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Schwing

The Warrior's Infinite Opus

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No post yesterday. I came back from climbing with a headache so I went to bed early but fuck me what an eventful day it was!

So yesterday I predetermined my comfort zone leaving activity was to wear a tank top to the climbing centre; armpit hair and all. But there's also this german girl who is new there and goes to my school. So I ended up having a really long conversation with her about all sorts of stuff and some quite deep subjects might I add. That was a first for me and it was fanfuckingtastic. Came home very satisfied. She is leaving at the end of this year though and she said she was in year 10. 2 years isn't much of a difference though right? She didn't look 14 though. I'll make that my excuse if I get done for statutory rape! Got to think ahead!

I learnt: that girls are better to talk to about some stuff than guys are. guys are always insecure about their ego and wont talk about deeper subjects because they're afraid of looking like an 'idiot'. girls just aren't funny to me- but they laugh at all my jokes even if they are shit. Cold showers are turning me into a masochist. MORE COLD. MORE PAIN. jk but they have increased my willpower significantly.

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Detox day: 73

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 10

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Trying to answer as many questions in class as possible and make as much of an active contribution as I could
  • Talking to a 'friend' about how someone pissed me off today.

Goals from yesterday done?:

  1. Today goals aren't from yesterday but just represent my general habits
  2. Yes I got up on the dot
  3. Yes took cold shower
  4. Nope. I watched a movie instead of studying but my teacher told me to watch it for a trip we are doing tomorrow.
  5. No hobby activities
  6. Workout planning not done

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up super early.
  • There was this kid at school today. I was talking about metal to someone else and I said I liked death metal. And then this kid just totally disrespects me and chats a load of shit about death metal. At the time I kept my cool and tried to make him understand (he didn't ofc) but later on I felt angry because I am very passionate about my music.
  • Went all out in running. Felt good.
  • Bioenergetics are working. Lately I have felt more in touch with my physical body and body of emotion (soul, heart etc. whatever you want to call it). Before I was just living in my head because I thought it was the only thing that mattered but now I realise they are all interconnected.
  • Lot of posting today on forum on my part.
  • School trip to bletchley park where they cracked the enigma code. I watched the imitation game movie today. very inspiring.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical: running
  • Mental: Studying(4), art, personal dev. videos, emailed dad
  • Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Cold water
  • The annoying kid for helping me exercise my aggression/yielding
  • My 'friend' for listening and not being negative to me
  • Nice clothes

What I have learnt from today:

  • Stay chill always
  • I am embracing pain now. Only way to get stronger
  • There is inspiration EVERYWHERE!

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Wearing clothes that make me look like a total goth on the school trip. Even though I'm not. Should be fun.

Goals for tomorrow:

  1. Get up at 6:30
  2. Don't pussy out of cold shower. You can take it.
  3. 2 pommodros
  4. 1 hobby activity
  5. School trip so only fundamental goals here

I know I look like a douche when i put friend in inverted commas. But I just don't feel comfortable calling someone friend who isn't supportive of me vice versa.

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How about your accountability on Minyan? :)

minyan.thumb.JPG.64b9893ad2ad85cc6fc47bd

I see you mention this term a lot. Could you tell me what it means? Sorry, I'm sure it's something really obvious.

Minyan is a word used in Delancey Street Foundation to describe the groups of 5-10 people who were working in groups with the same aspect as we are - each one had a person below him, and he was responsible for this person and also there was a person above him too. It came from Jewish tradition, but it was used with the same purpose as we used it - this way people were able to deal with their own addiction problems and become healthy people with normal life :)

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Detox day: 73

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )10

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Wearing really dark gothy clothes. Expressing myself a bit and not being a paranoid conformist pussy just for the sake of pushing my boundaries.
  • Sang on the bus back from school trip

Goals from yesterday done?:

