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Schwing

The Warrior's Infinite Opus

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@destoroyah There are so many fucking metalheads on this site it's insane! Entombed rules. Unfortunately I cannot blast death metal in the morning as my parents would pile up all my CDs in the back garden and burn them. Swedish death metal is cool. I like bloodbath quite a bit.

Indeed. Death metal takes a lot of open mindedness to understand and a special kind of appreciation. Everybody has a certain kind of appreciation for music: relaxing, energetic, complex, bigs up an ego they have (looking at you jazz and classical musicians). For death metal I think it is pushing the boundaries and curiosity. Death metal is a genre where you can write about almost anything and it will work! As the gorguts frontman once said he chose it as his preferred form of music as it has the broadest spectrum of lyrical themes. And I disagree as some death metal bands are very serious about the whole satan spiel: morbid angel for example. Satanic philosophy is something very prominent in their lyricism. if you like existential nihilism here is an album actually called being and nothingness. It's thrash but I'm sure you will like it.

My favourite metal bands: The Black Dahlia murder, Skeletonwitch, Death, Cannibal corpse, Psycroptic, Immolation, Inferi, Vektor, In Flames

A lot of the time I am expanding my musical horizons so I don't stick with bands a lot

My favourite non metal bands are: Converge, Hail the Sun, My chemical romance, Alexisonfire, The Fall of Troy, Ludwig van beethoven :)

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@Fagus Yes of course. I like this site a lot because there are so many germans. I haven't began the process of learning quite yet though so I wont start doing any german for some time. I have been thinking about posting here in german.

I have not bought that one yet. But i will check it out.

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No post yesterday. I was too tired so i went to bed. After a string of failures that day, my experiences were too much to handle for my conscience so I relapse to porn! But I WILL be porn free.

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Detox day: 81

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )1

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Nothing!!!!!!!!!!

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)- No
  • Cold shower- No
  • Bioenergetics- No
  • Porridge- no
  • Meditation- yes

Goals from yesterday done?:

  1.  

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • My routine is fucked. I hit rock bottom these past two days
  • I have had two close exposures to games today and I was completely unphased. One kid was playing CSGO at school. I also listened to the HAWKEN soundtrack.
  • There is this one kid who is always passive aggressive with me. Or perhaps he just pokes my fear of intimacy and my social paranoia and I end up annoying him. He is always putting me down. Or maybe I am just too sensitive? There is also a long term friend of mine who doesn't really like me.
  • Nailed physics test
  • Studied shitloads
  • FINISHED A SKETCHBOOK. YEEEEEEEEEEE BBBBBBBBBOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
  • Did some metal vocals. I thought about leaving my comfort zone today by singing cleanly and loudly but i couldn't do it! The result was my brain rationalising that I should just quit. 
  • I had depressive thoughts today but I bounced back.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical: metal vocals
  • Mental: art 4 pages, studying, test, reading
  • Spiritual: nooooooooothhhhhhhhhhhhing

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Relapsing twice in a row
  • My fear of intimacy
  • Social anxiety
  • Realising my problems
  • Nice conversations with people I like

What I have learnt from today:

  • I need a countermeasure for when I am stressed or depressed
  • Routine is essential
  • Up 6:30 bed 22:30
  • Prepare in advance more. Plan.
  • Time to start selecting my friends and start fresh. Ignore people I don't like.
  • Stay grounded always
  • I must break down my fear of intimacy

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Talking to everyone on 1000 days and being open

Goals for tomorrow:

  1. Study a lot
  2. Find ways of reinforcing no fap
  3. Make sketchbook tour video
Edited by Schwing

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I'm currently into the most recent "At the Gates" album "At war with reality", this is a recommendation. Goes almost as well to porn as Entombed, close second though!!

I really like that Hexen album, also the one that starts with "He's got a bomb, he's got a bomb! AAAAHHH!".

Vektor is also very good! Shit, it's amazing, but very hard to get into. When some tracks of them sneak up on me unnoticed, it's the shit.

I could write pages, but I'd just t(h)rash your journal.

