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Brad_Hurst

It's time to quit!

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Hey Guys, Brad here.

I've just turned 19 years old and to be honest, I feel like I have zero experience in life compared to others my age.

I've been playing video games from quite a young age. Starting off with a gameboy then a ps1, ps2, ps3 and then finally computers... From like ages 4-12 I wasn't too bad. I had quite a large group of friends and did a fair amount of stuff with them from what I can remember.. I've always been a very competitive person and through-out school better than average at most of the sports I played. It was like this when it came to gaming too, when I was around 13 pretty much all of my friends had ps3's and we all owned CoD4. I was better than most of my friends and usually got the reputation of 'The guy to beat'. This continued on to Mw2 where again we were all sweating out the game, but we still did alot of stuff together in real life too.

My real problem started when I discovered you could play games on computers. It started out on minecraft with my best friend, and we'd spend all day just building stuff and getting creative and fighting off our others friends who tried to destroy our stuff. It was great at the time but I was playing on my mums computer and it was so slow to play on. This lead to me saving up all my money and getting my own laptop. And oh man my life just went down hill at the point BUT I never really realized the impact it was having.

I downloaded an old favorite from my ps2 days, GTA San Andreas. I got it on my laptop and found a roleplay server where I could play with 500+ other people. I became so addicted to this server that i'd spend literally all weekend playing it. Waking up at 10AM and playing through till 4AM the next day. Rinse and repeat until school, as soon as school finished i'd play until late. I was playing with my best friend too at the start. After a while he started to get bored so I went at it alone and racked up so many hours on the game. I believe my total hours on that game alone was like 2600 hours or something.

The server began to die out and I found out about League Of Legends. And I began playing this all day, getting pretty good at it, then CSGO, then Rocket league and then Overwatch.

As you can see all of these games were competitive and I just wanted to be the best at all of them which led me to pouring in so many hours. Even the roleplay server was competitive because I was part of a racing faction.

 

So the reason I now feel like I have zero experience in life, well mainly is because I've never had a girlfriend. Never been with a girl, never kissed a girl other than a friendly peck on the cheek from a drunk girl lol. My social skills also suck, but if you actually came across me in real life you probably wouldn't think I suck at socializing at first due to my posture and the way I present myself. I can speak quite confidently when in a serious conversation or in 1 on 1 situations but put me in a group of people and i'll hardly say a word.

I feel that this is due to me gaming and secluding myself from the real world meaning I don't have much to talk about because I just don't know much about the world. I also feel like I just have no real skills in life, I mean I can still play sports to a pretty good standard but nothing amazing like I could have done if I practiced sports like I did my gaming.

SO, I have decided to quit gaming for good as there is so much more for me to experience compared to sitting in my bedroom all day playing video games.

To be honest, I'm no where near as bad as I was a year ago. I now have a job, working as a CAD designer at Triumph Motorcycles for the past 6 months. And I have been hitting the gym at least 3 times a week for the past 6 months too. But I still game so much and when I look at my facebook and instagram and see all my old friends with their girlfriends and stuff it really depresses me. I always say i'm going to make a change but I never do, I procrastinate! I'm sick of it!

 

So yeah, I found out about Cam and GameQuitters and decided this is exactly what I need!

I know this has been quite a long introduction and probably most of you have not read it but I do thank you if you have! :) I just kinda felt like blurting out all of my thoughts and regrets haha.

Here is the start to a more fulfilling life!

- Brad.

 

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Hey Brad welcome to the community! I relate to so much of what you have said. Especially the part about not having as much life experience as other people my age. The awesome news is just by posting this you've taken another step in the right direction!

Seems like you have a lot of stuff going on in your head. I recommend starting your journal right now. It was a beg help to me in the beginning.

Do you have any other hobbies besides going to the gym? Also have you uninstalled all the games from your computer yet?

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Hey Brad welcome to the community! I relate to so much of what you have said. Especially the part about not having as much life experience as other people my age. The awesome news is just by posting this you've taken another step in the right direction!

Seems like you have a lot of stuff going on in your head. I recommend starting your journal right now. It was a beg help to me in the beginning.

Do you have any other hobbies besides going to the gym? Also have you uninstalled all the games from your computer yet?

Hi Simmsjt,

It's great to know that other people can relate!