  1. Even better. 5:30!!!
  2. Yes cold shower
  3. No but I did other stuff
  4. Nope ditto

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up super super early. But I had to
  • Today I went to bletchley park where they cracked the enigma code. Very interesting. I got to play with a genuine enigma encryption machine.
  • I have cold so no cold showers for now
  • I find myself confronted with this other kid who is on my shit list when we talk sometimes. We will have a seemingly normal conversation but my instinct tells me he is imposing his ego on me. The way he looks me in the eyes is a giveaway.
  • There is another kid at school who does quite the opposite. He gives in to my ego. He is a bit of an outcast in terms of fitting in. I try and distance myself because I don't want to have people attached to me in that way. He is not a desirable person to me anyway.
  • We played we are number one remix memes on the bus back. Top kek.
  • I have been going through strange changes lately. As I have deepened my understanding of the mechanisms of the human psyche I find I am much more in touch with something. I read the satanic bible a while back and I agreed with it just that I failed to embody it because I didn't feel them within myself because of my psychological restrictions. My ego driven conscious mind passed the idea of the book off but now these ideas are resurfacing in my unconscious action. Perhaps this is what I truly desire. Or perhaps this is a dumb teenage phase! Who knows?
  • Forked out a load of my mum's old classical music CDs. Will rip the mp3s at weekend.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical: none
  • Mental: personal dev. videos
  • Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, exercising social manipulation, deep thinking with some awesome music

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Cold water
  • The confrontational kid for helping me exercise my aggression/yielding
  • The other one for helping me realise how to deal with his kind
  • My teachers for taking me and everyone out on that awesome trip

What I have learnt from today:

  • Maintain the balance of your aggression and tenderness always. Meditate on this. Speak softly and carry a big stick. Show no fear.
  • Don't give in to your own ego. Be kind and strong and control your ego with your true desire.
  • I'm not doing my full bioeneergetics routine properly! Never jump the gun. Always take in information fully.
  • I have a very strong sex drive right now! No fap is paying off. Balls are still intact.
  • My path is my own. My path is no lesser or greater than the next man's. My ideas are to be shared and not taught.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Physically expressing my emotion in front of someone

Goals for tomorrow:

  1. Get up at 6:30
  2. Work
  3. 1 hobby activity
  4. Plan the fucking workouts already
  5. Sort out required reading for physics. Buy the books.

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Hey man. Nachdem  du erzählt hast das deine Eier are fine I have an article about how sex is fun and healthy but no psychological need. I found it very interesting. https://markmanson.net/sex-and-our-psychological-needs.

What stuff stands in the satanic bible? I think I heard someone talk about it and that i wasn't that okkult emos who run over graveyards bullshit. But no idea what it really is about.

 

Edited by WorkInProgress

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@WorkInProgress The main philosophy behind LaVey's work is that one must pursue their desires and true knowledge to seek fulfillment in life. It portrays an idea that man is animal in nature and measures must be taken to satisfy this nature. Satan is also seen as a mere symbol for the collection of ideas. The book also is highly critical of so called 'mainstream religion' . Something along the lines of that. Also he details something he calls magic. Which is basically a term for empowering your will through social manipulation and ritualistic expression. I haven't visited the book in a while, but what struck me was that I missed the point. At the time I didn't understand that their was a difference between innermost desire and petty compulsions. What I also didn't understand was that I only absorbed his ideas in my head and they were immediately diluted as I did not embody these ideas and feel them within myself. I agreed with the shit but I couldn't bring myself to become it. Either I had these misconceptions because I was not wise enough or LaVey did not express his ideas in enough depth. To hypothesise, lately I have been engaging in exercises to open up myself to my will and become more animated by it. Now I am strangely drawing parallels with my behaviour and the ideas in the book. I am also more aware of how humans are very similar to animals, just that we possess a social ego which too many of us allow ourselves to be consumed by. Perhaps the book is similar to how I truly feel as a person or perhaps I have simply tapped in to a layer of consciousness that everyone possesses. Fascinating stuff.

Edit: thank you for the article. I believe you already sent me the same one a while back but it was useful to refresh!

 

Edited by Schwing

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Detox day: 74

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 0

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Sneezing really loudly whenever I could 

Goals from yesterday done?:

  1. Got up way too late 8:00
  2. No work. Too ill
  3. No hobbies today
  4. Yes I looked into a lot of stuff
  5. No I lost the list

Thoughts and Feelings:

Typical school day. I felt really sick. Strangely today I didn't give many fucks about the way I was acting. Probably just because I felt ill.

