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giblets

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Great, giblets! I use my phone as my alerts source and then my email calendar at work. I'm a little OCD so it could be something ranging from texting so and so, journaling, or even using skin lotion haha. But it's effective. I have a daily checklist I use on my phone.

Yeah I added gratitude to my journals, my personal one and my Game Quitters one. I also write one positive experience I had in the last 24 hrs (from The Slight Edge) and at the end of the day, I circle back and do some self-recognition (what did I accomplish today?), which came from one of Cam's videos.

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02 Aug 17

Days to go: 257

So I am posting early today because I am STRESSED the fark out and getting it off my brain might help. I am stressed out because of the amount of bills coming up that I need to pay and I can't really afford them and eat at the same time, but the main thing I am stressed about is this freaking online debate I need to do for my studies. I front loaded it in the semester to get it out of the way and I am now thinking that was a massive mistake. I chose the for argument because I thought it would be easier, boy oh boy was I wrong. Not only is it really hard to find credible sources to back my arguments, but my debate partner is not helping at all. I keep reading her opening argument to try and find something to agree with, to give her some confidence to come out swinging, but I can't find anything, which is why I am stressed out here. Her argument just makes no sense. As a result, nobody has touched her argument and are instead going after mine like bees to a flower. I am sure the silver lining here is that I have presented a strong case, but I am heavily outnumbered and receiving some well researched rebuttles. I simply don't have the time to keep up with the reading needed to stay in the debate at the moment with my hectic home life.

So I can't sleep, have been waking up constantly since 2am, all the words on my screens are blurring into one and I need to start work in an hour. Fantastic.

Right, hopefully that helped a little, and I can get on with my day. I'll revisit later for my gratitude section.

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Some silver linings, two of the massive bills I thought I had coming my way are not going to happen, which is great news. That has lifted a lot of pressure off of me mentally. Still haven't worked out my debate partner issue, I am sleeping so poorly at the moment I won't have the energy to focus on it now.

Grateful corner:

The Art of Charm Podcast. Listened to a great episode today where they said "Argue like you're right, listen like you're wrong." So are some amazingly smart people out there, and they give up their time and wisdom for free, just like those guys. I have been reflecting on that comment all afternoon, contemplating putting it up in my office, something that a lot of people I work with could learn from!

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03 Aug 17

Days to go: 256

Today's post was brought to you by getting out of the funk. My favourite part was the "hello" at the end xD

Alright so I think I have my shit back together after what I assume was a little panic attack. I am still the only one throwing punches on my side of the online debate but I am just getting on with it. I think I was stressing out because I was comparing myself to the lead of the opposing side of the argument or getting angry at my debate partner for basically disappearing instead of just getting on with it, just focusing on what I am doing. So what if my posts aren't perfect, so what if you don't feel like your comments lack the punch that others do, as long as I am doing it and getting on with it. Each post and each day gets me closer to the debate being over and going back to focusing on my essay.

As for my bills - I'll deal with those. The biggest one went away which I am really pleased about, a right place right time kind of moment. One of the others came in at half what I expected which only leaves one big one ahead of me. It's not due for another month or so, so here is to working that out somehow.

Pushed myself really hard in my run today as a result as well. My average time per km is now down to consistently the 5:30 mark, which I am super happy with. I think I only have about two or three more chances of running long distances before I should start resting for the marathon, so now is the time to push it. I know now I am going to finish the marathon. I'm going to crush the first 20-25km, then I will just do what it takes to finish from there. I am getting excited about it again now instead of worried or stressed, so now I just need to stay healthy.

Decided I think I can only last about 6 odd weeks before I need a break from work - whether that be just one day or longer. I should of exploited the holidays from my study to take some long weekends with the family or something to recharge. I haven't had any days off since Vegas and it is beginning to show in my work and life, so need a bit of a kickstart or reset.

Lets finish with Arnie after I sent Bob a link to watch his videos - "I wanted to make sure that I used all 24 hours of the day. I did not want to waste a single hour. People say they don't have time. Yes you do, you make the time."

