Hello, I am an addict

[Hobedaga]

Hello guys,

I'm 23 and from eastern Europe. I have without a shadow of a doubt spent more than 10.000 hours of my life playing various video games. From sega and playstation when I was a child to hardcore pc gaming during my teens and part of my young adulthood. Gaming was my escape because my family situation was rough and I was constantly bullied in middle school and didn't know what to do to stop it. My grades fell as I stopped caring about anything non-gaming related and hobbies and interests that I found interesting faded away. I'd still have a nagging voice in my head saying I can become great, we can improve ourselves. It would say this year after year and never once did I consider gaming to be the problem. It had become not a part of my life but my life fully. Because of it I dropped out of university, having delusions that I was going to become a pro-dota player while being 3k mmr.

I became fat, I've thought about suicide countless times, my social skills were decomposing, I even cared more about playing some more games than about spending more time with my mother who was dying of cancer. I actually rushed to go home at every occasion that we visited our mother. Even the very last time, only I didn't know it would be the last. 

Safe to say I have some regrets. But I've forgiven myself for them because now I understand that I was addicted and I cannot change the past so it's not worth it to ruminate over it. As I approach my sixth day without gaming or mindless browsing I can actually already enjoy simple everyday activities and conversations so much more. I'd need to write a separate article on the benefits and life changes I think this is going to bring to me at this point.

It's all because of this community or at the very least people who I talked to on the discord chat and definitely cam's videos and his book. I tried quitting many times before but I would always either spend the all of the extra time I got from not gaming browsing reddit and reading dank memes or I would relapse. Quitting my addiction for the very first time actually if you lump browsing with it happened when I found discord and actually talked to people. It was very liberating talking to people who have been through the same things you have and are facing the same obstacles yet going through them. When you talk to someone who word for word describes many of your experiences and says he's in his second month of no-gaming you feel you can do it too. This and also the realization that gaming can be an addiction as strong as any made me wake up. 

I'm on my fifth day currently of no gaming + no mindless browsing and so far I can see some really amazing changes but I get tiredness/brain fog/browsing cravings (not so much gaming luckily, I think I wasn't actually enjoying it for too long) yet I'm very excited about doing all sorts of simple activities some of which are pretty fun and others I would have considered mind numbingly boring in the future.

So hello people, it is very nice to meet you. Thank you for teaching me that you're not in this fight alone and there can be people with you.

A couple of things on a list of things I want to do are make one youtube video about video game addiction and another of a song I almost finished that is related heavily with gaming addiction so I hope I can post those later somewhere here on this forum. No promises though, I've abandoned so many things that I am working with a huge list of things to do

 

[Cam Adair]

Welcome!

[WorkInProgress]

Hi and welcome to the forum! Awesome that we could help you a bit and congratulation on 5 days. I am excited to follow your journal and if you have any questions or need some points to start I'll make sure to answer(may be take a few days some time).

[Remigjus]

Welcome aboard!

[Streuselsturm]

The part about your mother brought tears into my eyes. I am glad you dont punish yourself and instead choose to forgive yourself!!! We are imperfect beeings and addictions can have so much power over us BUT we can also decide to fight them and we can win this fight!

I am sure she would be proud of you taking this step now! Glad to have you with us here!

 

Stay strong and be welcome!!!

Edited August 24, 2016 by Streuselsturm

[Hobedaga]

The part about your mother brought tears into my eyes. I am glad you dont punish yourself and instead choose to forgive yourself!!! We are imperfect beeings and addictions can have so much power over us BUT we can also decide to fight them and we can win this fight!

I am sure she would be proud of you taking this step now! Glad to have you with us here!

 

Stay strong and be welcome!!!

Thank you very much

[Daniel]

Welcome! It takes a lot of courage to accept we have a problem, well done. 

Remember to start a journal right away. Getting feedback from other members is very useful and perhaps even therapeutic.

[tirEdOrange]

Also welcome from me Hobedaga,

It's nice that you didn't gave up on yourself and made the decision to be with us now, it is easier to fight together. Wish you best of success and I'm looking forward to read your Journal!