Now I understand social mechanisms better I feel less pressured by negative social circumstances. Someone was ignoring me today whos company I enjoy. So I just let him. I realised it was a simple matter of ego and mine was conflicting with his.

Today I looked into doing g bodyweight fitness. I felt a strange excitement which reminded me of starting a new videogame

My mum also helpede fork out a load of books on Tibet. I found one on Tibetan art and the moment I saw the cover image I started getting goosebumps. It looked so amazing.

Relapsed on no fap again! No porn. Or imagination this time. Felt reeeaaallly good. I don't think masturbation is bad anymore. Sex is not only intimate but physically gratifying. But I want the self control and to be able to harness my sexual energy rather than give into urges whenever.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical: none
  • Mental: workout plan , reading, found books
  • Spiritual: bioenergetics, exercising social manipulation

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Bad cold
  • Guy ignoring me
  • My mum helping me with the books

What I have learnt from today:

  • Same shit as always.
  • I need to plan my no fap

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

Helping with the cooking off my own accord

Goals for tomorrow:

  1. Get up at 8:30
  2. Study 6 pommodros (apparently pommodro sucks)
  3. Sketch figures from reference fill 2 pages
  4. Email teacher about required reading. 
  5. Rip cds

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@WorkInProgress The main philosophy behind LaVey's work is that one must pursue their desires and true knowledge to seek fulfillment in life. It portrays an idea that man is animal in nature and measures must be taken to satisfy this nature. Satan is also seen as a mere symbol for the collection of ideas. The book also is highly critical of so called 'mainstream religion' . Something along the lines of that. Also he details something he calls magic. Which is basically a term for empowering your will through social manipulation and ritualistic expression. I haven't visited the book in a while, but what struck me was that I missed the point. At the time I didn't understand that their was a difference between innermost desire and petty compulsions. What I also didn't understand was that I only absorbed his ideas in my head and they were immediately diluted as I did not embody these ideas and feel them within myself. I agreed with the shit but I couldn't bring myself to become it. Either I had these misconceptions because I was not wise enough or LaVey did not express his ideas in enough depth. To hypothesise, lately I have been engaging in exercises to open up myself to my will and become more animated by it. Now I am strangely drawing parallels with my behaviour and the ideas in the book. I am also more aware of how humans are very similar to animals, just that we possess a social ego which too many of us allow ourselves to be consumed by. Perhaps the book is similar to how I truly feel as a person or perhaps I have simply tapped in to a layer of consciousness that everyone possesses. Fascinating stuff.

Edit: thank you for the article. I believe you already sent me the same one a while back but it was useful to refresh!

 

Seems liek alot of whoo-hoo around soudn principles :) Maybe he wanted to shock people a bit at the time to call it Satanic Bible. I personally aren't  against religion. I just am not religious. I think in our todays society (especially liberal country's like Germany /UK) there isn't really a problem with religious suppression of  personal needs and expression. I feel it is more social peer pressure which keeps you staying "normal" or acceptable and not doing the things you really want. I personally was funnily always a kind of annoyed that I was so "normal". Not because I had to be but that is just the way I am. If I then went to locations where metal-heads gathered I was the one who was looked on strangely. It is fun how peer pressure exists in subcultures too. Basically if you doesn't look metal enough I am not interested in you:D I come to the conclusion that living a quiet normal life isn't something bad if you choose it ( I definitely did), but can suck if you feel forced to behave that way even if you desire something else. I think we are jsut another form of animals with bigger brains. But these brains allow us to be really really interesting :)

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@WorkInProgress Thank you for your reply. Yes I do believe that he called it the satanic 'bible' as more of a gimmick in a mocking sense than anything else. But it's quite ironic how so many would take his word for the only truth which is the exact nature of the christian bible and other religious texts for so many. I would encourage you read the book and see for yourself as my interpretations aren't everything. And yes exactly. In today's western society it is social oppression that is the problem. Too many people are caught up in materialism and led by their ego. Sitting in starbucks, slaving away at some desk job and scrolling through facebook in their spare time. I do not believe in a 'normal' life. Too many follow a path laid out before them by one who would only waylay them. I will do what I feel like doing and cast off psychological trappings. Still not quite there yet though :( . I think many would share the same ideas as me just in a different format which is totally cool. And yes. Your way of describing humans in regards to their animal nature is a sound definition. Interesting is all we can really say about our multiple and complex states of consciousness.

