Hey, I'm Ryan.

[RyanGQ]

My name is Ryan Andrew Page, and I'm a 17 year old Junior in high school.

My story begins as early as I can remember. My first memory, literally, is of me playing "Super Mario 64", on one of those old TV's with a VHS player built-in. I have literally been a hardcore gamer for my ENTIRE LIFE. 

I've been through a lot in life, and gaming was always there for me. Video games were there for me through my parents divorce, there for me through my time in the hospital, there for me when I felt lonely, there for me throughout moving four times, going from one school to the next, and more often than not, there for me when I felt bored, and didn't know what else life offered. 

I've played just about everything you can imagine. Starting from the N64, I moved onto the GameCube, online MMO PC games, the GameBoy Advance, and then onto the Xbox-360, DS, Wii, and finally, for the last 3 years, hardcore competitive PC gaming. 

I've decided to make a change in my life because I realize now, that growing up, I'm starting to embark on a quest to live the best life I could possibly live. Looking back on my life thus far, it's a whole lot of tragedy and wasted time. And no, I'm not trying to claim that playing video games wasn't fun, because it was. For a long time, coming home, plugging into Call of Duty, Gears of War, Halo, or RuneScape was enough for me to say, "this is it. I'm happy now". But over the last couple of months, the luxury has worn off, and I've finally decided to put my foot down and say that this shit, definitively, 100% has to change.

I'm sick of playing video games. I guess I'm just burnt out. Maybe that's just what happens when you literally don't know what it's like to NOT live without them. Unlike others who became addicted during their early teenage years, I was playing games before I could even read the text on the screen. It wasn't just an escape, it was a lifestyle for me. Video games were the tool my parents used to not have to get involved with me in any meaningful way for a long time, and then by the time they wanted to get me into sports, I was already too opposed to doing anything but game.

I vividly remember a gaming session that I had on Call of Duty: World at War, where two of my online friends were in a party chat with me, and one of them said, "yeah, this kid never gets offline. I haven't seen him not playing this game for over three weeks now." At the time, it didn't occur to me that that was actually true. But most of my summers were like this as a little kid. Just a lot of gaming, and not much more.

I was never bullied, never socially isolated, and like many other kids, I've had my fair share of self esteem / self image issues, but I've gotten over most of them. I'm happy to say that I'm happier and healthier than I've ever been in a long time right now. I've just started dating my first girl almost a month ago, my grades are decent enough, but I'm still stuck with this last problem:

There have been so many things that I've "gotten into", yet never actually started. I've wanted to learn how to solve my Rubik's cube. Yet it's been sitting on my desk for three months, and I still have no fucking clue what to do with it. I've wanted to practice meditation consistently, yet I only do it twice a month at the most, and most of the time I can't concentrate. I want to learn how to play chess, yet I haven't committed to that either. I work out, but only because I take weight training as a class in my school, so I'm forced to go. I usually end up sitting around on my ass all break long though, losing gains and losing motivation. I've wanted to do yoga, but I haven't. I've wanted to start reading some of the 184 books I have on my "to read" list, yet I haven't touched a single one. The list goes on, and on, and on.

The most frustrating thing that I've put off is my writing. It's my strong suit, and I'd like to call it my "passion", but I don't think I've given it enough of a real "shot" to call it that. I was nominated to a county examination level for my governor's honor's program in English last year, and I've attempted to write a novel in the past, but I haven't touched anything creatively driven in so long I can't even remember. I've had a goal to write a story that I'd look for an artist to turn into a comic, or to write a script for a short film that would be carried out by me, my school's film department, and the theater department (for actors, of course), but I haven't started any of it.

And I know the reason why I do this. It's because every second of my days, for the past... while, have been taken up by gaming. It's gotten to the point where I'm hardly even doing my homework on time and I'm barely scraping by with my grades in school. And it's been like this for too damn long. Since the 8th grade, I've put in literally MONTHS of game time playing Starcraft 2, Dark Souls, and the largest culprit, Counter Strike: Global Offensive. Not to mention all of the YouTube content, Twitch Streaming, Twitter Tweets, and Amazon browsing, looking for parts to put into my "ultimate gaming rig". I'm sick of it. I've spent far too long staring into screens, and it's time for me to turn my head to a new mountain; one that isn't made of 1's and 0's.

I want my life to have purpose. I want it to have drive. And I'm ready to take it back. I'm ready to implement these things that I've wanted to do for so long back into my life to grow into the strongest, happiest version of myself. And grinding out the Terran ladder, planting virtual bombs, and slaying demons over and over ISN'T WHAT'S GOING TO GET ME THERE.

So that's enough rambling. I've been recording in a private blog frequently over the past 3 months in a personal journal of mine, and I'd like to create a new journal on this forum to go along side with that. My regular journal encompasses my day to day thoughts and feelings about life, relationships, and my goals, so I hope that this new journal, and the new chapter in my life that I'm about to start on, will encompass me moving towards those goals, eliminating gaming from my life, and finally finding the passion that I've been longing for but never reaching to grab for all of these years.

Shoutout to Cam for opening my eyes and making this possible. I hope that one day I can look back at this as the turning point in my life.

CHECK OUT MY PROFILE FOR A LINK TO MY JOURNAL, FIRST ENTRY UP SOON.

http://forum.gamequitters.com/topic/354-follow-me-on-this-journey-of-success-ryan-pages-90-day-challenge-starts-now/

Edited December 9, 2015 by RyanGQ

[Cam Adair]

Hey Ryan! Awesome to have you join us here and good job starting your journal - you will find as you continue to invest in it that the benefits will be rewarding.

I don't know what to say about your post - because it's so spot-on. You articulated what so many of us also feel very well. This is a turning point for you.

[AlexTheGrape]

Hi Ryan!

I can relate to you in an unimaginable number of ways. I am also 17 years old, in high school, and played video games since I was 5 where Super Mario 64 on Nintendo DS was my first game I made emotional attachments to. I have played most of the games you've mentioned, but more importantly, I'm also on the journey to recovering from video game compulsion/addiction.

I wish the best for your recovery, just hold on to the values and ideas you have now and make them last! They are powerful and will help you on your road to success.