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05 Aug 17

Days to go: 254

@Vlad - great question, but I am not planning on it! They usually give out little medallions when you cross the finish line, so there is that. I have quite a few of them now. One day I plan on making like a pin up board where I can display them all. I saw a picture of a board someone made out of some old floorboards and some industrial hooks. If I can find it in my phone I'll post it later.

So yesterday was a very relaxing day, which is what I needed. Didn't achieve much in the end but I wasn't aiming to be super productive so I wasn't upset about it. It has been a couple of intense weeks so I just wanted to survive the day! Hopefully that has recharged my batteries and I'm now ready to achieve a lot today. I need to - only 40 odd hours left in the debate and I haven't posted for a while so I need to get back in there and throw some digital punches.

Ever since I sent the Arnie down/up video to @Mettermrck I have been watching a lot of inspirational videos on youtube. I have never been into those but watching some over the last two days has given me a "feel good" vibe, so I will keep using them out the moment. Good old Arnie is a funny guy, but Terry Crews also has some great videos.

Today I hope is the 25km run day. I am feeling a bit flat this morning so I will need to perk up by the afternoon to try it. Maybe some bacon and tea will help!

I am a bit embrassed to admit I was thinking about playing Pokemon yesterday. I did enjoy the competitive scene of it regardless of the target audience, maybe because I began playing the original Red/Blue back in the day and enjoyed the strategic nature of building teams and movesets. Anyway some peers were talking about it and it got me thinking of how I was getting heavily into the competitive scene around regionals here and I was having a lot of fun. It got me wondering if I will ever go back to games socially, and I still think I probably will not. I have a lot of good memories about playing consoles socially at people's houses, but I think there are still a lot other great activities I could do with them instead. I always wanted to get more and more into Monopoly, for example, though that generally makes some tense moments if you play with friends!

Got my "cloud" storage up and running now - so my phone automatically backs up to one of my Pis whenever I take photos or change files. What motivated me to finally get it working is when my phone crashed yesterday and all I could think about is losing all the photos and videos of my son. This should avoid that possibility for now - though I need to tweak some settings and boost the security. I will focus on that after a run and debate posts. I wonder i there is random online debates that you can get involved in? Not your standard flame wars that occurs in comment threads, but organised digital debates.

Grateful corner:

Open source software. Without costing me a cent I have my own cloud service running at home, and not only do I save cash on not needing to buy software, but now I can avoid the service fee - I think I was paying about $100 for Dropbox. The sheer amount of online support for setting things up properly is always so humbling and makes me feel bad for not being able to give back to the community. I will figure out a way to do my bit eventually.

 

Edited by giblets
some of my sentences didn't make sense and I didn't edit them before posting
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06 Aug 17

Days to go: 253

Baby steps @Mettermrck! I remember a line back from when I was going through my gym phase, it was something along the lines of "there is no point in trying to go too hard, because then you won't be here for weeks while you recover". Obviously I am paraphrasing as I can't remember the exact line, but what I took away from it was as long as you were turning up, you were making progress. When I have those days where normally you would make excuses, such as not feeling well or tired or just couldn't be bothered, I still force myself to run, but I'll accept a slow jog instead, because I'll tell myself "It's ok, as long as you're here". I think the same when I see people struggling on a jog or something, normal people would say "look at that sucker, he's exhausted, he is not fit at all", but I would say to myself "at least they showed up today". When you switch to running, initially your only milestone should be that you're running, rather than a time or distance. Over time as you practice more and more those milestones will come, just focus on turning up. Someone asked me last week what my desired time is for the 16km city2surf next weekend, and my response was "to have a time". I just want to finish. Now don't get me wrong, I will push myself, but the fact that I am turning up and will finish is a success in my books. Same for the marathon.

