come very far in the way of things so I will be returning to the original plan again hopefully next week, it kind of hard at work when you have nothing do and do all the task your meant to do but cant leave the position. 

This all started when I started looking at building new pc in the upcoming year because mine not gonna last much longer and that where it stemmed from.

So what are your thoughts on my experiment? Is it trigger? or maybe brain still lying to me. Let me know what you guys think. I just want to see if it works, it similar to cam brain games but a tad different. Though I think I was looking at all video games as evil monsters and maybe I should not look at that way because their good and bad to everything just like tv, video games are no different.

I think that it for today hope you enjoy.

Grateful

1.God

2.Family

3.Grandparents

4.Life

5.shelater/

6.fresh air

7.work

 

[zeke365]

Day 209-210

So I wanted to tell you about how I m going to do this gamification, I use it in conjunction with the Gym. So what I mean by that is I go to the gym every wed. This app called burn your fat with me will be used on Mondays and Thursday since in one of the reviews it said it was 3 days apart. This how it would work but I must keep my orginal routine in tak as well when I do these because those days expect thurdady sometimes I m working but if it becames pretty I will normally take a while around the neirboorhood. 

  Second I m gonna try to exploring more outside as well but on rainy or cloudy days its kind hard to do, so in no way am I gonna let it control me again, I m mostly doing it because I know from past it has very positive results.

Now I have been watching Cams videos on relapse, about to relapse, and 5 stages of grief and if I m in one of those stages and it turns out I might be in stage 3 of that video because I m justifying what I m about to do, plus I noticed something it seems like when we quit gaming by relapse section that around 210-300 day mark we seem to relapse and me m kind of wondering why that is? I m not sure myself. Now I gonna have to hard discipline to do this and say no to any other urges to play anything else since this mostly to help improve myself not to play again, maybe I m contradicting myself. Like I said I won't start until April.

This all stems down when my parents asked me that I should learn to cook and I thought what better way to take something I dislike and what I like anime and put them together.  So basically there are two apps 

1.Burn your fat with me which I have anime character motivation to do sit ups, push ups, etc. The idea here is I would do all the exercises and complete the story to say I did 50pushups I unlock an episode and it gets tougher and once I complete it them, I should be motivated to do exercise on my own. 

2.The other is called Gochi Show which instead of exercising you learn to cook with sort of the same principle. So in this app, I would learn to cook simple dishes and what better way to have anime character and learning to cook some Japanese recipes along the way. This why I bought the app after my parents ask me to do cooking and personally I learn better doing it this way, not sure why but I do, I could do youtube and pause and do that way but I did not like that idea just because so many can be beginners but really it one two 82 to just meaning sometimes it never easy as one two three as a lot of people say it is.. This would work with the same scenario where after I complete the app gamification then I should be motivated to cook.

I refuse to download any other app unless it has some real-world benefit, I want to avoid a habitica cause I see it as it triggers to keep coming back for more but these apps should not be designed this so after complete them I will delete them and that should the end of them. 

So I think that it for today I hope this helps understand what I m doing, oh I should mention I would not even play them all day it more of what the amounted time the story is which means it could be as 30min.

So if anyone has thoughts on the matter please write below what you think?

Grateful

1.God

2.Family

3.Church

4.life

5.Fresh air

6.friends

7.PC

[WorkInProgress]

Hey Zeke I just had time to skim your journals and saw your wish for feedback but I have to run right now. Sometimes in the next week I read it thourougly and let you know my thoughts.

[zeke365]

Days 211-215

Okay, I gonna go into great detail on what happening and what I m realizing.

First of I think it started back in January when I did my new beginning when I started parts about building new pc because the one I have will go obsolete by January 2020 so I wanted to prepare myself when that day comes and have everything set.  This I think is the root and may have been a mistake then I started watching added TV which is more informative than gaming though it is gaming about the current state of pc then watch and read pc builds. 

Which lead my look on what going on the VR (Virtual reality) world headset and is the new one coming out do I get the current one or keep my smartphone headset, this became my second mistake. I started watching reviews and stuff of that nature of different headsets though I m more interested in panoramic Imax VR movie experience than gaming. Though I might have a trigger. 

Now this one is kind of confusing but bare with me, here the think my parenets were asking me to build some lifeskills so I started thinking what I could do to buidl this life skills and well I came across those apps and puarched both of them called burn your fat with me, and Goichi show because I m thinking if I gains some real world experince with that type visual novel style then maybe I could gain some basic skills at least but I also look as craving to so I have to be cafeful and maybe conderidict myslef by saying I will not download a game if it has no world benift for me.  The second thing is true too when I did these exercise apps I would lose weight a lot and most the time I would do the exercise app in conjunction with the gym and maybe was hoping I could use in conjunction with my life as extra exercise material since I don't like to go to gym after work. Though I would only get them if they had real-world experience to maybe gain a new skill. 

