Jump to content

NEW INTERVIEW: Porn is destroying a generation... one erection at a time! w/ Gabe Deem

Sign in to follow this  
Suritus

Matt's Journal

Recommended Posts

Rest is necessary. Learning to listen to your body when you need a rest will make a big difference in your ability to make consistent progress over time. 

Very true. Our performance is like a sine wave, it doesn't stay constant but goes up and down regularly.

Days 65 and 66

Good days. I'm starting to feel like I'm getting over video games. There is a game that's coming out soon, or maybe it already came out, and even though I followed it for a long time, I don't feel like playing it at all. There's no point to it. This is also related to porn, since I stopped watching it quite naturally, without even thinking about it much. I feel in control of my life, and in tune with my emotions. This is mostly good, but I've been also feeling quite lonely in the past few nights. I'm starting to be comfortable with it though. Meditation helps, as does giving myself the permission to rest. 

Right now, I feel like there is so much work to be done, and that there are not enough hours in a day. I want to go to the gym, to study, to read, to go out with friends, to write, to program, etc. and I feel that I don't have enough mental energy/time to do all of these. On the other side, I'd rather have too much to do than too little, so now it's just a matter of finding the balance.

In terms of what I did the past two days, there isn't that much to report. I went to the social on Thursday which was interesting. There was this girl and we talked for a while. It came quite naturally to me, something that a couple of months would be almost unimaginable :D. I still struggle a little in larger groups, but practice will help with that. I'm also talking more to the girl from my math class, but she's rather reclusive, so I don't want to be too forward. 

What I've learned: Relax and again, don't overthink. As Cam said, listen to your body and shift your posture so that you get into the frame of mind you want. The body and the mind are closely connected and one follows the other.

Thanks for reading :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Days 67 and 68

These were okay. I got a lot of work done over the weekend, which I'm proud of. I'm starting to get a feel for a balance between work and play. However, this week I felt rather lonely at times, and the days felt rather uneventful. I was in the library both days for long periods of time, on Saturday went out with a couple of friends and today I went to the gym and read. I've also thought about games here and there, and I attribute this to the long, rather boring days. I think I'm not allowing myself enough rest, or not enough truly 'resting' rest, if that makes sense, and then my mind protests and starts to browse Facebook. For next week, I'm going to be proactive in scheduling time off, whether with friends or alone.

To look for the positives, I really enjoyed our Saturday night out, because it felt deserved after a long week. We also had rather nice weather in the past couple of days, which counts twice, because it's the UK :D

It's also the end of February. I feel a little stressed about that, because we're getting closer to the end of the semester. I'd really like time to go slower :D

What I've learned: Be more mindful of your rest - trying to 'work' all the time is not a good way to go about your days. Try to work smarter, not longer.

Thanks for reading :) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Days 69 and 70

Wow. It's been 70 days. I stopped paying attention after a while but the numbers keep growing.

I've had my final therapy session on Monday. The therapist congratulated me, saying that I've come a long way, and I agree with her. We can easily lose track of the big picture, because we live in a day to day reality. This article goes in depth about that. But even in my day to day reality, I realized I'm more confident, strike up conversations more easily, smile more and generally enjoy being around others a lot more. I still have a long road ahead, but I feel well-equipped to go forward :) 

One thing that eludes me, however, is cravings. In the past few days, I had a lot of cravings and watched youtube videos on games, but I don't really know why. One thing is less structured time, as my assignments are less demanding these few days, and I don't go out as much as I'd want. I didn't go all out and spent hours on it, but it's something that surprised me. I'm going to structure my time again to avoid something like this in the future.

It's also the beginning of March. Time flies so fast :( Honestly, this year I'd rather have longer university and shorter holidays, just because I met so many new people. It's going to be a challenge staying productive over the summer. But I'm getting ahead of myself :D 

Anyway. I've read Models by Mark Manson, since he's one of my favorite writers. The book blew me away. Once you read it, you realize how much you can work on yourself :D It applies to a lot of areas in your life as well, which is why the book is so great, and Mark has a great writing style. Recommended!

What I've learned: If you keep being focused on your goal, it will start becoming a reality. Don't lose focus too early, because the habit is not yet formed. Give yourself time.

Thanks for reading :) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

avorite writers. The book blew me away. Once you read it, you realize how much you can work on yourself

:D

 It applies to a lot of areas in your life as well, which is why the book is so great, and Mark has a great writing style. Recommended!

I am reading it right now and can only agree. I like his way of thinking and writing . I don't even use it as "dating" book, because i am happily married but i think it will help me with some problems in my relationship and with people around me. But if you want to use it that way Iand you implement the things he talks about in your life you will be for sure more sucessful with woman.  Best book i read in a while.

