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Zeke's Daily Journal


zeke365

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Day 42 

For the last week I have been regressing back to what I know which browsing internet hoping to get somewhere but not finding the effort to do anything, so I had to remap a new routine to help with this issue, but one good thing has come out of this I have been working on my movie project and have goal to finish it by the end of the month but everything else has been to the way side. 

So new routine since I like to do stuff in the morning more than the afternoon will be 

1.6:20am wake up 

2.Breakfest 7:00am (their anime show I can watch at 7:15am in the morning which not good motivation and comes on every week since I have crunchyroll) 

3.Gym/walk at 9:00-10:00am 

4.10:30-12:00pm movie project 

5.Lunch 12:00pm 

6.Go out of the house and do grammer skills 

7.Internet be reduced even further 3:00-7:00pm 

8.Dinner 6:00pm 

9.8:00-10:-00pm read 

That what I have outlined for now, I will see how well this works. Even though I  should be looking for job, I m starting to realize why I cant have one is because if Im not willing to learn then I will never grow. Which another thing I found about myself is that I had at some point decided to not grow any further. This caused my nothing but issues and I need to open the door to learning new things. 

Making movies is one thing but I like learn Japanese which I have software to do so but hard to fit that in routinize when I want be away from PC when everything I do is on PC makes extremely difficult. 

I should also mention I miss old days of tv where did not have internet or Netflix where everything is available at once. Why you may ask? Well that because you could look forward to something after week and if their show that only air once a week, you have that available to you. I think having everything in front of you all the time kind makes you lazy not because you don' want do work it just their and their too many possibles that we get overwhelmed with to many options this why I prefer to do shows once a week because it a requard system for me and I m not as tempted as I would been if it was in from of me. 

s Still trying to figure things out. 

 

The things I m grateful for. 

1.the ability to speak

2.health in my body 

3.Having a car 

4.Having house to live in

5.Muvizu (software I use to make movies) 

6.software I have to learn new stuff 

7.Family 

That it for today. 

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Day 43 

Well today is normally my do nothing day, so on crunchy-roll (anime Japanese word for cartoon) I watch my very first simlcast which was super exciting. Made me feel like a kid again when you get once chance to watch it. I will have to wait to next Saturday for the next episode.

Plus I m coming to realization that instead of trying to catch up on all the shows, I will stick to the ones only airing because their will always be shows I miss or want catch up on but it not worth doing them all so I m mostly going to focus on newer shows than older ones.

I will finish shows I have already started then focus just mainly on new shows. 

Now I have filled in or ask job opportunies within my area lets just I have had no luck anywhere. Is because I m to stubborn or is because their isnt anything here? Im not sure. 

I have asked at 3 hotels, buster ice cream, filled out applications to publix and other places but with no luck. 

The best I can do right now is work the plan I have set for myself and that to launch a YouTube channel in January 2018, because I really don't know anywhere else I can go right now. 

By the way I m trying something new and that buying physical medium like manga that way I m not on pc as much and something about owning something and having it tangible is really exciting. 

 

Im garteful for

1.My bed 

2.The ability to go to conventions

3.my room

4.My TV 

5.having electrify

6.Having water

7.living in nice neighborhood.

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Day 44

Something unquine happened to me last night. I was watching some of my favorite shows when it all of sudden I got bored with them or were not enjoying them as much because I started asking why am consuming so much? It like the identity has returned to me like puzzle piece being put in place again, like the life from gaming that peiece has return to my body. It very hard to describe but that the best I can describe it as. Has this happened to you before? 

Second yesterday I went to fall festival and did a corn maze which I like doing (not the kid mazes the giant corn mazes) so of you will understand which one I m talking about. 

I have another fall festival tonight at 4:00 in the church near me so I will be dressing up fro that. '

Thirdly unfortunately meetup does not work for me, it not that not good app or anything but for my area I have found everbrite app to be much better on finding events in my area plus it through them I go to anime weekend Atalanta every year.

