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Csaba_Bekesi

Übermensch

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Yikes.

Ah but you're right Csaba. People need to careful with all this "policing"/"judging" and giving tips that might suck for a particular person.

 

Csaba:"I wanna stop playing games."

GQ-Members:"Excellent. Now stop playing games!"

Csaba:"OK."

GQ-Members:"And meditate, do yoga, cook, do sports, don't surf and never fap again"

Csaba:"Uhhhh..."

 

This is a common problem in self help environments. As @Cam Adair said, everyone has their own truth and a different solution that works for him/her that he/she thinks is worth sharing. My tip wouldn't be "don't take things too personally" but "stand your ground" (here we go). It's about not lashing back and not abiding everything at the same time, when people give you a shitty tip. Expressing your own position without stamping on their feet too hard.

It seems you climbed that nofap train by yourself, but when you realized it wasn't your thing, its community went very defensive about you jumping off of it. But I know the guys, and they aren't totally whack people, I'm sure they'd take it well if you just told them "fuck off, leave me alone". And the way I know you, you should know that, because that's thrashitude.

In younger days I always thought that "keeping my word" also meant "never changing my opinion". Well now I don't anymore, and when someone comes with "but you said" I tell them "I do whatever the fuck I want", and my "aura" is still clean enough to propose psychological integrity. In fact, now even more so, because I quit doing shit that I dislike - having to lie about it "It's OK." while doing said shit. I'm not sure this has anything to do with this, but it might.

I don't think that this whole "nofap" escapade in your journal is the true reason for you to leave. There were just as many people having your back as people that didn't, as @Rulesguy said. And if those that didn't have your back read this, I'm sure they didn't mean it the way it came across. It's more that this whole business is becoming a chore you can't keep up with, your soup is too spicy, because everyone been dipping shit in it. Making suggestions on how to become "perfect" and making it unrealistic to become anything. And that's okay, I can understand that. I have been guarding my own soup very meticuosly - even against you sometimes, but I've had a little more practice and can look like a hungry dog.

I don't mind you leaving, because I know that once someone makes up their mind, you should never stop them. But I want to mitigate the damage and give you the option to return whenever you want to and not think about GQ "I don't wanna go back there, they went all nofap berserk on me" or some stupid shit like that, because it's not true. Try to turn this memory into a positive one, this is the moment that will define it.

I did my best to support you, and surely talked a lot of shit on the way, but I think I managed to give my "tips" a little room for interpretation to not make them so "black and white".

...And if that would have ever not been the case, do tell me, so I can punch you!!!

 

 

Just joking. It was a joke, it was a joke guys, oh nooo not the battery clips on my testicles again.. AAAAH!!

 

PS: I'll really miss you </3, but at the same time I try to embrace the change, as I must. I can't afford melancholy. It's a useless thing that only holds you back.

Edited by destoroyah
I destoroyehd logic

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My tip wouldn't be "don't take things too personally" but "stand your ground" (here we go).

Yes, and at the end of the day, take what you resonate with, and leave the rest. Some things work for some people, and some things don't. All good. :) 

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@Csaba_Bekesi People like to state their opinion when other's opinions contradict them. It's just the way the human ego works I think. They are trying to be something for their idea of the 'greater good' and when they see someone go against their idea they impulsively argue with them. Deep down though, we all know that our individual ways of life are just as good as each other's. But as our lives change we adapt by forming new ideas. I do not think this is arbitrary behaviour though, as humans have an emotional need for understanding and purpose. 

I actually think it's a good thing when people bombard each other in this way as it opens new opportunities for learning. With diversity of thought, individual thoughts will mingle through argument and give fruit to new ideas. When I become exposed to new ideas my views may greatly differ from elliot's for instance but I will be able to keep some of his ones. You say you feel like you don't belong here. Well you do- because if you didn't we would be lacking in this essential diversity of thought over here and we need that.

