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Moe Smith

Moe's Fantasy Writer Journal

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Hey everyone, 

So my name's Moe, I live in Utah, USA. Here's my introduction if you care to read it. 

I've got a couple ideas that I've seen and thought up that I want to include in my journal, but honestly I haven't designed them yet. I'll finish it up in a day or two most likely. But for today I'll free-write. 

I've been gaming for so long, I've only got a couple of memories from before gaming was in my life. Today is my first day off gaming in this program, and I feel pretty good honestly. I'm a bit tired, like I can feel my body lacking its normal high. I have no doubt that playing a game of League of Legends would perk my energy right up and make me feel better, but I know it's a lie that I don't want to indulge. 

I had a pretty good day: I spent most of my time being productive. I filled out some much needed paperwork for Financial Aid at school. I studied the resources on Game Quitters for a couple of hours. I took a walk for about 40 mins and picked up my daughter from school. Then we went to her play practice, and I watched her dance and sing for a couple of hours. Then, we came home, made a bit of dinner, and she stayed at home with her grandma. My wife and I then went to a theatre and watched Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol 2 (Which was AWESOME!).

I've been doing pretty well for my first day with not thinking about gaming. But as my wife and I arrived home after the movie, she said she might have to drive her mom home. I immediately thought of how I could squeeze a game or two in before she got home and before we went to bed. This just proved to me how much I need to get over this affliction. I deleted all my games yesterday, so I don't have access to them right now, but it scared me that I have that reaction still. 

So overall, pretty decent day. I'm new to this, so I'm sure I'll have more painful moments, but today it's a long, tiring, great day. I'm actually hoping tomorrow will be about the same. I don't think it would feel real otherwise. 

Day 1: Complete

Best,

Morgan

 

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So I should clarify why I named my journal, "Moe's Fantasy Writer Journal." I am indeed an amateur fantasy novelist. I've been working on my first novel for about 14 years (inconsistently), and it is a major source of pride and passion for me in my life. As I continue my path down the line of not gaming, I hope to replace much of that time with writing. When I have the time and content, I'll include an excerpt from my book. Hopefully people on these forums will find that kind of fun! It should also motivate me to write a bit more. 

 

So take Day 1 and fast forward eight days and suddenly I'm at Day 9. That's what time has felt like since I made my introduction and my first post, a blur. I've been sick twice, I've been busy with work, I've worked on school projects, I've worked on communication with my wife (that's a constant thing, always improving how we talk to each other), and I've been working on how to improve and re-balance my life. I have not, however, gamed at all. 

If I said I didn't crave to game sometimes, I would be lying. It's still there, the voice that says it's ok is still there tempting me. But that voice doesn't have any power right now. It feels like the scene in Lord of the Rings when Grima Wormtongue is banished from his seat of power in Rohan. As he slinks away, down the stairs, he tries desperately to cling to his the influence he had a few moments ago. But the king is back to his right mind and he will have nothing to do with the conniving snake, thus banishing Grima from the kingdom forever!

Damn that felt good to write. 

I came to an unfortunate realization today, however. That even though I don't have gaming ruining my life, I'm still not at a point where I'm happy or satisfied with myself. It was like I painted gaming as this evil thing in my life that was the root of all my misgivings. Now that it's gone, and I can't blame it, I realize there's a lot of work to do to become the man I want to be. Gaming may have been the cause for a lot of bad things in my life, but it also changed who I am for the worse. Now that the disease is gone, there are plenty of remaining symptoms to treat to recover back to a healthy human. 

So that's what I'm working on currently. My diligence, my hard work, my communication, and my organization.

It's a long climb up to my peak, but at least I am going up. I'm not longer falling down into the darkness. 

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So my name's Moe, I live in Utah, USA. Here's my introduction if you care to read it. 

That's unfortunate about the Jazz ;)

Good to see you have your journal up and running! I know what you mean about you don't have gaming to blame anymore about how things in your life are. My common one was always blaming it for not spending time with friends, not being productive, or not doing chores around the house. Now when I don't do any of that I just get angry at myself because I am to blame - it can be helpful sometimes.

Just don't burn yourself out too quickly, especially when you have been sick. This journey of ours is a marathon, not a sprint!