Grateful 

1.Life returning to my body

2.Getting answer in direction I need to go

3.redoing my routine to fit my creativity

4.The church I m becoming apart of 

5.My relationship with Jesus 

6.The communities I m apart of 

7.Having breath 

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Day 44

Something unquine happened to me last night. I was watching some of my favorite shows when it all of sudden I got bored with them or were not enjoying them as much because I started asking why am consuming so much? It like the identity has returned to me like puzzle piece being put in place again, like the life from gaming that peiece has return to my body. It very hard to describe but that the best I can describe it as. Has this happened to you before?

Yes it has. It happened quite early on for me in the detox, maybe around the day 22 mark (the second time around). That's when I realised that the detox journey was less about breaking the addiction to games, and more about personal development. It helps you step back and have a look at your life and your habits and strip away anything that is not contributing to you going forward. The only thing I watch now is Thursday/Monday Night Football. Everything else I have cut away - youtube, tv, movies, netflix - as I think that is time I could be using to focus on either personal development or getting my house in order. I could cut out the football as well, but I justify it by doing something every ad break (whether that is putting a dish away or similar).

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Day 45 

I listened to 2 podcast today and am completing more in my movie project to. Instead of wasting my time I m more than focused on getting something done rather just sitting here doing nothing. Even though I have the script written, it will be rewritten to match the animation because sometimes their not scene I can do so I have to work around it. 

Beside I seem to have caught a cold the other day not sure from what. 

Last night I did not go to the fall festival because me feeling under the whether. 

I feel really good (expect cold) about things like I kind put child-est things away and focus real tangible goals, even though the movie projects is one my goals, let me explain when I mean by content. 

What I mean is when I start the YouTube channel in 2018. I want to have 4 movies done by then so when I upload them them I can get feedback, fix what I need to fix and so that I do not run out video content. It would be based on month to month basis. I have 2 channels in mind one is faith based channel and another not so much but will focus on different things, each one has purpose and I already see some strategies to get their. 

I will tell you the first movie is my ambitious film while the next 3 will be related to more web series format. This also to have content upload to TMU site which I m apart of as well. Have I run out of ideas yet nope I keep getting new ideas for movies.

Each project will be completed in 1 month so when I upload them I m way ahead of schedule. May learn Japanese and grammar skills at the same time to but I have goal at least. 

This also might explain couple of things if you were wondering. 

Grateful for"

1. Piece of my life has returned

2.Family

3.Being creative 

4.Communities I m apart of 

5.Having breath & life

6.The animals

7. Fresh air 

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Day 46

Today I worked on more of my movie project yes I know you get trying of hearing that but it takes a really long time to do these and do them right, plus my consistent editing. 

I thought I share with you all on that Sunday I got answer what I m suppose to do, and apparently the answer is stop to trying to make something happen quickly, go with the flow for now then it might be clear.

It could be my mind is still in a little chaos and still needs more time cleaning out before heading in the direction I need to,

I have question when you were gaming were you oblivious to things around you but when you quick everything seem to have more life to it, you noticed more around you? 

When I started this quit there was a book I wanted to read when I started that never happened so this month I started reading that book (kindle version) am still reading it. 

I have considered giving internet in my house but do to the work I do I cant really do that right now, but it has been considered more than once. 

I feel so much better right now both to the detox and giving over that cold 

Grateful for 

1.Bible study tonight

2,Having a church

3. Eventbrite app to find new social groups

4.My Car 

5.Life 

6.family

7.House 

8.Room 

9.Fresh air

10. Our dog

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Day 47

I had to do some more edits in my project, but hopefully by the end of the day I will have the intro done. 

Second I have decided to change my routine once again so I can adjust to it better so each month I will add a new activity that will not conflict the other activity. 

So basically in addition to the movie project next month, I will add learn Japanese and that will be the goal for the month is to be able to learn that language then in December I will add something else.

So to give recap 

1. October complete a movie project (script & animation complete) 

2.November: Learn Japanese, plus complete new movie project (for the month of November), plus get voice actors/actress during the month of November & December by auditions (with October movie project complete).  

