Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
JaniP

Escaping Escapism - My journey from the start

Recommended Posts

First of all: I have never been good at keeping a journal. My main problem is to be consistent with it. This time, however, I have a goal, a target: To quit all forms of gaming for good. I think I covered my feelings somehow in my starting/introduction post to the forums so I will be starting this journal from Day 2 (today, 31. October 2016)

Day 2:

The first day of my gaming detox was over. I actually felt good after the first day after making my huge decision but right before falling asleep I was really afraid of these few days to become... How would I spend the time? The days are long after all and before when I was still gaming, I actually didn't need to worry about spending/wasting the spare time during the day; I could simply spend it gaming and didn't need to worry about the passing time.

So waking up to Day 2. I was tired. Really tired. In the morning I knew that I will have an exam in couple of hours. The exam was about general human anatomy and the specific subject was the anatomy of brains, eyes, ears and the central- and periferic nervous system. Well, eventually I was done with the exam and I think I will pass it. After that I decided to get a haircut after a long time so I booked a time and went to the barber. The big thing here is, that when I was still gaming, I would hardly do these kind of things. It felt productive, even though in the end it's a really small thing to do. And you do not even need to do it yourself :DBut still, I felt that I am doing something productive for myself. After that I came back to the university (where I am still writing this journal).

Now the latter is something that didn't happen too often when I was gaming. I wouldn't stay at the university, if I really didn't need to. Actually, I wouldn't sometimes be there even if I really needed to! :D So again something that I should be grateful for. In the meantime I also attended a really hard chemistry class and actually got something out of it, since I wasn't thinking about - let's say - bot lane strategies for League of Legends for the evening's gaming session. No, this time I feel that in the evening I want to spend my time more productively. In my introduction post I didn't remember to tell that I play guitar a lot, so that's what I am planning to do when I reach home. Also one thing on my list is to study more chemistry because I skipped a lot of classes when the course began. I think this is one of the best after effects about quitting gaming - you actually start to take more responsibility in what you want to accomplish and what you are doing in your every day life. For example in the morning I also booked a free classroom for my group for the chemistry group assignment. Even these kind of things are something I didn't do when I was gaming. Never.

When I am done with the primary plans for this evening I would probably just watch an episode or two of Supernatural and the new episode of The Walking Dead. Then trying my best to sleep early today, since I know that also the healthy cycle of sleep and nutrition helps getting rid of the addiction!

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey @Yani !

Isn't It awesome how you feel way more productive, and overall you just feel so much better about yourself? It's like a weight being lifted off your shoulders. Just remember that as you continue your detox, and keep it up!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey @Yani !

Isn't It awesome how you feel way more productive, and overall you just feel so much better about yourself? It's like a weight being lifted off your shoulders. Just remember that as you continue your detox, and keep it up!

Indeed it is. What comes to the weight being lifted off, I would say that yeah; most of the time it feels like that but what will be disturbing for some time is also the empty hole that quitting gaming sometimes leaves to your days. But hey: it wasn't ment to be easy anyway, was it? :)

What I've also noticed now is that like in any addiction, whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling etc., it's beneficial to do some self-reflection. Of course not everyone knows how to do it the best way - it's something that you learn when you just give time for yourself. For instance, I learned it when I was depressed and I really didn't have anything else to do except thinking out loud, why was I depressed? So today I actually admitted it for the first time: I am ADDICTED to gaming. I even spoke to my father about this. Of course he told me "I have been trying to tell you this for the last 10 years, but you never listened." Well, it was hard to admit it back then :D

So for the people, who didn't think of this yet, I would encourage to admit that thing to themselves. Compulsive and obsessive gaming is like any addiction and it can be treated like any addiction. It just takes time, patience and actions. I've spoken :D

Thanks for the comment Paul, made me think about this really! I also want to say that if there are other comments, I will not ignore a single comment. So if I don't answer you, it doesn't mean that I am taking your thoughts for granted or that I wouldn't be interested in them. I'll try my best :)

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good job starting your journal. To be consistent pick a time every day that you will update it, and remember that it's more important that you say something than that you say everything (or nothing). So it's better to share even just a paragraph every day than a big update every few weeks. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey @Yani !

Isn't It awesome how you feel way more productive, and overall you just feel so much better about yourself? It's like a weight being lifted off your shoulders. Just remember that as you continue your detox, and keep it up!

Indeed it is. What comes to the weight being lifted off, I would say that yeah; most of the time it feels like that but what will be disturbing for some time is also the empty hole that quitting gaming sometimes leaves to your days. But hey: it wasn't ment to be easy anyway, was it? :)

What I've also noticed now is that like in any addiction, whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling etc., it's beneficial to do some self-reflection. Of course not everyone knows how to do it the best way - it's something that you learn when you just give time for yourself. For instance, I learned it when I was depressed and I really didn't have anything else to do except thinking out loud, why was I depressed? So today I actually admitted it for the first time: I am ADDICTED to gaming. I even spoke to my father about this. Of course he told me "I have been trying to tell you this for the last 10 years, but you never listened." Well, it was hard to admit it back then :D

So for the people, who didn't think of this yet, I would encourage to admit that thing to themselves. Compulsive and obsessive gaming is like any addiction and it can be treated like any addiction. It just takes time, patience and actions. I've spoken :D

Thanks for the comment Paul, made me think about this really! I also want to say that if there are other comments, I will not ignore a single comment. So if I don't answer you, it doesn't mean that I am taking your thoughts for granted or that I wouldn't be interested in them. I'll try my best :)

 

No problem, I would give a like but I can't give any more reputation today :P 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Great job starting your journal! If you've had problems being consistent with writing in the past, try make a habit to come here and write at the end of every day - letting go of your thoughts, experiences, feelings before sleep. 