What is our fokus of improvement right now? I try to get my study fokus down and figure out what i want to do after university.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

...

I don't even use it as "dating" book, because i am happily married but i think it will help me with some problems in my relationship and with people around me.

What is our fokus of improvement right now? I try to get my study fokus down and figure out what i want to do after university.

Hey,

Yeah, the book is definitely not only about dating, but also about being assertive, confident and happy with your life, which I think all of us want :) I think in this sense it's similar to Gorilla Mindset, which was really good as well.

My focus? Probably finding the balance between uni, friends, growth and rest. Being focused while studying is definitely really key, and something I also need to work on. After all, it's a fight against yourself, which makes it so hard. I think studying in a field which gives you a lot of options makes deciding what you want to do after uni easier, because you can find work, and if you don't like it, switch without big costs. I'm also blessed with the fact that I don't pay for my university, so I won't be in debt by the time I finish :) 

 

Edited by Suritus

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Days 71,72,73

I think I've skipped three days, so I'm not too keen on the daily details, but I hope that's okay. 

I've been out a lot in the past few days and I'm glad I had the opportunity. it's interfered a little with my studying, but I'm still looking for the balance, and I feel that I'm learning how to balance things out. It's probably something that will never be perfect, and I'll have to decide on which side of the fence do I want to stay for a while. 

I've been to an event on research in mathematics, realizing this is probably not something I'd like to do. However, I'm a little anxious about my summer, because I have nothing to do. I should probably look for some events.

I've also (today) been to a hike trip to some nearby hills. Scotland has a lot of these and we had good weather, so we were able to hike for a long time. I'm quite sore though :D It was great to get out of the city for a change :) 

What I've learned: Go to bed ASAP after going out. You're not doing anything productive, might as well go to sleep

Thanks for reading :) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Love hiking.

I think hiking is great in that you have to work for your reward, which makes the reward so much greater :)

Days 74 and 75

Sunday was great. I got a lot of work done for school, went to the gym and generally caught up with everything I had missed on Saturday. I've realized that after a while, work becomes more fun than play, because work makes you better :)

Monday was amazing. I've had more conversations during the day than I had ever before, and it felt incredibly gratifying. I've also studied well without distractions, something that I still have to celebrate :D 

In the evening I got distracted and spent an hour watching youtube videos on video games. I don't want to play, but somehow, my brain still wants to be in that loop of rewards. It's fascinating, but also frustrating, as you can imagine. However, I'm looking at the bright side, and the bright side is the 23 remaining hours of the day :)

We have only three weeks of university left :( I seriously don't want it to end. I really like the structure, and feel that it will be difficult to maintain that over the summer break. I'll need to think of some kind of schedule for myself, so that I do something over the summer.

What I've learned: You can't have it all. Decide which sort of discomfort you want, whether it's pain of not doing something, or the pain of doing it.

Thanks for reading :) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Days 76 77 78

I'm getting bad at updating this journal :( but to be honest, I have other daily practices that I follow, so I'm not sure how important the journaling is compared to those. However, I have been experiencing cravings and thoughts about games recently, and less journaling might be a reason for that. 

I've been out quite a few times this week. I'm feeling really good about that, but I also look forward for the weekend when I'll be able to do my own work. One challenge I have right now is being alone with myself late at night, because that is the time when I slide into my old habits the easiest. I've brainstormed a few ways how to deal with those, and the most important thing is not turning on the computer :D 

I'm going to focus on my studying in the next two weeks, since it's the last two weeks of the semester, and then we have a month long break. I'm going to visit a few friends/places, so I'm looking forward to it :) 

Other than that, there's not much else to say. I've been practicing going first in interactions, opening up and talking to people, but it goes against years of my habits, so it isn't easy. However, I feel good about where I am right now, it's just a matter of slowly going forward. :) 

That would be all today :) 

What I've learned: from Tim Ferriss' podcast: when you want to improve something, play the 'why' game. For a behavior, ask why until you get to the root of it and work on that. Everything else will follow.

Thanks for reading :) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Keep working at opening up in your interactions. It takes time but it's worth it. 7 years later my social skills are much better, but it's happened one interaction at a time. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Days 79 and 80

These days weren't as good as before. I was mostly in the library, doing homework, programming and reading. It's been harder to stay disciplined for some reason, and I'm not too happy about that. This is going to be my focus for the next week, because I don't feel good about wasting time. I'm reading a book on discipline, called Spartan up, and while a half of it is a sell for the author's Spartan races, there are some takeaways to remember as well.