3.December (not sure what but be something else)

This is the goal for each month because I have been listening to the podcast and thought of what are some achievements I could do and since it takes awhile for me to get use to to things, this seemed the best way by choosing goal for each one month.  

Also I don't when I will do it probably next month but I'm gonna move internet from 3:00pm to 5:00pm to hopefully get more goals done during the day. 

At least this what I m gonna try to do each month, we will see how well this works out.

Grateful for:

1.Everything

2.Life itsefl

3.Having goals

4.Working towards a dream 

5.Just who I am as a person. 

 

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Day 48-50

Sorry I have been writing in as much, it because I was busy with other things.

Now I have been doing some reflection on myself, and the games I use to play, not to the play them but what did I enjoy doing, what was about persona all about and how I apply the say to real life.

One thing is turns out I wanted to be out going person, always traveling to new places discovering new things, plus strategy on how to get there, and how to go about it.  Turns out I actually might want to travel since it reflects what I wanted to do in games and visual novels(stay away from). Due to being on autopilot so long I did not believe in myself to do these things but it becoming clear that I have desire to explore go to different locations and spread the message that I write about to different church,  I even had inventions or dreams I would have loved to create. 

For now I m just laying out a foundation for YouTube channel and ideas on how to market and get it noticed for it, plus I m still working on movie projects as well, 

grateful for:

1.Seeing myself in a new light 

2.Having my true personality back 

3.Who am and who I m going to be 

4.Dreams I long to do 

5.The Church 

6.Family

7. Freash air 

8.animals 

9.everything I have 

 

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Video games were always a safe space where you could try different avatars and personas and "live" situations beyond your natural boundaries with no side-effects or harmful consequences. It has its good part of course, I think very few of us will ever go to space or explore fictional civilizations or riddle whole towns with bullets (I hope). It may have set our expectatives higher than non-gamers as well, and probably set up some kind of comfort barrier. We were used to be told what to do and where to go, step by step. It's time to abandon that auto-pilot and experience fully each decision you take and each thing you try ;) 

Also, I can't encourage traveling enough. Try it out man, absolutely worth it.

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Day 50-51

each of of our journeys is different, I'm just letting you know where I'm at mentally and what I might be planning soon. It just took longer for me to realize these things and I may need more than the 90 day detox

For today I have completed a scene in my movie I don't show anything unless ready to reveal it, second thing I have completed a new agenda for the month of Novemeber that help a lot better than I was doing, depending on how well I like it and if I continue with it, Thirdly I got email from the church about being involved in internship there,

Fourthly I have social group called Write with us that I will be going to tomorrow at 5:00pm which I m excited about where writers bounce ideas off one another and close to where I live,

I have question and noticed this over the last few days. Did you find yourself doing things that you had been taught normal now but when you were gaming you were more aggressive in driving, eating, ect? I have noticed that I have become a lot calmer now. 

Grateful for

1.Job training Program

2.Salt Lamp

3.Being calm

4.eventbright app

5.Family 

That it for today 

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Days 52-54

I have been busy of late that why I have not wrote as much here as I could. I have completed the intro which is about 10scenes of my movie project which I m proud of, and m8ight get a job soon, don't know yet, Plus in November I gonna release a new schedule. The current one I m on is not working and noticed a few changes I could make to make things easier on me.  So look forward to that. 

Oh by the way I m apart of the come write us nation writers month where I have to write novel of 50,000 words in 30 days unfourntly I wont make the closing ceremony but I m going to potluck dinner tonight for singles, so I m excited about that. Things are slowly turning around and I m excited about the new adventure. 

Grateful

1.Job training program

2.My other dad and (biologic dad lives in AZ which I m going visit him with my sister.) 

3.My dog

4.For completing something today 

 

That it for today 

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Day 55

I would like to discuss something that I call reflection time, this means it a reflection on where I m at, what I have been thinking of, what I might do. It not desgined to be obession of gaming just a reflection of it. 

