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giblets

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You have great awareness of your triggers and that will help you in the long run and avoiding unwanted behaviors. 

Yes, I hate missing a day of exercise. You start to crave it. Maybe it's the dopamine? But sometimes you need a rest. Just get back to it when you feel better!

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I spent the rest of the day being disappointed with my reactions, but I have since written an email to apologise to the person, I will send it to them tomorrow. That should make me feel more at ease.

That's a brave action. I hope you get better, both mentally, and physically.

You were doing really great recently. It's ok to have a mediocre day sometimes. :) I'll keep my fingers crossed.

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Sorry to hear that today was a rough one man. It seems like you've generally got a good head on your shoulders and you know how to think things through thoroughly, even if it is after the fact. That's certainly enviable. I hope that since your wife is back you'll have a bit of time to get back into taking time for yourself in your healing/detox process. Hopefully getting a little more time for yourself will help with the snappiness you've mentioned a couple times. I even I started getting overly strict and snappy with my daughter after two and half long exhausting days. Seems like she's been gone for a while, so I think your timeline for tough days is even longer than mine!

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29 June 17

Game Free: 74 (17 Apr)

So this is actually last night's post that I didn't finish so it's a bit out of whack. I had all good intentions of posting last night and then it didn't occur for a couple of reasons, the main one being MagPi 59 came out yesterday, so I settled in at my desk with a hot chocolate and read it cover to cover. The reason it was a high priority to me is I have been following them on twitter for a while, and I know that they were working on an article about using a RPi as a desktop replacement. Since that is what I do at home I wanted to see their verdict! To be honest it was all quite predictable, I could of did the article for them, but one line really stood out for me. The editor wrote "because you have to manage your resources carefully, I found there was a lot less distractions by only focusing on one or two things at once, and my productivity was really good." Boom. Definitely something I am a subscriber to. I am glad I made this choice.

By the time I finished reading it I really had no desire to be at my desk anymore so I couldn't bring myself to finish writing this post or working on a few other things from my list, so I shut everything down and went and laid in bed with my wife who was very sick - seems someone is always sick in our house this year! I'll get it next I bet. Surfed the web on my phone for a while, got angry about how much I use my phone, and went to sleep. I think I am going to try and do a few more things to use my phone less, and I think the main one now is to move twitter from it. I use twitter for my news, and I used it to give up facebook so that my constant need to check things was somewhat productive, but now I think twitter has turned into a problem as I spend way too much time looking at it. The MagPi article talked about using the TweetDeck plugin for Chromium, so I might give that a try, and then that way I can only check twitter once a day.

A chunk of my day was spent thinking about games, sadly. I was talking to someone about progress, specifically how the courses that I teach need constant developing because of tech progress, and it seems like that the amount of course development needed compounds so quickly - ten or twenty years ago they might have needed a revision every two years, now we need at least one or two revisions per year. In another ten years we will probably need three or four revisions per year. That is the price of progress, but it got me thinking about a game that had me by the short and curlies when my son was born - Factorio - and how that escalated so quickly from building one factory or object into building hundreds and hundreds due to tech progress. I indulged it for maybe half an hour before I became aware of what was going on and moved on. The silver lining in the cloud is that I didn't feel super compelled to play it again, but there was a slight urge in my stomach. I think maybe I wasn't compelled because it would have been too much effort to get my computers set up again and I had just gone through taping all the cables down on my desk. Very thankful for that barrier I put up, otherwise the game free number might be a big fat zero again!

Spent a little bit looking into the dates for the next semester of study. I have another three weeks off before it starts again, I am a little nervous about the result I will get for my last assignment, but I do have new found motivation to work harder and harder at it and finally get this degree done, which I can thank purely to this detox process. I have been circling this degree for ten years now and have been happy to drag my feet along because I would of much preferred gaming - now I want something to show for my time. Doesn't matter if I never use the degree or not, I want it done and next to my name.

Bit of a nervous wreck about tomorrow (or today depending on the time zone) as I find out about if I was successful about the job I applied for.  It's kind of a promotion but kind of not, you have to go through a year long selection process for it and opens up a lot of professional doors later down the track. Not sure when I will post back on here as a result, I might be devastated or out partying - we will see.

