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About time I got back to writing these.  This is actually Day 7 or so this time around, with the previous days being on Reddit.  Still haven't quite decided how to split my posting between here and there, but why not give it a go, eh?

Anyway...

Day VII: Productivity Awakens?

Timestamp: 26th October 2015 at 23:58

 

Had. To. Make. The. Reference.  But yes, I have been buying into all the hype as much as anyone.  Today was... interesting, as was yesterday.  Might as well roll the two into this one.  Had the big concert Sunday afternoon, but other than that it was just a quiet day of watching football and bracing myself for the week to come as Sundays usually end up being.  Watching football (and my obsession with fantasy football as well) was just the ticket to keep my mind off games.  It's odd, usually I'm such a multitasker that I can do both, but yesterday I was too busy trash talking in game threads on Reddit and watching the actual games to really fire up any of my video games.  Of course, I didn't get much else done yesterday...  I did, however, poke around the net during the second half of the Sunday night game to figure out ways to improve my productivity.  Pomodoro's bailed me out so many times it's not even funny, but how do I become more proactive with it?  That's been the goal with what I'm looking around for.  After all, what good is quitting gaming if I'm just going to mess around on the net instead?!

One thing I tried last night and tried to put into action today was literally scheduling out every waking hour of my day and putting it into my calendar.  Seemed like a good idea, but almost immediately the wheels fell off.  Took forever getting up this morning (typical...another thing I really need to fix...), and almost none of the stuff I planned to do during work this afternoon actually got done.  Not even, you know, actual work, never mind the stuff for class.  Of course, most of that is because I suddenly ended up hosting a pair of representatives of a Fortune 500 who came over to my part of the university's campus to get their company's name out there, recruit people, you know - typical employer-college stuff.  I knew they were coming in, but sometimes I really wonder what people are thinking giving me any sort of responsibility for things like this...  I'm just a student worker after all, and my job is mostly to be in the background making sure things run smoothly in my lab.  Which, of course, being a Monday and having some important guests visiting, means it's a perfect time for campus internet to go down.  Thanks, Murphy.  Gotta love IT!  Even though we couldn't do anything about it (different IT organization), still had to be the bringer of bad news.  Y'all know how it goes.  Normally when things in the lab are quiet - and we've got it set up to more or less run itself - I would open a phone game or something to pass the time.  At least today was interesting enough to keep that from happening...

 

As for the whole scheduling things out part?  Guess I'll try again tomorrow.  If there's one blessing in this whole early part of getting away from gaming, it's that being a grad student makes it all too easy to become busy with other things...

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One thing I tried last night and tried to put into action today was literally scheduling out every waking hour of my day and putting it into my calendar.  Seemed like a good idea, but almost immediately the wheels fell off.  Took forever getting up this morning (typical...another thing I really need to fix...), and almost none of the stuff I planned to do during work this afternoon actually got done. 

As for the whole scheduling things out part?  Guess I'll try again tomorrow.  If there's one blessing in this whole early part of getting away from gaming, it's that being a grad student makes it all too easy to become busy with other things...

Hi Bassitone, I was also working in a lab as a graduate student. It has its ups and downs, but I actually loved the flexible times. However... I completely relate to scheduling not panning out.

I am currently reading "Getting Things Done" by David Allen, and even though it's a bit on the dry side in readability, it makes an important suggestion: Determine the purpose and visualize the end result of the project your are working on. Then determine the next action step. It needs to be a clearly actionable step and not some vague proposal like "talk about budget" or "take care of xyz". For example: instead "talk about budget", you would have a clear goal, for instance "Budget: balance the sheets" and then "1. gather bills from last month; 2. type into excel, 3. calculate and set increase or decrease sub-budgets, 4. distribute to coworkers"

We already do that automatically in some cases. for example, when I get up, I plan on making a coffee. I don't just think about making the coffee, I know the end goal is black coffee in my mug. And I know what the action steps are. Go to the kitchen, take out the coffee box, fill two spoons into the filter, put water into the machine, hit the start button. Thinking about all projects I have in that way makes it actually easier to get them done. You actually directly start working on the direct next step.