I will definitely create a journal and continue to update.

As for hobbies, I really enjoy skiing but it is rather difficult to do in the UK and plus the ski season is coming to end. However there are snowdomes that I could go to, but they can be more on the expensive side. I also recently bought a motorbike, only a 125cc so not that quick! :P But with the better weather coming hopefully I'll be able to go out on that more.

I do enjoy playing mostsports but yeah, other than that I don't really have any other hobbies currently as my spare time did just consist of computers games.

And this is part of the problem, I don't really know what I like haha - So I suppose it's just a case of trying out loads of different stuff!

 

I haven't had chance to delete my games yet as I posted quite late and I'm currently at work.

But I shall when I get home. 

 

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Hi @Brad_Hurst

Sounds exactly like my story! Except I'm two years younger than you! So I will share some things that resonated with me in this post from my experience.

I boiled it down and looked at the roots of my addiction. Gaming is often not the sole perpetrator of a poor personality. I had a shitty father figure.

I also looked deeper into myself. When you're gaming you're in a constant state of distraction. I never bothered with girls because I thought "nah they don't want a pussy bitch like me" and went back to playing. I truly disliked myself. When i removed the distraction at the start of my detox I started getting really low self esteem. I thought I sucked and without videogames I had no satisfaction. But soon I realised that I wasn't a pussy! I just had a personality that is not generally accepted by society! If you're a natural introvert don't worry about it. I think introverts are better anyway. The trouble with the current society is everybody expects you to run about socialising with absolutely fucking everyone when the fact of the matter is, back in the day, we would never go so far as the confines of our own tribe.

However, social awkwardness is a separate thing. I had a lot of it from a fear of intimacy and lack of trust of everyone. It stems from mental restrictions in your head. You have to get out of your head and just express yourself. Realise that you can trust other people. Say absolutely anything. What doesn't matter is what you say in a conversation. What matters is the impression you leave when it's over. Your body language is a part of this too. You are reserved: you are tense. You are open: you are relaxed. Don't think about it! I do this whole retarded spiel in the morning. Basically gets you into your body more: like an animal. Stronger posture; less mental restriction. Feel free to check it out 

As for women- I try not to care. I'm a loner too! Learn to love yourself first. Men don't go round drooling over women. They just go out and do their thing. If they find a compatible woman they get it to second base. The more solitude you endure the more you become more self reliant in your mind. That's masculinity.

And it's not just women! I don't have any IRL friends. They're all on the internet. It sucks but I am grateful to at least have one or two. Find some male friends you can REALLY rely on. I'm talking soul to soul connections. Men have too many ego relationships these days. It's not gay! 

If you watch porn; I would urge you to stop. Also facebook I find is a shithole for neediness. Not manly enough! GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!. But I'm bombarding you enough with information so I'll shut up now.

Edited by Schwing

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Hi @Brad_Hurst

Sounds exactly like my story! Except I'm two years younger than you! So I will share some things that resonated with me in this post from my experience.

I boiled it down and looked at the roots of my addiction. Gaming is often not the sole perpetrator of a poor personality. I had a shitty father figure.

I also looked deeper into myself. When you're gaming you're in a constant state of distraction. I never bothered with girls because I thought "nah they don't want a pussy bitch like me" and went back to playing. I truly disliked myself. When i removed the distraction at the start of my detox I started getting really low self esteem. I thought I sucked and without videogames I had no satisfaction. But soon I realised that I wasn't a pussy! I just had a personality that is not generally accepted by society! If you're a natural introvert don't worry about it. I think introverts are better anyway. The trouble with the current society is everybody expects you to run about socialising with absolutely fucking everyone when the fact of the matter is, back in the day, we would never go so far as the confines of our own tribe.

However, social awkwardness is a separate thing. I had a lot of it from a fear of intimacy and lack of trust of everyone. It stems from mental restrictions in your head. You have to get out of your head and just express yourself. Realise that you can trust other people. Say absolutely anything. What doesn't matter is what you say in a conversation. What matters is the impression you leave when it's over. Your body language is a part of this too. You are reserved: you are tense. You are open: you are relaxed. Don't think about it! I do this whole retarded spiel in the morning. Basically gets you into your body more: like an animal. Stronger posture; less mental restriction. Feel free to check it out 

As for women- I try not to care. I'm a loner too! Learn to love yourself first. Men don't go round drooling over women. They just go out and do their thing. If they find a compatible woman they get it to second base. The more solitude you endure the more you become more self reliant in your mind. That's masculinity.