Edited by giblets

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@giblets Oh I know! It really is awful! It's been so long since they were good enough to get in the playoffs. But I am sure this is the first of many years in a row that it happens. :D 

So I have a confession to make for the future. I'm going to break my streak today. Today is day 20 for myself without games, which is awesome! I tied my longest previous streak as of today. I haven't broken my streak yet, but I do plan to by the end of the day. This might seem awful, and like I'm just giving up, but really I want to start over on my cleanse. There are several reasons for this. 

1. I haven't been utilizing or following any of the material from Respawn. I just started my streak, watched a couple of videos on day 1. Since then I've just been living my life and i haven't committed to using the program yet. That needs to change. 

2. I have been craving games very strongly for a few days in a row now. I know that's part of a detox, but I don't feel like I'm making the progress I need to. I'm on day 20, but I don't feel any different yet. Largely because I'm not committed to what I need to be doing. 

3. I've been substituting my gaming with anime and Netflix. Not to the same degree of hours as I was when I was gaming, but I've still got a mindset that's similar enough to gaming that I know I'm not doing things correctly. Like whenever I have a spare moment, even if I should be working or doing homework, I watch a show instead. Stealing time when I don't have time to give, that sort of thing. 

4. I'm watching porn still, which has been a symbiotic relationship with gaming pretty much for my whole life. I feel like if I keep watching porn, those same triggers are going to be pulling at my gaming tendencies as well. 

5. I'm not being productive like I really want to be, and like I really need to be. 

And I think that's about it for now. But basically overall... I'm going to break the streak tonight. And blatantly acknowledge that it's broken. The 20 days I've put in so far aren't as worthwhile as I think they should have been. There have definitely been a few nice moments, but not enough to feel like I'm 22% done with my cleanse. So instead of pushing through it in a half-assed manner, I'm going to start over and do things the right way.  

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Welcome back Moe! I was wondering yesterday where you had gone and was hoping you hadn't just done a handful of days then given up.

For starters, lets clear something up, I'm a Nets fan, so the fact you got to the playoffs is one up on me! I don't see us getting back to the playoffs anytime soon (enjoy our #1 pick Boston.... sheesh)

I don't think the 20 days are a waste and I don't want you to think that way. I got to 22 days before Easter before I broke. I learnt so much from that though and it put a lot of things in perspective for me, and I think I have been more productive afterwards (though I think this has tapered off lately). I am sure you learnt and achieved or gained something in your 20 days that will make your next attempt better (if you want to attempt it again).

Games aren't bad - its just whether you can keep it to a moderate level. I can't do anything to a moderate level so I will always struggle with it, but your situation might be different. The only way to find out is maybe to experiment with your current break!

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Hello everyone. I've had my fun and now I'm back. Today will be my new start for my re-entrance into the Game Quitter community. I've been playing games since I left, which was about three weeks, which includes today. So today is day zero, tomorrow shall be day one.

Lately I've been realizing that I've become numb as a person. I'm not trying to be Emo here by any means, but what I mean is that I don't feel any emotions these days. I understand when certain emotions are appropriate, and I have thoughts that correspond appropriately with emotions that should be there, but I'm not actually experiencing the feeling of things. There are some exceptions where I do feel a little something. When I hug my wife and I can feel her heartbeat against mine, when I play a board game that's fun and well engineered, when I chaperoned my daughter's school trip to a water park last week. But feeling anything has become the exception, rather than the norm. I want to change that. 

For most of my life, my passion in the things that I do has been the driving force, the fuel that I have used to get things done. Currently, as described above, I have no passion. I'm not excited by the prospects of things, and I have failed, failed, failed, and failed again in my life and my endeavors, while trying to operate without passion. So starting today, I'm going to practice my passion, and get that fuel back inside of me. 

Part of what I think has made me this way is video games, T.V., porn, and the wrong kind of work. These have all been contributors that make me think, or just sit and observe, instead of feel. I'm going to remove all of those aspects, and replace them with things that should invoke passion in me. Writing, exercise, board games, dancing, journaling, and art are a few things that come to mind at the moment. So today, I'm going to start doing some of those items, and hopefully soon I'll get my soulfire back!

Thanks for reading! Cheers!

 

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I feel the same way. When I quit gaming, porn, and soda/fast food, it was if an old bandage had been yanked off. For the first 3 days I was sleepless and crying a lot. I suspect a lot of my emotions was hidden with pus underneath that bandage of.addictions. i think that's what killed my marriage.