Edit: So I have been thinking about what you have had to say, Csaba. And I will admit your ideas are beginning to resonate with my current idea and a few others. I just wanked off and I also PMOed yesterday. Today I was able to get up early and work out which I have been struggling to do for the past week. I came back today feeling rather empty with a lack of physical drive. I went to bed and had a long think about things then jerked it. I feel revitalised now. Thinking about my old idea, it didn't really make much sense. If we shouldn't separate emotional and physical in terms of relationships does that mean long romantic starlit walks are bad? Fuck no.

I read a book a while back called 'the satanic bible' by a guy called anton szandor lavey. His idea was that we should feel free to indulge in sexual acts as abstinence creates a trap on your energy. This is the essence of religion where they subdue in servitude you with a moral code. But this only intensifies your desire and frustration. You can read the chapter on it here. I just let go today and I feel much more liberated and energised.

I think man is a peculiar animal. We develop systems such as society to trap our animal soul for the means of attaining our desires more efficiently. I don't think there's anything wrong with that really. It's just the way shit works for us. But this way of life is very dangerous for our animal side. We no longer can be as animated by our will and we place restrictions on our mating habits. So we turn to porn/ masturbation and totally fuck ourselves up. Or we turn to abstinence and totally fuck ourselves up. Masturbation isn't the best method but sometimes it's all we've got. I think our beast mind and human mind are separate and it is our rational human mind's duty to understand the beast mind and work with it. As part of modern society we must rationalise and regulate our emotions to function properly and reap its benefits but we must also give way to them. Our way of life just makes things difficult for the beast mind.. Gone are the days when you can just whip it out and do doggy style right off the bat. But just because those days are past it doesn't mean we can deny who we truly are. I used to think our soul was always our pure body of emotion, being centred in the mammalian brain. But what I failed to realise is that our mammalian brain also has physical urges tied to it. So if you want to follow heart; embrace the beast.

Edited by Schwing
new revelations

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Ive tried nofap for 5 days and it didnt improve my mood or motivation nearly as much as working out.

I think from now I will be more gentle in recommending things. Suggesting things that i personally tried, and not being arguementive or forceful if people disagree. I could be wrong or what works for me may not work for others.  Quitting gaming is already a hard challenge for us. Change takes time. 

 

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A lot of rambling in this one, main points are adressed before my 'notes' so if you read only that far you've got the whole thing. 

I went back and read the whole thread. This has gotten way out of hand and so many people got involved, I never thought I would cause an uproar. Been doing serious self reflection lately and I hit a low point. I expressed it, apparently a lot more vocally than I intended. In regards to the whole nofap thing, it was not the one factor that pushed me away from the community at all, I just felt like I was growing distant in general. And here I am to say, and buckle up here, I am not leaving until I complete my 90 days, no matter what. I can't promise regularity but I will try my best. 

@Schwing @destoroyah Thank you so much lads. Your kind words and smart advice have helped me and keep helping me to this day. Destoroyah I believe that my previous comments on being your accountability buddy still stand, I don't feel I held up my end of the bargain on that. I shall be a returning visitor to your journal from now on, as if resuming where we were 3 weeks ago. And you Schwing are a very smart guy who will do well in life, I can tell that already. I started out my philosophical exploration with the satanic bible as well. I recommend you look up Nietzsche if you enjoyed that piece. 

@rulesguy @Cam Adair  As to the admins coming in giving me a helping hand, I really appreciate it all. I think it is good that we can address hostilities and bandwagon mentality in such a safe environment so well, but it seems I actually grew so comfortable I forgot how to take things online with a grain of salt haha. Completely on me, no harassment happened or percieved, but once again, I really appreciate that you all are so keen to help the people within your community. I feel more invested than ever before. 

@fil @Pierce And to everyone else who still follows this journal, comes here and offers me feedback, challenges my views, pushes me to be better, I can not thank you enough. That includes you @hycniejsy

I admire this community for everything it is and everything it represents. 

 

 

Now here is why I believe I felt like leaving earlier in more detail: 

 

The last 2 and a half weeks were an emotional downhill. Last week I also turned sick and I resumed viewing youtube and facebook and I accepted it because I only watched material that I believed somehow were educational to me. Facebook I just accepted as harmless anyway. Big mistake, numbed me back down the same way excessive gaming would have. I need to cut these from my life as well in order to achieve complete competence regarding my time and dopamine 'control' if you will. 