So my alarm literally was just going off for 20 straight minutes. That's how long it took for me to wake up and get moving today. In my defence, I ran the longest distance I have ever in my life yesterday - I managed to get 26.6km. I was aiming for 20-25km, basically any distance longer than last weekend of 20km, so when I hit the 12km mark and I hadn't turned around yet to start coming home, I knew I was going to crush it. Averaged a 6:30min km throughout too, which means I would of been around 39 minutes in front of the slow bus. When I checked my app when I got home, I realised there is only 2 more long runs before the marathon, as the last two weeks are a combination of lots of rest and short jogs. I feel like I need more time! The 22km mark was really hard and the last 4 minutes felt like that they took me an hour, and in reality I would still have another 20 kilometres to go. I am not sure with just two more long runs that my legs will be ready for that. But then I guess if I got to choose when I did the marathon rather than aiming for this deadline, then I would never do it, as I would just keep training and training.

Only 19 hours left on the online debate. I only did one post yesterday, spent the rest of the time trying to research my response to a question from another lead. I don't feel like I will do enough in this online debate, I wanted to have more comments, but ultimately I prioritised other tasks this week and had that panic attack. It is really difficult to try and jam everything in each day right now! I am really puzzled how I even managed to play games before, because even if I wanted to in the last few weeks I wouldn't have been able to fit it in. But that is why I started down this path anyway, there was so much I was trying to achieve every day, week or month, that wasn't being achieved because I was choosing to game instead. The result was feeling guilty, feeling regret, feeling anger towards myself. Now I don't feel any of that, and while I don't yet feel any pride or sense of accomplishment, I do have some tangible results from trying. Plus when I get asked what I got up to on the weekend I get to say something more interesting than "just sat on my computer" or need to make something up.

Almost finished "My Life in Parts" by Bryan Cranston. Such a powerful book, and shows how much effort goes into the lead up to landing a big role. His determination was inspirational as well, once he had set his mind to become an actor, there was no length he would not go to in order to get his desired end state. I need to channel that. I think with all this talk about Arnie, I might have to read his autobiography next.

Grateful corner

My wife. Sounds cheesy right? The time that I am putting into running and my studies this year could be comparable to the amount of time I spent just sitting in front of my computer playing games. So to her probably nothing has changed, I am still here not interacting with her, I am still getting agitated when she wants me to do other things, such as spend time with my family, even though it might be for different reasons (annoyance/frustration back then, stress/anxiety now). Still, through all that, she pushes on and deals with it. She does everything she can to support me, giving me peace and quiet so I can focus, or making dinner or doing my washing. I really doubt I am returning the effort she is putting in, and I don't know how I'll ever make it up to her. I have faith that I'll work it out one day, preferrably sooner rather than later.

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Now why do you think you still avoid your wife, even without the games? Other issues? My wife (for another 24 days sigh) used to tell me "what's in it for me?" when I would try to quit something. I could still be self-absorbed, even without the usual suspect habits.

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07 Aug 17

Days to go: 252

That's not what I meant @Mettermrck, or at least that is not the intention behind what I am doing. What I meant was I tend to keep myself preoccupied, before it was with gaming, and now it is with studying, but she would see the same outcome. It is not to avoid my wife, more the fact of I hate being idle. I'll spend lots of time with her, as long as we are doing something. If it's a sit around and talk kind of day or activity, I get bored very quickly. There are occasions that I will avoid her - but that is usually if we are having an argument and she is getting emotional about it or I am angry. In both of those situations, talking isn't going to help until either of us calm down.

Well I am officially on the other side of the online debate. That was far more intense than I was expecting or what I had mentally and intellectually prepared for. I  think I achieved my aim of being the dominant debater though, when the debate closed last night I had given the final say on the last 6 discussions. Might not have meant much to other people, but it meant a lot to me. So where to from here? I need to summarise my posts into an essay and submit that by Friday. Then I have a break for a few days, lo and behold I will be able to enjoy the weekend! I might have to come up with something fun to do with the family away from my desk. I would also like to get back to my electronic projects at least for a few hours. I have a white noise maker to finish for my son at a minimum.

Even though the debate is finished, this week is not going to be any easier than the last. On top of my usual work and standing in for a colleague, I have a work trip to attend a workshop for two days on Thursday/Friday, so I need to have everything in order before that flight. It feels like it never ends, always being so busy, so hectic, but to be honest, I am not sure if I would have it any other way. If I do start to slow down or get idle, I tend to insert something or look for something to add in order to get myself busy again. Must just be how I am wired, and I doubt I am unique in that case!