 

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Hi Bassitone

You should totally try to do something off the computer as surfing the web can lead to the same feeling as gaming does. I mean you feel it yourself I guess what gives you that addicted feeling and what not.

Anyway welcome I am interested to hear your future plans and actions! ^_^ 

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One thing I tried last night and tried to put into action today was literally scheduling out every waking hour of my day and putting it into my calendar.  Seemed like a good idea, but almost immediately the wheels fell off.  Took forever getting up this morning (typical...another thing I really need to fix...), and almost none of the stuff I planned to do during work this afternoon actually got done. 

As for the whole scheduling things out part?  Guess I'll try again tomorrow.  If there's one blessing in this whole early part of getting away from gaming, it's that being a grad student makes it all too easy to become busy with other things...

Hi Bassitone, I was also working in a lab as a graduate student. It has its ups and downs, but I actually loved the flexible times. However... I completely relate to scheduling not panning out.

I am currently reading "Getting Things Done" by David Allen, and even though it's a bit on the dry side in readability, it makes an important suggestion: Determine the purpose and visualize the end result of the project your are working on. Then determine the next action step. It needs to be a clearly actionable step and not some vague proposal like "talk about budget" or "take care of xyz". For example: instead "talk about budget", you would have a clear goal, for instance "Budget: balance the sheets" and then "1. gather bills from last month; 2. type into excel, 3. calculate and set increase or decrease sub-budgets, 4. distribute to coworkers"

We already do that automatically in some cases. for example, when I get up, I plan on making a coffee. I don't just think about making the coffee, I know the end goal is black coffee in my mug. And I know what the action steps are. Go to the kitchen, take out the coffee box, fill two spoons into the filter, put water into the machine, hit the start button. Thinking about all projects I have in that way makes it actually easier to get them done. You actually directly start working on the direct next step.

 

I definitely don't mind the hours.  It's peaceful at times, to be sure.  And besides, what else would I be doing at those times?  Breaking things up into smaller pieces is definitely something I seem to do subconsciously, although I am prone to overanalyzing all the things, so it's kind of a double-edged sword!

 

Hi Bassitone

You should totally try to do something off the computer as surfing the web can lead to the same feeling as gaming does. I mean you feel it yourself I guess what gives you that addicted feeling and what not.

Anyway welcome I am interested to hear your future plans and actions! ^_^ 

Unfortunately, I'm a grad student in IT, so doing things on the computer is kind of a big part of my life.  It's funny though, in class I swear by an old fashioned pen and notebook.  Not really sure why, but it's better for me this way I think.

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Day 9: 'Daily' is Relative

Timestamp: 29th October 2015 at 00:18

I've been tired lately.  So very tired, that I have fallen asleep trying to come up with what to write about for the journal entries.  That, and not much has happened last couple days.  More football Monday night kept me distracted long enough that I could just head to bed.  Tuesday night was my weekly choir rehearsal, which had me get home super late as usual.  Brings us to today: schedule was the same as Monday, but without the football.  In fact, there was a large party on campus that for some reason was only during the early evening, and I was bummed about having missed out because of class.  Got home while talking to a good friend on the other end of the country, and let myself relax.  I instinctively opened up a game, but then something weird happened.  I loaded in and felt bored somehow - there wasn't quite that compelling thing drawing me in for some reason.  Normally at that point I just bounce between games until I find something that does that night, but was able to just talk with my good friend about things.  If there's one person I know in real life that really understands my need to beat this addiction, it's him.  Damn it, why'd he have to literally be on the other end of the US?!

Still didn't really do anything tonight, though I did get my programming in during work finally!  Starting to make progress on that, but will definitely need to find ways to challenge myself in that regard. I started playing Magic: the Gathering as a social outlet (and way to scratch that gaming itch) last time I tried to quit, and I kept at it.  Turns out it's pretty fun.  Once I finished the phone call I spent my evening strategizing for that.  It might not be entirely creative, but it certainly feels like I'm doing something more meaningful than video games.  Now if I can just get to work on that novel...  And oh, yeah, the projects I have for school coming due in the next month.  Those...might be good to start on too.  At least tomorrow's shift at work is usually pretty quiet - plenty of time to get things done then, for sure.

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What is your novel going to be about?