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I think maybe I wasn't compelled because it would have been too much effort to get my computers set up again and I had just gone through taping all the cables down on my desk. Very thankful for that barrier I put up, otherwise the game free number might be a big fat zero again!

lol that's interesting! It sounds so practical to prevent ourselves relapsing.

I hope you have a party after the selection process.

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30 June 17

Game Free: 75 (17 Apr)

Ok I have managed to delete this entry, twice. I need to go easy on the keyboard shortcuts - I think I am going to make up a card to stick next to my screen to help, because I don't really like typing the same thing out three times!  Need to try and remember what I wrote.

The last 24 hours have been a whirlwind after I found out about getting the job. A combination of answering the phone, responding to everyone's messages, and celebrating with mates. It was a blast, but I unfortunately broke a lot of streaks I had going; Duolingo, clearing emails, budget entries, etc. I will have to make a fresh start on them today, and maybe shift more of them into my morning routine so no matter what happens throughout the day I will keep the momentum.

Have some newfound motivation to sort a bunch of stuff out at work so I don't leave it as a mess when I leave, so I will need to buckle down and get some traction on those starting next week. Leave everything in a better state than you found it they say. It ties in well that I finally got around to going through the notebook/to-do PDF I bought in detail. It is going to be quite handy and ties in with discussions with Cam over weekly goals and my leadership coach with year goals. It shows you how to break them down and then tracks your progress towards them like an XP bar towards levelling up. I am sure it will make it easier to do and track my progress and build a positive feedback loop, so I will start implementing that on Monday as well. I have been leaving my inbox open all day lately - I need to stop doing that again.

Going to try and spend a lot of time with my family today to celebrate! 

P.S. using a doodle I draw during a boring meeting last week as my new avatar, it makes me smile!

Edited by giblets
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Hell yeah man! Super stoked for you and that you got the job after a year long process! That's so cool! :D You should definitely celebrate and get some good time for yourself. It looks like my little two-day no show on here coincided with yours as well. :P Sounds like you've got tons of things going for you right now!

 

You've mentioned your morning routine a few times before, I currently don't have a good one other than Wake up, get the kid ready for school, take her to school, start my day. What do you usually do? Got any tips for getting a new process like that started?

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Hell yeah man! Super stoked for you and that you got the job after a year long process! That's so cool! :D You should definitely celebrate and get some good time for yourself. It looks like my little two-day no show on here coincided with yours as well. :P Sounds like you've got tons of things going for you right now!

 

You've mentioned your morning routine a few times before, I currently don't have a good one other than Wake up, get the kid ready for school, take her to school, start my day. What do you usually do? Got any tips for getting a new process like that started?

That's my problem for today - time to myself. I am not sure if I like it, or I have the right activities in place! I feel a bit worried that I am either wasting this time or opening the door to relapse, and it is making me feel "off". That is why I didn't end up coming online yesterday, is when I feel like that I get so restless and agitated, and it usually takes all my energy to not be a jerk to my family (or troll online!) so I try to focus on doing chores or something.

I got the idea of my morning routine from the Getting Things Done (GTD) podcast. They gave 3 things to do in the morning - 1) create content, don't consume it to set the tempo for the day, 2) drink a glass of water as soon as you wake up, and 3) get up an hour before everyone else to get your day going. I have managed to implement 2 out of those 3, but now I am sliding on the content consuming. When I was studying, my morning routine consisted of waking up and reading my draft before doing anything else, then getting ready for the day. That way I was thinking of how to improve it while showering or having breakfast, and had some time to make some changes to it before everyone else woke up. These days because I am on a break between semesters, it consists of doing my journal entry, going over my budget, and tweaking my computer. I try to avoid mindlessly researching or watching videos so I don't set a bad tempo for the day - unless it's a Cam video to get my motivation back on track! But to be honest it doesn't really matter what you do I think (apart from not playing games), the whole point of it is to have an hour to yourself where it is quiet and free of any distractions. I find it gets me in my flow state for the remainder of the morning.