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I feel the same way. When I quit gaming, porn, and soda/fast food, it was if an old bandage had been yanked off. For the first 3 days I was sleepless and crying a lot. I suspect a lot of my emotions was hidden with pus underneath that bandage of.addictions. i think that's what killed my marriage.

Yeah that's a pretty good way to put it. I'm trying to make sure that my marriage stays in tact. We're pretty good right now, but I'm trying to ensure forever with my wonderful wife. I'm not sure that forever could happen if I kept gaming the way that I was. Thanks for sharing Mettermrck, it's nice to see posts that let me know I'm not the only one going through this kind of feeling. 


Level Up: Day 1 Game Free

So yesterday, I ended up being quite busy with a lot of family things and didn't get a chance to post. So I'll post for yesterday as well as today.

Typically in the past, when I have quit gaming, I will simply supplant one habit for another. I'll go from gaming, to lots of t.v. shows/Netflix instead, or I'll start binging manga chapters instead, or I'll increase the amount that I watch porn, or sometimes it's all three. This time around, I am not doing any of those. Music is the form of digital media that I'm allowing myself right now, and I'm even limiting the amount that I listen to music as well. I'm making sure that I'm giving myself plenty of quiet time to simply think to myself. So, that's what I'm doing differently this time that's never happened before. Now for the effects. 

For my Day 0, the day I was gaming and decided to stop, I found myself looking for something to do. So I wandered around the house a bit, and reminded myself that I wanted to move some furniture around. Specifically I wanted to put my desk in a new spot that it's never been before. So it would be in a new place, that I have zero memories of gaming in. Same room, just new layout for a fresh start. When I started doing that, I discovered a couple of other projects that I wanted to do in our living room as well. So I started working on those as well. About four hours later, I had to stop to go pickup my daughter and wife from school and work. So after I stopped gaming, I found something to do with myself and it was productive. 

Now for yesterday, Day 1, I had a bit of the same situation happen. My project in the living room wasn't quite finished, so I knew I wanted to keep going on some of that. So I did. By about 12 I was finished with the portion that I wanted to do, and I was ready to do something else with my day. My mind went frantic trying to find suitable ways to pass the time. It kept going back to gaming, t.v., and heavily on watching porn. I continually had to remind myself of why I was doing this, that I was trying to get my emotions back in my life. Eventually I decided to take a nap since I didn't have any plans. My 2 hour nap turned into a 4 hour nap instead. Then I went and picked up my wife, and we went to dinner. 

I was pretty fresh from waking up from a 2/3rd's night sleep for me, so I was a little groggy and cranky. Then when I picked up my wife, I found myself making sharp and nasty remarks all over the place. Things that I saw the opportunity to say, and I just want for it, regardless of what the impact would be. That's not me at all! I'm usually pretty considerate about how I talk to people, especially my wife and especially right now while my wife is going through some personal things on her side as well! What the fuck man?! Why are you saying these things? 

Then I had an epiphany... I'm going through withdrawals!!!!

Never before in my life have I treated gaming, t.v., porn, and alcohol as the same addiction to get over all at once. (FYI, I'm not an alcoholic, I've actually got a very healthy relationship with alcohol and I only have a couple of drinks about one night in every two weeks. I'm removing all things mind-altering in my life right now, so alcohol got included in the package. I don't do drugs or smoke, so there's no reason to group those in here.) Every time I've tried to quit before, I had another vice to fall back on and continually get the dopamine high I needed (@Cam Adair is that the right chemical that gaming/t.v./porn produces?). Now that all of my vices are included in the cold turkey package, I'm finding myself to be irritable for no reason at all. I don't think I've ever actually gone through chemical withdrawals before, but I have to say... I don't like it. 

I'm not going to give up, I'm going to push through and make sure that I'm never dependent on a substance or chemical like this ever again. But for today, it sucks, and I suck. Grrr....

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Level Up: Day 2 Game Free

Today, unlike yesterday, I don't feel like I'm reeling from having nothing to do. Early in the morning I decided that I was going to do some writing today. I haven't done it yet, but I'll start on it after I'm done posting here. I also knew that I wanted to do some more work on the living room project. While I was working on the living room, I had a conversation with our landlord about us moving out of the house in 30 days. So now I have to start looking at some apartments today as well. So writing, living room, apartments. My day filled up pretty quickly I would say, but it's all productive good material to work on. I'm happy about that.

