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Schwing

The Warrior's Infinite Opus

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@hycniejsy Thanks. That seems pretty random though. I don't think I'm at the stage where I can just say random shit to people like that. I'm a total introvert.

Oh c'mon!

That's an excuse!

There are no intro and extraverts!

Everyone is just a mixture of both of them.

I mean, I'm introverted too in most situations in my life. I like to spend time alone, have only couple of closest friends and that's it.

But when I'm on stage, I'm extravert as hell!

That's because I learned it! I was trying to do any effort to deal with it. Break any limits to start feeling comfortable in social situations.

So, if I did, why you can't? You haven't even tried.

And it's not just a random shit.

These are just saying hi and then 3 sentences. You can memorise them to feel more comfortable.

I recommend trying it first and then reevaluate.

Trust me, I mean, I can tell shitty things on meditation, because at least I tried it once!

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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I'm a total introvert.

I call bullshit. 

And as our friend @hycniejsy said, social skills are a muscle. Today I failed interacting with people and I felt shame. The shame of cowardice now outdoes the shame of rejection. I trained that. I wasn't like this before. 

Although a less intimidating version of that would be a flying compliment. "I like your hair/piercing/earring" Something very non-invasive. They'll say thank you, then you get to leave. Very calm and hard to mess up haha. A good icebreaker though. 

 

Also if you want to handle that guy better I would just ask back if he has any plans for the future. Not in a snarky way. Just, genuine discussion. Also when it comes to metal not being real music. Agree with him. Fuck I gave up on calling metal good music ages ago and it is so liberating. You no longer need to defend it in front of normies. Let's get real, we are all a bit psychopathic. 

Bullies usually just need to talk. 

Fun fact. This one guy who almost choked me in the third grade is my best friend since. We really just needed to talk. 

I'm not saying this guy will be your bestie but these people usually just need some sensible people around, after all they clearly have no idea how to enjoy their own company. 

GL

-Cs

 

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Detox day: 86

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 0

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Nothing

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
  • Cold shower
  • Bioenergetics
  • Porridge
  • Study 1 hour
  • Meditation

Goal from yesterday done?:

My productivity is still fucked. I have been having less pressure from school work lately though and the holidays are around the corner

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up an hour late again
  • I was extremely depressed for no seemingly reason all day at school! What?!
  • Got home and dicked about for a bit. Did some miscellaneous things. Read some hp lovecraft. and then BOOM porn cravings hit me. I keep up as much as I can. I try meditating but then I just snap out of it and relapse like a motherfucker.
  • Started a new sketchpad

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical:
  • Mental: studying, personal dev. research, reading, art
  • Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, meditation

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Relapsing
  • Hp lovecraft

What I have learnt from today:

  • The trick to getting rid of porn cravings is starting to become an enigma to me. I just dwell on the thought for ages and then BOOM fuckitmode initiate.
  • I watched an Elliot hulse video about "the habit of getting shit done". My routine is a habit. I just need to do shit without thinking about it.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Talk to at least 1 girl. You don't have to say much.

Goal for tomorrow:

Sort out producitivity

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  • Talk to at least 1 girl. You don't have to say much.

Talk to 1. 

Approach 2 more. 

We are not here to bargain. Thank us later. 

I wanted to quote this, but you're faster than me! :D

Strike up 3 conversations with girl you didn't know, and this way you'll gain permanent +1 charisma boost. :)

 

About feeling depressed:

Everyone sometimes feel like that. It's just emotion and when some time will pass it will all wear off.

Depression is a different story, but I don't think you're. You gave me too much positivity into my life to suffer from this disease! :)

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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Poor Englishman cornered by two Eastern Europeans on acting more socially open. God, we are THE definition of culture shock. 

BTW @Schwing I owe you an apology as I have not followed my own advice today. I'll write more about it in my journal tonight. Don't make the same mistakes I made. The forbes article @Cam Adair was featured in now talks about it perfectly. Stop hoping for good results. Stop feeling embarassed. Go out and start and after a while you will get better. I am heading to work to catch up with uni right after I am done writing this. I want to hear about your social ATTEMPTS today! 

Ferocity in Freedom,

-Cs

 

 

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Detox day: 87

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )0

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Trying to iniate conversation with a girl

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
  • Cold shower
  • Bioenergetics
  • Porridge
  • Study 1 hour
  • Meditation

Goal from yesterday done?:

 Noooooo. I have been depressed all day again.