 

03 July 17

Game Free: 78 (17 Apr)

Bringing my post timings back into a routine, it looks like I have missed 3 days! I think it's closer to 2, but with my last couple of posts being at really weird times it has been thrown out a little. The reason why I had a bit of a break was as I indicated to Moe above, I've gone into a bit of what I like to call a "hobby crisis". A more accurate term might be a "time crisis" but it makes me think of that old shooter arcade game. It all orginates on Saturday morning (it's Monday now), when the family had made a lot of plans for the day as it was the first day we have all had at home with no commitments for quite some time. But then my son fell off a chair (lets not talk about how he got there in the first place) and got what we thought was a concussion. The rest of the day consisted of looking after him, him being upset and crying a lot, etc. The end result was I was cooped up in the house all day when my mindset was all about go out and have a family day, so I ended up working on some electronics projects. Specifically, throwing out a lot of old stuff (trying to get on the minimalist bandwagon) and then some soldering of PCBs. The problem is I did quite a bit, and then at the end I wrecked a board (I think). I don't think it completely undid all of my work, but it at least set me back a few hours. Then began the crisis. I am starting to think that maybe my hobbies (of which this is basically the only one) are a waste of time rather than contributing to my life or personal development. Should I drop messing around with electronics for no real tangible reason and focus on more productive hobbies, like investing or creating a blog etc? Am I substituting the wasting of time by gaming with the wasting of time by another activity? I couldn't get my head right for so long (and to be honest I don't think it is still right) on the subject until I went for a 16km (10ish miles) the next morning. I am thinking a bit better now (got a few ideas to retackle the electronics) but I was quite a jerk to my family afterwards as a result, which generally happens when I get in weird moods. I need to decide whether my hobbies are actually worthwhile and contributing to my life or to find some new ones. This issue will all go away in a few weeks when I start up studying again and throw everything I have into to try and improve my grades versus the usual "do the minimum work so I can play games" that I have had with my studies for the last year, but that is still three weeks away. I am worried this is an opening for me to go back gaming.

Today is the first day of my new notebook that will help me break down my goals. I left it at work so I don't have it here to include in my post, which in hindsight wasn't a great solution, but I will try and add them to the post later. I am hoping it will help me structure my purpose for the day so I don't feel so lost like I do above, and kick me into a productivity mode to power through some goals at work that I haven't had any traction on for weeks.

Hope everyone else is doing well!

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I know what you mean, giblets. I sometimes feel an internal pressure to move towards a productive hobby...and then I wonder if I'm just being too impatient. It could be that your tastes are gradually changing and messing with electronics doesn't have the same meaning that it used to? You don't have to rush but be mindful of your feelings about this.

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I know what you mean, giblets. I sometimes feel an internal pressure to move towards a productive hobby...and then I wonder if I'm just being too impatient. It could be that your tastes are gradually changing and messing with electronics doesn't have the same meaning that it used to? You don't have to rush but be mindful of your feelings about this.

After having a good chat with Cam, I think it is/was due to my lack of clarity and intention. Which makes sense, as that is why I used to be annoyed with work as I didn't really know what I wanted to achieve in the long run and why I was doing it. I have a way ahead now, I wont give up tinkering with my electronics, but I think I will approach it a little differently.

04 July 17

Game Free: 79 (17 Apr)

Happy Independence Day to my American comrades!

So I made another video blog/clip/entry/thingamy jig. After making the first one I think it really helped, so I was thinking about making another one when I had a chat to Cam and he recommended it. Everything came up Milhouse to make another one. It felt good and I think I am motivated to get back to tinkering with my electronics again, and now that I have a clear understanding of my intent behind it, and a plan to not use it as an escape, I feel keen about them again. Now just to find time! Quite busy at the moment, which is probably a good thing, except I can feel myself coming down with my wife's flu.

Spent some time thinking about these people who quit the forums after reaching their targets or whatever. It's an interesting concept, and I guess if you are in the mindspace that you have achieved everything you want to or think you can from the forums then move on and continue developing your life, but that is not where my mind is at. There is still so much more to learn and achieve from at least keeping your/my own journal. I'll probably revisit this at a later date but I think there is so much to achieve in the community that walking away too early could slow personal development.

