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Yesterday was pretty mess.

 

A. Canceled all of my gaming accounts.(Steam, Origin, Uplay)

B. Sold Xbox 360 gamepads and games

C. Disable Chrome on my mobile.

D. Delete almost all of my online indentity

 

My emotions was at roller coaster. I actually feel void in my life. Games and internet activity was my time killer, rescue center and sense of purpose. Now it's gone. 

 

I dont know what do to forawhile. I have couple of goals:

1. Learn html, css, javascript and jquery

2. I'm overweight so I want to be healtier and stronger thru exercise with my body 

3. Start reading again. I really like Warhammer series so I will start with Horus Rising by Dan Abnett

4. Be more social (I was already on public documentary)

 

So I want to pass thru 90 days challenge. Today is my first day 1/90. Wish me luck.

 

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2/90

 

I had a dream about gaming. Unbelievable! Past year I wasn't heavy gaming user but rather heavy internet user. That's my problem that this thing for me is connected. I read in past one story about walking on another street I will share for us: 

 

“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”

 

So I must leave my current street with its habits and walk for another street. It's that simple but not easy. Today I'm going to think about next steps and habits I want to create. 

 

If you struggle, or you need to talk with someone or you feel lonely I'm here! Feel free to PM me. 

 

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3/90

 

After checking some reddit pages like alcoholism, stopdrinking, stopgaming, addiction and nosurf I realized that I must go on 100% to change my life. 50 or 75 percent is not enough, because you still have gate open to those things you have addicted to. I saw posts where people took their lives man. Lately I saw documentary about heroin where people said that life is boring without drugs. And interesting thing that some people were clean 2 years and still thinking about it. 

 

Yesterday I had pretty normal day but zero energy to do something. I wasn't out with my dog or even for a walk alone. Majority time I spend with my parents, listening music and some internet. I thinking about drawing. This is my little dream to learn how to express myself with it. I don't know what else to write here. I will see what I will do today. I dont need videogames anymore you know. It's only illusion to real life. You press buttons and some things move at screen. And you like this? You want to make this core thing in your life? Are you kidding me? 

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.

 

Update:

I destroyed my last game equipment which I could not sell for a long time. What a relief. Exactly God of War and Xbox 360(main unit) console. It's worth it.

 

 

Edited by katsudo19
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5/90

 

No games and internet just a little bit. I was occupied with family event so there was no time for crap. I started to doubt that is good write journal and be here in community. But maybe is only my brain mechanism to take me where I won't to be. I feel better and I have a lot more energy.  That forum membership help me a lot because keep me informed about others and I'm not alone with problems in life especially with addiction. Is this even possible? Be hooked to gaming and dont realize that you have problem? Yes of course. This is most valuable lesson for us. To achieve something you must lose something. I promise myself to heal and solve my problems. I'm finally doing it. Be strong guys even you are older than me 40s,50s and so on. It's not late for you! I heard stories about fathers who spend their free time playing World of Tanks and dont pay attention to their kids. Please dont be like that! I would throw my pc from window if my crying woman or kids say me that you sitting in front of pc everyday and you dont take kids for a walk. And for those how have younger siblings pay attention to them. Play with them and take them for a walk or to the zoo. Or try help them if they struggle with something. 

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6/90

 

Pretty good day I guess. I was drawing some things or trying to draw is better description 😁. Drawing apple, cat, banana even owl. Is not easy but practice make this perfect. Interesting thing is when I searching tutorials on web and then trying to draw or draw them completely I feel good, like be in flow. I think this drawing thing is very therapeutic. After that I was pretty interested in dj technics. I was looking at dj console, programs and videos on youtube. Pretty interesting thing but I dont know if good for me. I and learning to DJ? AFKM 🤣. So one free day  remains and show must go on. Tomorrow I going to work. 

Edited by katsudo19

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13 hours ago, katsudo19 said:

learning to DJ?

I want to learn DJ as well .I downloaded Music Maker Jam and I noticed putting some random loops together ( it doesnt have to be perfect)  it is way better than listening to music!

Good luck!!

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7/90

I have problems with my car. So that's pretty awesome to my budget oh that irony. Problem with the pump I guess. My boss give me more tasks so I'm happy again 😄. Not the end of the World. Gaming is dead for me. No cravings. But I must still be aware and be careful. The most worries me overweight in number 20 kg above my normal weight. It's snowing AF. More things to do. Where is my shovel? 

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That's great! Oddly enough, since I quit gaming and watching YouTube, I do not have any cravings so whatever. But what I am scared of are relapses and reverting back to my old, bad habits.

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8/90

 

Not much to said. No games or searching for it. I'm little bit nervous because I must go to work often. You can be an average person and still be a hero because of your decision. Nice quote Lea. Today I will sell the last one of my gaming equipment. I'm going to pay attention to myself especially what I want to do. I'm going to relax. 

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9/90

 

I must admit that I have problem with internet overuse. Again but with minimal subjects of interest. I'm not at facebook, twitter, instagram or whatever. I have only this account and email. Its big step I think. But I spend a lot of time in front of the screen on mobile and computer checking stuff that is not important for me. I think that Cam speak about this. I want to entertaint with myself rather than going do thing which is important. I saw video about quit gaming on his channel and that guy there speak only truth. It's not about only quit different things but rather start new better things and start to go into your soul deeper. You can stop playing games and checking internet or whatever for 90 days. But when you do only resist it will not working. You will fall on this pit again. This is my morning thoughts. I drink coffee and thinking about to stop that terrible habits. I'm not lazy. I 'm working in my job and do tasks on 100%. I am responsible for 250 tons of copper every day. But in my free time I'm still that undecided person, which dont go on 100%. At home I do not finish things. Ahh man. You would rather spend your time in front of the screen and staring at imaginary things and mostly be entertained with stupid pictures, youtube videos or shows. Are you fucking me? Or watching girls behind the screen you never ever meet in future. Man you must start growing and do things. You like drawing, listening music even reading books. What the hell are you waiting for? In this life is not miracles or easy things. Yes we all know easy way but. But it end in hell rather in heaven. 

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