I've already completed (100%) my work on the living room, and it has NEVER looked better :D. I feel like I should feel proud of my accomplishment, but I currently don't. I'm not feeling pissed at myself for wasting my time gaming, so even the lack of self loathing is an improvement on the feeling radar I would say. Hopefully more of this same kind of thing will help improve my emotional response to things. I have proud thoughts about the living room, and I really like how it turned out, I'm just not having an emotional reaction to it at this time. Additionally, I spent 3 partial days working on this project to completion. Previously, it has been very rare for me to finish anything that wasn't gaming related. So the fact that I spent about 12 hours in 72 hours on this project that I felt like doing is awesome. And, I didn't take lazy and unnecessary breaks. I worked on it until I was done with a solid portion for the day, or until I had to leave to do something else. There were no excuses, compromises, or workarounds to the project. I just did it until completion. Sweet :D

I'm going to do some good research on houses, and get my momentum in writing started back up today. If I can do that, plus what I've already accomplished, it will be a good day. A day where I can honestly say that I behaved like a good person and did the things I wanted and needed to do. 

Today I don't feel like I'm going through withdrawals very much. I think my mood is fine, but I've got a little headache and I've been slightly dizzy. Maybe that's because I haven't had much good food or water yet. But hey, it's lunchtime. Let's do that now. As always, thanks for reading!

 

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Hah I thought the same thing about going through withdrawal. I was crying all the time and I thought my future was hell. But then I read that its a gaming withdrawal symptom and that made the difference in bearing it.

   Yes I tend to compensate when I quit and move other areas. I tend to read, listen to podcasts, watch Netflix and TV. I don't feel concerned about any of these as long as I don't feel like I'm binging.

Edited by Mettermrck

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@Mettermrck Oh wow, I didn't know there were specifically called out symptoms of gaming withdrawal. Do you happen to have a link to anything like that so I could read up on them and prep myself? 

 

Level Up: Day 2 Exercise - Why do I game?

So this is something I've thought about over the years, and Cam's "4 reasons why you game" are pretty accurate to what I've thought of before. So today I'll go into some detail in my biggest reasons for gaming. 

1: Temporary Escape: This one has been HUGE for me. I definitely use gaming as an escape to get rid of stresses. It doesn't help me to fix anything, but when I've got taxes to file, bills to pay, homework to do, a kitchen to clean, etc., etc., gaming helps me to forget. In gaming, I don't have to be a freaking stressball, I can just be a character trying to accomplish something. All the other pieces kind of fade away and they're not important at that time. When I can't handle the factors in my life, I would turn to games.  

I find that whenever I'm without games, I'm forced to handle the things in my life that stress me out. And when I do, I realize that it doesn't take a ton of effort to take care of these needs and get them off my plate completely. 

2: Social Interaction: The social aspect of gaming is certainly strong with me too. A few years ago, I moved back east to New Hampshire for a summer. When I was out there I was working in a Bed & Breakfast inn and I was busting my ass every day. I woke up at about 6:30 to work as a breakfast cook, then I helped with reservations in the office, then I would have a break for a couple hours, then I was the lead server & wine manager for the evening dinner scene. I would get off work around 10-11 every night and play games with my friends back in Utah and Arizona. That time gaming online was about 90% of non-work related social interaction for those 6 months that I was out there. I made some really good friends during that time, and it helped me close the gap and not feel so isolated across the country. 

There are other examples for me as well. I used the president of a League of Legends club, and I was even on a school sponsored team that went around and did a few local tournaments. I also used to have a standing Saturday play session for a bunch of older gamers (26-42 years old) where we could jam with others like us and not feel bad about our skill levels being a lower than 18 year old pros. I've had LAN parties, tournaments, mini gaming cons, and many other events that were socially related. 

As I'm not using games, I'm finding that if I can't do other things with these friends besides gaming, that they're not the kind of friends that I want to be around anyways. Friends who are willing to meet in person, go dancing with, go on hikes, play board games, etc., are the friends that I actually like having around. 

3: Constant Measurable Growth: I've always found numbers, math, and statistics to be highly entertaining. So having games that spit out statistics for me is always highly motivating. Match that up with my tendency in games to be a collector and a completionist, and I fight tooth and nail to get those numbers to improve. 

I'm hoping that I can use this same mentality and start tracking real world statistics for myself, and that I'll be just as fierce in trying to accomplish those as I used to in games. 