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Hey man, been a while since I visited your journal. If you want to quit porn try quitting all other things that lead you to it or trigger your need to watch it. I, for example, have purged my instagram of.... ugh, I started doing more exercise and am eating my veggies. I'm also no longer blind and god likes me again. 

All jokes aside get all triggers away, to me there were a bunch on youtube as well so I left it all. 

 

Shit days happen. If you want a daily plan I recommend getplan.co 

I think of that as a step up if you will from kanban, I'm not sure if I'm ready for that one yet

 

When it comes to dealing with people in high school, as I would call it or gymnasium as our german collegaues over here would call it, it is indeed very difficult because you will be stuck together with those people for ages. Two things:

  1. Uni or college or whatever your next step is will be a lot better. (Totally ignore this if you are already working but I recall something about school for you ) 
  2. Try this. Ask people for the time. Ask for a pencil to quickly take a note. Go into public and just develop a deeper understanding that people don't mind/care. I can imagine that is quite difficult because I have dealt with british people as an outsider and it ain't easy around here. And you have to push through that too. But not only in regards to other people's 'walls' but your own. To me the realisation that people don't mind came a little while ago and have felt a lot better since. Go give it a try :) 
  3. Breathe into your balls and fuck what others have to think about you. Be American for a little. Be arrogant and believe that what you have to say is interesting to people. Maybe not all but to many. 

Arrogance is key in the development of a healthy ego. A lack of social comfort suggests low self esteem as a member of a community. Work around that. Look up method actor training methods. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meisner_technique 

"To be an interesting actor – hell, to be an interesting human being – you must be authentic and for you to be authentic you must embrace who you really are, warts and all. Do you have any idea how liberating it is to not care what people think about you? Well, that's what we're here to do." — Sanford Meisner

 

Take away whatever you need and leave the rest :) 

 

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Detox day: 83

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 3

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Stretching and making noises whenever I felt like it.

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)- No
  • Cold shower- yes
  • Bioenergetics- No
  • Porridge- yes
  • Meditation- no

Goals from yesterday done?:

  1.  

Thoughts and Feelings:

Forgot to post yesterday

Routine is still fucked

felt very good today at school.

i ran really hard and that felt good

did a course at school after lessons

I got some metal stuff in the post. CDs and a t-shirt. I spent my evening cutting the sleeves off.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical: running
  • Mental: studying, shirt
  • Spiritual: cold shower

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Metal stuff
  • Chuck schuldiner
  • Running

What I have learnt from today:

  • I need to get up on time. Its essential for my t
  • routine
  • Always stay grounded
  • I hate typing posts on my phone

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Wearing a death metal shirt to the climbing centre

Goals for tomorrow:

  1. Study a lot
  2. Fix your fucking routine
  3. Have a more personal conversation

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Detox day: 84

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )4

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Wearing the shirt

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)- No
  • Cold shower- No
  • Bioenergetics- No
  • Porridge- yes
  • Meditation- yes

Goal from yesterday done?:

No my routine is still fucked

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Failed to get up earlier or do any morning routine
  • took a toll on me for the rest of the day
  • The passive aggressive kid (let's call him the psychic vampire) is draining my energy. I can feel it. He is always out to make me feel self conscious
  • Did some climbing and I talked a bit with the same girl from before. Some girls are reaching out to me more.
  • I was very drained at the end of the day yet I felt compelled to keep trying to make conversation with this one girl so I said some dumb shit to try and start one and naturally it was a flop. She didn't really notice though. The psychic vampire was behind me and I felt very frustrated from then on out and couldn't study.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical: climbing
  • Mental: studying, personal dev. research
  • Spiritual: none

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Psychic vampires and dicks in general
  • Learning about myself

What I have learnt from today:

  • Don't get hung up on girls and their opinions of you. They are no exception to other people just because they have tits.
  • My ego is important. It is a pure social mechanism and I must embrace it rather than suppress it to seem more favourable.
  • If you are mentally drained do not be compelled to talk to girls or make lively conversation. You need to recharge. Get in the yin and out of the yang. Balance is ESSENTIAL. Do what you normally do. get out of your head.
  • I always try to joke to find security in a place where I am uncomfortable as a means of appearing comfortable.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Being assertive, serious and speaking my mind

Goal for tomorrow:

Fix your fucking routine! Make it real!