And it's not just women! I don't have any IRL friends. They're all on the internet. It sucks but I am grateful to at least have one or two. Find some male friends you can REALLY rely on. I'm talking soul to soul connections. Men have too many ego relationships these days. It's not gay! 

If you watch porn; I would urge you to stop. Also facebook I find is a shithole for neediness. Not manly enough! GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!. But I'm bombarding you enough with information so I'll shut up now.

Hi @Schwing,

I felt pretty much the same way towards girls, I wasn't really too bothered about them because I was enjoying my own thing ( computer games) But obviously it doesn't present many opportunities to meet them so the chances of finding said compatible women was very difficult. And if I did see a girl I liked I just assumed that once she got to know me she'd think I'm a loser. It also doesn't help that I keep saying to myself I won't have anything interesting to talk about because I just don't have the general knowledge and good stories to tell like everyone else. I never know random films people would talk about or just random topics because instead of finding out about that stuff I was gaming instead.

 

I guess one of my roots does stem from my parents splitting up. When I was on my computer I was out of the way and my mum didn't have to worry about me doing drugs or something like that on the streets.

But yeah I am in my head wayyy too much when I speak to people, like I could be having a decent conversation with someone but for some reason half way through it I just start to get into my own head and start either thinking about what I want to say and kind of stop paying attention to what they are saying or I just start thinking to myself am I paying full attention here? And then I'm thinking about making sure I pay attention to them instead of actually paying attention lol.

As for porn, I have been quite obsessed with it. Often watching it before going to bed every night.

But I have been trying to stop watching it for quite a while, but I always slip up.

I'm hoping that along with quitting games, it should make quitting porn easier too!

My thoughts were always,  "I suck with with women so I might as well just fap to hot women online"

But at the same time I was like, " I need to get better at socialising". But it was my gaming addiction that has kept me procrastinating.

Hence why I need to fix it!

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Keep at developing yourself and you will gain confidence in your stance with women and pretty much everything. You work out and that is great. The body mind and soul are all interconnected. Also if you don't have a lot to talk about make something to talk about. Read lots of books/ articles and go on little adventures. Start dreaming; start thinking.

That sucks a bag of dick. My parents split up too. Marriage has lost it's meaning in this era.

I find it's good to just not try and make much conversation when you're not in the mood. Check this out 

With porn addiction I found I had an inner gremlin: "RELAPSE!! DO IT!! IT WILL FEEL GOOOOOD!!!". Every time I fucked up it was because my mind blanked out and it took over. So I realised I couldn't trust myself and I installed blockers on all my devices and gave the passwords to someone I could trust

I hit 20 days no porn recently! It only took me about 50 million attempts! Keep at it and join nofap if you have to. I use this forum as a motivational tool. The idea is the more days you have with no porn the higher rank you get.

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Ayy, fellow brit here. Welcome! :D

 

Fantastic news and congratulations on owning your bike. Pretty wicked thing to ride around on. I remember taking my test in jeans, never again. xD

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Ayy, thanks man!

Ahah I did the same thing. But it was only my CBT so I'm not doing anything crazy. Although I do plan to do my A2 license at some point when I have more experience.

 

But yeah they are awesome to ride especially when riding with a couple of friends.

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Reading this I'm literally a carbon copy of your situation Brad, apart from having a motorbike I'm the same as you really. How's it going for you since you've been at it for a week now?

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Yeah it's been going alright. I am getting bored in the evenings though, I don't really know what to do. I would like to start reading some books but I feel I couldn't fully make up my evening reading books lol.

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Yeah it's been going alright. I am getting bored in the evenings though, I don't really know what to do. I would like to start reading some books but I feel I couldn't fully make up my evening reading books lol.

Reading is a good thing to do once you get into it but try and think of other stuff to do, at the moment I've been relaxing watching tv but gonna start working on learning computer programming I think. Try and find something that you feel will enjoy but also something that isn't to taxing if you've had a long day, reading isn't always for everyone.

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