Reflection time: For the last few days I have been thinking of upgrading my TV. PC, because I came to realization that time for myself  never upgraded within the world of gaming  and stuck me to 2005/2006 era of HD while everyone moved forward. This something I have noticed for over the last few days and thinking of upgrading but I m trying to decide whether any of it is worth it or not. 

Option 1: Is to build complete new PC originally for gaming and vr but more so for video editing and doing YouTube soon enough, with VR to do movies, issue is I just upgraded the hardware in this pc, and this pc will only last 2 more years before this windows 7 Ultimate goes obsolete but I kind of wondering if it worth building full feldge PC with the smartphone and tablet take over.  (the person who helped me build it said it not recommended to upgrade to windows 10)  Second I plan to turn this into more of home theater system PC anyway even if it HD only after it goes obsolete. 

Option 2: Buy a laptop that has everything I need with good battery life and start taking with me to coffee shops/library/ ect. without being at home, which would be nice but security could be an issue with that and weather be bulky or not. Another reason is because home is to tempting for other things that why this would be better option, plus I work better not at home than I do at home.  

Option 3: Buy Imac pc for everything but I m not to fimaualr with that operaton system 

option 4: Build a mini PC that way I can take it on the go and still have screen for me to work with with good battery life

Option 5:Buy new tV much need since my tv is an old HD Ready tv 720p apex 32in before LED TVs, problem with this is I watch more on my pc than I do my TV, but have thought about doing smart TV that way I can stream pc to my big screen since I have bunch of DVDs and few blu rays and kind miss watching them. TV would be 4k to.     

   So what would be your suggestion, I'm mostly doing this to get into modern times without being left behind. 

As for other things they are going pretty well and in NOvemeber I will start my new routine which allow a me to learn a couple of things to. This to put me back in the right time with socitey and gain the loss from gaming which keep time stagnet for a very long time, 

Grateful for: 

1.My current PC 

2.My friend for building the pc

3.family

4.Soical events groups

5.God

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In my opinion there is no need to upgrade anything just to stay modern. If you actual need smth buy it. If not it doesn't matter what other people use our days. 

Laptops are super handy and can free some space. You can store your data in the cloud if you want so it wouldn't be the end of the world if you lost it. If your thinking about vr-films I would just wait another few years and get a new set-up then suited for a specific task. 

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Day 56

 

In my opinion there is no need to upgrade anything just to stay modern. If you actual need smth buy it. If not it doesn't matter what other people use our days. 

Laptops are super handy and can free some space. You can store your data in the cloud if you want so it wouldn't be the end of the world if you lost it. If your thinking about vr-films I would just wait another few years and get a new set-up then suited for a specific task. 

  •  

 K thanks 

I have another question though it something I have been wanting do for awhile but what are your thoughts on role playing (not games) more like a chat-room and person acted as character of your favorite tv show and are playing that role in the chat-room

example 

1,I play sponebob so anything I say has to have sponebob feel to when I m talking 

2.Some can play another character and interactive with me 

 

This could lead to some interesting stories but would be okay to do this in this app or is best to leave that alone unitil I done with my deteox?

Garteful:

1.Everything that I have 

2.My Car

3.Shelater

4.Church 

5.Bible study 

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Day 57-58

Well today I m gonna reveal what I am about to do and it something I had been thinking about for sometime. The current routine I m not even following anymore right now, so I created a new routine in which I can accomplish goals faster and more efficiently, the sacrifice I had to make is go without internet, What I mean is not matter how I put it the routine it never worked well. Iphone will still be used but it will be limited to news stories only so in this way I can accomplish some my goals. Internet will be used as a reward system for Friday Saturday and Sunday but Monday through Thursday it will not be used. These projects are still on pc expect grammar girl and those who think this might be too much I think it about the right amount to have something accomplished. This will be begin on November 1 and we will see how it goes. 

The second thing is I m going to have do in the afternoon for I have temporary job starting next Monday so that why it will be set up the way it is. 

might be able to hit gym on weekends don't know yet. 