But these 2.5 weeks were not without a toll. As I headed down this path I started questioning myself and my surroundings in a less healthy way. The same way I used to when I was gaming, without the intent to change the negative, and while seeing everything through a hazy gray lense. I felt isolated; I feel isolated, not just from this community but the universe around me.

Not only that but I fell down a spiral of questioning my choice of university degree in a very unhealthy way. This caused me great concern because all of a sudden I felt that I might have wasted another year of my life. I no longer believe that, but I was in a state of panic for easily a week. 

It was thanks to this movement and this community that I could ever break out of those feelings, and I am insanely grateful to you all. Because of all of this, now more than ever I need to stay. I need to commit to seeking happiness through self improvement. The very original thing I came here to do. 

 

 

Here are the notes I mentioned in my last post. I think you all deserve to see this. This is all unedited so there are notes at the end as to what I still wanted to include. Needless to say I never fully finished it.

 

Jack of All Trades:

The blessing in disguise of being interested in everything

 

Jack of all trades, master of none; or at least the proverb says so. I have been for the longest time been blessed with an unstoppable fascination with everything and everyone around me, all deeply counterintuitively paired with the attention span and interest span of a goldfish. Let me elaborate.

 

I was introduced to a computer when I was 3 years old. But in lack of techies to guide me into the intricacies of computing, I was introduced to videogames of my favorite Disney movies. Tarzan mainly, I remember that one very clearly. It was a good game. Unfortunately, I had little to no idea at the time that videogames would gravely slow all future progress and rising interest down. I basically blame the videogames, after all, why would a child go outside and be a beginner at anything when you could, after 3 hours of investment into something, say that you are pretty good at it.

 

This was my childhood. I’ve been urged to try a variety of things from martial arts to drawing, but nothing caught my attention. I had small flickering flames of passion rising for each thing I tried, but nothing stood a chance against my years of brainwashing to just take the instant gratification from videogames. Developing a new skill held no value to me. Why would it to a child? After all, life is all play, and if you do well in elementary school and bring home A-s you will turn out fine. Right? … Right? A child’s naiveté is impossible to miss with adult eyes. Poor kid. I feel sorry for him in hindsight.

 

So, let’s fast forward through my teenage years because realistically only very teenager things happened to me, just a lot more passive. Some interesting things and ideas, but those are stories for other days. So! January 8th 2017 I was thinking to myself, I just need one more game of Overwatch. Overwatch is Blizzard’s first attempt at a first person shooter, and it is a smashing success. I was hooked. But hooked no longer describes what I was going through. I didn’t start studying for my exam the next day yet. For the first time, I admitted to having a problem. I quit cold turkey, I am on my 90-day detox as I am writing this. 50 days in, this is the longest I have ever been away from videogames my entire life. As a result, I am suddenly overwhelmed by the flames of passion that seemed underwhelming under the pixel reign. I feel alive again.

 

But now I need to cope! Not only am I interested in what I find cool now, but all my past interests in music and martial arts peak! All of a sudden I don’t only need to self-sustain and get respectable grades, I now need to work out, read the classics, read philosophy, read the news and form intelligent political opinions, start a podcast with a friend, do martial arts 6 days a week while also addressing that minor scoliosis I got from playing too much of those damn videogames, dance at least 2 days a week, have a social life, learn music theory, maybe sing and learn guitar as well, do creative writing, all while eating well enough and sleeping at least daily 8 hours. Doable? Probably. Doable with the emotional resilience of a 20-year-old who just left his shell a little over a month ago, and has issues maintaining his passions? Not so much.

 

I find myself browsing social media all the time, because over years of conditioning I learnt to find new things there. I have developed a fear of missing out on social media, while I am busy missing out on my real life. This is what I would call “The Death of a Poet”: being lost within one’s own mind looking for inspiration and missing the sunrise, only to see the sunset once it is too late.