I think the new notebook worked on making me more productive. I spent the first hour of the day breaking down what I want to achieve into big blocks, and then the daily sheet breaks them down even further into tasks or targets. I achieved about 8 yesterday in between my phone ringing constantly... Mondays man, they're brutal. I did the silly thing of not bringing the sheets home to write my target or blocks here so I'll have to remember to do that tomorrow, or take a photo of them. Baby steps. The notebook gives me the vibe that it will get better over time as you develop your blocks and reflection as well, so while I am glad I have started using it, it's definitely a long term thing. I am considering leaving my phone at home and not taking it to work in order to try and increase those productivity levels. The downside to that is I will leave my podcasts behind, but I think it is something I should at least try. Again, the more I see people glued to their phones staring at the tiny screen, the less I am interested in using my own so I think it is a good step. I already put my phone in the bedroom as soon as I get home now so my son doesn't get in the habit of always seeing me use it, so I think this is the next logical step.

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Spent some time thinking about these people who quit the forums after reaching their targets or whatever. It's an interesting concept, and I guess if you are in the mindspace that you have achieved everything you want to or think you can from the forums then move on and continue developing your life, but that is not where my mind is at. There is still so much more to learn and achieve from at least keeping your/my own journal. I'll probably revisit this at a later date but I think there is so much to achieve in the community that walking away too early could slow personal development.

Very important ^  

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05 July 17

Game Free: 80 (17 Apr)

On the home stretch now, in the 80s. Delayed my entry today as I am unwell - as I predicted, I have caught the virus/flu that my family had and now I am home sick. I initially thought of it as a great opportunity to work on some projects around the house, but I don't have the energy, so I will do as the doctor ordered and stay in bed. I am at least going to get the dinner ready early so everyone can relax when they get home, so I will achieve something.

Yesterday's experiment without my phone went really well. I didn't get as much work completed as I wanted to, but I was focused and I felt accomplished afterwards. I think the new notebook is helping a lot too as I can shuffle around what I need to do and focus on the higher priority, or easiest ones first to get momentum. A few things I found was a bit harder without my phone though, mainly my to do list, and several times I had to call someone and didn't know their number. I could overcome that by carrying a small notebook, which is what I used to do. Even if I only leave my phone at home for half of the day, I think in the long run I am going to see some productivity gains; which is great because that is exactly what I need right now.

Still feeling a bit hesitant to tell people what I am doing here, and I don't know why. A few mates do keep asking me to play games, but I think they are starting to give up, but I find myself only checking the site or working on my personal development behind closed doors. It should not be a problem so obviously I have a few insecurities there that I need to overcome. I feel as if it may be due to the Australian "tall poppy syndrome" or not wanting to break the mold, but it would be niave of me to blame it completely on external factors. I'd like to meet up with someone who hasn't seen me since I stopped gaming and started this journal and see if they think there is any noticable difference. Maybe that will help me be more open about my development.

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07 July 17

Game Free: 82 (17 Apr)

I missed yesterday's entry as I spent all my spare time sleeping again. The good news is I think I am on the other side of this flu. If anyone has any tips on how I might minimize how many times I am getting sick from the flu I am all ears! It's very frustrating as it is wiping out whole weeks of marathon training at a time, and while I had a few weeks up my sleeve with the training plan initially, I now do not have any more spare days.

I can't seem to re-establish my Duolingo streak again. I am maxing out at 2-3 days before letting it slip. Time to mix up my daily routine to try and prevent that from happening, probably shifting it to the morning before everyone else wakes up. That way I have no excuses after work.

Spent a portion of today thinking about what I might talk about in a video on Monday. So far I have done flow and intent, not really sure where I will go next. I had a great idea yesterday but I can't remember what it was, hopefully it will come back to me and I'll write it down.

Three things that worked for me today:

1) Forcing myself to call a friend or family member.

2) Forgoing my morning routine to squeeze some extra sleep in.

3) Not checking facebook until now.

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Yeah, I do that too, forcing myself to talk to family members and friends. Of course I generally text but I need to graduate to more calling to strengthen the connections. I actually set reminders to reach to particular people so that I don't slack.

