Damiano Posted September 2, 2017 Author Share Posted September 2, 2017 Weekends are dangerous, the key is to keep busy. I played in my workshop, making a stand for my target, i started archery again. I extended the job in time by making an experimental design to acomodate to uneven terrain, the design worked, but the materials were too weak, going to rebuild using stronger stuff in the future, right now its good enough Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damiano Posted September 3, 2017 Author Share Posted September 3, 2017 Day ...+/- 23 i dont remember A thought began to bother me today. What if this is easy for me, only because i put my pc away, and in order to play i would have to spend atleast 30-40 min before i plug everything back. Maybe i dont feel the urge so strong, because it is beeing muted by that lazy part in me. Im afraid that if the games are just one click away I would relapse. But i dont want to sell everything. I.... darn it, maybe i should... Im gona meditate on this during the next week. I dont see a reason to want to play, i just feel that if i sell all of it i would be left defensless against a breakdown or something like that. Maybe its just my addiction swlowly crafting its master plan to make me drown again, maybe... yeah... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daniel Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 Do you use the pc for work or just gaming? If it's just gaming, just go all the way and "burn the ships" or "burn one's bridge". I notice that those who do not burn their ships (don't get rid of the games, don't set up proper filters, do not set life goals) they keep relapsing constantly."Originally in military sense of intentionally cutting off one's own retreat (burning a bridge one has crossed) to commit oneself to a course of action""In the year 1519, Hernán Cortéz arrived in the New World with six hundred men and, upon arrival, made history by destroying his ships. This sent a clear message to his men: There is no turning back. Two years later he succeeded in his conquest of the Aztec empire."Successful people always commit themselves to a course of action leave no other option.Will Smith said: But if we get on the treadmill together, there's two things: You're getting off first, or I'm going to die. It's really that simple, right?"Elon Musk said: "No, I don't ever give up. I'd have to be dead or completely incapacitated." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damiano Posted September 4, 2017 Author Share Posted September 4, 2017 Do you use the pc for work or just gaming?My PC was my hub. My work tool, my entertainment center and my lover. I love it and hate it. I want to destroy it, and i want to keep it. lol.. Im gona focus on my life without it, and leave it there until I make the decision. Which internally i aready have, but im not ready to make it a reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damiano Posted September 4, 2017 Author Share Posted September 4, 2017 Day 24Yesterday, one of my younger cousins came by and showed me what he was playing, and showed me some gaming videos, and some new releases. Some of which i was looking forward to a few months ago. I managed to hold with no mayor problem. The fact that im focusing so much on doing new things, completly removed games from my mind. Im going to keep this up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damiano Posted September 5, 2017 Author Share Posted September 5, 2017 Day 25. Not much happening, except i saw an advert of a game i was anticipating for a long time. Also remembered that i was supposed to play with a friend once the game came out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damiano Posted September 6, 2017 Author Share Posted September 6, 2017 Day 26Good day. Today i found one of my game designs i did some years back. Godd stuff, might actually focus on finishing it now that i have the time. The occasional wish to game bothers me from time to time, but its nothing serious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigPete247 Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 Day 26Good day. Today i found one of my game designs i did some years back. Godd stuff, might actually focus on finishing it now that i have the time. The occasional wish to game bothers me from time to time, but its nothing serious.Ok, listen, close your eyes and imagine yourself holding your controller for a few mins, then break it in half. Still closed, out should come one of your designs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daniel Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 You were into game design? Like what aspect? Coding? Video game script? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damiano Posted September 7, 2017 Author Share Posted September 7, 2017 You were into game design? Like what aspect? Coding? Video game script?I was always thinking about games, and as a programmer, my mind always wonderend to the "what if". So as a hobby of sorts i designed games on paper. Learned some Unity to make prototypes, but gaming was too time demanding to make anything. Most the designs didnt pass the test of time, meaning, that when i read them again after a few months they were stupid lol. There were a few that were nice. The one i found is a story driven visual novel, with minigames and a strategy/tactical "phase". The design is very very "keyword" driven, but there is enough of it to keep going.A long long time ago, in collage, with some friends, we had this "need" to make games, and we coded like crazy, designed worlds and gameplay. created game mechanics in raw c++ and directX (yes we were insane). But our lives were too different to actually finish anything.Oh well. That was a nice walk through memory lane lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damiano Posted September 10, 2017 Author Share Posted September 10, 2017 Day 30. I was traveling and didt had time to write or to game. I got flashbacks often of times when i wanted to play something and i did. The anticipation before plating was actually more enjoyable than playing itself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daniel Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 So you had memories of when you used to play? