Taking the first step

[WintergreenGrin]

Hey all, I found this community today and I was so impressed by what I've learned about game addiction that I decided to start my own 90 day gaming detox, which I hope will eventually turn out to be a lifetime of treating gaming like what it should be: a fun diversion to occasionally do to kill some time. Not the very reason to get out of bed in the morning.

It took me a long time to realize that I'm a gaming addict. I thought my life was pretty normal. I'm about to graduate college, I recently got married to my amazing husband, and things just in general felt alright in my life. Except for one thing. I started to notice that no matter what was going on in my day, the only thing that seemed to matter to me was getting home to play more computer games. My whole day revolved around games. I would go on a date with my husband and be thinking in the back of my mind about how much time I would have to game when I got home.

So for a long time I just told myself "well, I'm a gamer, it makes sense that I think about games a lot because it's my main hobby". But then I started having problems with everyday activities. I started getting really angry and cranky over the smallest little things. EVERYTHING felt like an obstacle and a chore, unless it was a video game. Going to school? Chore. Eating dinner? Chore. Having sex? Chore. Talking to my friends or spouse? Chore. Showering, or even going to the bathroom? Chore.

I noticed that since I built my gaming PC a year ago, I've been gradually getting more and more frustrated with the world and bitter about everything. I went to counseling, and then to a doctor who put me on antidepressants. For a while, it seemed like that worked. I felt like myself again. I was happier and more engaged with the world around me. Then I got used to my medication, and I started feeling that void again. That deep longing that feels like a hole in your heart. I needed something to fill it with. I wanted something to make me feel alive again. So I turned to games.

Things got really bad in the last month. My spouse changed his schedule at work, so he would normally be asleep when I got home from work. I should have missed him and wished that we had more time together, but the very first thing I thought when he told me his shift changed was "yes! Now he won't be around to bug me when I get home and I play games all night long!"

And I did. I played and played. I would put off my homework to the last possible second, which was really stressful and made me hate school. All I cared about was getting to the part of the day when I could play video games.

I brought up my concerns to my husband, and he'd say things like "well, why don't you just play for a couple hours a day?" The thought of doing that sucked so much. I tried to explain to him that I couldn't just play two hours a day. I mean, my games were so precious to me. I tried to explain that I had to play a lot longer so I could "experience the story" and "unlock everything". I told him that I either had to game several hours every day, or not at all. That was last night. This morning I woke up, and I usually play games all day on Monday because it's my day off. Well, before I started playing today I found this site and now I'm taking the plunge to finally face my addiction and get my life back on track.

I want to be the me that I used to be. The woman who was interested in a lot of different things. Fitness, art, socializing, playing music, etc. Back then, I played video games a lot but I was always more interested in doing other things. I was in really good shape and I really enjoyed feeling strong and fit and having so many fun activities to do every day. Then, bit by bit, video games began to take over my brain. Now I'm an addict. 

I'm here because I'm committed to making a change. I'm tired of wasting my life. I'm about to turn 30 and now that I'm getting a little older I'm starting to realize just how short life really is. My worst fear is looking back on my life fifty years from now on my deathbed and going "wow, I didn't accomplish a damn thing. I beat a bunch of games, though."

I'm excited and nervous and right now time is moving soooo slowly. Seriously, I cleaned house, did my homework, cooked dinner, read a chapter in a book, watched Youtube for a while, and now I'm just sitting here trying to find something to do. I'm not exactly bored, it just feels weird to have to come up with something to do that doesn't involve a video game. Time is moving slowly because the hours aren't melting away due to the games.

So anyway, I'm glad to be here and I appreciate that this community exists. Here's to 90 days of game-free living!
 

[Cam Adair]

Welcome!!

[Mhyrion]

Welcome!

[Dolocorp]

Except for one thing. I started to notice that no matter what was going on in my day, the only thing that seemed to matter to me was getting home to play more computer games. My whole day revolved around games.

Welcome!

This was also the reason why I quit gaming. I didn't play that much but the only thing I could think of was gaming. 

[Simms]

Great to see your intro, it echoes so many of the struggles we see.

Welcome! Hope to see more or your journey shared going forward.

[Keri2323]

Great intro, feel completely the same about so many things you said, keep going :-)