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11 July 17

Game Free: 86 (17 Apr)

Wow it's been a while since I have posted! I am still alive people! I think that is the longest I have gone without putting a post into my journal. There are a multitude of reasons why I haven't been writing (but I have been reading!) which I will get into shortly, but I have been keeping myself busy. I haven't been able to get into my regular flow states at all until yesterday which is part of the problem I think. Without further ado:

1) I still have had lingering symptoms of being sick. I have been dealing with it by sleeping as much as possible, but when I was awake and up and about I found I was quite lethargic so I was doing the minimum to get by. That should all change now that I feel well. The doctor I saw last week (I saw two to get a second opinion) has suggested to get a blood test to see if there is any underlying issue with me getting sick so often. The plumber I had last week also said that there is a more regular flu injection that he takes once a month that results in him never getting sick. I need to look into that as well.

2) I haven't been getting into my flow state at all. I haven't been having my time to myself in the morning which has been throwing off my prep for the day, and I haven't been running at lunch time either which has resulted in my days been more difficult and less productive than normal. I have fixed that by getting running again yesterday, and being somewhat happy with my speeds, but still need to get my morning routine back on track.

3) I am upset that I might have lost my momentum with my marathon training. I had a few weeks up my sleeve spare with the training program I am following but now due to being sick so much that has all evaporated and I'm up against the wall. I have started getting doubts in my mind whether I will be ready and whether I will be able to stand the pain for so long. I have been getting a sore lower back on the longer runs, about 15-16km, which worries me that after 42km I'll be a cripple.

4) All signs are pointing towards a member of my family suffering depression, and I don't know what to do about it since I live so far away from them. This is something that I don't think I can influence and it makes me feel helpless. I still haven't worked out what I can do here, I don't think my finances right now would let me go see them and there is too much going on here to get some extended time off.

5) Some people around me aren't as resilient as I am and that stresses me out when they break down or get emotional. I do my best to help them so it ultimately doesn't throw my day out but it is not very effective so far, it is going to be a long process. When I get stressed out from them getting so emotional I need to change my environment, which generally involves me leaving the computer.

6) The more and more productive I am becoming and wanting to spend less time on my phone and consuming content, the more I am becoming aware of how much my wife spends on her phone and how unproductive she is, which is causing me to get frustrated. It's not really possible to address with her now as she gets emotional about it so I have just been internalising it. I am a little worried that I wont be able to do this forever and I'll either get a stomach ulcer or a rift between us.

7) I keep getting these stupid "I'm a healer" thoughts randomly, showing me that 86 days has not been enough. I still have these tendencies to think about games in my every day life. How long am I going to have to freakin deal with this until it goes away? Is it ever going to go away? I don't know what else to try and implement to make those thoughts go away, obviously just giving up is not the complete answer.

Wow so that has been my week-ish since I last posted. Still not playing games but not in a good mental state either. Getting myself back on the path so here is to getting back in my flow state today and beginning to get my mind under control and not letting it spiral unhindered as I have allowed it to the last 4 days.

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I think you're having gaming thoughts because you're approaching that milestone. 

Well here is to smashing through that milestone so I have one less thing to think about!

12 July 17

Game Free: 87 (17 Apr)

Here I am, back up at 5am, getting my flow on. It's been a little over a week so I am very happy with myself. I've also been back running 2 days in a row, although yesterday was only a light jog as my legs are a bit sore from the day before. I need to do some research into some stretching techniques, I think the main reason I am so sore in some areas is because I don't stretch properly. Or at least that's what my work colleagues say :D

It's been a crazy 24 hours again. I am not progressing much at work, or at least it feels like it, even with my new notebook. Just far too much going on that needs my time; it's not bad things that is a waste or procrastination, but answering phone calls, questions, helping family, etc. I have rewarded myself with surviving and not getting emotional at everyone by ordering some new electronics parts. Probably unneeded, but I think the projects will be fun and if I can get them completed then it is a testimony to how productive I have become without games. First on the agenda is a white noise maker built inside a mints tin for my son, at the moment we use an old phone which is setting a bad precedent as he is trying to use it all the time. 

