Cam Adair Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Merry Christmas to you and your family Tom! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexTheGrape Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 I hope you have a Merry Christmas Tom! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Posted December 26, 2015 Author Share Posted December 26, 2015 Days 85, 86, 87. The past few days I've been busy visiting family and helping tidy up my parents's place. I'm keeping a positive attitude and reflecting quite a lot on my past life here and my present and future lives more than a thousand kilometers away. Sometimes I feel like I should want to return and be nex to my family and friends. Guilt sets in and quickly subsides: the reasons why we emigrated still stand, if anything they grow stronger as time goes on. There's no point in beating myself up for making the right choice.Gratitude journal:I looked all day for a tape that was misplaced and I found it. After 19 years and thanks to Shazam I can finally identify every song.My nephew is better and will soon leave the hospital.I managed to get some quiet time today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Posted December 27, 2015 Author Share Posted December 27, 2015 (edited) Day 88. Today I was a bit moody. It takes a continuous and conscious effort to react differently to old triggers. Going back to the place where I lived for twenty years of my life, memories abound and old habits can reemerge. Since I'm not happy about either, while I'm pleased with the direction my life has taken since I left, I'm dedicating much energy towards accepting and forgiving my old self and strengthening my confidence into who I have become and the road I've taken. I'm also doing my best to be less judgmental of my family of origin.My brother-in-law and my father had a shouting contest in front of the children. I was there too, silent. The kids were scared and came to me for comfort. Thank goodness they trust me and seek me when they want to feel protected.I didn't go anywhere because everybody is ill. I played with the children, talked at length with my wife and parents, played piano for hours, read a bit, helped my mother with her PC and cleaned a freezer.Gratitude journal:The Buddhist Loving-kindness meditation is becoming a new key habit.I'm teaching anger and fear management to my children. They will be better equipped than I've ever been.www.free-scores.com Edited December 27, 2015 by Tom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 Day 89. Wow, I had a gaming dream tonight. I was playing some kind of melee FPS. Sub-par graphics and so-so gameplay. The dream didn't leave much of an impression.Today I did some more tape hunting. I found a bootleg of a concert I played with my rock band and some recordings of songs I wrote almost twenty years ago. Maybe one day I'll honor them with some proper studio work.Since everybody is still sick I'm confined to my parents's place. I'd hate to go out and come back with a new strain of flu, making my children even more miserable and jeopardizing our return flight. I am feeling quite alright so I can make myself useful and just enjoy conversations.I was very upset after talking with my brother over Skype. He too is down with the flu and he's staying at his own place. He invited my wife and me to go and visit him. We refused and explained that we don't want to endanger our children. He took it personally. He accused us of using the children as an excuse and that we don't want to spend time with him. That was hurtful. I didn't even get defensive, just sad. I'm done fighting windmills. I'm tired of talking to deaf ears. I'm through trying to help who doesn't want to be helped.This vacation is making me painfully aware of how I used gaming to get away from being emotionally hurt from those I love the most. Sometimes I wonder how I can be such a misfit in my own hometown. It really is a cultural clash. And I'm not alone in this: many of my friends emigrated and have no intention of coming back.Gratitude journal:Writing this journal is cathartic.I don't give a shit about gaming anymore.I am a happy person living a happy life. It takes more than a few bumps in the road to throw me off-balance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cam Adair Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 This vacation is making me painfully aware of how I used gaming to get away from being emotionally hurt from those I love the most. Sometimes I wonder how I can be such a misfit in my own hometown. It really is a cultural clash. And I'm not alone in this: many of my friends emigrated and have no intention of coming back.I feel this way often as well when I go home. I'm glad I managed to get out of there!One of my next books to read is Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. It might interest you as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 Day 90. My 90 day no gaming challenge gets its last red cross today. Or it would, were I at home. While the ritual will have to wait one more week, the celebration is no less real.I am not a gamer. It's strange to define myself as something I'm not but today it will do.Gratitude journal:Game Quitters. My fellow travelers, thank you for your support and kindness!My family. The motivation behind all my major efforts.Computer games. I learned more from this weakness than from all my strengths. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cam Adair Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Woohooo!! Way to go Tom!Add your name to the record books. