Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Tom2

Tom2's 2nd relapse

Recommended Posts

I was so pissed off because one of my close person treated me as an addict. The reason was that I procrastinated one little thing which wasn't so urgent. Yeah I'm an addict, but I didn't have to get comfirmation from her.

I really did my best during my 2nd attempt, and I think I made small achievements of my own. But she might have thought it wasn't enough. I'm so sorry for not being a perfect person.

I became so depressed. So I started playing again for 7 days. It wasn't always fun to play, but I kept playing without eating or taking care of myself.

So now, 47 days no gaming, 11 days gaming, 48 days no gaming, and 7 days gaming again.

I've learned something useful during this journey, but I think there are much more to discover. Some useful tips to control my emotion. Productivity of my life has improved quite well but there are some vulnerable moments that I need to react effectively. I feel 90 days are not enough for me to be a better person.


 

 

 

 

 

 

I feel like I'm already a loser in my life. I lost another 7 days as I failed to control my emotions. Usually I don't have cravings when there's not much stress, but it's not easy to deal with it when the worst moments come. I don't have a clue what to do. I should react to get rid of the source of stress, but the reality is, I can't murder the person that gives me stress. Is there a practical way to relieve stress and anger? I can only find some advices like, "get some rest", "do meditation", "go travel" and blah blah blah. But it's not easy to even think about those advices when I'm so angry, depressed, and hopeless. I think gaming is a really good way to forget anger and depression. But it's not a right solution. You guys all know that. I just wanna know what you guys do when your worst times come.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Tom, learning to control your emotions has to do with allowing yourself to feel them, not ignoring or burying them. We can learn over time and through patient practice that we don't need to run away from or act our intense emotions, as painful as they may seem. A practical way to relieve stress and anger that is built into our bodies: crying and laughing. When we are caught up in anger, we have thoughts about wanting to hurt something or someone and maybe ourselves. Ultimately anger hurts ourselves either way and we may regret acting it out on others. Ask yourself what the emotional pain is really about, and let yourself feel it. It may feel intense, but you may end up "crying it out" and be free to move on from it. Rather than let that pain steep in your body and mind, ask yourself what is really behind it? When this person said hurtful things to you, she is not the source of stress and anger, but that is the response you are choosing to the situation at hand. Being an "addict" may be a small part of you (and all of us) but it is not the whole you and how much you choose to continue identifying with that idea is up to you. Choosing to identify less and less I think is similar to the idea of "giving yourself permission" to stop gaming, as Cam mentions in his TED talks. As humans, we all have many parts and identities that make us up, some of which are painful and shameful and some of which we are proud of. Just like I'm sure you have parts of you that you are proud of. Of course we want our friends and people we are in relation with to acknowledge and strengthen our positive parts, so it would be painful for someone you consider close to talk to you in the way this person did, essentially reopening a fresh wound. It may not feel like we have a choice when our emotions are so built up and immediately reactive, but I think it is an empowering perspective to realize you could respond differently in a way that feels satisfying. If you consider this person a close friend, ask yourself, would a close friend say hurtful things that she did? Maybe she was temporarily angry because of the situation at hand and wouldn't normally. In that case, you can maybe relate to her in the way that you feel angry yourself now. Or maybe she has something to gain by you being an addict and feeling better about herself and doesn't have anything to gain by you moving on. Something to ask yourself, I obviously don't know either of you!

 

The moments of stress and challenge are the moments you learn to let go of using gaming to deal with that. That is the response we've all learned to cope with emotions and of course you naturally want to bury those feelings, which feels like it's worked in the past...I can say from personal experience that every time I go through a detox a lot of buried emotions come to the surface and my emotions just feel more intense in general. But emotions can be a great source of strength, they're not just "stuff to deal with," once you learn what they are trying to tell you about what you want in your life. Keep on it!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@MmmWatermelon summed it nicely Tom. When I get angry at work I shut the door (or find a quiet place) and try to work out why I am getting angry, what is causing me to overreact. The majority of the time is because I am emotionally attached to the task at hand for whatever reason, whether I have a personal interest in a task or person, or I have spent a lot of my own energy in a project so don't want to see it go. Pausing and reflecting like this has helped me a lot. If I need to calm down or I can't calm myself down, I change my environment. 90% of the time for me that is going for a run for an hour. I'll then come back and reattempt the problem.

What may also help is a worksheet. I use a worksheet for anxiety to fill out when I am not feeling well in order to try and find the root cause of the problem rather than get angry at myself. You might benefit from one as well, it has 5 questions on it like "What is the problem?", "What was happening before you felt like this?", and "What needs to happen next?" It really helps break down the problem into smaller items that you can influence.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...