It's a kind of science fiction/dystopian novel loosely inspired by a bunch of things, but still really good at drawing me in.  I'm basically writing the sort of story I would want to read.  Hard to go into a ton of detail, but the short version is that a guy who worked in one of those "I technically work for the government, but am not really a part of the government" jobs more or less had it all, then digs a little too deeply at work and finds himself running for his life.  Except he doesn't quite know yet that there are forces trying to kill him at the point in the story I am writing now.  He's about to find out, but I haven't gotten to that conversation yet.

 

Day 10: Starting to Click

Long day, even got a number of things done today.  Most importantly, got a start on one of the projects that needs to get done.  It's a group project like half of business school is, and somehow I'm the most driven person in the group to get things done.  Which means we're completely screwed.  Anyway, finally got everyone to at least think about what direction we're taking the project, and to a point where I could get a decent start on my piece.  A tiny little bit of breathing room, but I'm not going to rest easy until this semester's over I'm afraid.  Work was about average - got things done, nobody did anything too stupid in the lab, all in all it was not exactly quiet, but calm enough.  Even got to watch some hockey this evening.  Surely the boss doesn't quite approve, but he hasn't explicitly told me that I can't do it anymore as long as I don't neglect what I need to do at work.  Once I get into a rhythm I'm alright; trick is getting into it in the first place.

This weekend will be the real test.  This breathing room is the perfect excuse to give into the temptation to game, which I'm still feeling in the back of my mind kind of like an itch that I can't quite reach.  Going out to play Magic tomorrow night, which I'm looking forward to, and I did some math today.  For as much money as I would tend to drop in a steam sale, I could build a pretty awesome deck that I can take out and play with other people.  Even if I do horribly (as tends to happen with my crazy ideas) it's at least a few solid hours of social interaction and getting out of the house on a Friday night.  Plus, if I can satisfy my competitive tendencies through that - never mind actually engage my brain in trying to do well - maybe I won't be so tempted to fire up Steam or what have you...

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Day 18: Whirlwinds of Activity

Wow, where did the time go?  So much stuff going on that I just haven't had time to sit down and write this until now.  Actually, I technically should be asleep now, but Fridays are the beginning of my weekend, so it's all good.  Anyway, time to get caught up.  Haven't had much time to even think about gaming this week, much less actually play them.  Instead, I've been busy just with work for my graduate classes, for the most part.  Looks like it's going to be one of those months, including those ever fun business school group projects...  Even my job has been unexpectedly busy this week.  Been teaching myself Python when I had a spare moment, and at least thinking about working on writing that novel.  Even met a few people on campus who are also doing this crazy National Novel Writing Month thing that I put myself through, year after year.  Writing creatively is a habit I really want to establish for myself (especially since I feel like my novel could probably end up rivaling A Song of Ice and Fire in length, and I really didn't do it justice in my last entry *facepalm* ) but have never really managed to.  I mean, sure, I "beat" NaNoWriMo two years ago, and I've come up with random bits of poetry over the years, but I've never quite sustained it  Going to go write with them - specifically scheduled on my calendar - tomorrow, so at least I can get in and try to get caught up with the pace I should be meeting to beat this challenge.  A friend said the other day I may be quite literally insane for trying to do a 50,000 word novel on top of grad school stuff... and he might well be right, more I think of it.

On the other hand, this week dealt me a crushing blow in terms of next semester's schedule - found out I have a class at the precise same time that the choir I live to sing with rehearses each week; not possible (or highly, highly unlikely, anyway) that I'd be allowed to go to rehearsal late.  I know eventually I will have to tell them I need to go on leave for a semester, but I just don't have the heart to do so.  Singing in choir has been my "thing" since about eight years ago, and I definitely felt the void of not having it last spring when I was still getting established in my new city.  Musically I won't be missing that much, but I'm not quite sure how well I'll be able to handle that void in my life.  Last time, I gamed so much that it led to the realization that I need to do this "quitting" thing.  I've so long used gaming as a crutch when I needed to, a means of escaping things, that I have a feeling the only thing that has stopped me from relapsing since I found out this bit of news is the fact that I just haven't been home except to sleep this week.

 

Oh dear, this weekend is going to be interesting...