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damiano Posted September 11, 2017 Author Share Posted September 11, 2017 So you had memories of when you used to play?Yes. You see, even when i was out there, on the coast of france, observing 2 storms approaching from the ocean. Witnessing this aweseme moment was not as enjoyable as pretending to care for the well beeing of my imaginary troopers in HOI. Honesthly what the fuck is wrong with me. Im not going to play for these 90 days, but im actually loosing interest in a life without those imaginary people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damiano Posted September 11, 2017 Author Share Posted September 11, 2017 Day 31Today i had a mild breakdown (it happens some times), not related to gaming, didnt play anything, but sat there and watched the whole season 2 of the expanse. I had planned of doing some stuff today, but didnt do anything. Just sat there, almost drooling, zombie like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daniel Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 It seems to be attention is needed to find out if something is wrong. Do you work out? Do you have a social circle? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damiano Posted September 12, 2017 Author Share Posted September 12, 2017 It seems to be attention is needed to find out if something is wrong. Do you work out? Do you have a social circle?I do work out. but i dont know what a social circle is supposed to do, never had more than one friend, who eventually moved on. I know something is wrong thats why im in therapy and meds. Im just scared of evething, every interaction, every time i need to get don the bus i am stressed out and i have used the bus to get to work for 9 years. I am scared to be judged as not good enough. I know its bullshit, and i know nobody gives a shit, but still after all this time, i get anxious all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damiano Posted September 12, 2017 Author Share Posted September 12, 2017 Day 32. No time for gaming thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daniel Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 Do you watch porn? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damiano Posted September 13, 2017 Author Share Posted September 13, 2017 Sure, but trying not to, its alot harder than games, because i dont need a good PC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damiano Posted September 13, 2017 Author Share Posted September 13, 2017 (edited) Day 33. Started going to the gym. My men are calling me from beyound the veil, i need to mobilize the troops, fuck. Some times games were more interesting than the shit going on IRL, meaning that i cared more about those imaginary people than the real ones, and that is messed up. How the hell did this happen. Why playing a game (pretending to conquer shit and managing a nation) seems more fun than going out with gf. Edited September 13, 2017 by dahankus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyCat Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 Some times games were more interesting than the shit going on IRL, meaning that i cared more about those imaginary people than the real ones, and that is messed up. How the hell did this happen. Why playing a game (pretending to conquer shit and managing a nation) seems more fun than going out with gf.That actually happens a lot me when my work task at hand is messy and I feel generally down. Mind starts to remember or "pre-create" all this interesting moments. Imho, games are mostly simptomatic here. I cant's say for you, but for me it comes from being unsure of myself in relation to job or social life. When I do feel sure about myself I don't fantasize about games. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daniel Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 (edited) Do you have a gf? *Edit I know I am asking some very personal questions but my point is that I am doing a NoFap detox and this has helped me big time to diminish the anxiety during social situations as a plus I am attending public speaking workshop which is helping me as well. Edited September 14, 2017 by Daniel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daniel Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 Some times games were more interesting than the shit going on IRL, meaning that i cared more about those imaginary people than the real ones, and that is messed up. How the hell did this happen. Why playing a game (pretending to conquer shit and managing a nation) seems more fun than going out with gf.That actually happens a lot me when my work task at hand is messy and I feel generally down. Mind starts to remember or "pre-create" all this interesting moments. Imho, games are mostly simptomatic here. I cant's say for you, but for me it comes from being unsure of myself in relation to job or social life. When I do feel sure about myself I don't fantasize about games.This is gold. I would add that as long as you are actively doing something to make your job and social life just the way you dream about it the attraction for videogames vanishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damiano Posted September 14, 2017 Author Share Posted September 14, 2017 Do you have a gf? i do have a gf. I tried that detox, but broke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damiano Posted September 14, 2017 Author Share Posted September 14, 2017 Day 34. No games. Missing them. I oppened the steam web page to check out what was going on, nothing of interest...closed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now