The second is the cooking app gochi show which use the same idea of visual novel to help learn to cook. This one I did more out of my parent's sake to build some recipes through the game app whatever you call it.  

This mostly why I m considering it for my parent's sake rather than mine though I m so afraid of relapse and I keep asking myself is this something I want to return to? Is it beneficial to me? Does it help me get where I want to go? What are some positive and negatives to both? Is a relaspe? 

That I did look up VR game to called virtual novel though it not out yet but it basically takes all the visual novel style and makes an interactive experience which I would love to do one day. 

On the other side of things, I do see my parents on iPad playing games when I get on their ipads and stuff yet sometimes yet they say to me I should be off my phone most time and then eventually seem them the game. They even want me to buy an ipad because they see the benefits of it personally I do not want one because I m still paying my iPhone I don't need that on top of me. Plus I think they want me to play this pinano game because it would be benifical for me in some way, I have yet to see how, they are trying to teach me new skill but I think in the wrong way. 

I do need to develop some lifeskill, yes, and I m also trying to convince myself or what I m writing to not go down this path but I feel pressure from both sides on this issue and I can't necessarily leave and other things have been happening to that has got me overwhelmed.

The other thing I did finish the movie project but it seems like time is flying faster than I can get projects out and it is nice to slow down once in awhile. Plus I have noticed that herbal green tea no sugar, no cream seems to relax me when I m stressed not sure why but it does.

Plus the other day I started thinking of something and not it not the tornado effect like I did in the detox it more like my life is in transition like what I like before is getting boring and I m seeking some new. It like you like it but not as much.  

Plus I have been questioning myself did I even go through the detox or did I realize somewhen when I played with friends even though they were trivia game in the game console I seemed okay with it as long I did not play Mario kart of something that nature may be a relapse happened around the detox

I remember it was back in oct. or nov. cant remember that I found a single group and played a smartphone Trivia and it did not affect me as much I had expected but maybe relapse happens in stages sort like a loading screen so I could say 20%, then I did again dec. loaded 40% then I did it again in feb. load 60% but to do this I have refused to play home alone. It's more fun in social experience.

Though visual novels can be a craving for me they have the same effect as game addiction this why I m seeking help with this plus looking on both stop gaming and game quitters their not much info on gamification type apps and stuff of that nature.

So also in my mind, I thought since their not a lot of info on this why not experiment with it, Can it work or will it get give me the same effect as before and I have read the release section as well as watch cam videos again.  I know from one cam's video I  might be in stage 3 of grief in which I m justify myself but I m not sure even for myself.

I do have some good news I m learning how to get my youtube channel going so that good and hopefully be uploading weekly, second is I have been going outside just a little hard when it pretty yet windy.

For some odd reason, I think the audiobooks and church kind kept me in check for a little bit but I took a break from it for a little bit but will be returning not this Sunday but the next because Sunday I will be spending time with my grandparents.

I m reading now a book on my kindle so that should help some and return to learning my Japanese as well and did little of grammar girl, maybe April will be a better month.

So before I end this I wanted to outline it this way and how I would do the apps. The apps would be little after I get off work around maybe 3:30-4:00 30m with the app for exercise then cooking would be whatever it will be.

So Burn your fat with me would be Monday and Thursdays and Gochi show would be Tuesdays and Gym will be Thursdays and I would work on my projects in conjunction with these apps in others words do the app first since I will be more motivated than at night then HUman Japanese or whatever project I work on as long I don't lose control and keep my focus right.

Now I did open youtube and facebook because what I m learning I kindly need those to work on the stuff I m learning to get my youtube channel going both a distraction but good at the same time though I have thought of-of it blocking during the week again and discipline myself for no app use. And maybe just doing that on Sundays instead so it does not get in the way of my other projects.

So I think I expressed enough you can overview this tell me your thoughts cause what I m about to do will be implemented next week.

That it for today thanks for reading.

Grateful

1.God

2.Miracles

3.Family

4.Church

5.Life  

[zeke365]

Days 212

Okay, I have decided against the apps but instead going to buy a book called Manga cookbook (the book not the Kindle version) to help me learn to cook. Plus since I m learning Japanese anyway what better way to do so for some recipes. I have looked at the reviews on Amazon some great some not so. 

The second thing I think I should discuss is how I learn. I learn through a story or visual or hands-on type of experience because when it did that I seemed to retain a lot more rather than someone repeat the same steps over 1000 times most of the time. 

This is why I m considering this book because I m anime fan and would really like to make Japanese recipes so put them in manga format and I will remember much better, this no app or anything it just how I learn and I m sure you learn differently too. 