New Routine 

1.Movie Project 3:00-4:00pm 

2.Writers challenge 4:30-5:30

3.Human Japanese 6:00-7:00

4.grammer skills 7:00-8:00

Grateful for:

1.Ideas 

2.Imangation

3.My friends

4.Church 

5.Family 

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Day 59

I have decided starting tomorrow I will implement some of this routine in not all of it until this internship. Then I will implement the full routunie the following Monday. 

It's to give you a heads up on what I m doing and won't not leaving just wont be writing in here as much. So basically for now until the internship starts I will be allowed ONLY Gamequitters forum, podcast, and email all the rest has to be done on weekends on Friday Saturday and Sunday. This is for this week. This is to reduce my time online and start getting some my goals done and believe me I have more than one goal that I have yet put up here. Honestly I see no way around it even if I put internet in most of the time I have actually been spending less and less time online. 

Starting NOv. 6 I will not be writing in here till Friday this both to help me and you to let you know what going on and what I m about to to do. I hope all of you understand. So starting tomorrow no internet expect podcast, gamequitters forums, heck not even my animo app or Facebook will be allowed or any otherwise but all those sites will release on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for the month of November with the exception of my trip in November but that towards the end. email will be allowed but nothing else next week.

Grateful

1.Family 

2.God

3.My Bible 

4.Gamequitters

5.Crunchyroll  

 

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Days 60-64

Well I decided instead of doing the 4 things I wanted to do is focus on the 2 main goals this month. The goal is to compete a writing challenge where I have to write 50,000 words in 1 month and the movie project will be my other the other thing I will work on as not to overwhelm myself and to hopefully get something done this week. 

I have some big news but it will have to wait until I can offically annouse this news at least for now. 

Starting tomorrow I will be doing my own media detox with only emails and few contest I enter will be kept up on but will not be allowed here till Friday cause even here I find it distracting waiting for notification (not say that bad thing) I just need to focus my attention on my projects and putting myself in position where I do not have online Monday through Thursday.

I m doing this to help myself out I hope all of you understand where I m coming from. 

Grateful

1.God

2.Jesus

3.Church 

4.communicates I m apart of 

5.family

 

Edited by zeke365
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Days 65-70

Last week I told you all I had a big announcement well here it is I have job now and it today was my first day working and I am really enjoying it so far.

The second thing is I worked on some more on my project but this week was one those weeks where no matter how many times you try to sit and do something something else came up that was more important.  

Another project I m in but still have not found time to write is writing 50.000 words in 1 month and I v only written 3000 like I said one of those weeks. 

Plus I celebrated my 1 week on this no media detox it not as hard as I thought it be so I will be counituining this next week to and I m getting ideas on other task I like to takle. 

That it for today

grateful:

1.Family

2.gamequitters community 

3.returning to faith based stuff once again

4. Chuch 

 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Days 71-79 

Okay I have kind of learned a few things about myself while taking this media type of fast and did not realize it until now. I just learned how I really don't belevie in myself and I m mean I really don't believe I can accomplish anything this why I start something and never complete it or in the time frame I want plus it also explains alot about myself at the same time plus this has been been so ingrained into me that trying to undo this thinking is going to be extremely hard because I have believed this lie for so long. Just saying it wont help because I had people say  I can do things and yet felt more guilt and pressure. 

  Trust me I want to move forward but it took this media detox for me to realize this and how I have been listening to negative things but when I listen to cam and the podcast I feel more positive during my day. 

I have also scrapped the 50,000 words challenge because most of the time I have been focused on my movie project which based on a story I wrote. 

I am considering keeping this website open maybe next month cause I want to do 1 more week of this media detox and go from there. 

Thanks for reading 

Grateful

1.Church

2.God 

3.Family

4.life

5.Our dog

6.My other dad

7.Mom

8.Aunt

9.Grandparnets 

10,Everyone here.  

I will see you next week and plus I m thinking of expanding the detox to 180 days. 