I'm interested in following your journey. Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good job starting your journal. To be consistent pick a time every day that you will update it, and remember that it's more important that you say something than that you say everything (or nothing). So it's better to share even just a paragraph every day than a big update every few weeks. :)

Great job starting your journal! If you've had problems being consistent with writing in the past, try make a habit to come here and write at the end of every day - letting go of your thoughts, experiences, feelings before sleep. 

I'm interested in following your journey. Good luck!

Will do! Thanks a lot guys! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey there friend! Good for you for starting this journal. What chemistry course were you talking about? Physical chem, inorganic chem, org chem, analytical chem? My field of study requires me to take a lot of chem courses as well(and I love them!). No matter what course, study hard and I hope you ace it!! :)

Booking a group room is an awesome idea, as studying with others will help keep you in check. That's one of the habits I developed after quitting the game. I always go to the library so that when everyone around me is studying, I will feel guilty for not doing the same. Occasionally some people use the wifi to play or watch League, but those are rare exceptions and they are generally frowned upon.

Edited by Nancy S.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 3:

I can say that today has been a REALLY productive day. I spent over nine hours revising the organic chemistry course, that I am on. Three days without gaming and gosh, I feel like I was born again - the anxiety is gone, I am actually talking (and willing to do it) to people and life seems to smile. Considering the past 12 months that I spent in the grasp of depression, this is a dream come true. It's 10:10pm here in Finland now and I noticed that this is the right time to write my journal every day.

Along with quitting gaming I decided to do another hard task - quitting smoking. I am actually half way there already with that. I started smoking when I was 19 and since then it has been there almost all the time to ruin my health and economy. A couple of months ago I switched to an e-cigarette and it has worked fine. I can really recommend that as a means of quitting smoking. However, yesterday evening I happened to take a look at one health magazine, that my mother is usually reading and there was an article about the dangers of e-cigs. It said that nicotine has been proved to cause cancer now. Before I knew that smoking causes it but I couldn't have imagined, that nicotine itself does that too. It's a natural compound in human body after all. It's not only the cancer - I also want to save some money for my trip to visit North America some time soon and even quitting e-cigs (which are a ton cheaper than regular smoking) will help me with this goal. These thoughts were risen up in my head today because of quitting gaming - I even want to travel more :D!

Other than just doing schoolwork, I really didn't almost have time to do anything else. I played guitar for half an hour and that felt awesome too! Of course there were some moments during the day when I was in the school, that I wanted to get back home, install my PC back on its place and start gaming. But those thoughts vanished as they appeared. Tomorrow will be a busy day too but I will have more time for myself in the evening... I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing - I would like to keep myself as occupied as possible to not relapse at any point or not to feel bad about quitting gaming. Good that I told my mom to lock my PC to a safe place (that even I myself do not know :D)

Looking forward to see a new day tomorrow.... Time to sleep.

Edited by Yani
typos...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 4:

I woke up in the morning after a long night, felt like I hadn't slept at all. Ate a fast breakfast and took the bus to the university. During the ride I felt a bit more social, not looking at my shoes the whole journey :D. I got positive vibes from the bus ride even though it was morning. And I am certainly not a morning-person. In the university I spent 9 hours studying today. It also included some socializing, which was difficult to me when I was still playing video games. Today it felt different already - I could feel myself throwing a smile or two to my co-workers while doing a group assignment. Also I began to eat more during the days now - it used to be hard to find the time to prepare the daily food because playing games hijacked that time. That 30 minutes to prepare something and then eat it. To feel healthier. Back home I just relaxed - I was supposed to go the gym, but nowadays I am also suffering from nicotine deprivation, so nicotine deprivation -> sleep deprivation -> fatigue. But I am not feeling sad about it. There are so many good sides about this right now, that these kind of tiny obstacles really do not make me sad. I am so tired now that it's hard to come up with anything more about my Day 4. Maybe tomorrow will be a fresher day :D!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Keep rocking. You are doing awesome. Their are some great apps to quit smoking btw. they count the number of cigarettes you didn't smoke how much money and time you didn't spend and give you informations. It helped my wife a lot who is finally quitting for real after a lot of struggle. Could be worth to check that out.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks guys! :)

Keep rocking. You are doing awesome. Their are some great apps to quit smoking btw. they count the number of cigarettes you didn't smoke how much money and time you didn't spend and give you informations. It helped my wife a lot who is finally quitting for real after a lot of struggle. Could be worth to check that out.