In other news, I've talked to my mom and she said she'd like to come to visit me after university ends, so I'm looking forward to that! I'll show her all my favorite spots in the city, which at the moment are the library and gym :D 

It's been warmer here the past few days, which is awesome! Spring break is also fast approaching, which I'm also looking forward to. There are flowers everywhere, birds are singing, perfect time to be outside. If only university wasn't in the way :D 

What I've learned: If you anticipate something, act on that belief. If you know that you're not going to be productive at home, account for that. We all have our mental biases which can sometimes lead us to expect everything, while reality might not be so bright. In some cases, it is better to be realistic to avoid inflated expectations and feelings of unworthiness. At the same time, push yourself a little bit each day. It's the only way you win the battle against yourself.

Thanks for reading :) 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In other news, I've talked to my mom and she said she'd like to come to visit me after university ends, so I'm looking forward to that! I'll show her all my favorite spots in the city, which at the moment are the library and gym :D 

Good excuse to find some new spots! ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Good excuse to find some new spots! ;)

Haha, true :) I was half-joking when I posted that, but you're right :) 

Days 81 82 83

Another longer streak of inactivity, but I like these pauses, because I can accumulate points to talk about. 

I've been through a mini-relapse yesterday. I call it a mini-relapse, since it took in total 2 hours. I've reminded myself how connected all negative habits truly are, since what led to it was a lack of meditation, a lapse of my diet (chocolate cake is good, but not in the long term :P) and procrastination in general. I'm obviously not happy about relapsing, but every time it happens, I feel it's more and more hollow and less of an overwhelming experience, so I'm glad for progress on this front. Also, it's becoming more and more of an exception than a reality, and tracking helps with evaluating this. All and all, I feel good, although I have to remember just how slippery the slope of climbing from addiction is, and how easy it is to slide back. This is especially important once the summer starts, and external obligations will have less of an influence. This is something I've historically was not good at, but for this summer I have a plan which I'll work on externalizing and posting around the flat, so that it's easier to follow :) 

I've finished spartan up, and I didn't consider it that good of a book to be honest. Part of it was because I felt like the author was preaching to the choir, part of it was just a lack of organization. If you're like me and read too many books, it helps to screen your books a little, so that you're not reading the same thing over and over again :) 

My lectures are mostly over, so I'm starting to spend time revising for the exams. This is also harder because I have to be more disciplined from within, as there is less and less time when I'm penalized for not doing something. I have a schedule though, so I'll be fine :)

What I've learned? Screen your books more. Also, the part about the slippery slope. It's all very connected.

Thanks for reading :) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 Days 81 82 83

Another longer streak of inactivity, but I like these pauses, because I can accumulate points to talk about. 

I've been through a mini-relapse yesterday. I call it a mini-relapse, since it took in total 2 hours. I've reminded myself how connected all negative habits truly are, since what led to it was a lack of meditation, a lapse of my diet (chocolate cake is good, but not in the long term :P) and procrastination in general. I'm obviously not happy about relapsing, but every time it happens, I feel it's more and more hollow and less of an overwhelming experience, so I'm glad for progress on this front. Also, it's becoming more and more of an exception than a reality, and tracking helps with evaluating this. All and all, I feel good, although I have to remember just how slippery the slope of climbing from addiction is, and how easy it is to slide back. This is especially important once the summer starts, and external obligations will have less of an influence. This is something I've historically was not good at, but for this summer I have a plan which I'll work on externalizing and posting around the flat, so that it's easier to follow :) 

I've finished spartan up, and I didn't consider it that good of a book to be honest. Part of it was because I felt like the author was preaching to the choir, part of it was just a lack of organization. If you're like me and read too many books, it helps to screen your books a little, so that you're not reading the same thing over and over again :) 

My lectures are mostly over, so I'm starting to spend time revising for the exams. This is also harder because I have to be more disciplined from within, as there is less and less time when I'm penalized for not doing something. I have a schedule though, so I'll be fine :)

What I've learned? Screen your books more. Also, the part about the slippery slope. It's all very connected.

Thanks for reading :) 

Hey Matt, I can totally relate to the slippery slope with the negative habits. I made great progress with my sleeping pattern, turning all electronics off at 10:30 every night, but I allowed my negative habits to creep back in, and before I knew it, I wasn't turning electronics off until 11-11:30, if not later. It's a small margin, but for me, every minute counts when it comes to sleep xD

Like you said, it's good to remind ourselves of this on a regular basis.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Days 84 85 86

I'll admit these days were not so good. I have underestimated what a small lapse can do and this led to a few more similar ones. It all felt really bizarre, as I wasn't enjoying myself at all, but I suppose my brain didn't notice. I'm happy about not enjoying myself, but also confused, because I still can't trust my brain when it comes to this. At least I know what caused this - negative momentum, being around people who played games, lack of meditation, bad sleep. I'll be on the look out next time these factors come together. :) 

I've been on a St. Patrick's day party on Thursday, and it was great! I'm gonna miss my friends over the summer. This is actually the summer I'm looking forward to the least. I'm looking it as a big test, because I'll be self-responsible most of the time, as I'll be away from my parents, without a girlfriend who'd influence my decisions and with friends still in school. It's not going to be easy :| 

Next week our spring break starts. I'm excited about that, because I'll be travelling a bit, which I love. After that is studying time. My first exam is on Monday 5 weeks from now, so plenty of time :) 

What I've learned: Sleep is important. Even one-two hours off is noticeable and influences your decisions. Behave accordingly.