4: Challenge: When I'm not escaping the stress related challenges in my life, I do love being tested. I want to prove myself to the world. It's really simple for me to look at these games that have a very clear laid out path of how to get from Point A to Point B, and do the steps to make progress towards a certain goal. That tends to blend itself with the measurable growth category above.

My most poisonous game in my life has been League of Legends, which is a PVP game. I absolutely loved going up against an opposing team and crushing them because I read the map better, I chose better items, I made a better play, or my game mechanics were sharper. Additionally, I felt wrath when I got stomped on, and I wanted to be the one to do it to them instead. I climbed up to a place where I was within about the top 8% of all players in the world and I was damned proud of that. Eventually I lost the will to go any higher because I knew to dedicate myself to the game that much, would come at too high of a cost to the rest of my life. 

I'm hoping that I can give myself productive challenges in my life and I can use those as a trail of breadcrumbs to see where I've come from. Also, I want to pick up basketball again. That will count as my PVP ;)

5: Worlds & Lore: So this one might be counted as a subcategory of Temporary Escape, but for me it's so strong that I have to state it separately. As stated in the name of this journal, I'm a writer. I'm working on a book, have been for a while. As a writer, I gush and ooze when I find a great story, with an amazing world, dynamic characters, and seemingly unconquerable obstacles that the heroes have to move through. Games are one of the absolutely best mediums for storytelling that has ever existed. You can see what the writers want you to see, because they have influence on how the 3D models turn out. You get to make decision in the story instead of being told what events happen. You can use your dexterous fingers to make split second changes while in a battle to see who comes out on top. Games are absolutely phenomenal for roping in someone's heart into a new environment that they wouldn't be able to experience otherwise. 

There are times I play a game or series just because I like the humor, the lore, the world, the characters, the villain, and many other reasons. To be honest, I'm hoping that someday I'll get myself to a place where I have a safe, and healthy relationship with gaming, so that I can still experience this mindblowing medium for storytelling. That day is a long long long way off before I'll trust myself again, but I do hope it comes to that. ... maybe it will be like how I treat alcohol. I drink for taste and social enjoyment. Maybe someday I can game for stories and social enjoyment. If a drink doesn't provide me with a liquid gourmet experience, I don't drink it. If a game doesn't supply me with a digital storytelling experience, I don't play it. 

I've never thought about that before, but it's worth pondering I think. 

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Here's a list I found on computer games anonymous for withdrawal symptoms. I had a lot of these especially because I'm simultaneously quitting other addictions so I really had no crutch. I'm a big time "worlds and lore" person btw.

Here are some that are common:

  • A feeling of emptiness, sadness, and/or loneliness
  • Depression
  • Lack of motivation/direction; life seems flat
  • Lack of interest in most of life’s activities, whether work or play
  • Difficulty with focus, concentration and completing complex tasks
  • Irritability or restlessness
  • Desperate attempts to rationalize a return to gaming
  • Anxiety
  • Uncontrollable or variable feelings and mood swings
  • Difficulty with social interactions and facing obligations
  • Sleep changes: much more sleep or sleeplessness
  • Feeling intensely drawn to other electronic entertainment
  • Obsessive thoughts about in-game friends
  • Fantasies and dreams about the game, or about being in the game
  • Restless, unfulfilling, taunting dreams
  • Crying
  • Headaches
  • Impatience and angry outbursts
  • Nausea

 

Edited by Mettermrck

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Oh man, a crazy couple of days have just flown by. I'll try to be brief (mostly because I just woke up and only have 4 hours of sleep). 

Level Up: Day 3 Game Free

On Thursday I had decided to work on my book. Several things happened in the day that I prioritized for instead.  However, I spent almost all day on Friday working on my book! I haven't developed anything new for my book since I got fired from my job in late January this year... holy shit that's five months. I woke up with my family, did the morning routine, dropped my wife off at work and my daughter off at a water park with her gymnastics class. Then I came home and started crunching numbers for the sports system that I'm creating for my book. Before I knew it, it was 5 p.m. and I had to go pick up my darling wife from work, who was having a hard day. I took a quick lunch break, and read the latest chapter of a few mangas, but besides that, there weren't really any gaps in my work. I threw 7 hours at working on my book like it was nothing! Holy cow that's awesome! :D I even created a decently complex Excel document to help me keep track of sample data I needed to generate to verify that my scoring system was working. 