 

Let’s however, for just a mere moment assume that I succeed in perfecting my schedule and manage to fit all those things in. When do I have fun? Now, I could take a grossly stoic stance in this scenario and find enjoyment in all my activities, a great concept but I’m afraid lacks applicability.

My passions and I are in a strange relationship right now.

 

The next day

My passions and I are in a strange relationship right now. This is primarily so because my passions seem to be in direct contradiction of what I study. Now with games gone I care for computing even less. I tell myself from time to time that I care, but I no longer know whether that is true; I think I never did.  

 

 

I fear I'll die from complications
Complications due to things that I've left undone
That all my debts will be left unpaid
Feel like a cripple without a cane
I'm like a jack of all trades
Who's a master of none

-City and color

 

An alternate phrasing says "Jack of all trades, master of none is oftentimes better than master of one."

 

 

 

Stay gold ponyboy.

 

Notes over

 

I started this journal by introducing the anecdote of the devil on the bridge as proposed by Nietzsche. Going with that anecdote, in my current state I would jump down the bridge. My friends, family, and this very community are the holy trinity in my life that keep me on the bridge until I can walk on it, look the devil in the eye and smile, all on my own. Thank you all. 

 

I don't quit that easily, not anymore. 54 days of no videogames as of today and counting. 

With warmest regards, your friendly neighborhood Übermensch in progress

-Csaba 

 

 

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Thank you for this post, Csaba

Passion is a the wind on your back. It will aid you in your flight but it won't always be at your stern. The only reliable way to move forward is to use your legs. Sometimes you will have to use them more; sometimes not.

We had the exact same problem. I didn't understand the temporary nature of passion and that commitment was the only way forward.

Hahaha I made the same post on nofap. Check out this shit!!!:

ohgodno.thumb.JPG.10221c66ccc33c4af50aaf

Edited by Schwing

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Good turnaround, Csaba. Gotta admit: I kinda lost hope in you there!... then again, believing in others is hardly a strength of mine.

Tell us something we don't know... F#ck hope!! Ech,... I feel all mushy now!

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Good turnaround, Csaba. Gotta admit: I kinda lost hope in you there!... then again, believing in others is hardly a strength of mine.

Tell us something we don't know... F#ck hope!! Ech,... I feel all mushy now!

I expect nothing less of you. 

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Csaba, it's really good to have you back. It's always encouraging to see you here, but with that said, I know you'll be out there succeeding whether you're posting here or not. It's in your nature.

Hey, and I can understand all too well what you said above. I feel the exact same way. It's the price of have a complete gestalt shift in your reality. You realized that electronics were making you a slave, and lessening your dependence on them wasn't enough. You wanted more from life, and in every area of it. The problem is, it's so easy to go back when you're trying to get good at everything, and only improve a few of those areas, and at measured increments at that. You go back to electronics when you burn out, because you don't know what else to do.

I've been saying "you", but I really mean me. Don't know if it applies, but it's my best way to relate. If it does, know that it gets better. No, your problems don't go away, but new one's only appear as a result of you now being able to handle them. It's the whole scaffolding idea. Life gets progressively harder as you get progressively stronger, because it knows you can handle it and that's the only way to continue to develop. So becoming an Übermensch doesn't happen suddenly with a moment rapturous clarity. It's a process. It's like my go to analogy: the wheel of pain in Conan the Barbarian. Slowly pushing it and embracing the pain; slowly growing stronger until you look like Arnold Schwarzenegger (well, hopefully with a different face).

I meant what I said about five years: come back and look at the goals you posted above then, and watch how small those look in comparison to what you have accomplished.

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Bear with me. 