So tell me your thoughts below.

Grateful:

1.God

2.Church

3.Parents

4.Family

5.Life

[Dannigan]

3 hours ago, zeke365 said:

Days 212

Okay, I have decided against the apps but instead going to buy a book called Manga cookbook (the book not the Kindle version) to help me learn to cook. Plus since I m learning Japanese anyway what better way to do so for some recipes. I have looked at the reviews on Amazon some great some not so. 

The second thing I think I should discuss is how I learn. I learn through a story or visual or hands-on type of experience because when it did that I seemed to retain a lot more rather than someone repeat the same steps over 1000 times most of the time. 

This is why I m considering this book because I m anime fan and would really like to make Japanese recipes so put them in manga format and I will remember much better, this no app or anything it just how I learn and I m sure you learn differently too. 

 

This is great!  I think you're doing well with limiting the use of additional technology (eg. apps) which aren't really necessary to motivate you.  In fact, waiting for you to 'feel' motivated is going to back-fire.  You just have to 'do' the task, and then you will start to feel that motivation. 

Yes, I agree with you that learning something means applying it.  Not just mindless repetition.  Learning basic cooking techniques and recipes is a good start.  You just need a foundation first.  I like that you chose a cookbook that is interesting to you, not just for its recipes, but because it is Japanese.  : )

[zeke365]

Days 213-220

I have been feeling this for the last couple days. I have you ever felt like what you enjoyed and had ideas for is sort over like that season is over. 

This what I have been thinking of my movie production that I did it seems like I have ideas, concepts, and everything but at the same time, it feels like that season is up and I should move on to something else. Maybe not necessarily giving up movie production but use it new format than what I use to doing, 

I can't really give it personally because let's just said I have original material from the old website that I use and keep in contact with a new community that uses those materials for their movies. Maybe it time to move from one community to another since I seem to be more active over there than I do at the other one. 

It's not gaming but the movies I make just seem more and more waste of my time is this sign of growing up now? I m not sure how to deal with it but something I thought I share

Good news I have my cookbooks but will not be making those recipes till my ideal weight is met once that done then I will try to make them.

That it for today tell me your thoughts on this, it almost like I want a new experience but not sure what experience I want? 

Grateful

1.God

2.Bible

3.Church

4.Family

5.Life

[WorkInProgress]

Hi Zeke,

I am sorry that I couldn't post that week how I promised, but you have found your own solution which is great.

I think you are reflecting a lot right now which is good in general, because it keeps you intentional. I can't tell you what community, book or activity will be the most beneficial but you seems to develop a "feeling" for it. If you think it is time for something new go for it. Trust your instincts. If you think a lot about your goals and the different way to reach them - as you obviously do - your subconscious is working on the problem too. You realize this if you get a "feel" for the right move. This is the result of your previous reflection.

On 9.4.2018 at 3:27 AM, zeke365 said:

That it for today tell me your thoughts on this, it almost like I want a new experience but not sure what experience I want? 

 

This just means that you want to try new things. You can never now if new things will feel good or bad. This is the inherent nature of new things. It makes them exciting and a bit dangerous. But to experience new things is pushing your boundaries and enlarge your horizon. It doesn't matter that you don't know what experience you want. You want something new. So keep your eyes and your mind open for new opportunities.

Best of Luck to you!

[zeke365]

Days 221-224

I think I gonna keep this page open from now on because it gives me the inspiration to do stuff and what I going through.

Reflection time: I have been considering taking anime/cartoon detox in June just because I feel it still has the same effect as video gaming addiction which is that escapism.

To help explain this, when I was young I use to watch pokemon was introduced the cards in 2nd and 3rd grade and was never social person this lead me to a bad obsession with it for 4 years by having games, cards, and toys (remember this in the 90s) when video games and animation is still recently new. 

After that my family moved to Atlanta ga in 2000 and I became a Christian in 2003 and burned all the stuff some may look at that as extreme but it was my choice to do so, starting in 2005 I started using internet more often to watch old cartoons I liked as kid without realizing I was getting older.  Then later I started watch anime that was not directly realted to pokemon but did not know it was anime at the time either and the first more mature anime I saw was D.N. Angel and started watching dubs and was loving it, As time went on I had wii in 2006 which bought alot games beat most plus in that year I bought game call the movies game where I could create my own movies since I use to love writing so much before then but in 2011 I felt this strange gut feeling that everything I was doing wrong but brushed it off instead said it probally just because new games arent as much fun then went played older games and that feeling. Then in 2011, I joined Myst Online Uru Live Again 2011 though did not play till 2012. I have a tendency not use a resource for a year not sure why. In 2014 I build a pc so I could play the MMO game on better hardware than the laptop I was using at the time broke down and the movie was working at that time. IN 2012 I signed up for TMU (Tmundergound) which is a place I could make movies and at first I uploaded my flims and recived harsh critisum then took them down and started working on those projects each year because each movie took a year to make and I would do the MMO game tours also avdtersing and  marketing in addition to that and hardly went to to soicial events and stuff like that so at the end of 2014 I gave up console games for good, one they were just sitting there  and I had lost the magic touch and to this day there under my house. 