Sold a few more things around the house on eBay, doing my bit for decluttering! Was having a great conversation with my brother last night about how much money is wasted just on things and how eventually we grow to resent them for their clutter or the hassle of having to pack them and move them around. Think how much better of people would be or how much less they would have to work if they followed the minimalist path, or even if they don't want to follow the minimalist path if they at least just really stop and challenged why they are buying things. It definitely is a challenge trying to do it as a family, but that won't stop me giving it a go!

Grateful corner

Online courses. While distance mode was a thing back when I attended university in the early 00s, it has come along in leaps and bounds now to the point where I would question why you would need to attend lectures these days. If I wasn't able to study through the online format I wouldn't be able to further myself like I am now. I can set my own hours, choose which deadlines I want, go at the pace I want, and not feel disadvantaged at all. In fact, because I am a self-starter (got a score of 98% on my last personality test), I find it much easier and much more rewarding. Now that I am not trying to prioritise video games over studying as well, I can't wait to do more courses. I have been bitten by the learning bug again and it feels great.

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Ah, ok. Thanks for clarifying that about your wife. I didn't mean to get the wrong impression.

Decluttering is awesome! I'm not an official minimalist but I'm sympathetic with it. Glad your online debate is almost over. ?

Edited by Mettermrck
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08 Aug 17

Days to go: 251

So my browser crashed and I lost my post. Frustrating. That is the deathknell for using Midori! Lets see if I can remember what I had.

I don't think I am a pure minimalist either @Mettermrck, but it definitely is a path I would like to follow. There are too many little luxuries that I enjoy right now that would prevent me from being considered a true believer! But even if I implement just a handful of the concepts then both my mental state of feeling comfortable in my own house again (and when people are over) and financially from both the stuff I sell and the stuff I don't buy, are going to be way better off. I have sold two things on eBay now, have one active listing and hopefully today will be the day that I finally put up my xbox. No more excuses after talking about it for so long!

I am @Vlad! I am inspired by the pimoroni speaker hat. It looks like it should just be the case of soldering one wire and some headers, the biggest challenge will be sorting out the software side of it - I haven't done any research into it at all. I am hoping I can finally get one of my half-finished projects out of the way and put to use. I wanted to make a white noise maker for him because at the moment I use an old phone to play white noise for him but he is so fascinated by screens I want to minimise him being around them, and when he sees the phone he grabs it and tries to start playing videos on it already. It should use less power too.

So I think my arch nemesis is here - I am getting sick again. The last day I have had zero energy and it has been a real struggle to do anything of importance, which is usually the first sign of I am coming down with something. This sucks, because I knew the biggest challenge I am facing now until the marathon is just staying healthy. I thought I had got ahead of it by drinking a boatload of water and taking lots of vitamins, but it looks like that was a losing battle. I guess it was always going to be a challenge with my son going to child care and having so many people in the house. Fingers crossed I will be able to get over it quickly and get back training, I have the city2surf race this weekend that I will be doing regardless if I have to drag myself over the finish line. I was going to rest for 3 days prior to the race anyway so maybe that will also help.

I think I need to shake up my podcast list. I have a couple of podcasts there from before I started the detox which are gaming related. I haven't been downloading any new episodes of them, but they still come up in my new episode feed. Today there was a podcast about the new Lycanroc form, which turned into me googling pokemon again (which was probably reinforced by talking to mates about it a few days ago), which turned into me reading news posts about the new game they announced two months ago that I didn't know about. Felt good at first having a read about them, then I got the thought of "maybe you could dabble in it a little now you're through the detox" and I quickly closed the browser tabs. I knew where that was heading. Evil little shoulder devil man.

kronk-shoulder-devil.jpg

Maybe my DS needs to go on the chopping block too!