 

Jesus fucking christ, day 59 and I never wanted to relapse so bad. Okay, that is an exeggaration but the last time I wanted to relapse this bad was around day 7. I think it is highly related on how I associated learning with gaming first, back when. It sort of became a pavlov's dog kinda thing, except I need to game first, then I can move on to study, but studying is not a given. Well, it was as such before. I have fallen behind on my material and had strong doubts about the course I am on. I was thinking of moving on to PPE (Philosophy Politics and Economics) and maybe if I was choosing course now I would choose that. But I can't let this overtake me. The safety offered by this degree will open up the rest of the world to me right after I graduate. I move wherever I want to work, if I save up I can get a new degree, there is so much to this. I need to weather the storm. I need to train myself in this area of computing. It is not currently my strength, but I can turn it into just that. 

 

Okay, block of text over. I need to get my studying going. Holy shit. So strange. The one aspect I did not directly target in improvement was my academics. Right after exams I let loose. Well, more like around week 3, week 4. I felt overwhelmed and chose to ignore the material. God I'm such a child when it comes to some things. This wishful thinking and doubt actually pushed me into a minor depressed state (nothing clinical), I felt isolated and distant and lost my path that is clearly set me. It is time I no longer follow my doubt. I am where I need to be, and once I have the strength and inspiration to, I shall carve my own path. But I start with the given path first. 

 

Hoooohooohooohoo, shit. Wish me luck. I need to overcome the greatest difficulty I've always had. Sitting on my ass and studying. Sheesh this is, interesting. 

 

Aight, bless up. Catch you guys soon. 

 

BRING FORTH THE VICTORIES OF TOMORROW! 

 

-Csaba

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To relapse or not to relapse. Haha.

Don't relapse. Even if you think it's stupid, at least get the 90 days, then you can say "I tried it without videogames, and it still sucked", but relapsing now will turn you into a limp-dick.

 

Best of luck with uni shit!

Edited by destoroyah

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I've been craving games again, and I realised it is because I don't tackle my work well. If I did I would not want to escape, after all. 

I push myself like never before. And I'm not talking about literally right now. I am talking over all. 

I visited my friend in Manchester this weekend and I learnt a lot about myself. I think he learnt a lot about himself too, I just hope I got to help him as well.

We trained martial arts together. He showed me the flaws with my boxing stance and let me know I always let my guard down, I also misjudge distance. He also showed me my low pain tolerance. Then it came to me. My physical body represents my mind really well. I've been struggling with scoliosis in the past, at one point I went at is and almost cured it, now I'm struggling with mild scoliosis. I have yet to complete fixing it. I am improving signifiantly. Exercise I've been doing helps a lot.  I'm a bit spineless in a way when I really should not be. I also have no solid stance on what I should be doing with my future. I let my guard down when things seem to go well then I get kicked in the face. And that kick hurts a lot more than it should. I also don't see far into my future. 

So all that said I need to learn how to fight. I will pick up kick boxing for the physical, and I will attempt Mel Robins' 5 second rule for the mental. 

I need to find my peace through action. The above two in combination with the things I already do and eliminating procrastination and hesitation should turn me into the mental emotional polymath juggernaut I desire to be. 

 

There's a lot more, but I'm tired. I shall tell you more later. Day 64. Alive and kicking. 

 

Silver Slivers of Sentient Silhouettes dance like Mercurial Memories, Marvelous and Mesmerizing, in this Whole Hollow Hallucination of Vivid Worlds Oriented Orderlessly, Ommiting Omnipotence like of the Old Gods, Unto Us: Living, Lucid, Luciferous Endless Existors.  

 

There's my alliteration today. No idea where I wanted to take that. 

Thanks for reading. 

 

-Csaba

 

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I can relate you your problem. But sometimes I think that perhaps this is the nature of life? You don't know where you are really going (provided you are following your heart) and you will inevitably get fucked over by the world from time to time. Perhaps that is not what you are describing though. Anyway, keep it up and become one of the Ubermenschen!

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Keep clear of that maelstrom that you call thinking. One word follows the next for eternity, and there is no meaning. In the end, you may still be sitting where you are. As a skeleton, a shadow.
 
There is no meaning in finding out that your body represents your mind, or whatever conclusion you may derive. Even if you are smart in your ability to recognize the patterns in this mosaic that people call "Life" in their madness to give everything a name. There is no reason, and there is no smart thing that will make you move.
 