I would like to set up a website to hold all my projects, so I might add that on the to do list.

Still waiting for my studies result! I am starting to get a little bit excited for the next semester, I am eager to show what I can do without the gaming distraction. I am certain I can get my results back up to the Credit range. If I can, then next year I will aim for Distinctions to finish off my degree on a good note.

Have been thinking about what my new target or aims or generally what life will be like the post-90 days. The end result: I don't think I am going to change anything. To quote Joe Dirt, I am going to "keep on keeping on".

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13 July 17

Game Free: 88 (17 Apr)

Foam roller is a good idea @Cam! Didn't even think of that as a solution. I'll try to grab one today somewhere. I don't even have a mat to use termporarily.

So here I am, back up again at 5am, building that streak back, even when I am hungover! Which brings the topic of me not drinking anymore back to the forefront, it's something I think I need to do some more thinking about. I lose so much productivity during and after I go drinking that I tend to regret that more than anything else. Last night was a lot of fun though, but time to buckle down on projects at home and calm down a little bit.

Still no uni results - it is killing me! They should have been released two days ago. No idea why mine are not up yet, but my assignments did seem to take a little bit longer than normal to get marked and back to me so maybe it is just the lecturer. I'll try and ask a few others I know that were studying last semester and see if their results are up yet.

Had a bit of a 'so-so' day yesterday. It started off well and then tapered off quickly, probably because I was in a flow state in the morning but completely out of it by the afternoon. I need to rebuild the habit of running at lunch time, as at the moment I am aiming for after work and that never really works for me, I am generally in a bad mood when the day ends and/or tired so don't have much interest in running. Sure I could push myself to do it but I never get the results I want when I am feeling like that. It was pouring down with rain during lunch yesterday so I didn't have many options, but I'll try to get it going today. It is going to be a very busy day today so it would be good to spend the majority of it in a flow state.

Need to throw out/minimalise some stuff in the house. It frustrates me how much stuff we have in our house, which ends up just being messy. If there is less stuff, then it's not possible to have it all lying around! First things first - time to sell the XBox. I should of done it as part of the Respawn but I couldn't bring myself to do that so I just packed it all away in the garage. I'm not going back, so may as well get a few bucks for it.

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14 July 17

Game Free: 89 (17 Apr)

Wow, here it is, detox eve! I thought I had a bit more time. I have been thinking about what the 90 day mark means to me, and up until now I thought it didn't mean much, but now as I sit here and type this I think I am a little bit excited. The reason why I didn't think it ill mean much I will save until tomorrow, otherwise I won't have anything interesting to write about then xD

Yesterday was "balls to the wall" busy. I got up early, hangover and all, and got all my admin/streaks out of the way. Worked for 4 hours afterwards, then made myself go for a run at lunch time for an hour. Then, for the first time in weeks, I actually had a productive afternoon as a result. Completed all my reports, called a few people, and told a telephone scammer to beat it. I really wanted to keep my productive streak going but family came first and helped them out for the majority of last night. That's still productive in a way. Had absolutely no gaming thoughts or unproductive thoughts in general, which was fantastic. I put it down to being in the flow state for the majority of the day, which was great.

I am still waiting for my university marks. Getting quite frustrating now. Not even a peep out of the lecturer or organisation why they are taking extra time. Ultimately there is no issue with them releasing it a week later in the grand scheme of things, but that last assignment made me quite nervous so it would put those concerns to bed.

Looking forward to the weekend to try and get some personal tasks done around the house. My contribution to chores has dropped off a little this week so I need to pick that up again, as well as do some soldering, which I will only let myself do as a reward rather than an escape. One of those chores is going to be sorting out the amount of stuff here around our desks - it is unsightly. And putting the Xbox on eBay, I am looking forward to getting rid of it now. My garden has pretty much died out the last few weeks except for the passionfruit tree, I think it has been far too cold for everything else. Noting that was attempt number 4 to try and get a solid garden going, I am not going to send any more good money after the bad! Time to focus on other things and keep buying vegetables at the supermarket!

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