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up super super late
  • Was depressed at school again as per yesterday. Didn't feel like talking to anyone.
  • Came home and I found an email reply from my dad. I had some sort of anxiety attack and then I watched porn.
  • I then watched 2001: a space Odyssey
  • I then got my shit together and did bioenergetics, cold shower, porridge and meditation
  • I then went to work and did something along the lines of what @hycniejsy said (the a name thing) on a girl who works behind the bar. She didn't really care.
  • I also found 10 quid on the floor today which was pretty dope.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical: work
  • Mental: studying
  • Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, meditation

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Relapsing again
  • Amazing support from hyncniejsy, csaba and fagus
  • Being in contact with dad again.
  • £10

What I have learnt from today:

  • I should try to develop a habit of doing shit. Like a boom and then I get shit done.
  • Porn is an escape for when I am depressed. 
  • If I do my routine enough I won't have to think about it

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Talking to my dad on the phone

Goal for tomorrow:

Find a way to destroy porn addiction and prevent fuckitmode.

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Thank you for this awesome support. I realise now that I should stop looking past myself. In the words of Shia la beouff: "just do it!!!".

The pleasure is in the moment not the result. I have to focus on steering the ship rather than gazing into the horizon.

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Detox day: 88

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )0

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Phoning my dad

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
  • Cold shower
  • Bioenergetics
  • Porridge
  • Study 1 hour
  • Meditation

Goal from yesterday done?:

 No I forgot

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Perfect routine today
  • Studied a lot and read a bit watched a movie
  • I got a phone call from my dad and I was really nervous about it and I wasn't able to tell him how I really felt.
  • I got depressed afterwards and watched porn again.
  • I'm going to bed early because I have no willpower.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical: 
  • Mental: studying, reading
  • Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, meditation

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Trying to break down fear of intimacy

What I have learnt from today:

  • I hate the unclean feeling after watching porn. I want to do away with this forever. But I don't know how.
  • I made an effort today. That is all that counts.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Talking to everyone on 1000 days

Goal for tomorrow:

Find a way to destroy porn addiction and prevent fuckitmode

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You need more impulse control to quit porn. Actually meditation should help with that, have you noticed any improvements regarding this?

If not, maybe change techniques. Maybe you'll find something on google with the words "impulse control".

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I feel you have (emotional) triggers that lead you to watching pornographic content. I think we already established that. As much as I agree with @destoroyah I have to say I don't think impulse control will be enough. I suggest finding an alternative. You draw don't you? Draw your mind. Yes, whatever you wanted to watch, draw it. You can burn it if you don't want people finding it. You need a new outlet for all that sexual energy. I succeeded at simply cutting the visual, but to let you in on a little secret *I might have written a few rather nsfw short stories*. Also forget about nofap. Get porn out. One leads to another. I'm day 4 of actual nofap and want to commit. Remember though that I had pornography out of the picture for almost 60 days now. My current goal is 20 days of nofap. If I make that I'll keep expanding by 10 days each. And would you look at that, it's been a year. Or so I hope. 

 

I also feel it important to ask, are you sure your depression is emotional and not clinical? You might want professional help. 

 

Oh, and before I forget. Congratulations on your perfect routine today! Well done :) 

-Cs

 

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Detox day: 89

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 1

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Playing electronic music out loud in the kitchen.

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
  • Cold shower
  • Bioenergetics
  • Porridge
  • Study 1 hour
  • Meditation

Goal from yesterday done?:

 I have a direction now thanks to @destoroyah and @Csaba_Bekesi

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • I felt quite depressed this morning and I got up very late but I snapped out of it and did my thing.
  • I found my depressed mentality felt quite 'forced' in a strange way. Like I wanted to go do my thing but my mind was placing a block on my desire. Never felt like that before.
  • Tried studying a bit. Not too focused.
  • Did some art.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical: 
  • Mental: studying, art
  • Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, 10 min meditation

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Getting shit done
  • Having no porn cravings today
  • Achieving 90 days tomorrow

What I have learnt from today:

  • I watched a video by elliot hulse on the 'warrior' mentality. In other words: perseverance, willpower and resolve. I should adopt a mentality of getting shit done. Up until now I have had an attitude of seeing past myself and having fanciful dreams aplenty which were rarely fulfilled. This would manifest in hopping from game to game and taking up hobbies only to neglect or drop them. I need to just do the thing and not gloat at it as passion is a mere emotion and waxes and wanes.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Going for a run outside

Goal for tomorrow:

Look at universities 

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@Csaba_Bekesi I am sceptical of therapists. Do you have any experience with them?