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16 hours ago, zeke365 said:

Days 71-79 

Okay I have kind of learned a few things about myself while taking this media type of fast and did not realize it until now. I just learned how I really don't belevie in myself and I m mean I really don't believe I can accomplish anything this why I start something and never complete it or in the time frame I want plus it also explains alot about myself at the same time plus this has been been so ingrained into me that trying to undo this thinking is going to be extremely hard because I have believed this lie for so long. Just saying it wont help because I had people say  I can do things and yet felt more guilt and pressure. 

  Trust me I want to move forward but it took this media detox for me to realize this and how I have been listening to negative things but when I listen to cam and the podcast I feel more positive during my day. 

I have also scrapped the 50,000 words challenge because most of the time I have been focused on my movie project which based on a story I wrote. 

I am considering keeping this website open maybe next month cause I want to do 1 more week of this media detox and go from there. 

Thanks for reading 

 

Hey there I can relate to this insecurity. My parents and my family always told me that I am something special and that I can do great things. But this coupled with some social anxiety lead to pressure instead of reassuring me. I was scared to try new things and never fully comitted to anything because somewhere back in my mind I was sure to fail. I was sure that I will not be able to excell at anything (doing ok yes, excell no). I was sure no girl would find me sexually attractive. I am not sure where this insecurity came from but actually achieving what I promised here with the 90 days detox gave me the energy to stick to knew things and challenge myself. I am far more confident right now even if I still struggle. Just seeing myself training continiusly for a few weeks or not gaming or meditating for a month. All these little successes changed the way I thought about myself. I am sure you'll experience the same thing if you allow yourself to be proud of your achievements. Reread your journal and see how far you come. Be proud of it man. You have the right to it because you did a lot out of your comfort zone and soon you'll check that 90 day mark! Great job!

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Days 80-85

Quote

Hey there I can relate to this insecurity. My parents and my family always told me that I am something special and that I can do great things. But this coupled with some social anxiety lead to pressure instead of reassuring me. I was scared to try new things and never fully comitted to anything because somewhere back in my mind I was sure to fail. I was sure that I will not be able to excell at anything (doing ok yes, excell no). I was sure no girl would find me sexually attractive. I am not sure where this insecurity came from but actually achieving what I promised here with the 90 days detox gave me the energy to stick to knew things and challenge myself. I am far more confident right now even if I still struggle. Just seeing myself training continiusly for a few weeks or not gaming or meditating for a month. All these little successes changed the way I thought about myself. I am sure you'll experience the same thing if you allow yourself to be proud of your achievements. Reread your journal and see how far you come. Be proud of it man. You have the right to it because you did a lot out of your comfort zone and soon you'll check that 90 day mark! Great job!

Thanks workinprogess, I did just that reread everything up to know and it kind made me feel better about things. Plus I see each layer being peeled way as well. 

 Now I do need to confess that I did not do the media detox this week instead I had to research a recipe for thanksgiving where each of us made our own dish, which very simple. I made garlic french style green beans with the recpiece. It was really good.

I know I have said this before but it becoming bothersome when your parents are sort of forcing you to play, I kind wonder if there addicted without even realizing it. The reason for me saying no so many times and they keep insisting me play though more for my benefit and I m still trying to come over this addiction. I did play piano game they seem to be really into and after I played I felt nothing. It was fun and boring at the same time. Seems like they always obsess about a new app on, they still do their stuff normally but this piano is far worse than others since there more on it than anything.

The other issue I have is when they want me to do other things than hibernate as they call it but unfortunately do not give me suggestion on how to do it, sometimes it feels like I can accomplish or surpass them but it null and avoid even if I m trying something new going library,gym, etc. heck even window shopping does not matter sometimes and I feel like what are trying to tell me and have yet to get answer. I do not like to say that about my parents but since I under their roof I live by their rules. I feel proud for what I accomplished here that not, I guess sometimes I feel abandoned like no matter how hard you try your always missing something.  Plus I go out eat with them and try to hang out family events as well. 

Since most my ideas are on pc its kind hard to do stuff outside it, heck I even go to church and trying to make friends at singles groups and it like it does matter. Any ideas on what there wanting or is my answer in front of me? 