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laney Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Whooaaa amazing! It's wonderful that you don't identify as a gamer anymore and have gone through this whole experience. Plus the fact you gratitude computer games at the end...I'M SO PROUD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Django Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Congrats Tom! And don't forget, congratulate yourself each day! Each day without gaming is a win (if repalced by sane and productive activies)! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kortheo Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Awesome! Congrats! We have a growing number of people in the 90 days club It's so weird when you realize you can drop the label of gamer, but liberating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cam Adair Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Awesome! Congrats! We have a growing number of people in the 90 days club It's so weird when you realize you can drop the label of gamer, but liberating.I've been thinking of creating a way to celebrate everyone who has completed the 90 day detox, and have that be a more central theme of what we recommend around here (like a "success metric"). What do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kortheo Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) Awesome! Congrats! We have a growing number of people in the 90 days club It's so weird when you realize you can drop the label of gamer, but liberating.I've been thinking of creating a way to celebrate everyone who has completed the 90 day detox, and have that be a more central theme of what we recommend around here (like a "success metric"). What do you think?I like the idea. It could have pros and cons to it, but I think it's mostly a positive thing. One simple thing to do would maybe be to recognize everyone who made it to 90 days in the past month when you do your monthly updates. We should celebrate our successes. As you know I'm a fan of the 90 day detox because it's a manageable challenge but also enough time for serious change to occur. In my case, it did lead me to deleting all my games for good and no longer viewing myself as a gamer. Seems like basically the same thing for Tom now. That's progress!Also as a "success metric" it would be a way for you evaluate how successful gamequitters is in helping its members and how we are developing as a community.The only con I can think of is that it emphasizes time as opposed to substantive changes made, and we want to make sure that we acknowledge that it's not the final end goal in gamequitting, but just a significant milestone. But anyway I'm kind of being overly analytical here. It's a good idea, we should celebrate our successes. Edited December 30, 2015 by kortheo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiNips Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Congratulations Tom! It's awesome to have been with here with you the 90 days. Give yourself a good pat on the back mate! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cam Adair Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 Awesome! Congrats! We have a growing number of people in the 90 days club It's so weird when you realize you can drop the label of gamer, but liberating.I've been thinking of creating a way to celebrate everyone who has completed the 90 day detox, and have that be a more central theme of what we recommend around here (like a "success metric"). What do you think?The only con I can think of is that it emphasizes time as opposed to substantive changes made, and we want to make sure that we acknowledge that it's not the final end goal in gamequitting, but just a significant milestone. But anyway I'm kind of being overly analytical here. It's a good idea, we should celebrate our successes.Absolutely. Thanks for adding this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 On recognizing the 90 days: it's definitely an important milestone rather than a "crossing the finish line" type of thing. I believe it's worth recognizing it and celebrating it although I'm not yet sure how.I'm holding off writing my 90 day post for the record book until I have a dull moment. I'll take my time to evaluate my journey and hopefully come up with some ideas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexTheGrape Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 Congratulations on your 90 days Tom! Sorry for being late to the party. You've been successful this whole time and it shows in how you have had no relapses through the whole detox. Props to you for making it through! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Posted January 1, 2016 Author Share Posted January 1, 2016 Congratulations on your 90 days Tom! Sorry for being late to the party. You've been successful this whole time and it shows in how you have had no relapses through the whole detox. Props to you for making it through! Alex, thank you! You've been and still are a great help. For example you just made me realize one thing: I want to be a good role model for this community. Striving to help and inspire has been the key to success. Were I doing this only for myself I might have failed. So props to you for making me strong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Posted January 1, 2016 Author Share Posted January 1, 2016 Days 91, 92, 93. The time around the new year has been great. My wife and younger son are feeling better so we took some walks and made some visits. For caution's sake we cancelled or plans for new year's eve, bought a board game and invited my brothers and her girlfriend over.Today we went for a walk in the countryside with the children. Then we left them with my parents and followed up on our original plan: trying out an escape room and an Asian fusion buffet, still with my brother and his girlfriend. This was the best day of our vacation yet. Gratitude journal:1. My relatives. It's nice that I get along with all of them and am friends with some of them. 2. International couples. The best way to tear down obsolete mental borders. 