Then my wife and I snuggled, talked about our growing daughter, and played board games with each other for the rest of the night. She went to bed around 10:30 I think, and I stayed up for about an hours afterwords reading a manga. But overall, it was a really good day. 

Level Up: Day 4 Game Free

Behold my day of madness! Mwahahahahaha! Lol... Not that kind of madness. Yesterday was my daughter's birthday! My wife and I woke up, we probably cleaned the house a tiny bit, and maybe even played a board game together, I'm not sure. I can't really remember the morning. But! We made a plan for things that needed to happen before 3 when her party started. We left the house, and WE WERE THE SHIT! We did so well on our time estimations and we went around to everywhere we needed to go in order to make an awesome party for our little girl happen. And it was awesome :D Not as many of her friends had shown up as we had RSVP's for, but that was totally the only thing that went wrong. 

There was sidewalk painting, frisbees, playgrounds, ice cream cakes, wonderful presents, dance parties, healthy delicious snacks, fun decorations, sprinkle hats, feeding of ducks, and great conversation among the parents. It was just excellent. Then, our daughter went home with her bio dad.

After that, we went home as well and cleaned up a little bit, got a melty cake into the freezer, and kicked our feet up for a bit. It was wonderful! After recovering/snacking for a bit, we started to play a new house-rule version of Lord of the Rings Deck Building (Fellowship of the Ring version). The game is not a cooperative game by default, but we love co-ops, and we've mastered the competitive side of that game. So we're modifying the rules to allow for a team version that you play against the game. We played a couple of times, came to the last boss before we lost, and the second time we only made it to the 3rd boss out of 13. Haha. So then we pulled out all the bosses and modified the order the come in for the co-op, since the gameplay is highly different. 

After that, we went out dancing with a friend who happens to share a birthday with our daughter. The DJ played the most amazingly perfect set of music that we've ever heard at the club, and it was epic! Incredibly tiring because we didn't have a chance to take a breather anywhere, but it was so much fun. Sang "Happy Birthday" for the second time of the day, had cake, kept dancing until 2, then talked in the parking lot with some friends for another 2 hours almost. Then came home... we were passed out with in 5 minutes of touching the door to our house. 

Day of madness, but it was a great day! :D And today is Father's Day with a lot of family activities planned. This should also be a good fun day. Haha. 

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Great job, Moe! You are pouring your excess time and energy from gaming into your own passions - your book and your family. This is well deserved on Father's Day. You should be proud.

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Level Up: Game Free Day 7

So I am feeling a little lazy today for several different reasons. I won't post about Days 5 and 6, but they happened, and they were decent days. Father's Day was actually pretty great. Lots of family, and my wife got me a gravy boat as a gift :D She's so sweet! (It might sound odd, but I'm a foodie and a home chef, so it was a great gift!)

Part of the reason that I decided to remove all of my vices at the same time, was for discipline, and the other part was because I thought they were all holding me back emotionally. I wasn't feeling anything. A week in without my vices, of being productive, and more engaged with my family, and I still feel nearly nothing. I was hoping for some better results, but perhaps it just hasn't been enough time yet. I'm struggling with temptations to game, to watch porn, to binge on T.V., and I'm not sure if it's getting easier or harder to deal with. Today is a rough one. hopefully I'll see my desired improvement soon. 

 

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I know what you mean, Moe. My life hasn't gotten magically better when I withdrew the gaming, porn, and fast food. What I think it does is strip away my masks hiding me from my real problems. I still have to do the work but at least I know what I have to work on.

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I know what you mean, Moe. My life hasn't gotten magically better when I withdrew the gaming, porn, and fast food. What I think it does is strip away my masks hiding me from my real problems. I still have to do the work but at least I know what I have to work on.

Here here man. Since I don't have my masks anymore, I feel like I'm kind of a blank slate. That is both terrifying and exciting! Since there's nothing there, I'm having to re-engineer my personality and create foundations for the rest of myself to be built on. That's the scary part. But the part that makes me eager is the part where I get to create myself as I see fit without exterior influences that I was unaware of when I did this growing up naturally. 

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Level Up: Game Free Day 9

Today... is good :D I started off the day thinking I would go to my university and start getting in the mindset for Monday when my classes start. Instead, I took a tour of a new building on a nearby campus that's all about entrepreneurship. IT WAS AWESOME! So freaking cool to finally see this building that I've been looking forward to for years. It was everything that I had expected from following it and more! I didn't even know I was going to go, but my wife told me that it's what they were doing for her work before their board meeting. No clue she was going, but last second I drove her to work and piggy backed on the tour. It was absolutely wonderful. I FELT awake and excited for the first time in a very long time. 