Next thing is all I had was the MMO game and nothing else and was I happy for 3 months I was able to balance between the to fairly well This was at the beginning of January 2015 but what really hit me is steam in December of 2015 I decided to get steam account and play visual novels cause at the time I did not really consider them games and they had interactive feature I like. 

Visual novels are stories told through at pov experience it which you read your character dialogue but the spirit or character would interact with you making you feel apart of the Journey, 

So at first, it was fine but soon found myself buying more games and visual until about June 2016 when I realized I should limit to 2 hours playing these and I started playing them at 10:00 pm at night to midnight. It was not until 2016 I started to realize that everything I was doing was boring and thought I would faze out this part heck even the tours I did not feel sanifegent anymore.

 

So in March 2017  I dropped out of work training program lets just they were giving me the treatment I needed and went to a new one plus for the first time I got phone which is something I resisted to do for the longest because I knew of the obsession I could do with it and how it affected other people at my previous job and I had resigned there in March 2016.

So in remembering how I liked Wii fit, I choose to get an app called burn your fat with me which to help me exercise and I use this app consistently weather be at the game ore at home then went for another app called Moe Moe Chan which sort of interactive anime girl interaction and the purpose of this was if I had girlfriend I wanted to what I wanted and over time for the character to become cuter and cuter.

Next thing I did get is smartphone VR headset with 360 videos of anime and VR ear waxing one, enjoyed them both and wanted to get another game but because none of them were in English I never did.                Cointied in in next replay

 

[zeke365]

So at this time, I started realizing I was starting to waste my time with these visual novels because they took me to that place Japan without taking me there, and some fond memories of some of them. I realized I would never get anywhere doing these things and at time I think game utters had kept popping up and looking for way to move forward, So I decided to finish my last tour on my online game which finished on August 2017 and signed up for game quitters in September 2017 and starred the detox from gaming and boy was that struggle of emotions to go through though I did  it. Heck I would have never found the job I m at if had kept the route I was on. 

So I started improving myself a lot over time and now brings me today which I have that same feeling in which the software I m using for youtube is sort obsolete not quite but not new or innovate anymore and a lot of software like that has died out so I try to figure how to use it without voice actors/actress. 

So what does have to do with anime or cartoons well over the last few weeks I have had this feeling again that cartoons and anime seem to be a waste of my time and that blocking me from moving forward in life.Though I do enjoy it I think I need a detox from it so that I put myself away from this escapism and back to reality.

So summaries this I had 2 layers the video game layer and anime layer providing escapism and so in June I will start on this new detox with a new journel, Also I still plan to go to the anime convention in September but I would rather have quality relationship with cartoons and anime rather than obsessive one, but why June why not start now, well there a couple videos I want to complete and reviews before doing so, 

The only exception to the rule will be my manager cookbook but the rest will be 90-day detox and another reason I chose June is since it summer most people are out of school it might be a good way to improve my social skills rather than now. 

The I did this once before and I had a rocket of emotions I could not handle for one month and I did three this includes in animated movies, films, cartoons, or youtube videos I have this way I can focus a lot more on my own goals and return back to reality and society. Still learning.

I should not I was looking at VR at them and wanted a VR headset right before the detox still do but was expensive and did not have the hardware well now I have the hard and there already better headsets for pc of course so I wait till I build new pc next year. Since I upgraded CPU and GPU last year. BE VERY CARE WITH VR as well because of that another trap. Just be aware of it. 

For those who do play visual novels, I have to say be VERY CAREFUL! because even it not considered game it still has the same effects of a game for escampism this why I have not played any for the last few months.

Sorry about the long post but I wanted to show you where I cam from and how anime effected me and is still is, (I do have Crunchyroll account) though I will be absent from it for 90 days,

That it for today and thanks for reading this long post.

Grateful for

1.God

2.Family

3.Church

4.New social group (dont want ruin my chance by being addicted to anime or cartoons here trying not to miss the oppurtunity.)

5.Life

6.Bible

7.our dog.

 

[Dannigan]

@zeke365,

Due to not having enough time to write a quality response, I just want to say briefly that I enjoy reading your journal.  You have a good outline set-up and end the journal with what you're grateful for.  You are also very astute in reflecting about your behavior, thoughts, and feelings.  I see so much potential and am inspired.

Also, wow....Days 221-224.....you're rocking this.  : )