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Being busy is great! I love being busy. It keeps me sharp.

How could this break from choir be a blessing in your life? How could you make the most of it? Could it open an opportunity for you to connect with another group on another day? I always find it's good to work through some of the positives that this sort of circumstance can bring.

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  • 1 month later...

Welp, here we go again.  As soon as things started lightening up around the middle of last month, I went right back to gaming to fill the time.  Damn it.  Somehow, despite that I feel good about one of my classes, know another one turned out alright because the professor was super quick to get grading done with, and have no idea about the third class (took the final tonight, but not sure how it'll work out in the end.  Shouldn't be too bad because of all the other parts of the class I did well with, but still I went in...kinda under-prepared.  Despite having a week off to do nothing but study...)

Gotta refocus.

More or less made peace with the impending lack of choir, but I still don't like it.  Next spring will be beyond tough without it, but at the same time it'll be easier to get things done...possibly.  2 hours back on Tuesdays, and no monthly concerts eating up a weekend will be nice I have to admit...  Will still miss singing with them though.

Tough part about this is getting family and friends on board with what I'm trying to do.  It was even my mom's suggestion that got me to start gaming again.  Sure, she probably didn't intend for it to snowball the way it has, but you know how it goes.  It's tough having little in common with people I'm around in my classes, etc. except gaming.  IT is probably the worst industry to try and do this in, but I have to.  This is just getting ridiculous...

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Hey, don't lose heart! Sometimes you have to make compromises. Choirs tend to be amazing communities. They'll respect your focus, be proud of you, and wait eagerly for you to come back!

Take a deep breath and start over. What else can fill your time that isn't gaming? How about working on your vocal technique?

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Good to have you back here my man! At the end of the day, you need to have a filter around yourself. People's opinions (friends, family, others) always come with their own opinions, biases, projections, beliefs, etc, so although people have the right intentions for you, their perspective is limited simply because they are not you. So always take their advice with a grain of salt, and always do you first.

You have a lot more in common with people in your classes outside of gaming. You all experience emotions for example. You have things that make you happy, they have things that make them happy, they have families, friends, they like food, they read books I'm sure, they watch TV, there's a ton of topics outside of gaming... even if many of them play, you just have to be a leader and start those conversations. The more you can create these experiences for yourself outside of gaming, the easier it will be.

I'd also encourage you to read this post by Ed. I think it will resonate with you.

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Hey, don't lose heart! Sometimes you have to make compromises. Choirs tend to be amazing communities. They'll respect your focus, be proud of you, and wait eagerly for you to come back!

Take a deep breath and start over. What else can fill your time that isn't gaming? How about working on your vocal technique?

Well, I've got a novel I've been writing for over a year and am stuck on the same scene I was stuck on several months ago.  Also there's a virtually limitless amount of stuff I could do with the server I'm picking up this weekend.  I'm an IT student, and so learning things at home is going to be important - just a matter of motivating myself to do this stuff.  Working on singing is always a fun thing, although I don't currently have a teacher (gotten to the point where, while I'd like to have one if I could afford it, I know how to practice on my own and what is supposed to sound good).  Also I've wanted to try my hand at making some of that electronic music that's a big thing these days.  Whether that's just turning my derping about on my piano into something that may be completely terrible but uniquely mine or remixing existing music, I don't know.  If either works I'd probably get into both of it.

 

Good to have you back here my man! At the end of the day, you need to have a filter around yourself. People's opinions (friends, family, others) always come with their own opinions, biases, projections, beliefs, etc, so although people have the right intentions for you, their perspective is limited simply because they are not you. So always take their advice with a grain of salt, and always do you first.

You have a lot more in common with people in your classes outside of gaming. You all experience emotions for example. You have things that make you happy, they have things that make them happy, they have families, friends, they like food, they read books I'm sure, they watch TV, there's a ton of topics outside of gaming... even if many of them play, you just have to be a leader and start those conversations. The more you can create these experiences for yourself outside of gaming, the easier it will be.

I'd also encourage you to read this post by Ed. I think it will resonate with you.