You are unhappy because you are not moving. I know I wrote something similar in Pierces journal, but I have realized only when I'm going from A to B am I happy. There is nothing good in A or B and the reason I start going don't matter either.
 
Okay. I might be crazy. I probably am. This is it. I'm done.

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Let's talk about procrastination, determination and initial drive. 

 

I was gone for a bit. My room is a huge mess. I did not notice it happening once again. But it did. This time however I ended with a high note before my downfall so I was trapped in the illusion of positive progress. 

 

I have a presentation today and I have not yet prepared for it. 

 

I am exactly where I started when I was quitting games 73 days ago. Maybe worse. I wish to know what happened once again. 

 

I found that before my downfall I got on the high of having convinced myself that I intend to stay on this career path and that I am actually interested in Computer Science. Inevitably true things. Well, I hope so, I am too unstable to come to conclusions about myself at 20 years of age. Too too unstable. 

 

This sudden joy seemed to have got me to a state of "completion". Congratulations, you made it! You achieved your goal. You want to stay on your course. You convinced yourself, well done. You won life, you are interested in a career path that will grant you safety. Then following this I swiftly gave up on achieving anything. The illusion of an "end" or "conclusion" just beat the spirit out of me. I vaguely looked at material relating to what I do but nothing related to actualy projects I have going on. I have so much to do. But I don't create the time or the joy for myself to do it. I am currently listening to the audiobook the 5 second rule, which can be boiled down to, "once you have an idea, start counting back from 5 and by the time you reach 1 act on it." This way you get your brain into action and you can kill procrastination. However when I find myself starting to count I quickly drop the idea and carry on procrastinating. I do it on purpose. And THAT is unfortunately without a doubt. 

 

I need a flow state. Where I am excited about work, as I am excited about improving my life. I know it exists because I experienced it in the past, especially the early weeks of my detox. 

I think the internet addiction I allowed to seep back into my life is destroying me. Absolutely overtaking my life. Because of this, I will follow my gaming detox of 90 days with an internet detox of 90 days. I will only view youtube in the company of friends (skype included), no random links opened, no facebook, no empty watching of material. I will be able to choose a show or to target material I want to watch, but I have to target, define the time, essentially imitate watching a show. 

Why do I only do this after my video game detox? Because when I decided that I am staying on my course I also decided that I will not fully kill off games. Games were to me the primary form of appreciating Computer Science as a potential future for myself, and in a way I feel it is essential to maintaining my drive about the subject. But even this I am not sure if it is because I do mean this or because I am just falling apart and I seek escape again. It feels different. It really does. But I am not giving in. I am doing 90 days first. It is the deal I made to myself and to all of you. Nothing I state is set in stone, but 90 days is 90 days. 

 

You might be thinking that I am falling apart now. I am. But I think this will help me grow. But only if I actually learn something from this. Control of time and schedule is what I need to do. And no permission to browse aimlessly. That shit kills me. Okay, but if I know this now why do I wait until the end of my detox with this? Quite simple actually. I need to have 'introverted' fun somehow. I am having difficulties reading light novels and picking up watching movies does not feel proactive enough to me. I need some kind of more controlled escape. I chose youtube and facebook over games lately. My real question is, can I quit aimless consumption of material? Can I re-create my mind such that it is a tool for me not the other way around? That is my goal. That is what I seek. I succeeded by quitting games for a long while, can I do this with other forms of media? 

 

Sorry for the rambling and kinda relapse scares, not really, or what? Jesus fuck I'm tired. Alright scrap the all nighter, I'll get in six hours it will leave me more efficient after all. 

 

Here is a TL;DR for all you busy people: After my 90 day detox of games I will remain on GQ on my 90 day aimless internet purge. No facebook, only limited time messenger, preferably eradicate that too; No youtube unless directly targeted or in company of friends. All free time will be be used well, and all dedicated fun free time will be used for fun. I plan such that that will include games to see how allowing them back into my life influences my behavior. I will keep everyone up to date, if anything gets out of hand I will come back and fully purge everything to the best of my abilities. I will wipe my mind fresh and clean. But I don't think that is quite necessary. 