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Detox day: 75

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )1

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Helping with cooking

Goals from yesterday done?:

  1. Got up an hour later. Not bad for weekend though still
  2. Did 6 but I wasn't fully focussed. I just let myself be unfocused because I am sick of spending all my time studying
  3. Not two full pages but I did a lot nonetheless.
  4. Done
  5. Ripped one. Played around with flac a bit. Not much difference IMO.

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • I usually break my routine at weekends but I forced myself not to today and I benefited well from it. Breaking routine causes depression in me I find.
  • Sweated out some drawings after studying. Proud of myself and I have a clear learning direction.
  • Helped out with all the cooking. I actually learnt a lot so I'll do it more often.
  • Watched a movie. Only halfway though. It's called Mary and Max and it's this depressing quirky black comedy plastacine animation
  • Found a guide on relationships by this guy called mark manson

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical: none
  • Mental: personal development stuff, studying(6), art, CDs, cooking
  • Spiritual: bioenergetics

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • My mum for being awesome at teaching me how to cook. 
  • This site! This is the best thing that has ever happened to me
  • Porridge with banana and peanut butter

What I have learnt from today:

  • Calm waters for now. But bad times will come so don't slack off. Or perhaps if I maintain mastery of my life I will sail rough seas like swimming in the kiddy pool.
  • Cooking is fun.
  • Stick to something and do it. Enjoyment only lasts so long until you hit the long grind. 

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Helping my step dad with something.

Goals for tomorrow:

  1. Get up at 8:30
  2. Finish silmarillion
  3. Study 6
  4. Sketch one page
  5. Plan German learning methodology

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@WorkInProgress Ja er ist sehr hilfsbereit. Forgot to post my drawings from yesterday. One is a practice of shading from reference and the other is a practice of an arm musculature.

IMG_20170128_205748820.jpg

IMG_20170128_195641719.jpg

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Detox day: 76

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 2

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Helping chopping wood

Goals from yesterday done?:

  1. Got up on time
  2. Finished it. Amazing book
  3. No I did 4.
  4. Sketched a bit
  5. No not at all

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • I got up and made some porridge today. Very filling
  • Read a lot of this article on relationships.
  • Tried a bit of studying but I didn't get an awful lot done. When I hit brick walls with work my mind tends to wander a bit
  • A lot of what I did today was my mind wandering. I don't think it was unproductive. I like thinking.
  • Chopped some wood with my step dad. Great guy.
  • Finished the entirety of the silmarillion! Time to read the book on tibetan art.
  • Bought a load of physics books. Should be painful to read.
  • Tomorrow I have to teach a lesson at cadets. I will nail it
  • I looked at a lot of books by sigmund freud and willhelm reich on psychology today. It would be interesting to read them at some point

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical: chopping wood
  • Mental: personal development stuff, studying(4), art, reading
  • Spiritual: bioenergetics

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • My step dad for chopping wood with me
  • J.R.R. tolkien for making his books
  • Not being able to focus when studying today. Now I know what it is that ails me exactly

What I have learnt from today:

  • Must find a way of counteracting my bad focus habits
  • studying is a HUGE vent for time because I never focus at home. 

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Being very active in teaching lesson

Goals for tomorrow:

  1. Get up at 8:30
  2. Bioenergetics
  3. Study 4
  4. Sketch one page
  5. Plan German learning methodology

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Ja er ist sehr hilfreich* (hilfsbereit is being ready to help: hilfe = help,  bereit = ready; hilfreich means delivering a lot of helpful stuff:  reich =  rich.

Good Job on replying in german. It will help you a lot to apply your knowledge.

One thing which helps me  lately to get some reading done without effort is to use audible and lsiten to adiobooks. You can put them most of the time on1,5-2 times speed and do them while running/cleaning/etc. I would really recommend you "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynmann". It is made out of stories from Richard Feynmann who was a famous scientist nobel prize winner and helped to develop the atom bomb. His attitude towards science and physics is really great. I wish I had read/listen to it before starting my studies. 