I get that - I've always been one to go off on my own, but finding people to do things with has always been a challenge for me.  It's just tough to break away from all the gaming when it's pretty much all that people talk about in the lab I work in on campus aside from their actual classwork.  One of the guys who I overlap a couple hours a week with in the lab is a big car guy, but I know next to nothing about them except driving.  It's especially tough since my program isn't just your typical college-age people; in fact, sometimes it seems like I'm the only one without some gray hair or a family/real job/what have you.  Even sports is not as much of a common interest as I would have thought.

I've always been pretty good about taking personal responsibility, or so I think.  Almost too good, really - I really am my harshest critic, to put it mildly.

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Ask him questions about his love for big cars. When did his passion start? What is it about big cars he loves? Any favorite stories about cars? Does he go to car shows? What's his favorite car? What does he think about TESLA? Driverless cars? 

Etc. Etc. Etc.

A big mistake people make when it comes to social skills/connecting with others is that they focus too much on the topic. "I don't have anything in common." "I don't know anything about this topic."

Conversation isn't about being interested in the topic. It's about being interested in the person. If you want to have better conversations, be more curious about the other person. We're all human, we all have so much in common if we take a stand to get to know each other.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Happy New Year, y'all!

Resolution: Start to live the life I would be proud to live.  One of productivity and fulfillment, where I would be the kind of guy that I would want my hypothetical daughter to date (Wow, I really just said that?  Time to lay off the dating sites/columns I think...) and would, most importantly, be able to look back on this year as a good one - down the line, perhaps even the year everything changed for the better.  I have been having a recurring dream lately where I become the billionaire CEO and Chairman of the Board of the next Google, basically.  In the next ten years.  Pretty common dream I would wager, but it is on my mind frequently enough.  Why can't I work toward it, or at least another goal that I have?  In the dream, the jump from who I am now to who I become is due to an almost fanatical obsession with getting things done more than any sort of miracle discovery or something like that.  Heck, I might not even know what success looks like now; while my writer's mind could come up with all kinds of interesting ideas, my heart with others, and my soul with still others, who knows what the future holds?  Take it one baby step at a time even if the step seems daunting.

Just like the idea of shifting my mindset from "I should/have to work on this" to "This seems interesting...wait, I'm done already?!" is to me tonight.  So daunting, in fact, that I rewrote the second mindset about four times and still don't like the way it sounds.  Way back before the holidays, I had a brief conversation with Cam as part of the strategy sessions he was giving away.  During the time, he challenged me to think of what's holding me back from making this change.  Well, aside from gaming, anyway.  Been thinking about it ever since then, and still don't have a really good answer for it, at least by what I expect of myself.  I do, however, have a few things that I was able to come up with:

1.  "Work", growing up, was always strictly interpreted as things that either got me good grades/paid or things that put me on the path toward the same.  Nothing that I could consider remotely enjoyable counted, though I did develop a love of writing through this that sticks to me today.  As such, "working on" a project, even if it's the novel I dream of having published or practicing a song I've been looking for for years or learning to create a mix or whatever, has such a negative connotation as a waste of time that I may as well have a mental block.  The rest of the time was devoted to entertainment, which leads to...

2.  I haven't had a particularly good model in my life for the sort of life I want to lead.  Over the Christmas holiday, we had family in from around the country.  What did we do?  Sit and watch TV all day in silence even though I had several things I would've loved to do with them.  Even growing up, I remember it was a struggle to get help on school projects or doing anything like a father and son might do together on weekends.  Boy Scouts was the lone exception, and dad never really engaged beyond the minimum until I was in the last stretch of getting my Eagle.  I could go on and on, but that's neither here nor there.

3.  I'm afraid of failing.  Even as much as a B on an assignment is enough to make me start freaking out...  This extends to the rest of my life, to where I don't even really try things because, well, there aren't any "real" consequences for not doing them like there are in school/work.

4. I don't have much of a support network for making these changes.  Aside from my family, making friends has always been a struggle for me; just had a long conversation with one who is here visiting for a couple more days about this very thing.  I know a few people at work/school and get along with them well enough, but it takes forever for me to open up in person and consider someone a friend; once I do they're a friend for life, but until then it gets quite lonely...  Plus, gaming and the general life I lead now are common in my field; not having something to talk about is something I've written about before and am also afraid of.  Tried meetups and everything, and, well, my city of 2 million feels like a giant small town.