Hmm sounds intresting, I didn't know about this... So far managed to keep the control with nicotine pills. Good for you and your wife that she is quitting it :)

Gotta try the apps :)!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 5:

This day has been full of sleepiness and deep thoughts about the current state of my life. I started the day by going to the university as usual and attended an anatomy lecture. I had the plan to go to the gym again but I still felt that I have no energy for that so when I reached home, I just slept for half an hour and started doing my home assignments. After that I had some time for self-reflection so I went out for a walk with our dog. I was thinking, how after only 5 days without games I am a different person. I smile a lot more, I laugh, I am curious and more creative. I arranged some musical stuff too.. Maybe at some point I can post some of my work here if people are interested to hear :).

Also today when I was bored after reaching home from school, for the first time I had some cravings (it's only been 5 days, *slapping myself*) so I decided better to do something about it and I watched Cam's video about cravings. Here is the link if you need it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjLmwn_0GWM

I think my job for tomorrow is to get rid of more things affecting this quitting process, such as certain YouTube subscriptions for pro gamers that I used to watch. The video suggestions popping out in there (especially when I am trying to do home assignments, lol) are so annoying and distracting that I am instantly getting bad thoughts about them. Also it's friday tomorrow so the evening kinda creeps me out. The best I can do for myself right now is to keep the productive way of life so maybe my goal for tomorrow evening should be to solve a couple of physics problems for my med-school entrance exam :). Time to get some sleep. No! First one episode of Supernatural :D.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think my job for tomorrow is to get rid of more things affecting this quitting process, such as certain YouTube subscriptions for pro gamers that I used to watch. The video suggestions popping out in there (especially when I am trying to do home assignments, lol) are so annoying and distracting that I am instantly getting bad thoughts about them.

Yes this will help. ALso try clearing your browsing history, that can help with the retargeting ads.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Now I gotta make this post when I still remember, yesterday I missed my journaling session so updating for two days now...

Day 6:

Was a pretty good day. I woke up at 7am and headed for the university for a lecture. I've been observing a slight change of focusability in myself: it's easier to register what people say now. Also I am not distracted by anything, atleast when I am doing something. And well, I noticed that when I am NOT doing something then I feel really anxious and irritated all the time. Maybe it's the craving for the feeling that I used to get when playing computer games. I think it has something to do with our brains' limbic system and dopamine. Gotta study that more :)

When I got back from school, I started playing guitar and that was actually really nice this time. Started doing a training workout for that again. Also found some neat new bands that I started listening. When I was playing computer games, I had the tendency of listening to really slow and sad music. Now it's changed to power metal :D The difference is big, so much melodies and happy thoughts. Then I just watched something from netflix.

Day 7:

So today isn't basically over yet, but since I might not be around here in the evening, I am updating the journal now. So today I went for a walk with my mother and our dog. I actually enjoyed the outside world and got a really happy feeling from that. Then we headed for the local restaurant for a lunch and the food was delicious :) I think this is exactly enjoying the little things in life. Now then I am just sitting at home and planning to do some physics calculations next. Also later I might try going out to a nightclub with an old friend - feeling kinda nervous, how it's gonna be :D Really can't come up with nothing else to write now, but the main thing, I guess, is that I write atleast something. Gotta be consistent!

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 8:

It's been over a week now. Thoughts? Still feeling really anxious, when I am just "standing still" or not doing anything productive. Today I didn't crave to game as much as yesterday and I think that's a good thing. Basically what I did today, was 6 hours of chemistry and physics, mainly focusing on the entrance exam. Did some homework too though. The last 2 hours I spent with my guitar and metronome, just trying to get a better synchronization with my left and right hand. Tomorrow is a big day, I guess... Better take some sleep now!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for following my progress so far :) Trying to carry on updating as much as possible.

Day 9: I didn't even remember to write anything yesterday, even though it was a special day compared to the other days lately. Maybe it was the lack of time caused by extra-activities :D I went wallclimbing (bouldering) and it was supercool! Now my hands are aching like hell though, but it was worth it. Then of course did some studying and watched Grey's Anatomy.

Day 10:

Today was like an ode to sleepiness. Just felt really tired the whole day and was basically just sleeping through the lectures. When I came home, I just took some sleep and then I was ready to study on my own again. The good thing must be that I didn't think of gaming today. My mind is 120% on my entrance exam, which will be on 17th of May. That's my goal right there.

Tomorrow I will do this journal on time! :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 11:

So as I promised to myself, this time it didn't take me two days to update this journal. :)

Today I spent the day in the university again; we had some really intresting lectures about human physiology and basic anatomy. And of course throughout the day I was following the US presidential election process (which by the way was more in the news here than our own elections usually are :D). After school I took a running trip outside and it felt awesome (if you leave out the fact that it was -10 celsius). Also what comes to running, I didn't do it in a long time like this. Today I have started to feel that I am literally getting my life back little by little! Also I had a few moments today when I felt emptiness and boredom inside me and I wanted to just take my computer and play games on it with my friends. But I didn't do it today and I certainly will not do it in the future!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...