 

Thanks for caring. 

Kindest regards, 

-Csaba

 

P.s. Reading back I'm getting more unsure of what I believe and what I feel and what I know and honestly what is happening. O.o Do I sound like a quitter? I feel like a quitter already. Or did I just come to a decision? Whatever, sleep and 90 days. I'll see you guys later. 

 

 

 

 

 

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Yo Csaba, I only read the TLDR, flew by the rest – I'm one of the busy people ATM, and my advice might not hit the spot. But I strike anyways – because I gotta.

You sound unfocused. Keep doing sports, maintain good diet and sleep. I know that's stupid advice, but I know by experience that that is 80% of being good at what ever. Most people underestimate though.

Internet addiction is because you keep clicking thru, be more aware of what you read. Develop a mechanism that asks itself "what does that help me?" every 30mins. If you are relaxin – cool. If you are researchin – cool. If you're just browsing, following a line – NOT COOL.

I only got 45 "free" minutes a day, this was 15 – and you are always worth it (even when I call you an idiot!), remember! I hope you can make something of it. I see it as my duty to see you not welk under pressure.

 

All the best!

PS I just killed a fly with my bare hands, brutal!!

Edited by destoroyah

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Just handed in a project. I'm aiming for 70 percent I will probably get around 50-60. I dare say I enjoyed writing it. I was told by a friend that I am doing quite well for someone who "doesn't like to code" which was a reference to a conversation where I told him I don't like it. I think I was just struggling to cope. 

I'm taking the extra time on the other one. I will lose 10% but will be able to hand in respectable work. 

I'm 75 days into this detox. I feel that this is one of the best transformative things I've done for myself. Whatever happens after my 90 days regarding gaming I feel I will stay here. I will come here to fight my struggle with controlling my internet habits. I will be here whenever I need help. And I will return the favor to the best of my ability, at least for quite a while. 

 

I will get some chores out of the way now. Thanks guys. 15 days to the original goal. Quite exciting. I guess this is a milestone in a way by itself is it not? I think it is. I think every day was and is a milestone. Not just on GQ but in your life. After all, you managed to get out of bed and not die. That is pretty damn good if you ask me. 

 

@destoroyah Thanks for the advice man! I'm trying my best to stay on top. I will have a great shot to "reset" when I go back home for 2 weeks. I will be guaranteed good food and good sleep, I will incorporate exercise and coding! I have a coding project in mind, I find myself missing seeing how many hours I commited to something like that little marker on steam. I want to see that I've only done X hours of coding so I am fine with how good I am! I think it is a feedback system that helps a lot. 

 

Alright that's all for now. Cheers you all. 

-Cs

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Day 80. Fantastic developments going on. Field of study is interesting. I'm excited for life. I have plans for summer. I'm going home in a week and a half. Everything is going really well. I'll write more soon. 

 

-Csaba 

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Dude, ten days out! That's really exciting. Sounds like you were going through a rough patch last week; I can relate. I'm glad yesterday was going much better. The journey to mastery is a series of plateaus and peaks. Thing is, if we're going to have any fun along the way, we might as well enjoy the process/journey. Maybe take some time to assess what internal thoughts are making you happy right now, and how you can maintain some of those elements when you go through a hard time. That really saved me from downward spiraling today. Here's an image to help my point:

bad-thing.jpg

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Thing is, if we're going to have any fun along the way, we might as well enjoy the process/journey.

bad-thing.jpg

The most agreeable statement I have heard in regards to self development. And a lovely image I will refer to myself and to friends In the future.

Hope all is well with everyone. I'm currently on day 81, quite excited about what is coming. I need to get this assignment done today so I can write my first draft for a paper tomorrow. Getting back on exercise once my foot heals from this little wound I got on it last training. Hopefully that will be soon. I am going to a concert this Sunday and hopefully next Wednesday.

Life is pretty agreeable lately. I need to stay focused to maintain it so.

 

Clarity through Commitment. Change without Conclusion.

-Csaba

 

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