 

  • I found my depressed mentality felt quite 'forced' in a strange way. Like I wanted to go do my thing but my mind was placing a block on my desire. Never felt like that before.
  • Look at universities 

Excellent question. I find that therapists, the good ones will force you to develop a better sense of introspection and will force you to change your frame of mind enough to bring a change along in your life. I think with gaming officially done tomorrow, you will be just ready to move on to the next great step. I think a professional therapist could help you with one. Try to find one in your area and go to one session, see how you feel. 

HOWEVER, I noticed what you wrote next. You successfuly identified your depressed state as separate from yourself. Which is why, despite my earlier claim, I would now say you are probably fine without professional assistance. Metacognition is the idea of thinking about how you think. Whenever you distance yourself from your direct thoughts you achieve this and this is outstanding in achieving recovery. (By god I need to start following my own advice.) 

What unis are you thinking about? What subject? 

 

Intellect from Inspiration, 

-Cs

 

 

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@Csaba_Bekesi Even if you don't follow your own advice the insight is extremely helpful!

I want to do electrical/ electronic engineering. I have been thinking about Manchester or Newcastle university but I haven't really delved into it as of yet. Manchester because I hear it's good and all the best metal gigs are down there. Newcastle because I also hear it's good and I have a scholarship on their behalf. I have also been thinking about studying abroad.

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29/1000 days 

Days porn free: 2

Days fap free: 2

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Going outside for a run

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
  • Cold shower
  • Bioenergetics
  • Porridge
  • Study 1 hour
  • Meditation

Goal from yesterday done?:

 Yes. I looked at manchester, newcastle and leeds.

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • I got up late again but I did my thing. No porridge today though.
  • I went for a 3 mile run and had a cold shower after. Felt good
  • Got a variety of shit done today. I bought some shoes for the air cadet leadership course I am going on.
  • I tried out duo lingo which is a language learning resource. It's just like a videogame. I had no cravings but it was very addictive. But I suppose that's a good thing.
  • Newcastle uni has a feminist and marxist society. Oh dear...
  • Going to bed later.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical: running
  • Mental: studying, reading, learning german
  • Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, meditation

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • 90 days!
  • Getting outside and running
  • Having access to higher education

What I have learnt from today:

  • I must commit to my goals no matter what
  • Going over the basics of something is handy. Don't cut corners.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Changing my facebook profile picture

Goal for tomorrow:

Sort out ACLC stuff

Edited by Schwing

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29/1000 days 

Days porn free: 2

Days fap free: 2

 Yes. I looked at manchester, newcastle and leeds.

 

I know Manchester is really good. My friend is there, smart guy but he needs to study a lot. 

Good thing you separated your porn and fap counter. Good luck man. Remember, it is the porn counter that you need to keep going first. 

 

Good luck, 

-Cs

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30/1000 days 

Days porn free: 3

Days fap free: 3

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Nothing

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
  • Cold shower
  • Bioenergetics
  • Porridge
  • Study 1 hour
  • Meditation

Goal from yesterday done?:

 Yes. This is some scary shit.

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up late again. I have been losing study time to this a lot.
  • I got part of my studying done though
  • I should be honest about this. I can't talk to my dad. I have so much anxiety I am disabling the SIM card on my phone so he can't call me in the evenings. When I last called him I said I would arrange a time to go and see him but I haven't got round to that yet. That was almost 3 days ago
  • I didn't change my facebook profile because I had more important things to do.
  • Watch a movie: Perfect Blue. Fucked up shit. I have watched even nastier movies before with no reaction but I find I am becoming more sensitised to this kind of thing.
  • I have been grateful for metal 91 days in a row. Now that is metal as fuck.
  • It's hard to think up comfort zone leaving activities when it's the holidays because of lack of social interaction. I haven't really spoken to anyone apart from my parents thus far (5 days). I am very introverted indeed.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical:
  • Mental: studying, aclc, learning german
  • Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, meditation

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Pasta
  • That awesome anime movie

What I have learnt from today:

  • I lose so much time to sleeping late
  • I should just go for the leadership course even if it looks scary af. Do the thing.
  • I should start working out already.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Get up super early even though it's the holidays.

Goal for tomorrow:

Get ahead with studying (get up early)

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Congratulations! You've succesfully done the 90 day detox! Why don't you continue with your count? I think there is no need to forget about these 60+ awesome days before you started the 1000 day challenge.

I don't know what this is about, but I suppose you have to face your father some day. The earlier the better, since it will haunt you otherwise. But you have to do it at your own pace, so no pressure here.

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