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Detox day: 84

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )4

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Playing death metal out loud randomly (nobody cared)
  • Didn't feel like being serious. I have a different type of ego. I was assertive though in a non serious kind of way.

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)- No
  • Cold shower- Yesyes
  • Bioenergetics- yes
  • Porridge- No
  • Meditation- yes

Goal from yesterday done?:

My routine is less fucked. I had 2 cold showers to make up for the still present fuckery though.

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up an hour late
  • I was very chill at school. I came into another confrontation will mr psychic vampire but I didn't care.
  • Failed a test. Doesn't matter. I will make up for it.
  • So I found the balls within myself to say a few things to some girls today.
  • The whole school did a run today. I beat everyone in my group.
  • Came home and chilled for a while. And another while. And a few more whiles. I felt very drained
  • Eventually studied a bit
  • I checked out some electronic synth stuff and I'm really getting into this shit. My musical horizons are expanding at an exponential rate!

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical: running
  • Mental: studying, personal dev. research, checking out bands
  • Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • New retro wave or whatever it's called
  • Running
  • Low productivity
  • Failing in tests

What I have learnt from today:

  • Gotta tackle my comfort zone in small chunks. Just saying random contextual shit to girls is a start.
  • To tackle my productivity I must use this get plan thing to plan ahead.
  • My countermeasure for when I am stressed or depressed is to take a step back, meditate or do something physical.
  • To beat nofap I will keep correcting myself when I grab my dick. I will also have a more rigid routine. Plus I will get to know women more. This will clean up my degenerate porn fetishes which I am very ashamed of. I am seeing results in this already.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Talk to at least 2 girls. You don't have to say much.

Goal for tomorrow:

Sort out producitivity

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Hey, I just want to let you know that I'm proud of you :)

Btw. I have versatile conversation opening, you can it out on these girls:

  • (Schwing) Hello
  • (Girl) Hi
  • (Schwing) I want to greet with you
  • (Girl) Ok...
  • (Schwing) What's your name?
  • (Girl) *saying her name*
  • (Schwing) If name is often "What a rare name!"; if name is rare "What an often name!"

And that's it! You can finish conversation at this point or just continue it if you want to!

Do it three times, and let me know how well it worked :)

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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Mad Pharmacist's versatile conversation opening. Sounds interesting. Have you tried this yourself @hycniejsy? What were your results?

Mathew, you are now on day 85 already. How do you feel?
You've been talking regularly about mr. psychic vampire. Is he an important figure in your life? What role does he play?

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Mad Pharmacist's versatile conversation opening. Sounds interesting. Have you tried this yourself @hycniejsy? What were your results?

Tried it 3 times a day for almost A YEAR. So it's like 1000 times, sometimes I'm doing it if I want to strike up conversation with strangers during events! :)

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@Fagus I used to play videogames with him. I stopped playing with him ages before I quit though because I didn't like him and he always made me feel bad. Recently he has been finding ways to frustrate me again.

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Yeah psychic vampires are always an issue. If you give us a specific example we could probably name a handling technique. Usually these people poke at your insecurities. If not we could give you general advice too. Assuming you want our help? :D 

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@Csaba_Bekesi Of course.

He constantly makes fun of me because I am a metalhead and he keeps telling me "it's a phase" and "metal is not real music". Shit like that. One time at climbing I was talking to this girl 1 on 1 and he just throws his chalk bag at me and says "hold this" for no apparent reason. He then proceeds to belittle me for wearing a tank top. I handle it well I think. But I he is always at the back of my mind.

If I was to hypothesise, I reason that he is jealous of me quitting videogames and trying new things. One time he said to me "so when is this phase going to end blah blah blah you started being an edgy teen ever since you quit games blah blah blah"

Edited by Schwing

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