5.  ADHD is a pain in the ass for me and being able to focus would be nice.  I do take medicine when it gets particularly bad, but I would love nothing more than to be able to have this life without it...  Also that's not the only struggle I'm working through, but in the context of productivity and making that jump to a better life it's the most relevant.

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Day 6, 2015

 

May as well call it starting over from the new year now, since I've officially lost track of how many days I'd been going and not really managing to figure this stuff out anyway.  This isn't my first or even second or third time around the block, but blast it, I hope it'll be the last.  Relapsed hard over the last couple weeks – a couple old friends came to visit and while we had fun and spent a good amount of time exploring the city (to shamelessly twist and mangle a phrase in my favorite song as of late, we breathed through the city like a warm breeze), the downtime was filled with gaming. Simply what we had in common, though we did play them together at least.  I realized something these past few weeks: it's not so much about outright quitting gaming for me, but rather restructuring my life in a way that gaming isn't the dominant part of my life as it is now.  It may still be there in the background, as a way to keep in touch with old friends and  something to have in common with many people I meet in my graduate program and beyond, but it wouldn't be something that I spend every waking moment either doing or thinking about.  I think by outright dropping gaming entirely, my mind flips into the mode where it wants what it can't (or shouldn't) get, and that's been my downfall twice over now; the trick, then, is to gradually phase it out - perhaps so gradually, I don't even really notice until one day I'm just as I am with social media these days.  I barely ever go on Facebook or Twitter now, and only then to specifically share something and get off - a huge change from when literally it was my livelihood just a couple short years ago!  Yes, I worked in social media and online advertising for a while.  Now, I don't even understand half the platforms that are popular, never mind what weird things are trending.  Maybe I'm just getting older, but it is an assertion that this gradual change could possibly work for gaming as well.

Old habits die hard, to say the least.  I was watching the unfortunate nonsense that was the hockey game tonight, and appreciated the fact that I could just watch the game and hang out in a discussion thread about it for once, without doing anything else.  It felt really weird; I am a huge fan of my team and rarely miss a game, but really, haven't I been missing them anyway?  By having the game on in the background and only occasionally paying attention, could I really say I watched it?  Could I, then, really say that I've been engaging with my own life if I just spend this time idly playing games?  Remaining in contact with friends and having something in common with people I am likely to meet is one thing, but it's another entirely when it's just a game that serves little more purpose than to waste time and indulge my occasionally strange dreams.  A while ago, in a journal entry back when I first found out this was a thing, I wrote about manufactured experiences.  Heck, I'll probably write more about it tomorrow when I'm not exhausted.  But I will say this: they are easy, and they are convenient, but they cannot stack up to the power of creativity.  Even the deepest of games, I am merely repeating what someone else has done before and what someone else has made possible.  Why not instead channel that energy toward something new?  Sure, my writing may be the most trope-filled thing since Twilight became a thing, but it's still uniquely mine.  Can't say that about a save game file, now can you?

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Day 6, 2015

it's not so much about outright quitting gaming for me, but rather restructuring my life in a way that gaming isn't the dominant part of my life as it is now.  It may still be there in the background, as a way to keep in touch with old friends and  something to have in common with many people I meet in my graduate program and beyond, but it wouldn't be something that I spend every waking moment either doing or thinking about.  I think by outright dropping gaming entirely, my mind flips into the mode where it wants what it can't (or shouldn't) get, and that's been my downfall twice over now; the trick, then, is to gradually phase it out - perhaps so gradually, I don't even really notice until one day I'm just as I am with social media these days.

How about phasing it in after not playing for 90 days? Any attempt at self-limitation failed for me and for others on this forum. If it works for you please let us know any tricks or strategies that helped you!

Remaining in contact with friends and having something in common with people I am likely to meet is one thing, but it's another entirely when it's just a game that serves little more purpose than to waste time and indulge my occasionally strange dreams.

Sometimes is time wasted, sometimes is time invested. If it fills you with genuine positive feelings, if it leaves you with a feeling of accomplishment, then don't dismiss it. Watching sports can help you unwind and even motivate you to be healthier and more ambitious. But if it bores you then of course you can find other ways of achieving the same.