3. People nice enough to drive me around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florian Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Gratitude journal:1. My relatives. It's nice that I get along with all of them and am friends with some of them. 2. International couples. The best way to tear down obsolete mental borders. 3. People nice enough to drive me around. People, people, people. That's what happiness always comes down to. If you want to know whom to look at for advice, those that value true friendships are almost always a safe bet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Posted January 4, 2016 Author Share Posted January 4, 2016 (edited) Days 94, 95. The last days before leaving the town where I grew up and going back home.The day after our subdued new year's eve we went out with friends and my brother. We partied until morning. It was great to catch up with one of my closest friends.The next day we mostly recuperated. Then we went for dinner with some relatives. Back home we prepared for next day's departure, I fooled around with my brothers's electric cello and played some easy duets with him on the cello and me on the piano. The habits I regularly kept up with during the past two weeks were daily cold showers, frequent evening meditation, daily exercise on the piano. I'm happy with it. I spent all the remaining time with relatives and friends. There was one thing that truly bothered me though. A sensitive topic was brought up time and time again. Once I decided to open up and talk about it with a select group of people including my brother. It was about the hardest, most painful period of my life when i spent three months on my own in another country. Not even my wife knew much about it save for a few details. The very next day my brother mocked me for getting emotional. Straight to my face and in front of other people. I mean, what the hell! My wife was astounded. I was just disappointed. No surprise I'm so secretive about my life. On the flip side, I'm happy I opened up with my wife and closest friends.So, all in all this vacation was a positive experience. I kept a healthy attitude, got to spend time with people that matter to me, and learned a thing or two. Gratitude journal:1. Jerks. Propelling me to enlightenment since more than thirty years. 2. Loved ones. They make it all worth.3. Going back home. Time to get some space. Edited January 4, 2016 by Tom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cam Adair Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 The habits I regularly kept up with during the past two weeks were daily cold showers, frequent evening meditation, daily exercise on the piano. I'm happy with it. I spent all the remaining time with relatives and friends. Maintaining your habits is a changing environment is where the real magic happens. It means you've leveled up in your competence. Make sure you recognize yourself for this progress. It's key. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Posted January 4, 2016 Author Share Posted January 4, 2016 Day 96. Home. It's nice to be here again. Tomorrow is back to normal. I'm grateful for my vacation and also happy to start my "normal life" again.Today was all travel. I had an excellent chance to keep reading The Shallows: What The internet Is Doing to Our Brains and This Will Make You Smarter. Oh yes, and during my holidays I finished Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha too.One thing I should have done differently today? Cheerfulness. I felt a bit sulky. I won't beat myself up too much about it but I'll certainly pay more attention. I've grown convinced that I am a happy person and I just forget it from time to time So what will I do? First things first: we go back to our regular sleep, diet and exercise routine. I'll also resume doing alignment checks to be more mindful of what I'm doing and why.Gratitude journal:Using my own workspaces again.Exchanging numbers with an acquaintance on the train. Maybe we can become friends with yet another family with children.Having a fulfilling life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiNips Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 How did you find Radical Acceptance? The Shallows really sounds like an interesting book as well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Posted January 4, 2016 Author Share Posted January 4, 2016 The habits I regularly kept up with during the past two weeks were daily cold showers, frequent evening meditation, daily exercise on the piano. I'm happy with it. I spent all the remaining time with relatives and friends. Maintaining your habits is a changing environment is where the real magic happens. It means you've leveled up in your competence. Make sure you recognize yourself for this progress. It's key.Thanks! That's something I struggle with at times. I usually find my reward in the activity itself: the physical and mental rush of a cold shower, a music piece coming together, such things. With negative habits like not gaming, I don't really know how to reward myself although I feel I should. At least in the beginning, like with the 90 days of not gaming.Thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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