I have enjoyed my "mini vacation" from study for a day. Decided not to look at my studies yesterday to reset after the massive amount of pressure I put myself under for the debate. I will get back to it today, even if it is just going through some of the readings. Going to be another busy day so need to stay as productive as possible and prioritise correctly - wasting time looking at gaming sites does not help!

Grateful corner

Bill "smoothing". I have only discovered this is a thing yesterday, which is a surprise, it makes so much sense. It is where if you get large bills like council rates or water bills every quarter or annually, that you can use companies that will break it up into smaller amounts for you to pay more regularly for a fee. The end result is your expenses are "smoothed" out over the year. I am testing out paying some of my larger irregular bills this way, which should also remove some of that pressure I was feeling before with my panic attack. It is also handy to break down how much I need to earn each week or month to keep on top of my bills! I think far too many of us lose track of how much we should be earning or saving, resulting in spiralling out of control into debt.

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I just shook up my podcast list too. I trimmed the number of history podcasts I listen to. I had to let go of those podcasts where the subject was interesting but the narration was too bad to take. And I'm tired of the OCD obligation to listen to several hours a day of mediocre material.

Edited by Mettermrck
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Grateful corner

Bill "smoothing". I have only discovered this is a thing yesterday, which is a surprise, it makes so much sense. It is where if you get large bills like council rates or water bills every quarter or annually, that you can use companies that will break it up into smaller amounts for you to pay more regularly for a fee. The end result is your expenses are "smoothed" out over the year. I am testing out paying some of my larger irregular bills this way, which should also remove some of that pressure I was feeling before with my panic attack. It is also handy to break down how much I need to earn each week or month to keep on top of my bills! I think far too many of us lose track of how much we should be earning or saving, resulting in spiralling out of control into debt.

100%. It's also worth it to start diversifying your income streams. Having all of your eggs in one basket is risky. A few hours a week into a side project can turn into some extra income pretty quickly. 

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09 Aug 17

Days to go: 250

So I am in a bit of a bad mental space with work. I am at the point where when I look at my to do list or work through projects, all my mind is saying is "you really need a break". This started getting stronger and stronger right before I lost my cool at work over a couple of issues. They probably are minor issues but I took them personally due to the pride I have in my work. Was I permitted or allowed to get emotional about them? I would say so. Should I have got emotional about them? No, I should have kept it together and taken the professional route.

I do have a work trip for the next two days so I might be a bit quiet on here. If it is the case of I don't establish a routine or I don't have enough time to make any posts I will write them down on my trusty (shudder, windows) laptop. I do have an essay due Friday that I haven't started again, I thought I had fixed this problem. Me getting emotional really does derail my progress in so many different areas.

Have not put my xbox up on eBay yet as I can't work out what the market price for it is. I ended up just researching similar sales yesterday to try and work out a fair price.

Grateful corner

My son. I came home in the middle of the day yesterday to get away from the crush of work and spent a few minutes with him just wandering around the house playing with stuff. Really helps not only put things in perspective but to forget about my first world problems for a while. He didn't need to do anything different, just to be himself.

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09 Aug 17

Days to go: 250

So I am in a bit of a bad mental space with work. I am at the point where when I look at my to do list or work through projects, all my mind is saying is "you really need a break".

Have not put my xbox up on eBay yet as I can't work out what the market price for it is. I ended up just researching similar sales yesterday to try and work out a fair price.

Grateful corner

My son. I came home in the middle of the day yesterday to get away from the crush of work and spent a few minutes with him just wandering around the house playing with stuff. Really helps not only put things in perspective but to forget about my first world problems for a while. He didn't need to do anything different, just to be himself.

I think it might help if you schedule a break some time soon and promise yourself to stick to that plan. That will help you power through the fatigue.

I've been there with selling a console, just remind yourself, that it has a negative personal value for you.

It's great that you've created such a great family that helps you unwind and change perspective. A really good job!