Thanks for reading :) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sleep!  Yes, very important.  My mind plays games with my reasoning if I have a bad sleep.  Worst part is not being able to function at my work due to lack of sleep.  Glad you recovered from your small lapse.  It's okay.  Keep moving forward!  It's good that you learned what might have triggered the relapse.  It's all part of the journey in discovering what works and what doesn't work for you. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll admit these days were not so good. I have underestimated what a small lapse can do and this led to a few more similar ones.

The Slight Edge works both ways. :o 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll admit these days were not so good. I have underestimated what a small lapse can do and this led to a few more similar ones.

The Slight Edge works both ways. :o 

That's true. It's also easy to forget :) 

Sleep!  Yes, very important.  My mind plays games with my reasoning if I have a bad sleep.  Worst part is not being able to function at my work due to lack of sleep.  Glad you recovered from your small lapse.  It's okay.  Keep moving forward!  It's good that you learned what might have triggered the relapse.  It's all part of the journey in discovering what works and what doesn't work for you. 

Thanks for the kind words :) 

Days 87 88 89

The number is slowly getting bigger! It doesn't mean much, but it's a useful reminder that time goes forward, whether we want it to or not. 

I'm going to try and post updates more often, since I discovered a correlation between missing my journal entries and propensity to relapse :D

I've been to a party on Sunday. It started at 8, I've arrived at 8:30 and was the first one there :D I've talked to some interesting people and realized I need to go out more :D There was a lot of people from Slovakia and we listened to Slovak music, much to everyone else's annoyance.

This is also the last week of university which means finishing assignments and studying for the exams. I'm going to miss my maths class, but then I'm going to see a lot of them next year as well.

I have an event today and tomorrow, which I'm both super excited about :) It's not been a very good week last week, but that has passed now :)

What I've learned: Be a better friend. It'll improve lives of everyone around you.

Thanks for reading :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Days 90 and 91

I've been to the events, and have mixed feelings. It involved mostly drinking, which I'm not a huge fan of. Nevertheless, I met some new people, so there's a silver lining to that. 

I'm a little bit lost at the moment, since university ended and the exams are still far. I'm going to go to the library and do at least a little bit every day though, so that once the exams get closer I'm not hit like a truck. There is a lot of stuff to get through, so I have to pace myself.

It's been a quite uneventful week apart from the events I've mentioned. On monday, I'm going to a philosophy conference, so I'm looking forward to that. Hopefully it will be worth talking about in detail :)

What I've learned: Be aware of the opportunity costs of everything you do. Treat your time well

Thanks for reading :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Booya! Add yourself to the list of those who completed 90 days.

Woo! Will do, once I formulate a cohesive large-scale post :)

I'm going to stop using and start using dates as a way to mark my posts. It's easier to track :D 

The past few days were really good, mostly because I spent very little time on the computer. I was out in St. Andrews for a conference on Effective Altruism, a cause I really support. We had a great time, especially since it was sunny, something not seen often in the UK. The conference got me thinking about the future a lot, and it was extremely mentally stimulating. I also bought a few books, which I should stop doing, because my back log is growing :D Better books than games though. I remember when I had at least 10 games planned on my backlog, and how I wanted to complete them all. It seems silly in retrospect, or rather pointless. I'm glad I didn't finish that backlog.

I'm going to dig into my notes from Respawn again, maybe even rewatch some of the modules/videos, because I feel like I need it. I haven't relapsed recently, but I have more time than I'm used to, and it's easy to go on Youtube and watch game videos, especially late at night when I should be going to bed. I'm starting to get the summer syndrome and it's not even April yet. 

What I've learned: This is something I read a while back and was in the context of losing weight, but I think it applies here as well. One reason people fail on their diets is that once they slip up a little, they say 'screw it' and just go ballistic. I feel like I fell into the same trap with games as well in the recent past and it's a fallacy that can be overcome.

Thanks for reading :) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm working on potentially hosting an event for Game Quitters in Europe sometime soon. Keep you posted :D

Wow!!! If it's in summer I could see if I'd be able to get a flight to the meet! :ph34r:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...