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Detox day: 77

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 3

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Being active in teaching lesson
  • Being active in course

Goals from yesterday done?:

  1. Got an hour late
  2. Done
  3. Didn't use pommodoro but I revised a load of physics for test tomorrow
  4. Nope
  5. Nope

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • I got up veeeeerry late.
  • At school I felt very drowsy. I think it have something to do with my medication
  • Cold is gone
  • I did part of a course in "confidence and social skills" which my school provided. I thought it was useful and satisfying. I nailed it. I was super calm and collected as I have been of late. I was paired up with a girl as well. So that was good. I couldn't help but compare myself this time- there were some really socially retarded/ immature guys there. It was like looking through a window to my past self.
  • Came in and I had a cold shower. Felt like I was going to die but I enjoyed it nonetheless.
  • I dicked about a bit after that though. I had a massive surge of testosterone I think.
  • Realised I had physics to do. Crammed a load of revision in. I work very well under pressure.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical: nothing
  • Mental: skills course, studying
  • Spiritual: bioenergetics, cold shower

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Being shit at managing my time
  • Being awesome and socially adept
  • Not giving a fuck!

What I have learnt from today:

  • Everything on the course
  • Some people are way too socially dependent of one another. They leech of each other's presence like parasites.
  • I should let girls talk more when I speak to them because they don't tend to talk much and I don't want to be a dick.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Wearing a my chemical romance shirt to the climbing centre

Goals for tomorrow:

  1. Get up at 8:30
  2. Bioenergetics
  3. Study 4

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Detox day: 79

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 5

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Nothing!!!!!!!!!!

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30- No
  • Cold shower- yes
  • Bioenergetics- yes
  • Porridge- no
  • Meditation- no

Goals from yesterday done?:

  1. Got way too late
  2. No hobby activites
  3. Studied a lot but didn't use kanbanflow

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • I got up veeeeerry late.
  • I didn't post yesterday because I was too tired and couldn't be bothered
  • I was incredibly tired at school. I was drowsing off in lessons. But then I listened to some death metal and was instantly revitalized. Awesome.
  • Towards the latter half of today I was much more confident and expressive.
  • Won an art competition. Noice
  • Came home and got studying with no bullshit. Which was a change.
  • Watched a video on approaching women. Very informative.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical: running
  • Mental: art comp., studying
  • Spiritual: bioenergetics, cold shower

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Being very tired
  • Getting back on track
  • Constantly expanding myself and learning
  • DEAAAAAAAATHHH FUCCCCKINNNNNNGGG MEEEEEEETAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLL!!!!!!

What I have learnt from today:

  • Everything in the video
  • I work better when I feel meaning in a task. I have a creative mind therefore I am naturally inclined to be more focused in more practically applied situations. Therefore most boring shit I do like maths gets done very slowly. So I should try and make studying more exciting.
  • Breaking routine is dangerous. Need to solidify routine and never break it.
  • Don't pussy out. Just do it.
  • My goals must not be my routine. These must be separate. Goals must be focus based.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Randomly approaching a girl

Goals for tomorrow:

  1. Study a little
  2. Find way of breaking study monotony
  3. Plan out german learning

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Ohhh, I sometimes listen to death fucking metal too. Nothing beats the first two albums by Entombed while taking a shower. I sometimes sing along. "Left hand path" is rather ego-strengthening, makes for a good morning ritual on days where I feel like a lazy dick. I also like Dismember and Vader. I think swedish DM has the best vibe - they're serious, but if you look very deeply, they're just fucking with ya, and noone understands.

I think the genre is rather underappreciated and wrongly taken. The music is rather deep and requires a lot of "music-knowledge" to understand. It's a privilege to understand death metal. The lyrics are often about nihilism, being and nothingness, and very empowering and philosophical. Most think satanism, but... nah they're just joking - mostly.

Which bands do you listen to (not only DM)? Curious!

Edited by destoroyah

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I can help you with learning German. I think my German is above average, except comma placement. In return, you could correct my English.

I saw your list of books and ordered "A Short History of Nearly Everything". I've just read "A Brief History of Mankind" so this fits in.

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