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12 Aug 17

Days to go: 247

@Mettermrck & @Vlad - break as in I need to slow down and smell the roses now and again. I am pushing myself constantly to achieve which is great, but I came to the realisation last week that it is slowly crushing me. So, I guess out of it comes twofold, I need to improve my stress coping mechanisms, and secondly I need to fit in some meditation or similar during the week that I can give myself mini-vacations. I listened to a podcast last night on the plane that was talking about people with ADD and how they always need to stay busy and generally don't think about how little time they give other people (aka family) and I was quite moved by it 0 because essentially that is me. Following on from @Cam's video of "just in time learning", as soon as I got home I made my wife the #1 priority and just sat and talked with her, without trying to multi task or do anything else. It was great and we both enjoyed reconnecting with no agendas or anything else going on.

So I'm back from my work trip which was fantastic. I got to play around with the new software we will be using for work as well as catch up with some old friends. There was still a sense of stress as I was trying to complete an assignment that was due yesterday (which I managed to). I had some mixed feeling about my study, as the trip made me remember why I withdrew my last degree, I felt like I could not relax and enjoy time with friends and family as I was either thinking about how much study I needed to do, or I was cancelling on them so I could go study. But the innocent questions from my friends and the discussions about it reminded me of why I was pushing on with it and reinvigorated me. I do enjoy studying and learning new things and I have wanted this degree for a long time, it is going to be beneficial to me in the long run. So I am gritting my teeth and pushing on. On a long enough timeline, everything is ephemeral. What I took away from the whole balancing/discussion over the last few days is I need to get better at stress management. Either my skills in this area have taken a hit (I scored 85% in stress management in the recent personality test I did) or they are being worn down from my productivity kick of go go go. Both are possible. Some reflecting is required I think, as I have had a couple of outbursts at work as a result which I need to cut out - they are not professional and it is burning relationships with my colleagues.

Still haven't sold the xbox - but not because I don't want to! I have been prioritising other activities over it. But, there is good news, I have now sold $1000 worth of my extra devices floating around the house, including another console. I am quite happy with myself, I am decluttering and making a few bucks on the side as well. I originally thought of buying a new laptop with all the money, but then the minimalists popped in my head. If I hadn't wasted the ~$1500 to buy all the devices in the first place, then I would be able to work two weeks less! That's two weeks wages I have spent on essentially nothing as I barely used those items. So I am not going to get a new laptop - the one I have had for about 3 years now is still working fine. I don't use it to play games, its purpose is to word process and surf the internet, which is does fine, and it only cost $180! So that has been $60 a year so far, what a bargain. The only thing that grinds my gears about it, which is why I have wanted a new laptop, is that it runs Windows and not linux. I just don't trust Windows. But I convinced myself I don't need to run linux, I just need to type and study, which can be achieved by Windows. Anyway I think I know the market price for my xbox now after a bit of research so I hope to put it online today. Today is going to be another busy day but it should only take a couple of minutes, so I will endeavour to get it done after this post before my son wakes up.

city2surf run is tomorrow. I haven't exercised since Monday, so that is a 5 day break, probably the longest I have had since I came down hard with the 3 week flu. The break was because of a combination of things, even though it might sound like I am making excuses (and I might be). I was really drained at the start of the week so I was concerned I was coming down sick again just before the race, so I wanted to use the energy to stay healthy. I worked out it was because I was feeling depressed instead though, and I think I am through that little speed bump, thanks to the work trip. After that I travelled which took out a day or two, and then it became rest just before the race so I am not sore. Hopefully I'll make up for it by going hard tomorrow and doing well in the run. Ultimately I would just like to finish, I have no time in mind, but I will record my time per km on my phone to see if I improved.

Grateful corner

Blogs. This week's Pi Weekly newsletter has someone's blog who built a mp3 player into an old lego case, which is exactly what I am trying to do for my son's white noise maker this weekend - except into a mint tin not a lego case. I am grateful people take the time to upload these blogs, because it looks like he has it wired up differently than what I was planning. I'm hoping to read his entry and learn a few things. This weekend to be productive: noisemaker, run, sell xbox, study.

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I think sitting down and reconnecting with your wife is just the type of break you're talking about looking for. That's great. Oh I caught up with Cam's youtube videos and saw your story. You kinda favor the short hair I have myself. ? Great job, though I had listened and read some of your material before.

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