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I realized something these past few weeks: it's not so much about outright quitting gaming for me, but rather restructuring my life in a way that gaming isn't the dominant part of my life as it is now.

This is definitely what it's all about. In my case I got to a point where I realized I didn't have a desire to continue gaming at all, there are so many other things I prefer to do, however the main focus should always be on restructuring your life to be the best it can be instead of focusing to much on gaming itself. Gaming is merely an activity.

Now you must find what works best for you to restructure your life and live in the best way, to you. For me, a commitment to the 90 day detox seems to work really well, no ifs, ands or buts. Even if that means you lay in bed and are bored all day for 90 days, that's better than giving in to game. But more important is just finding what works for you. :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

As it turns out, I have no choice in the matter - it looks as if I'll be trying to do the 90 day thing again whether I particularly wanted to or not!  Why's that?  It looks like I'm in for another crazy semester of grad school to put it lightly; I can already see from the volume of work laid out in the syllabi that it'll be almost as if I'm working two or three full time jobs, and that's even before we get into my actual job!  I really won't have time to play at all, but y'all know how this tends to go - I'm sure the games will try to push in on the time that I don't have as it is...  

I'm not even sure I'll have time to do much of anything other than work on school stuff, but there will be downtime.  I know there will, just by how I've been for, well, my entire life to this point.  I get things done that I need to do, but I'm, shall we say, not very efficient at it.  Procrastination will be the end of me one of these days.  And of course, games are always just within reach even though I have a number of other projects to work on for classes or for my own curiosity.  Going back to the mindsets I wrote about a few weeks ago and obstacles to this success, by the end of this semester I'll have made considerable progress toward surmounting them, making myself better than that.  I will have to.  The only thing stopping me from being who I want to be is, well, me.

...This is one of those "much easier said than done" things, isn't it?

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Seems like you have quite a challenge in front of you.  Don't worry too much about it before you even start. Think of the feeling of accomplishment you can get every day. Make it a point to enjoy the ride. And for goodness's sake, schedule breaks and make them count! :)

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  • 2 weeks later...
root@bassitone#: kill -9 50300
root@bassitone#: kill -9 24601
root@bassitone#: rm -rf /home/steam
root@bassitone#: reboot -h now

A satisfying series of commands.  Apologies to any other *nix fans for probably butchering some of them.


Notice any references in there?  Let me tell y'all a story, and why I'm back for good this time.

 

Slipped again a few weeks ago, back to the old habits.  It came to a head this weekend, where I spent more time playing games than working on the paper that's due tonight (and I still haven't finished, whoops!).  In particular, I was playing Spec Ops: The Line.  For those of y'all who are lucky enough to be unaware of this game, it really messes with your head.  In particular, there is a segment where you literally commit a terrible war crime.  I didn't know this going in.  Sure, I read the reviews and all that, but damned morbid curiosity thought it surely couldn't be that bad.

 

It was.

 

To make matters worse, the power went out almost immediately after that scene, leaving me to think about what I had just done in the pitch black night, accompanied only by the beeping of my uninterruptible power supply going through its battery reserves.  I have said before that I am a believer in things being almost too coincidental, you know.   Like, that one hour was a sign from...somewhere...to re-evaluate what the hell I was doing. Logically, it's probably bullshit, but all the same that's what I ended up feeling.  Anyway, I'll be sorting out those demons for a while, and this is all beside the point.

 

That horrible game is and will be the last I've played.

 

Dragged myself to the gym today to wake up after oversleeping again, and when I got back in my car afterward I saw the email from Cam about the detox study.  As a member of the scientific community I've always wanted to participate in one of those things.  Weird aspiration I know, but that's me.  The accountability buddy system sounds amazing, and I think that'll be what finally does it for me - as mentioned before, my personal and professional life sort of lend themselves to gaming and there aren't very many influences to the contrary around me.  The only person I know IRL who even respects the desire to quit gaming (never mind is supportive of it) lives a thousand miles away or so.  So making that connection and having someone to check in and talk to about it will be important.  Not entirely sure how I'll manage to do this once and for all, but I will.

 

My conscience demands no less.

I demand no less of myself.

 

Bring it.

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