Grateful:

1.My job  

2.Abby

3.Parents

4.Myself

5.communitiesh

6.Church

7.family 

 

I should not once I hit the 90 day detox I m gonna being two things not returning to gaming but I want try this role playing thing on the app and watch vr videos plus I m making a stagtery to push my life forward a little more which I will probably begin at the beginning of the year

Plus for now I m not going do the media detox till the beginning of the year so I do not have holidays in front of me as well. 

Edited by zeke365
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14 hours ago, zeke365 said:

Days 80-85

I know I have said this before but it becoming bothersome when your parents are sort of forcing you to play, I kind wonder if there addicted without even realizing it. The reason for me saying no so many times and they keep insisting me play though more for my benefit and I m still trying to come over this addiction. I did play piano game they seem to be really into and after I played I felt nothing. It was fun and boring at the same time. Seems like they always obsess about a new app on, they still do their stuff normally but this piano is far worse than others since there more on it than anything.

As it doesn't influence their life ina bad way they are not addicted. I am sure they could do things whihc would help them more but if they like to obsess about a new app or game and have fun wiht it without neglecting their lifes that is fine. I think they just don't understand that it is different for you. Many people can't imagine what a shame and other bad feelings are coupled in a gaming addict.

 

14 hours ago, zeke365 said:

The other issue I have is when they want me to do other things than hibernate as they call it but unfortunately do not give me suggestion on how to do it, sometimes it feels like I can accomplish or surpass them but it null and avoid even if I m trying something new going library,gym, etc. heck even window shopping does not matter sometimes and I feel like what are trying to tell me and have yet to get answer. I do not like to say that about my parents but since I under their roof I live by their rules. I feel proud for what I accomplished here that not, I guess sometimes I feel abandoned like no matter how hard you try your always missing something.  Plus I go out eat with them and try to hang out family events as well. 

Since most my ideas are on pc its kind hard to do stuff outside it, heck I even go to church and trying to make friends at singles groups and it like it does matter. Any ideas on what there wanting or is my answer in front of me?

I think they want to help you but don't know how. Parents are just persons like you and me. They have a lot of mistakes and a lot of good attitudes you love them for. As you get older you see the mistakes more and the challenge is to love them anyway. I think focussing on the things they do good and accepting that they aren't perfect helps a lot. Maybe you can improve your way talking to them. Try to take their perspektive on things and start talking with them from there. You can only change yourself so that is the place where to start. Conversation skills are also a great skill to have in any phase of your life. So take this as an opportuinity to learn why they don't understand you and help them to do so.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Days 86-97

Yippe I passed the 90-day mark, how do I feel great for hitting this accomplishment. Now I did the 2 things download VR the app on phone and role play which is fun but I like to do it once in awhile not all the time. 

Do I have game craving sometimes but their not as intense as they used to be but I did do a test experiment I wanted to record this scene from a visual novel and playing in VR and I did for a little bit and enjoyed it but not something I  really want to go back to. I see my life pushing forward and right now I m in a period with dealing with 2 branches or roots that had to be broken off. The first one is and the 2nd one I m learning exactly what it is and trying to come up with a solution.

Plus I m looking for other ways push my life forward as well. So if your wondering on plan I have something worked out but time wise trying to figure workarounds on this,

1.Finish movie project 

 

2.Doing reviews on (Christian media), (reviews on clean anime), etc. This will be something new to me but I have plenty of products I could review that is not mainstream for the most part. The problem with video review which I like to do is copyright infringement. So I will be more focused on that next year.  

My goal is to move forward in the next few years with hopefully youtube channel going as well. Trying to sort them out is a pain sometimes since I have all these ideas but sometimes do not know where to start.

Ps. I went to visited my biologic dad last week in Arizona and went to gold mine, and Asian festival (which is more of my thing) so I got few things from there plus last week was my birthday Dec. 2. 

 

Grateful

1.Family

2.My dad

3.My sister

4.grandparents

5.God

6.Church

7.Life

8.Our dog

9.Music

10.Movies 

Edited by zeke365
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