My god, it was so nice to actually feel something again. I think part of it was because it was something I was really interested in, but also the fact that it was in the morning, with other people I knew and respected, and I didn't lie to myself about what was exciting to me. I started making some great scenarios in my head when the tour lady said "designers". I threw up about 6 different scenarios in my head of how I might be able to integrate myself into this entrepreneurial process. 

Later, when I got home. I worked on the conceptual design for a multi-peace art project I'm working on, took a nap, called a friend, set up a volunteer opportunity for myself in the weekend, and I took a run! I haven't exercised in months, but it was very nice, and my body feels great now. Now lunch and this forum. Later make a few phone calls for adulting (boo adulting), later later looking at apartments to move to and hopefully make some appointments for my family to see them tonight.

Overall, seems like a pretty kick ass day to me! WOOOO!!!!! First breakthrough, HELL YEAH!

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Lol. I'm trying. Finally starting to see some results. I'm starting to get an inkling that I can't feel things on my own. I have to get out of the house, and be near other people to feel. Maybe that's because my real passion is working with others... That has a ring of truth to it for me. 

 

In an unrelated topic, I read @Cam Adair's instructions on an accountability partner and made a couple of posts to people who were looking for someone. In Cam's post, he said that accountability partners were supposed to help others not play video games. When I read that it was like I got hit in the face. This is all about quitting video games, but the last couple of days haven't been that at all for me, it's been about just improving my life in every way I can. Video Games was like an old and out of date topic in my head. That was a pretty awesome moment :D 

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I finally got around to making my list of activities from the video for day #2. Here it is... subject to change :)

Active: Swimming, Running, Calisthenics, Dancing, Hiking, Camping
Resting: Reading, Board Games, Meditation, Yard Work
Creative: Visual Art, Writing, Cooking, Learning Saxaphone
Social: Dancing, Writing Group, Farmer's Market
Skill: Technology/Business University, Duolingo, 

Bonus: Part-time job (looking next week)

 

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Level Up: Game Free Day 10

So yesterday I had something happen that was pretty great. A representative from my university called me, and she told me that there was a Student Progress Board within the school that had deliberated and they wanted me to take a leave of absence and return to school in 3 months from now for the new quarter. She was basing this on some past performance of mine. They were completely right to make that call in my own opinion. Last quarter I was a shit student, and there's not other way to describe it. 

I let her explain what was happening and why they made those decisions, then I asked her if I could appeal the decision. Initially she said no, then I told her why. I told her that I was in Cam's program (she's familiar with it), and that in addition to gaming I had also removed all the other vices from my life as well. I was also able to tell her about the results I was already having on day 9, and that they were HUGE! 

It felt fucking awesome to stand up for myself because I just knew I was a better person than the one they saw last quarter. After explaining what was going on, she granted me the option to make my appeal. She said I had to write an appeal essay for why I felt I was ready to come back to school, what's different from my past struggles, and why I think the current program I'm in was still a correct fit. She said I had to have it turned into her by 4 p.m. and she apologized for the short amount of time. I told her it was no problem and that I'd get it done. And I meant it! Here I was, with an impromptu assignment for school, with less than 24 hours to complete it, and I was good with that. Also, for the record, I finished that essay about 30 minutes ago, 3 hours before my deadline :D. I'm here on Game Quitters for my break between writing and editing sessions. In a few minutes, I'll get back to it, make sure the essay is as good as it can possible be, then submit it early and go the University to see her in person and hand deliver the essay. 

So yeah, kind of a shitty situation, she's asking me to leave and delay my graduation even further than it already is, but I wrote a damned good essay in my opinion, and even if I don't get back in, I'll just have a ton more to show them in 3 months from now. But I like my chances ;) 

A big thanks and shoutout to @Cam Adair for providing me with the information I needed to start making changes to my life. 

 

Oh also, I made a new post explaining why I chose to quit everything in the general discussion area. I'm hoping some people who were struggling like I did check it out and use it for themselves if they need that sort of help. Check it out here if you want to: https://forum.gamequitters.com/topic/4225-quit-it-all-gaming-wasnt-enough/ 

Edited by Moe Smith

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